Dealing with yard bullies

[Moodymare88]

I think its such a shame when 2 people are hell bent on making life so miserable ?

I would just act like it's really not bothering you and walk round full of the joys of spring, hopefully it will get up there nose so much they will go.

I am shocked that someone who effectively rents stables in there back garden will tolerate being ignored because the livery went up.

I rent a stable at my house and there is no way I would put up with that they would only do it once and be asked to leave.

Having just out-lasted a similar evil cow at a small yard, my advice is do not back down. Do not attempt to appease them. If they move your stuff, go straight to them, tell them not to do it again and let them watch you put it back. Repeat as many times as necessary. If they deliberately obstruct your yard access, approach with a "can you shift your car please, I'm going now", etc. If they move your rug and throw it on the floor, remove theirs and put yours back where you left it. Assert yourself at all times over ever tiny violation. Any really over-the-line behavior (this stuff is all crappy but not unsafe for you or your horse) go back to the YO and insist that they impose some order. It's a miserable existence but if you're going to stay, you're going to have to constantly demonstrate that you won't tolerate violations, you won't be affected by hearing them bitch about you amongst themselves or to the YO, and that whatever they do will have no affect or be countered somehow.

Also, if you've someone, even someone none-horsey, who can go with you to the yard sometimes who you can chat with and really demonstrate to them that you're comfortable, you're happy, they are not troubling your yard life with their antics, this should increase the strength of your position. Equally, if it's an option, renting another box and getting another horse increases your weight of influence with the YO, IYSWIM? If you're spending as much money as your bullies, your YO should be as motivated to look after your interests as theirs.

Thank you. I definitely think I need to stand up to them.

My dad sometimes comes to the yard with the dog, especially if he knows I am having issues.
I have my instructor come every other week for lessons at home (I have 2 away from home as that’s our arrangement) and we have been flying, and having fun…in no means am I pretending but I think it annoys them as one doesn’t ride, and the other hacks. I have my own ‘jump 4 joy’ jumps I bought in March and I certainly won’t be offering to take them out anywhere!
Sadly, there aren’t any free stables for me as I was looking to get an older horse on loan to give me a bit more experience, but sadly I can’t. I think me sticking up for myself on Saturday, hit a nerve as the response I had was

‘ I came down to enjoy my horses, and having to deal with this crap again! Delete my number and I’ll delete yours!’ A bit of a joke after the rubbish I have been dealing with since May…so they can give it…but can’t take it!

 

[Barton Bounty]

At least youv had it out with them now

 

[Moodymare88]

At least youv had it out with them now

We didn’t really have an argument, I just asked them in a nice way I would appreciate them not moving my things without permission (I was there the last time, so they could have asked easily) and if there is a problem with me sweeping, instead of leaving piles outside my stable, to ask as there is usually a good reason for it (I.E waiting for it to dry so I could get it all up).Hopefully they will respect that!

 

[Barton Bounty]

We didn’t really have an argument, I just asked them in a nice way I would appreciate them not moving my things without permission (I was there the last time, so they could have asked easily) and if there is a problem with me sweeping, instead of leaving piles outside my stable, to ask as there is usually a good reason for it (I.E waiting for it to dry so I could get it all up).Hopefully they will respect that!

Good! At least you have said something is really what I meant by that ? hope they just shut up now!

 

[Moodymare88]

Good! At least you have said something is really what I meant by that ? hope they just shut up now!

Me too!

 

[Annagain]

It sounds maybe like your YO is worried about losing income and having to replace3 horses if they leave. Could you give her a nudge by finding some friends who would take their place so she doesn't lose out by chucking them off? You need to word it correctly or it'll sound like you're trying to push them out but it might be worth a chat along those lines if you have friends who could come in?

I also find asking bullies why they're doing it quite effective. "why are you blocking me in when you don't need to?" "why are you moving my stuff when I've asked you not to?" "why are you being nasty to me / ignoring me?" They often don't have an answer(if they have a sensbile answer you can work out a solution) so it highlights a.how petty they're being and b. that you're noticing and aren't prepared to let is slide.

In terms of sharing storage, could you suggest they share with each other and you take the other space if sharing with you offends them? Keep offering very logical solutions to their ridiculous complaints and they'll end up looking and feeling very silly.

 

[Moodymare88]

I do know someone with 3 horses who is looking! That would fill all 3 stables up easily so I may mention it to her.

i did actually confront them a few weeks ago and asked what I had done and why they had a problem with me…they couldn’t actually give me an answer, so they had their chance there and then for us to chat and come to a solution but they didn’t have an answer or reason.
It does make me feel better that they did it to the person before, but sadly they will keep doing it to whoever comes here.
I may suggest that about the storage to the YO, as I’m worried about my things going missing, I could actually put a lock on the door then if she moved her things out and one less thing for me to worry about!

 

[Lois Lame]

Having just out-lasted a similar evil cow at a small yard, my advice is do not back down. Do not attempt to appease them. If they move your stuff, go straight to them, tell them not to do it again and let them watch you put it back. Repeat as many times as necessary. If they deliberately obstruct your yard access, approach with a "can you shift your car please, I'm going now", etc. If they move your rug and throw it on the floor, remove theirs and put yours back where you left it. Assert yourself at all times over every tiny violation. Any really over-the-line behavior (this stuff is all crappy but not unsafe for you or your horse) go back to the YO and insist that they impose some order. It's a miserable existence but if you're going to stay, you're going to have to constantly demonstrate that you won't tolerate violations, you won't be affected by hearing them bitch about you amongst themselves or to the YO, and that whatever they do will have no affect or be countered somehow.

This is interesting. It's a little like treating them like a couple of geldings who are acting up - which they kind of are. It might make it easier to do this if you put yourself in that mindset because you sound like a very capable horsewoman.

 

[Moodymare88]

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This is interesting. It's a little like treating them like a couple of geldings who are acting up - which they kind of are. It might make it easier to do this if you put yourself in that mindset because you sound like a very capable horsewoman.

thank you. Honestly it’s worse than being at school! At the moment I’m just doing my own thing, earphones in and making it as uncomfortable for them as they are me.

i don’t mind my own company, so it doesn’t really bother me if they ignore me and just trying to enjoy my horse and remember I have as much right to be there, as they do.

i did actually speak to someone yesterday who is in the process of having stables built and a ménage (at some point) and she would be looking for a livery and she said I would have first refusal. It’s about 3 miles away, so not as close but she was 14 miles away before, so I could cope with that easily compared to what I was used to. So if they don’t leave and it remains awful, at least I potentially have another option.

 

[Fire sign]

I am quite an assertive person but really don't think I could put up with this

On such a small yard you need to be able to depend on each other

What if you needed help with your horse or there was an emergency ?

It's no fun either going to the yard and knowing there will be arguments over every single little thing

I would find somewhere else and move off even if I had to compromise on my riding times ...And I really like my early morning riding too !

 

[Moodymare88]

I am quite an assertive person but really don't think I could put up with this

On such a small yard you need to be able to depend on each other

What if you needed help with your horse or there was an emergency ?

It's no fun either going to the yard and knowing there will be arguments over every single little thing

I would find somewhere else and move off even if I had to compromise on my riding times ...And I really like my early morning riding too !

I would hope that they would still contact me if there was an emergency, I would still do the same for them. I spent an hour once walking someone’s horse around who has colic and phoned the vet, as I couldn’t get a hold of the owner to start with, I’m not that kind of person who could see and animal
Suffer…no matter what I thought of the owner…I would hope they would feel the same but I am going to ask if I can get a stable camera for winter, just incase.

sadly, there isn’t anywhere for me to go. Livery yards in this area are few and far between, and I can’t afford or want my horse on full livery (I love doing everything myself and would rather use that money for training etc).
I am hoping it will blow over and we can at least be civil and luckily it isn’t like I see them all the time and I’m out most weekends anyway.
I haven’t had a chance to speak to the YO since she came back, although I’m a bit worried about what she might say and if it will make things worse

 

[Sossigpoker]

Sometimes a good way to deal with these people is to actually be super nice. Suck up to them a bit if need to. Rather than going head to head , start being friendly a little by little. Start saying "hi , how are you . Your horse is going so well isn't he , you must be so pleased either him " that kind of stuff.
It doesn't work if people have really been brought up in a barn , but sometimes it shames the a££holes into behaving a bit better.

 

[Lois Lame]

'brought up in a barn'

 

[ponynutz]

Sometimes a good way to deal with these people is to actually be super nice. Suck up to them a bit if need to. Rather than going head to head , start being friendly a little by little. Start saying "hi , how are you . Your horse is going so well isn't he , you must be so pleased either him " that kind of stuff.
It doesn't work if people have really been brought up in a barn , but sometimes it shames the a££holes into behaving a bit better.

This is what I was always taught about people in general - kill 'em with kindness.

They have nothing over you then if it all blows up with YO or something like that and even if it doesn't it'll piss them right off.

 

[Roasted Chestnuts]

This is what I was always taught about people in general - kill 'em with kindness.

They have nothing over you then if it all blows up with YO or something like that and even if it doesn't it'll piss them right off.

Sometimes a good way to deal with these people is to actually be super nice. Suck up to them a bit if need to. Rather than going head to head , start being friendly a little by little. Start saying "hi , how are you . Your horse is going so well isn't he , you must be so pleased either him " that kind of stuff.
It doesn't work if people have really been brought up in a barn , but sometimes it shames the a££holes into behaving a bit better.

Yeah I don’t bother with this now. It’s so much work and TBF it’s not maintainable in reality. I used to do it but as I’ve got older it’s just easier to move on and ignore types like this. Why should I waste my time and go out of my way to be nice to these types? What to be the bigger person? Pffft maybe I have just gotten to the age where that sort of thing just isn’t high on my priority list and being true to myself and my happiness means more than people like the OP is dealing with.

I dealt with it for 3yrs on my last yard and 4 on the yard before. Doing my own thing and sodding everyone who didn’t like it works better IME. Obey the yard rules and do you is my thing now.

 

[Moodymare88]

Yeah I don’t bother with this now. It’s so much work and TBF it’s not maintainable in reality. I used to do it but as I’ve got older it’s just easier to move on and ignore types like this. Why should I waste my time and go out of my way to be nice to these types? What to be the bigger person? Pffft maybe I have just gotten to the age where that sort of thing just isn’t high on my priority list and being true to myself and my happiness means more than people like the OP is dealing with.

I dealt with it for 3yrs on my last yard and 4 on the yard before. Doing my own thing and sodding everyone who didn’t like it works better IME. Obey the yard rules and do you is my thing now.

I get that, I can’t be fake with people…it isn’t me! Too exhausting. Even when I was nice to them when I first arrived, they went around to the yard owner telling lies about me (I had only been here less than a month!) They must think I’m stupid as they still don’t know that I am aware that they looked at another yard and got turned down! I think they forget how small the horse world is and I know quite a few people ?

 

[Flame_]

Doing that stuff can really work for a while, but if these type of people have made a decision to start abusing you (for the crime of being there, having a useful horse, etc) continuing to try to appeal to their better side really isn't respecting yourself, and they won't respect you more for it. The options really are leave, stand up for yourself and/ or get backup, ideally from YO, to take them down a few pegs with you.

 

[Moodymare88]

Doing that stuff can really work for a while, but if these type of people have made a decision to start abusing you (for the crime of being there, having a useful horse, etc) continuing to try to appeal to their better side really isn't respecting yourself, and they won't respect you more for it. The options really are leave, stand up for yourself and/ or get backup, ideally from YO, to take them down a few pegs with you.

sadly, I have come home in tears this morning due to their spiteful behaviour, which is now having an impact on my horse as well as my mental health. I’ve asked to speak to the YO later, but sadly I feel that it may be me who suffers and is made to leave, so I have started the search for another yard. It has affected me so, I feel like I have to be there before them, and also losing sleep because of it. I really can’t understand why people have to be so nasty and spiteful. I really wish I never got into horses ?

 

[Moodymare88]

YO’s response is that there isn’t much see can do about it, we just don’t get on and she hopes I find somewhere, where I can enjoy my horse!

 

[cauda equina]

It sounds as if YO is scared of them too
What a horrible situation, good luck finding somewhere better

 

[Barton Bounty]

What a horrible situation to be in, its also getting bad at the yard I left too. My friend is being bullied by the part time yard manager, so I am helping her find somewhere else as there is not enough space with me as she has three. If it wasnt for the fact she was going to a lawyer about it id post rhe message she got yesterday! Absolutely disgusting!
Id just punch her lights in ?

 

[Roasted Chestnuts]

Spineless YO she could easily fill the stables I’d imagine

 

[scats]

Honestly, life is too short and horses are meant to be your down time. I’d move and leave the horrid people to it. They’ll never change.

 

[Moodymare88]

I mean if the yard owner prefers bullies and thieves on the yard, then that’s down to her as she is going to end up with the same issue with the next person! I really don’t want them to win, I’m going to see another yard, it’s 8 miles away, but I can cope with that really. I’ve had to turn my horse out on her own (she never bothered before) because they are being quite contrary and I don’t want my horse in 24/7! That’s when it bothers me, when it has an impact on my horse.

 

[Barton Bounty]

Id just go to the new yard before it impacts your mental health.? Some people are disgusting in the way they behave ?

 

[Moodymare88]

Id just go to the new yard before it impacts your mental health.? Some people are disgusting in the way they behave ?

I’ve got a few I’m going to look at! It sounds as though they have caught the YO before me and told her lies. Just such a shame because apart from the other 2 liveries, it’s a lovely yard but I deserve to be happy!

 

[Barton Bounty]

I’ve got a few I’m going to look at! It sounds as though they have caught the YO before me and told her lies. Just such a shame because apart from the other 2 liveries, it’s a lovely yard but I deserve to be happy!

You do deserve to be happy! And 8 miles is nothing, thats how far my boy was till I moved in may, now he is 4 miles but still, it will be worth it for peace and quiet, ?

 

[Moodymare88]

I’m also hoping it would be better for her, as she seems way too attached to these horses but it would be nice to have some nice company for hacking etc, I don’t think thats too much to ask! Less worrying if she is going to be left out on her own in spite as well.

 

[Moodymare88]

I’m not sure what I tell these YO as to why I’m leaving…this will be the 3rd yard this year The last one I was mucking out in exchange for livery, but working full time and doing my own horse, it didn’t work out.

 

[Barton Bounty]

Clash of personalities with the other two liveries, or your horse is not settled there.
It is impossible that everyone in the world gets on. Only In a perfect world that would happen. ?