Decision Made!

[hairymolly]

As some of you will know I have been having a bit of a dilemia about whether to keep my horsey or sell her. Thanks to all who have offered me their advice and opinion. Well tonight she made the decision for me, her behaviour was absolutely absurd. Walked in from the field very calmy went into her stable and seemed perfectly happy. Since I am a nice mummy I decided to muck out round her rather than make her stand on yard as like an ice rink I I didnt want the poor wee soul to slip. She had a small net in her stable but went in to get the bigger one to fill so she had plenty to eat when I was mucking out again I am a considerate mummy. All was fine until she decided she wanted to look out door when I was standing there I asked to move back so I could get out the door, que major temper tantrum, she was shoving me about and running at the door I got trapped in the corner and she squashed me. Couldnt move her but thankfully another livery heard the noise and came to see what was going on and pulled her off me enough for me to move. She then ran round her stable for a good 5 mins with me standing in the corner couldnt get out as every time I went near the door she ran at it wanting to barge her way out had to get friend to hold her through the bars so I could get out the stable.

Have decided she is going to horsey boot camp then she is getting sold onto to someone bigger and stronger than me and with more facilities. When she is worked she is fine but due to weather we have not been able to do anything and lady bolshy makes an appearance. I was really scared and burst into tear when got out the stable. This is not on it is meant to be fun. I have made every excuse for her and stood up for her but now I am done with her. She has had ever chance but she has made her bed so as far as I am concerened she can lie in it. I was furious with her and if I had had a gun I think I would have shot her.

 

[brighteyes]

 

[JoBo]

Oh goad that must have been terribly scary! I totally understand you wanting to sell her, I would be exactly the same. Go and find yourself something nice and easy, you are so right, horses are meant to be fun, it’s a hobby at the end of the day.

 

[Dottie]

I agree with JoBo- It's not worth the hassle and she may end up hurting herself or you.
I hope you find something nicer soon!

 

[hairymolly]

I have battled with her manners since i got her and she has made alot of progress. I had hoped that side of her was away as I cant cope with her when she is like that. She really should be able to cope with a few weeks off without acting like this. There is snow most winters, she could have something wrong with her and have to stand in for a while all of which would revert her back to her old ways. It really did come from nowhere it was totally unexcusable. Although i have a few probs with her up until tonight I always wanted to make it work now I dont. In the right home where she can be managed she would be fine but I just dont have facilities.

New year new start and hopefuly i can ger her sold and get somthing nicer in time for spring.

 

[janet68]

Mine does this pretty much everytime i go in with him, but i love him dearly and will never ever part with him.

 

[hairymolly]

[ QUOTE ]
Mine does this pretty much everytime i go in with him, but i love him dearly and will never ever part with him.

[/ QUOTE ]

Your a braver person than me, she used to act like this when I first got her but I thought she had grown out of it. Not somthing I am willing to put up with Im afraid. I was lucky I was not hurt other than a few bruises.

 

[Pearlsasinger]

I am sorry you are upset but can I make a suggestion?
When you get your next horse, please don't call it a 'horsey' or consider yourself its 'mummy'. Start as you mean to go on and insist from the beginning that it behaves.
Incidentally have you cut the feed down as you have not been able to ride?

 

[DarkHorseB]

How scary! Glad you are okay. You are right this is meant to be a hobby. I have always had a rule that I will put up with alot from a horse when I am on it but it must be decent on the ground. There are too many nice horses out there to put up with a bad one. In 30 years of horse and pony ownership I have only had one that did something like that and he was a 4 year old I was bringing on for my 12 year old sister. He bit me really badly and is the only one I have not been sorry to see go. He went to someone who knew exactly what he had done who was going to work him hard as a driving pony. They were prepared to take the risk I wasn't.

 

[hairymolly]

Although I refer to horses as horsey and myself as mummy does not mean that I am a pushover. I have handled lots of horses and hate bad manners. Believe me I have tried to insist on many occasions that she behaves and if you feel that you could make her behave please feel free to come and help me, I would even pay you for the service. I am not some stupid novice owner and she has had two trainers off their feet and has pushed my YO (who has handled all sorts of horses for years) into an electric fence. She is getting fed just enough happy hoof to mix her supplemets through and enough haylage to keep her going through the night. Thanks for your constructive advice there.

 

[Booboos]

Poor you, sounds really scary!

I think you've made the right decision. It's really difficult to decide to sell, especially as you have worked with her for a while and you have made progress, but it's better to find her another home now before she hurts you.

 

[Luci07]

at the end of the day, if it doesn't work for you, then you have made the right choice to sell her - this is your hobby and not a penance - something we all seem to forget at times! i will say though, that my boy will equally attempt to take the proverbial (not like yours) and has been exceedingly grumpy with his heavily reduced exercise - just started to be nice to me again as he is working (and yes his feed was cut right back!)

Best advice my brother ever gave me when I was grappling with one of my horses "it takes the same amount of time and money to keep a bad horse as a good one".... blooming obvious but I did need to be told!

 

[Rollin]

Just out of interest how old is your horse? What did you buy her for and what was her history?

I have had a similar experience but kept the horse and am so pleased I did.

 

[hairymolly]

[ QUOTE ]
Just out of interest how old is your horse? What did you buy her for and what was her history?

I have had a similar experience but kept the horse and am so pleased I did.

[/ QUOTE ]

She is six I bought her when she was rising five she was imported from holland by a lady who imports to sell (small scale) she did tell me she could be bargy so guess I cant blame her. I bought her to bring on for dressage as she has cracking paces.

 

[zeuscleoharmony]

Oh, it must have been very frightening for you and no wonder you burst into tears. I have burst into tears for much lesser things.

You know your horse and your limitations and I think it is a good idea you send her off to boot camp and sell. You will then be able to get yourself a lovely new horsey and be the mummy you want to be.

As my title implies, I am Archies mummy and proud to be. He is the most wonderful horse and I hope you find one you can love to death without have the fear of god put into you.

Some horses love lots of fuss and loving and hugging, like my Archie and so long as you keep manners in check there is nothing wrong with that, IMO.

Good luck xxx

 

[Izzwizz]

Its a brave decision you have made and you are right, horses are supposed to be fun.

Just an afterthought, as I have re-read your post maybe you could be saying this "on the spur of the moment"? You say she is usually ok when working and being quite young shes got a lot of excess energy. You probably feel quite angry and upset with her and things can be said/thought at the time, but when slept on you may change your mind. Please dont act in haste and regret it later, this lousy weather wont last for ever, its frustrating I know as we are trying to get some weight off one of ours and its not happening because we couldnt get off the yard for nearly 2 wks. My own mare can be a bit bargy at times and in the long term we have some manners established now,its taken time and shes learning, she now knows the word "back" as shes always trying to get back into the stable when she knows her feed is out.

Take care and dont rush into it.

 

[hairymolly]

[ QUOTE ]
Its a brave decision you have made and you are right, horses are supposed to be fun.

Just an afterthought, as I have re-read your post maybe you could be saying this "on the spur of the moment"? You say she is usually ok when working and being quite young shes got a lot of excess energy. You probably feel quite angry and upset with her and things can be said/thought at the time, but when slept on you may change your mind. Please dont act in haste and regret it later, this lousy weather wont last for ever, its frustrating I know as we are trying to get some weight off one of ours and its not happening because we couldnt get off the yard for nearly 2 wks. My own mare can be a bit bargy at times and in the long term we have some manners established now,its taken time and shes learning, she now knows the word "back" as shes always trying to get back into the stable when she knows her feed is out.

Take care and dont rush into it.

[/ QUOTE ]

You are right I prob have made this decsion on the spur of the moment but I have been thinking about it for a very long time. I have been here before a few times and I have always given her another chance. I think this is the last straw that broke the camels back. She now knows her manners its just sometimes she chooses to ignore them. She knows she should not barge at the door or pull me about but tonight she didnt care she wanted to do something and I didnt let her which resulted in a temper. She complies when it suits her but when it dosent she is impossible. I will sleep on it though but I dont even want to make things work with her anymore so I think she is moving on.

 

[Tickles]

Sounds like you're not getting on with her, and that she isn't getting on with your management. I once had to rescue a (mentally) disabled child (15-16yrs old I'd guess) who was trapped in the corner of a stable by a very unhappy RDA pony who tried to double barrel the kid every time she moved. It left her alone when she was still but really went for her if she moved.

I've no idea what had happened on that occasion as the girl was too upset/inarticulate to tell me but I do know that the pony wasn't happy either. TBH it was the first time I'd gone into that stable without being terrified for myself (pony was an unhappy biter and a kicker) but seeing the kid in serious danger made me act much more confidently without even thinking. And after that incident the pony was more or less fine with me. Becasue both of us knew that I was in charge.

I'm not suggesting you put a vulnerable child in with your horse (obviously!) BUT you might be able to sort out your relationship, however bad it feels at the moment, with trainers and a lot of patience (although it does sound like you've already tried this.)

Other thoughts:
Personally I'd never try to muck out around a horse (asking for trouble with tools around and so forth) and prefer to leave them out/on a walker/in the indoor school rather than tied up with nothing to do on a yard.

Sounds as though your mare is very stressed in the stable. Do you know anything of her history? (I know of one RS pony who can't stand being in a confined space with a man due something awful which happened at a previous yard. Fine with women or with anyone out and about.)

Would 24hr turnout/different stabling in terms of view, neighbours etc, etc be an option?

Whatever you do ((hugs)) for before and best wishes for both you and the horse.

 

[Pearlsasinger]

Have pm'd you.

 

[Tamba]

Sorry to hear about your dilemma,
To be honest, I know you might not be happy doing this
but I would arm myself with a schooling whip, or crop, and I would give her a good flick with it, everytime, she would try and barge me,
I had a real time, with my youngster, she had been unhandled 2 year old when I got her, and she had absolutely NO respect for humans at all!!, and I mean none, she would stand on you, to get her own way, rear at you, everything, she was an nightmare, but I took the attitude, that you will be disciplined, or you will be meat, One or the other,
So I took time, with her, separating her from my mares, each day, for a week, and by the end of a month, she was following me round like a puppy, (actually my dog is not as obedient)
Somewhere a long the line, she s learnt that its acceptable to barge and enter your space, you need to really take the attitude,that she will respect your space.
If, it is only in the stable, then you need to tell her back, everytime she comes to barge at the door, or you, and if she ignores you, take a crop, or a schooling whip, and arm yourself with it, until she realises that she will be told off, everytime she disobeys you.
I know you dont want her to stop trusting you, but honestly, she really needs to know, that what she is doing is unacceptable, as someone , somewhere has let her off with the behaviour, and she needs taught.
I would just give it a few weeks, of work.
If she hasnt been turned out, due to snow, then its understandabe; that shes fed up. Even if your not riding her, I would turn her as much as poss, to get rid of her energy. even if its just into the school.

 

[MrsMozart]

Oh hun. Have a hot choccy and a hug.

You have to do what is right for you and for the horse.

 

[hairymolly]

[ QUOTE ]
I'm not suggesting you put a vulnerable child in with your horse (obviously!) BUT you might be able to sort out your relationship, however bad it feels at the moment, with trainers and a lot of patience (although it does sound like you've already tried this.)

Other thoughts:
Personally I'd never try to muck out around a horse (asking for trouble with tools around and so forth) and prefer to leave them out/on a walker/in the indoor school rather than tied up with nothing to do on a yard.

Sounds as though your mare is very stressed in the stable. Do you know anything of her history? (I know of one RS pony who can't stand being in a confined space with a man due something awful which happened at a previous yard. Fine with women or with anyone out and about.)

Would 24hr turnout/different stabling in terms of view, neighbours etc, etc be an option?

Whatever you do ((hugs)) for before and best wishes for both you and the horse.

[/ QUOTE ]

Couldnt leave her out as all the other horse in field had been brought in and if left alone in field she jumps the fence. Dont have walker or indoor school on yard and I normaly tie her up outside but yard really is like an ice rink and YO hates horse tied up outside when other liveries are trying to get past with their horses . Not normaly an issue as I work later than most liveries but was up a bit earlier tonight. She would be better off somewhere with more facilities dont think she has the brain for a leisure horse. She is very stressy in stable but is far improved than when I first got her. Dont think living out would suit her as she gets terrible mud rash and she is a really cold horse. Dont know huge amout about her history. Have been at it with her a year and a half now and to be honest Ive had enough time to throw the towel in. She needs more careful management than I can provide.

 

[Izzwizz]

Could you go to the horsey boot camp with her and learn/try the methods that they use? Just a thought. We had a natural horsemanship lady come to our yard and as Tickles says, she worked with a whip and taught people how to teach the horse what was our space and what was theirs. It was interesting and it did work. Her methods werent violent by the way!!

Good luck with whatever decision you come to. Shes hurt your feelings and it stings when all we want is the best for them (and us)
and they dont get it at times.

 

[hairymolly]

[ QUOTE ]
Sorry to hear about your dilemma,
To be honest, I know you might not be happy doing this
but I would arm myself with a schooling whip, or crop, and I would give her a good flick with it, everytime, she would try and barge me,
I had a real time, with my youngster, she had been unhandled 2 year old when I got her, and she had absolutely NO respect for humans at all!!, and I mean none, she would stand on you, to get her own way, rear at you, everything, she was an nightmare, but I took the attitude, that you will be disciplined, or you will be meat, One or the other,
So I took time, with her, separating her from my mares, each day, for a week, and by the end of a month, she was following me round like a puppy, (actually my dog is not as obedient)
Somewhere a long the line, she s learnt that its acceptable to barge and enter your space, you need to really take the attitude,that she will respect your space.
If, it is only in the stable, then you need to tell her back, everytime she comes to barge at the door, or you, and if she ignores you, take a crop, or a schooling whip, and arm yourself with it, until she realises that she will be told off, everytime she disobeys you.
I know you dont want her to stop trusting you, but honestly, she really needs to know, that what she is doing is unacceptable, as someone , somewhere has let her off with the behaviour, and she needs taught.
I would just give it a few weeks, of work.
If she hasnt been turned out, due to snow, then its understandabe; that shes fed up. Even if your not riding her, I would turn her as much as poss, to get rid of her energy. even if its just into the school.

[/ QUOTE ]

I had to carry a stick when handleing her for the first six months of owning her. If I could have found my balance enough tonight she would have got a toe in the ribs Im not a horse beater but Im not afraid to hit them if the need arises. Have been through all this with her and she now knows what she should and shouldnt do she chooses to do what she likes when her "switch" goes hitting her just makes her more wired. She is out in field every day she is just not getting ridden.

 

[Flame_]

If you want to sell your horse, sell your horse.

I've followed your posts and it does sound like you and your mare have a bit of a personality clash. Perhaps parting company would be the best solution for both of you.

 

[hairymolly]

[ QUOTE ]
If you want to sell your horse, sell your horse.

I've followed your posts and it does sound like you and your mare have a bit of a personality clash. Perhaps parting company would be the best solution for both of you.

[/ QUOTE ]

I think you are right. Def time to move on. Horse hunting in the new year here I come.

 

[Rudey]

[ QUOTE ]
How scary! Glad you are okay. You are right this is meant to be a hobby. I have always had a rule that I will put up with alot from a horse when I am on it but it must be decent on the ground. There are too many nice horses out there to put up with a bad one.

[/ QUOTE ]

^^^^^^^^^^^ Totally agree with this ^^^^^^^^^^^

Horses are just too big, strong and heavy, and once they think they can get away with something it is very hard to change unless you have the confidence and time, to stand up to them and get it right. If you feel like you have done all that you can, and exhausted all efforts... time to sell!

My friend had a steady cob on loan - he was a nightmare to catch and handle, pursue him too much when he wouldn't be caught, and he had no qualms in booting you

- he wasn't even a pleasure to ride - too steady and stubborn!!!

In the end she thought exactly the same as you - what was the point - she didn't enjoy him. Came to yard to feed and then went home. Never spent time having fun. She was always in tears and he frightened her too with the similar behaviour your mare has.

She gave him back to his owner and bought the most sweet natured horse ever! She is always spending time with her new horse and enjoying every second of it - best decision she ever made

It's a hard decision, and I respect anybody that says they've had enough and thinks the horse would benefit with someone else who WANTS to help problem horses. Not an easy thing to say sometimes, especially when you say it out loud to others. I admire your decision - it's very brave and real xx

 

[Echo Bravo]

Hairymolly. I'd take time out of owning horses for awhile if I was you as your attitude towards your mare ( I'd have Shot her) did she come at you with teeth and feet, sounds like she stressed out, yes you are doing the right thing by her as you have finally decided to sell her on.

 

[hairymolly]

Nope no teeth or feet never has done and suspect she never will. She is not a nasty or evil horse just bloody pig headed and likes to get her own way. Yip she stressed out big time but for no other reason than she couldnt get her own way either that or she is far to complex a soul for me. I wouldnt actually have shot her I would have bottled it I cant even kill a spider I was merelt trying to demonstate how anbgrey i was with her. What would you suggest for a horse who loses the plot like this for no obvious resaon other than a temper tantrum?

 

[skewby]

[ QUOTE ]
Have decided she is going to horsey boot camp then she is getting sold onto to someone bigger and stronger than me and with more facilities.

[/ QUOTE ]
Good on you - if the horse doesn't suit, sell it on. But what is "horsey boot camp" exactly?! It does sound like you could retrain and sell. If she has top paces someone will take on the burden of sorting out the bolshiness. Good luck to you mate!