Dealing with yard bullies

[Ambers Echo]

I had a similar situation with my first pony many years ago. The YO was entirely absent so there was a self appointed yard head and her perfects who controlled everything with a strong attitude of those here first have more rights. I was shown the rug drying room by the YO when I moved on and told there were no allocated spaces. So I hung my rug up but next time it was dumped in a corner still wet and a snotty note from the 'head' saying you used MY space. So I asked where I could hang mine and she said 'don't care just not there'. It was like that all the time. Unfortunately I was sharing a field with her and one day my horse was randomly moved into a new field because he was 'bullying' hers. No one even told me let alone asked permission to move him or dicussed a solution. I literally thought he'd been stolen till I saw him in a different field. Then that he had escaped and been put back somewhere random so I moved him back to the original field and was ranted at '' I don't want him in that field' etc. I went to YO who shrugged and said he was not going to get involved. I started dreading going up. I'd literally feel sick if her car was there. I left after about 4 months. I heard later she had got rid of another 2-3 people till the YO recognised the pattern and kicked her off. And I went back! And this time it was fine. I agree it sounds like they don't want anyone else there and are either actively trying to drive people away or are just letting their feelings about not being on their own show.

However if it was a case of snide comments, borrowing my stuff etc I think I'd have just accepted it. I had a few months on a different yard of people claiming my horses were neglected because I never went up - because I was up later than them after work. I let that stuff go over my head. And almost all yards involve people borrowing stuff. You can chain your barrow up if that really bothers you. It never worried me that much.

I think your only options are:

- talk to YO and say you feel they are making newcomers unwelcome as they'd rather have the place to themselves and it will be exactly the same if you leave unless he gets a grip. Ie appeal to his self interest.
- develop a hide like a rhino and ignore it.
- Challenge them directly.
- Leave. However nice the yard is, the people make it lovely, tolerable or miserable. I would never again stay on a yard with a yard bully and an ineffective YO who does not nip that sort of crap in the bud. I don't mind if there are poeple there I don't get on with. That's life and I am pretty easy going as a livery. I am not overly social but am co-operative, tidy and friendly. But being targeted for constant hassle is different.

Only you know what you can or can't tolerate.

 

[Moodymare88]

If you are feeling uncomfortable and/or dreading going up to the yard (and you obviously are....... ) then this is something you should be able to take to the YO/YM.

I'm a YO and don't run this sort of a yard (mine's an adult DIY small yard); however IF there was something like this going on at my yard I would deffo want to know about it because this is exactly the sort of thing that gives any yard a bad name. YO should be concerned about this.

Have you tried approaching the YO??

I did speak to the YO a few weeks ago, saying how they made me feel when I first moved, and also about the lies they have been spreading about me. She also said that one can be quite funny, and hasn’t spoken to her since she put the livery up. The one who I have to share hay storage with was quite abrupt when the YO said she needed to move her stuff into one, but sadly the YO didn’t push her to do it, so I think she prefers an easier life, which I get as it is her home. Unfortunately I don’t see her too much, I have raised it with her but I also don’t want to seem like I’m the one causing issues if that makes sense?! I was hoping it would get better once they realise I’m not going anywhere, but sadly seems to be getting worse. I need to see the YO to pay my livery anyway, so I was going to raise it then again.
The fact that the girl before me, was best friends with them and treated her like they did, and hiding her hay, I would hate to think how they treat their ‘enemies’!

 

[Auslander]

I'm astounded that the yard owner is letting them get away with not speaking to him/her since the rent increase! I wouldn't put up with that for a millisecond! I've had one livery who sulked and refused to speak to me because I reminded her of her obligations as per the contract, so I gave her notice. She was very surprised...

 

[Moodymare88]

Me too! I mean we still only pay £25 a week which is cheap really, and the school is decent and bigger than a 20x40, only thing is I can’t keep my trailer there as it’s too small and tight to park it, so that’s in storage, but I keep it there for a couple of days if I’m using it or on my drive.
YO also said the same, that she thinks they just want the yard for themselves, so they will continue to treat anyone else the same. It doesn’t cost anything to be polite and civil to anyone, even if I’m having a bad day, I will still say hi to people at least!

 

[Bobthecob15]

I've been at all sorts of livery yards over the years....we are currently at a retirement yard that also does full livery. We rarely see another owner as few of the horses there bar ours and 2 others get ridden regularly. So for us it's just the yard owner we see on a regular basis....I can't tell you how much better it is than a livery full of drama! We miss the company riding out but we go out with the box a lot at weekends...so it's a happy compromise. Nothing is perfect (except perhaps your own place but we don't all the the option of that!) It's just a compromise...I'd look elsewhere if you can because long term that sounds awful x

 

[Barton Bounty]

I did speak to the YO a few weeks ago, saying how they made me feel when I first moved, and also about the lies they have been spreading about me. She also said that one can be quite funny, and hasn’t spoken to her since she put the livery up. The one who I have to share hay storage with was quite abrupt when the YO said she needed to move her stuff into one, but sadly the YO didn’t push her to do it, so I think she prefers an easier life, which I get as it is her home. Unfortunately I don’t see her too much, I have raised it with her but I also don’t want to seem like I’m the one causing issues if that makes sense?! I was hoping it would get better once they realise I’m not going anywhere, but sadly seems to be getting worse. I need to see the YO to pay my livery anyway, so I was going to raise it then again.
The fact that the girl before me, was best friends with them and treated her like they did, and hiding her hay, I would hate to think how they treat their ‘enemies’!

Get a quad bike cover to cover your hay, goes right round the top nicely and contains it well too,

 

[Moodymare88]

I've been at all sorts of livery yards over the years....we are currently at a retirement yard that also does full livery. We rarely see another owner as few of the horses there bar ours and 2 others get ridden regularly. So for us it's just the yard owner we see on a regular basis....I can't tell you how much better it is than a livery full of drama! We miss the company riding out but we go out with the box a lot at weekends...so it's a happy compromise. Nothing is perfect (except perhaps your own place but we don't all the the option of that!) It's just a compromise...I'd look elsewhere if you can because long term that sounds awful x

Sadly there are no other options in the area, we have had quite a few yards close down, so I need to say put really unless I want to drive over an hour each way, which I really don’t want to. I’m hoping they will find somewhere and move as they aren’t happy with the grazing.

 

[scats]

Then they win though? Sorry but OP you need to grow a pair, stand up to these b**ches and don’t give them the satisfaction of seeing you go too as it appears your predecessors have done! I realise that’s a lot easier to say than do, but in my experience, the best way to deal with bullies is to stand your ground and once they realise their nasty little tactics aren't working, they’ll soon get bored. Good luck! Makes me wish they were on my yard, they’d soon get short shrift with me!?

I suppose the way I see it is that people like this don’t change and if it’s going to affect the OPs enjoyment of her horse and time at the yard, life is just too short for such nonsense.

 

[Cinnamontoast]

YO also said the same, that she thinks they just want the yard for themselves, so they will continue to treat anyone else the same. It doesn’t cost anything to be polite and civil to anyone, even if I’m having a bad day, I will still say hi to people at least!

So why has she not had words with them? Honestly, I’d use headphones constantly and just do your own thing. Hopefully they’ll go soon. There was a woman who tried to be in charge of my old yard, she’d been on loads of yards and been thrown off all of them. She eventually moved to a massive yard so hopefully can’t impact too much on others.

 

[ponynutz]

Shame YO seems reluctant to have a word, if there's not many stables maybe she's worried she won't find people to replace them?

It sounds like YO isn't a particularly big fan either.

Sorry this is happening OP, keep your head high and try not to give them any excuse while you try and find a way to get it sorted x

 

[Moodymare88]

Shame YO seems reluctant to have a word, if there's not many stables maybe she's worried she won't find people to replace them?

It sounds like YO isn't a particularly big fan either.

Sorry this is happening OP, keep your head high and try not to give them any excuse while you try and find a way to get it sorted x

Thanks. I’m just down here now, trying to remind myself I have every right to be here, so have given my horse a bath and tlc, rather than just coming to feed and poo pick etc.

sadly, one was down here (who steals hay) and completely ignored me as she went right past me…earphones are in and just held my head up, talking to my horse like I do and resisted the temptation to soak her with the hose as she went past! Trying to be the bigger person and hopefully they will get bored and leave! I am not sure if I am that lucky as they seem to have a reputation around here!

 

[Moodymare88]

So why has she not had words with them? Honestly, I’d use headphones constantly and just do your own thing. Hopefully they’ll go soon. There was a woman who tried to be in charge of my old yard, she’d been on loads of yards and been thrown off all of them. She eventually moved to a massive yard so hopefully can’t impact too much on others.

she is too soft I think and worried what they may do/say to her.

 

[Barton Bounty]

Thanks. I’m just down here now, trying to remind myself I have every right to be here, so have given my horse a bath and tlc, rather than just coming to feed and poo pick etc.

sadly, one was down here (who steals hay) and completely ignored me as she went right past me…earphones are in and just held my head up, talking to my horse like I do and resisted the temptation to soak her with the hose as she went past! Trying to be the bigger person and hopefully they will get bored and leave! I am not sure if I am that lucky as they seem to have a reputation around here!

Get a cover over your hay ! That stopped the thief for me and YO out a camera in lol ?

 

[Cinnamontoast]

Can you bet a cheapo camera up?

 

[Moodymare88]

Can you bet a cheapo camera up?

I am thinking about it

 

[Roasted Chestnuts]

I am thinking about it

I would put one up and one infront of my stable for my things if I was feeling like this.

 

[Cortez]

It all sounds entirely childish.

 

[Cob Life]

Can you bet a cheapo camera up?

Even a fake one may deter them!

 

[nagblagger]

Maybe inform them that, as some of your stuff has been moved and hay stolen, you are installing cameras for 'everyone's benefit' as you will be increasing the yards security. The thieves or prowlers can be caught on camera and will be reported to the police. Doing this will tell them you take theft etc seriously and you are not afraid to take action.
Good luck, don't let bullies win!!

 

[blitznbobs]

Am i the only one who would block them in if they made it difficult for me to park… id also tell them to foxtrot oscar if they got in my way on purpose … move my stuff maliciously —
Yours would never be where you left it (and if you really annoyed me probably wet and shitty too)

i wont be bullied its a trigger point for me.

 

[luckyoldme]

Am i the only one who would block them in if they made it difficult for me to park… id also tell them to foxtrot oscar if they got in my way on purpose … move my stuff maliciously —
Yours would never be where you left it (and if you really annoyed me probably wet and shitty too)

i wont be bullied its a trigger point for me.

It's a lot easier to say that's what you would do on an internet forum than it would be to do it in real life.
I'm a fairly blunt person and not in the least bit tactful, even so I wouldn't feel able to stand up to two other folk in that situation.
Whenever it got to the stage that I was trying to avoid folk just to spend time with my horse I would know it s time to move on.
Life is to short to spend precious free time with crappy people.

 

[Moodymare88]

It's a lot easier to say that's what you would do on an internet forum than it would be to do it in real life.
I'm a fairly blunt person and not in the least bit tactful, even so I wouldn't feel able to stand up to two other folk in that situation.
Whenever it got to the stage that I was trying to avoid folk just to spend time with my horse I would know it s time to move on.
Life is to short to spend precious free time with crappy people.

i try and avoid confrontation if I can, which is why I have kept quiet to try and not escalate things, as I don’t know what they will do and it’s 2 against 1…saying that…if I am pushed far enough…beyond breaking point…then I can and will react which tends to surprise people as they generally think I’m a pushover!

i just want to be left alone to enjoy my horse . I need to pay my livery today now the YO is back, although they may get there first but she does know what they are like and I will raise my concerns and also ask about installing a camera…the only thing is I don’t want to be sued because of GDPR…which I deal with a lot in my line of work, and I wouldn’t put it past them to do that.

 

[Bobthecob15]

What area are you in? Perhaps we can help you find something else? There are always yards...some just not advertising or technically liveries that could squeeze another in. Loads have shut near me too but they are out there x

 

[Moodymare88]

I’m in east Anglia, but sadly there aren’t many yards near me (I waited 2 years to get her 1 mile from home!). There was one, but you could only go between 8 and 3…which doesn’t suit me. I ride at 6:00am and start work at 7:30. Other than that, it means travelling miles and I did that for 2 years and with the price of everything at the moment, I want to try and save the diesel costs and mileage on my truck, which has to be serviced every 10,000 miles! Another reason I wanted her closer, was I had a nasty car accident in December on the way to the yard, so wanted to reduce the risk as much as I could by being able to cycle or walk there.
I am waiting to win the lottery to by my big house with stables! Lol

 

[Bobthecob15]

I’m in east Anglia, but sadly there aren’t many yards near me (I waited 2 years to get her 1 mile from home!). There was one, but you could only go between 8 and 3…which doesn’t suit me. I ride at 6:00am and start work at 7:30. Other than that, it means travelling miles and I did that for 2 years and with the price of everything at the moment, I want to try and save the diesel costs and mileage on my truck, which has to be serviced every 10,000 miles! Another reason I wanted her closer, was I had a nasty car accident in December on the way to the yard, so wanted to reduce the risk as much as I could by being able to cycle or walk there.
I am waiting to win the lottery to by my big house with stables! Lol

Have you posted a wanted advert on local Facebook community pages? That'd how I've found my last few yards...so useful!

Ultimately you have to decide what you can put up with, hopefully the others will move on but I think for my own sanity I'd be preferring a longer drive than dealing with that! I think this winter a lot of people are going to have to decide what is important to them sadly x

 

[Pearlsasinger]

Bullies are those who mis-use a position of power, these fellow liveries can't bully you if you don't give them that power. Stop taking any notice of anything they do, just get on and enjoy your own horse.
I will say, though, that I would have been annoyed if you, as a new livery, had tidied a fridge with my things in it, without mentioning it to me in advance, so I don't think that you are blameless in this.

 

[Roasted Chestnuts]

Ask the YO about the camera, if they say yes then put up signs saying CCTV recording so that’s everyone is aware. Only have it pointing at your hay space and your stable/tack area and they can’t complain as you aren’t recording the full yard.

 

[Moodymare88]

Bullies are those who mis-use a position of power, these fellow liveries can't bully you if you don't give them that power. Stop taking any notice of anything they do, just get on and enjoy your own horse.
I will say, though, that I would have been annoyed if you, as a new livery, had tidied a fridge with my things in it, without mentioning it to me in advance, so I don't think that you are blameless in this.

Just to confirm that the fridge was actually empty When I arrived and wasn’t even plugged in. They said it needed a clean but I could use it, so i thought I would do just that and make it useable for everyone, nothing like a cold drink after a ride on a hot day! Don’t actually think I did anything wrong there…

 

[Flame_]

when I first moved in May, I did introduce myself, tried to engage in conversations, asked them about their horses, offered to have jump sessions together but I have also heard that the previous livery had problems with them as well. I get people want to do their own thing, I much prefer my own company.

for example, one day I was in my stable minding my own business, both were up there and they blocked me in and also blocked the entrance to the yard, making it very difficult for me to get in and out, even when I asked politely.

moving my things without asking, this is a pet peeve of mine. Pop me a message if you need to move something, I don’t move other peoples things if I don’t want to. The yard owner knows they can be difficult, they haven’t spoken to her since she put the livery up.

One told the YO I had blocked the drain by sweeping hay down it…which was not true and she had told me several times not too…I hadn’t seen her for 2 weeks as she had been away! They hose off their wheelbarrows over the drain every day, and I was told it wasn’t hay blocking it.

I also over heard them accusing me of horse abuse as I bought her in during the heat wave (bearing in mind I didn’t know what the stables were like, but popped down in my lunch break to check on her) and she was fine until I went down at 4 and the yard was a suntrap, so the next day I decided she was better out!
I try and be civil and polite, but hasn’t gotten me anywhere, I cleaned the fridge out so everyone could use that, I tidy up after myself, I have let things slide because I didn’t want to upset anyone. This is also someone’s home as well, and the atmosphere isn’t overly pleasant.

I know a lot of you think this is in my head, but a few people know these people and have had similar issues and difficulties, which is why they were turned down from another yard.

Having just out-lasted a similar evil cow at a small yard, my advice is do not back down. Do not attempt to appease them. If they move your stuff, go straight to them, tell them not to do it again and let them watch you put it back. Repeat as many times as necessary. If they deliberately obstruct your yard access, approach with a "can you shift your car please, I'm going now", etc. If they move your rug and throw it on the floor, remove theirs and put yours back where you left it. Assert yourself at all times over every tiny violation. Any really over-the-line behavior (this stuff is all crappy but not unsafe for you or your horse) go back to the YO and insist that they impose some order. It's a miserable existence but if you're going to stay, you're going to have to constantly demonstrate that you won't tolerate violations, you won't be affected by hearing them bitch about you amongst themselves or to the YO, and that whatever they do will have no affect or be countered somehow.

Also, if you've someone, even someone none-horsey, who can go with you to the yard sometimes who you can chat with and really demonstrate to them that you're comfortable, you're happy, they are not troubling your yard life with their antics, this should increase the strength of your position. Equally, if it's an option, renting another box and getting another horse increases your weight of influence with the YO, IYSWIM? If you're spending as much money as your bullies, your YO should be as motivated to look after your interests as theirs.

 

[Pinkvboots]

I think its such a shame when 2 people are hell bent on making life so miserable ?

I would just act like it's really not bothering you and walk round full of the joys of spring, hopefully it will get up there nose so much they will go.

I am shocked that someone who effectively rents stables in there back garden will tolerate being ignored because the livery went up.

I rent a stable at my house and there is no way I would put up with that they would only do it once and be asked to leave.