Dealing with yard bullies

[Moodymare88]

Hi everyone,
After spending nearly 2 years travelling 2 hours a day to do my horse, I was finally able to move her less than 1 mile from my house in May. It is a lovely yard, with decent school and plenty of space for all my stuff, but it’s a small yard with 4 horses and 3 owners.
The 2 other liveries are best friends (which is fine as to be honest I wouldn’t choose to be friends with them out of choice anyway) and they have done nothing but made my life difficult and me feel uncomfortable since moving.

i try to keep myself to myself, I am out most weekends with the trailer

 

[Jellymoon]

That’s very awkward for you. Can I ask what they are doing?

 

[blitznbobs]

How are they doing that?

 

[Goldenstar]

Bullies ? You need to tell us a bit more clearly what they are doing .
A livery yard is a business the customers don’t need to be friendly .

 

[scats]

Are they bullying you or simply getting on with their own thing? Maybe they feel a bit awkward because you are new and they don’t know you?
My friend just moved to a new yard and she took a box of biscuits as a ‘hello’ and left them in the communal coffee area with a little note introducing herself. Do you think maybe you’ve just got off on the wrong foot? Perhaps go and have a chat with them, you might find they are ok.

 

[Moodymare88]

Are they bullying you or simply getting on with their own thing? Maybe they feel a bit awkward because you are new and they don’t know you?
My friend just moved to a new yard and she took a box of biscuits as a ‘hello’ and left them in the communal coffee area with a little note introducing herself. Do you think maybe you’ve just got off on the wrong foot? Perhaps go and have a chat with them, you might find they are ok.

when I first moved in May, I did introduce myself, tried to engage in conversations, asked them about their horses, offered to have jump sessions together but I have also heard that the previous livery had problems with them as well. I get people want to do their own thing, I much prefer my own company.

for example, one day I was in my stable minding my own business, both were up there and they blocked me in and also blocked the entrance to the yard, making it very difficult for me to get in and out, even when I asked politely.

moving my things without asking, this is a pet peeve of mine. Pop me a message if you need to move something, I don’t move other peoples things if I don’t want to. The yard owner knows they can be difficult, they haven’t spoken to her since she put the livery up.

One told the YO I had blocked the drain by sweeping hay down it…which was not true and she had told me several times not too…I hadn’t seen her for 2 weeks as she had been away! They hose off their wheelbarrows over the drain every day, and I was told it wasn’t hay blocking it.

I also over heard them accusing me of horse abuse as I bought her in during the heat wave (bearing in mind I didn’t know what the stables were like, but popped down in my lunch break to check on her) and she was fine until I went down at 4 and the yard was a suntrap, so the next day I decided she was better out!
I try and be civil and polite, but hasn’t gotten me anywhere, I cleaned the fridge out so everyone could use that, I tidy up after myself, I have let things slide because I didn’t want to upset anyone. This is also someone’s home as well, and the atmosphere isn’t overly pleasant.

I know a lot of you think this is in my head, but a few people know these people and have had similar issues and difficulties, which is why they were turned down from another yard.

 

[Moodymare88]

L

Are they bullying you or simply getting on with their own thing? Maybe they feel a bit awkward because you are new and they don’t know you?
My friend just moved to a new yard and she took a box of biscuits as a ‘hello’ and left them in the communal coffee area with a little note introducing herself. Do you think maybe you’ve just got off on the wrong foot? Perhaps go and have a chat with them, you might find they are ok.

You are right, they don’t know me…but yet they feel the need to bitch about me to others…when I’ve tried to keep to myself and be civil and polite.

 

[AmyMay]

They sound perfectly delightful

 

[Pearlsacarolsinger]

My advice is to just carry on minding your own business, tidy up your own things, don't touch anyone else's anything, wherever it is. Say good morning and goodbye appropriately and leave them to do their own thing. If the YO doesn't like the way they behave she will give them notice to leave. As the yard is so convenient for you, I would think it is worth putting up with some minor irritations without being friends with the other liveries.

 

[scats]

That sounds horrid. Obviously you didn’t give much away in your first post so people didn’t have much to go on.
Is there anywhere else you can move to?

 

[ihatework]

Well they sound like cows.
Quite frankly I’d just call them out on it and nip it in the bud, but I appreciate its not so easy for everyone.

 

[Moodymare88]

Sadly not, we have had a few close in the area but they seem to be looking to move, so I think I need to bear with it! At least I have my transport, so can be out and about and get out of the way. I’m trying to produce my 6 year old to event, so I want to focus on that. It can be difficult as I still suffer with mental health problems after my accident, including anxiety but I have just had a really good back on my mare, with no napping and she was very good going past the cows (which she has never seen), so I’m just trying to focus on that ?

 

[Moodymare88]

Well they sound like cows.
Quite frankly I’d just call them out on it and nip it in the bud, but I appreciate its not so easy for everyone.

I did, but one responded by saying she’s fed up of dealing with this rubbish (bit of a joke really as I’ve kept my mouth shut and they have made me feel like that everyday since I moved) and that I’m to delete her number and she will delete mine! But childish really as I would never let any one horses suffer no matter what I thought of the owner.

 

[Barton Bounty]

Sadly there are plenty of yards that are like that. Which is why the last yard I was at was strategically divided by separate bullies.
just keep doing your own thing! To me? They sound jealous and the nest thing to treat that with is kindness!

 

[HashRouge]

Well they sound like cows.
Quite frankly I’d just call them out on it and nip it in the bud, but I appreciate its not so easy for everyone.

Yes, I would do this too!

Aged 15, I once shouted at another livery who was bullying my then 11 year old sister (we are talking about a fully grown adult with her own teenage children!). She was speaking to her horribly, telling her off for tying her pony in the wrong place, being mean to my sister's pony and making my sister cry. But after I told her off, she was as nice as pie and we did actually all become friends!

I'm not suggesting you shout at them, by the way! But could you say something like "look, you seem to have a problem with me and all I want is for us to get on, so can we discuss this"? It might work, it might not, but at least you'll have tried. They sound completely pathetic though, in all honesty.

 

[HashRouge]

I did, but one responded by saying she’s fed up of dealing with this rubbish (bit of a joke really as I’ve kept my mouth shut and they have made me feel like that everyday since I moved) and that I’m to delete her number and she will delete mine! But childish really as I would never let any one horses suffer no matter what I thought of the owner.

Oh I've just seen this, so ignore my post! In that case I would go in the other direction and annoy them by being as ridiculously nice as possible. "Oh doesn't your horse look beautiful"/ "those jodhpurs really suit you"/ "can you tell me where you get your hair done". Drive them nuts!

 

[Moodymare88]

Yes, I would do this too!

Aged 15, I once shouted at another livery who was bullying my then 11 year old sister (we are talking about a fully grown adult with her own teenage children!). She was speaking to her horribly, telling her off for tying her pony in the wrong place, being mean to my sister's pony and making my sister cry. But after I told her off, she was as nice as pie and we did actually all become friends!

I'm not suggesting you shout at them, by the way! But could you say something like "look, you seem to have a problem with me and all I want is for us to get on, so can we discuss this"? It might work, it might not, but at least you'll have tried. They sound completely pathetic though, in all honesty.

when they were actually looking at this yard, which required references they were actually too nice (sickly nice) but I knew they were looking at this yard, and I was very cautious about how I was (I’m not stupid, although they seem to think I am) but now they aren’t they completely ignore me, so I’m doing my own thing. I’m usually up early anyway, so I tend to miss them most of the time, just when they come in for the winter it may be trickier

 

[Ossy2]

Sounds like they want the yard as their own sole use yard but can’t afford to take the other space. Ie. Drove the other livery out and now trying to drive you out. In that case I wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of leaving. I’d continue to do my own thing, do what makes me happy. Lock my stuff away, chain it up ect and just enjoy your horse.

 

[Moodymare88]

Sounds like they want the yard as their own sole use yard but can’t afford to take the other space. Ie. Drove the other livery out and now trying to drive you out. In that case I wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of leaving. I’d continue to do my own thing, do what makes me happy. Lock my stuff away, chain it up ect and just enjoy your horse.

Funnily enough, one of the other girls horses is semi-retired and is on about another one, but I don’t want to give them the satisfaction really!

 

[Pearlsacarolsinger]

when they were actually looking at this yard, which required references they were actually too nice (sickly nice) but I knew they were looking at this yard, and I was very cautious about how I was (I’m not stupid, although they seem to think I am) but now they aren’t they completely ignore me, so I’m doing my own thing. I’m usually up early anyway, so I tend to miss them most of the time, just when they come in for the winter it may be trickier

Who was actually there first? I'm confused, I thought you had joined them but this post sound s if you were there first.

 

[Moodymare88]

Who was actually there first? I'm confused, I thought you had joined them but this post sound s if you were there first.

No they have been there a couple of years, I moved in May

 

[Barton Bounty]

Sounds like they want the yard as their own sole use yard but can’t afford to take the other space. Ie. Drove the other livery out and now trying to drive you out. In that case I wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of leaving. I’d continue to do my own thing, do what makes me happy. Lock my stuff away, chain it up ect and just enjoy your horse.

This ?? I started chaining my stuff up cause the yard bully, was helping herself to my stuff! My brand new wheelbarrow etc, saw she had posted a picture on Snapchat a selfie with the pony behind and my wheelbarrow and poo picker!
So i commented.. nice barrow, same as mine ….
She said oh sorry i didnt think youd mind, i said no i wouldnt have minded one bit if you had asked first… its just plain rude!

so just go about your business and they will hopefully disappear ?

 

[Miss_Millie]

I don't have much advice to offer, but I can empathise a lot. I am similarly being picked on and it makes me dread going up to the yard if I know certain people will be around. I'm also kind and courteous, I follow the yard rules to the letter and I try to just keep to myself. All I can conclude is that people like this have probably behaved the same way since they were children, and get a kick out of making you feel bad. I can see the appeal of keeping horses privately at home, if it means avoiding these kinds of people, who seem all too common in the horse world.

 

[Ratface]

I got bullied off a yard. It was horrible. I left to go to a yard where Old Horse is looked after immaculately. Different difficulties there, but Old Horse is doing really well and is enjoying life, demonstrated by leaping, flouncing and generally being his "Don't You Know Who I Am?" self.

 

[Barton Bounty]

I HATE bullies! I was bullied briefly in primary school, and that turned me into a completely different person. Will not tolerate any of it! And hate to see anyone else suffer for it! Its not right.

 

[Ratface]

Oh I've just seen this, so ignore my post! In that case I would go in the other direction and annoy them by being as ridiculously nice as possible. "Oh doesn't your horse look beautiful"/ "those jodhpurs really suit you"/ "can you tell me where you get your hair done". Drive them nuts!

Yes!! Kill the unfortunates' bullying behaviour with charm! They probably won't realise it's happening.
Good luck. The positives seem outweigh the negatives.

 

[mariew]

I'd probably just ignore them and lock up my stuff that I didn't want moved. Sadly these kind of people appear on most yards at one stage or another. I'm usually blissfully ignorant of politics though and just keep myself to myself.

 

[Roasted Chestnuts]

Secure your stuff. Don’t engage in anyway, I don’t do the killing with kindness thing anymore I just treat people like they don’t exist. Drives them just as nuts as the sweetness and light routine. I pop an audio book or an episode of my current box set on my phone and get on with what I’m doing. Honestly couldn’t care what toxic people think of me, opinions are like ar$eholes after all, everyone has one and the opinions of people like you describe just don’t even rate air.

 

[chocolategirl]

That sounds horrid. Obviously you didn’t give much away in your first post so people didn’t have much to go on.
Is there anywhere else you can move to?

Then they win though? Sorry but OP you need to grow a pair, stand up to these b**ches and don’t give them the satisfaction of seeing you go too as it appears your predecessors have done! I realise that’s a lot easier to say than do, but in my experience, the best way to deal with bullies is to stand your ground and once they realise their nasty little tactics aren't working, they’ll soon get bored. Good luck! Makes me wish they were on my yard, they’d soon get short shrift with me!?

 

[MiJodsR2BlinkinTite]

If you are feeling uncomfortable and/or dreading going up to the yard (and you obviously are....... ) then this is something you should be able to take to the YO/YM.

I'm a YO and don't run this sort of a yard (mine's an adult DIY small yard); however IF there was something like this going on at my yard I would deffo want to know about it because this is exactly the sort of thing that gives any yard a bad name. YO should be concerned about this.

Have you tried approaching the YO??