Family expecting me to help with other family members horse

PurBee said:
Ask yourself - would this person with the broken leg do the same for you, if you had a broken leg? Would they drive an hour a day to sort your kicking horse?

I find the people who have expectations, have expectations they are unwilling to fulfil themselves if the boot twas on the other foot - especially family members! ?
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I highly doubt it tbh when I have been away they don’t offer to do mine . They once begrudge me borrowing a pack for Bute
 
PapaverFollis said:
Is it just me who thinks that 'slipping in the shower' might be a cover story for 'horse kicked my leg to c**p but I'm telling that to the person I'm trying to guilt into looking after said kicking horse for me' ???

I'm very old and cynical all of a sudden I find.
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This thought did cross my mind but I just put it down to me being cynical !
 
Actually if it was an easy horse I would do it but under no circumstances if it is likely to hurt me. Once clipped a TB ex racer for a friend easy they said I ended up wit a flail chest all my ribs on one side broken when it threw me against a wall and then threw itself on top. Finished clipping it and went to hospital worst pain I have known and took months to mend
 
SO1 said:
I think that the problem is it is a difficult horse. If it was an easy horse I expect other liveries on the yard may have offered to help with the cream.

I was on a yard where a livery broke her ankle and could not afford to pay for full livery for 6 weeks so the other liveries did a rota to help her. She had a very easy horse.

I think you have to stand firm and say the horse is dangerous which why none of the other liveries or friends will do the cream and you should not be expected to take the risk and do it yourself. Explain if it did not kick you would have offered to do help at weekends.

The only way to be sure the horse won't kick you when applying the cream is to have a 2nd person holding up a leg which maybe hard to find a helper if the horse is agressive.
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I did wonder if this was the reason non of the livery offered to help as they all used to help each other before the arrivle of devil horse
 
Just stick to NO, you don't have to give a single explanation or reason. No.

If it currently has mud fever that is anything other than very mild then tell them she needs to get a vet out to clean and treat it under sedation then keep it in (since I doubt there's mud free turnout) until it's healed - she'll need to sort out some sort of exercise & I wish her luck with that! If there isn't mud fever at the moment then they're really taking the proverbial!

Has no-one wondered why the yo isn't prepared to do this?
 
PapaverFollis said:
Is it just me who thinks that 'slipping in the shower' might be a cover story for 'horse kicked my leg to c**p but I'm telling that to the person I'm trying to guilt into looking after said kicking horse for me' ???

I'm very old and cynical all of a sudden I find.
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It did cross my mind too!?
 
They are being very cheeky pushing you like this. I don't blame you for not wanting to help, the risk is definitely not worth it. I'm with everyone else, keep saying 'no, it's dangerous, it's kicked me before, I'm not handling it. The YO will have to do it.'

Good luck!
 
No I wouldn’t, its one thing helping out with a well behaved horse its another entirely one that could seriously injure you.

I have and always will, step in to help where i can with horses but never ever with something that is likely to put me at risk.

This is the exact reason all my horses are taught manners and why i come down on them like a ton of bricks if they step out of line.
 
I think your family is being very unfair by burdening you with this.

Regardless of the horse being dangerous or not, do you have time to care for two horses, in separate locations?

I'd not enter into discussions about the horse being a danger to you as you'll likely get their hackles up. If me, I'd be firm and say I don't have the time to care for two horses in different locations. End of.

Your safety comes first - I'm sure they'd not pay your wages, or care for your horse, if you were kicked and incapacitated.
 
Somewhat Off The Sleigh said:
I would help. But then, I always help family... even the ones I don't like !!
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I would help if it was a well behaved horse, for that reason. It's one thing putting yourself out with time and money though, and completely another taking big risks with your health. Also, I always help family, but I know they will always help me too (even the ones where we don't get on that well), it sounds like OP's family might not be the same.
 
Sorry about your dilemma. It is not nice to feel cornered into to doing something that is not safe to do. Families, who needs them? The YO is doing the basic stuff. Is it possible to offer to look at the horse every third day to see the legs, not to treat them. And then give a report back if a vet is needed. Or would the YO make that call anyway? I would not want to handle the horse if it is dangerous. But, I would make that very clear to family while still offering a bit of assistance. I seem to be out of line with other replies though.
 
I'm another who would help in some way because that's what families should do.

I gave the "where did the leg break occur?" issue some thought. Since the horse is not kept at home it's highly unlikely that the owner broke their leg and then went home to call an ambulance or that they took themselves to A&E so I'm inclined to believe it happened in the shower as stated. Another pointer to that conclusion is that the yard people would still be talking about the incident too. Any lie would soon be exposed.

I do understand your reluctance to take on the daily task of creaming the horse's leg given that he has kicked you once and the last thing the rest of your family want is two of you injured at the same time so:

Go and see the person with the broken leg, taking at least a "Get well soon'" card and perhaps a magazine to help while away the time. That shows you care.

Make 2 offers whilst you are there:
a) to buy whatever cream they have run out of and to leave it with the YO or person of their choice. Deal with the payment by saying "I'll let you know how much it costs and you can pay me back later".
b) offer to visit the horse once a week to check on it's general well being but say openly that you are not able to commit to anything more and you don't want to fall out with them by saying you will and then not doing so.
 
sunnyone said:
I'm another who would help in some way because that's what families should do.
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I'm glad you have a family you feel that way about, SO, but families are more capable of exerting psychological pressure to get members of it to do unreasonable things than any other group of people. I don't feel a family is owed your care just because you happen to share some DNA.

I do like your suggestions of what she should do.
.
 
PapaverFollis said:
Is it just me who thinks that 'slipping in the shower' might be a cover story for 'horse kicked my leg to c**p but I'm telling that to the person I'm trying to guilt into looking after said kicking horse for me' ???

I'm very old and cynical all of a sudden I find.
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I had that thought too, shame on us!
I think this is a very hard situation as you potentially risk alienating family, and it must be making you feel very guilty to say no.
I agree with the above poster who said stick to one reason, and in this case, I would keep saying ‘I’m so sorry, but I’m scared of getting kicked by the horse, and I’m not willing to risk getting hurt’. I wouldn’t use the ‘too busy with own horses’ excuse as sounds a bit lame (although completely valid in my opinion).
 
It is an emergency situation lasting up to 8 weeks until the owner is back up on her feet. Like it or not the owner is going to have to fork out to pay for extra services whilst they are incapacitated.

She can order the cream to be sent to the yard, no need to get people running around paying for stuff for her.

Presumably the horse is used to having cream on the legs all winter so hopefully it wouldn't be a major drama to continue. However, it is not just slapping the cream on is it, are the horse's legs hosed off the night before or will they need to be brushed off? It is going to be a two person job for safety until it is known how easy/difficult it is and that is what the owner needs to pay for/ask for help. It is not you grubbing about in the dark and struggling on your own. If you have time you could offer to hold the horse for the freelancer/YO.

I would probably offer help, especially in the early stages where people are getting into the new routine but it can't fall on your shoulders for 8 weeks. That's just not reasonable.

The family member who called you stupid and difficult needs to be put in their place.
 
If it were me I'd probably offer to go over a couple of times a week to check on the horse's legs, but say that time constraints means being completely unable to go any more often.

Regarding the cream, I'd tell her to order it and collect it from her house.

I'd make clear that I would absolutely not put myself in danger so if the horse is being difficult, it would not be getting cream on its legs. End of.
 
southerncomfort said:
If it were me I'd probably offer to go over a couple of times a week to check on the horse's legs, but say that time constraints means being completely unable to go any more often.
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I wouldn't go anywhere near this horse's legs. Yes if it was mine because I would take the time and train. There is no way I would endanger my health for someone else's horse unless perhaps it was in a life threatening situation which this one isn't. If the owner cared about her horse by previously training him and anyone else handling him there wouldn't be this situation.
 
Along with the owner ordering the cream if they need it in the short term I’d also suggest that they consider getting a good quality mineral balancer too as mud fever is often linked to zinc deficiency, treat the problem from within and there should be no need for anybody to dodge the kicks applying topical treatments.

If they’re using the cream as a preventative then just feed the balancer instead, YO should have no issue adding that to their bucket feed.
 
I tried to do "free full livery" for someone who had a sick mum. Let's just say that after a month of my trying to get the horse onto proper full livery, she literally came at me with a pick fork ? The yard owner saw her and kicked her off. My motto now....NEVER GET INVOLVED!
 
I'm a bit mystified by the whole thing, I had three months in a sort of soft splint and crutches, I was still able to drive a car, shop, etc etc. I think horse was out, 24/7 but I checked him every day.
I have not had a broken leg, but I don't think it means she can't do anything for eight weeks, obviously things take longer to do, and if the horse is aggressive she needs to do something about that rather than expecting others to look after it.
I, too am a bit cynical about slipping in the shower, how easy is it to break a leg, I have had a large number of falls, only one kept me off work, just because I could not drive.
 
Exploding Chestnuts said:
I'm a bit mystified by the whole thing, I had three months in a sort of soft splint and crutches, I was still able to drive a car, shop, etc etc. I think horse was out, 24/7 but I checked him every day.
I have not had a broken leg, but I don't think it means she can't do anything for eight weeks, obviously things take longer to do, and if the horse is aggressive she needs to do something about that rather than expecting others to look after it.
I, too am a bit cynical about slipping in the shower, how easy is it to break a leg, I have had a large number of falls, only one kept me off work, just because I could not drive.
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I couldn't drive for at least 6 weeks after my break 9 years ago and my yard is nearly 4 miles from home. Had crutches and airboot due to the swelling as they wouldn't plaster.
I was very reliant on my fabulous livery, family and friends to get my 2 sorted with basic needs and for occasional lifts to the yard.
 
I would 100% do it IF the horse was well behaved, but if that was the case it would probably not be necessary as the YO would have volunteered. In these circumstances I would not be willing to risk injury for the sake of the horse having cream on its legs. Just tell them that there is a risk of injury and that you are not doing it.
 
Exploding Chestnuts said:
I, too am a bit cynical about slipping in the shower, how easy is it to break a leg, I have had a large number of falls, only one kept me off work, just because I could not drive.
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It would be very easy to break something when slipping in the shower. A slip is nothing like a fall. A slip is a (seemingly) instant crash where you have no control over anything. That kind of crash upon a rock-hard surface will be bad news.

I never understood this slipping in the shower business until the day I trod on the hem of my long skirt while carrying plates to someone else's sink and crash landed so quickly I had no idea what had happened. (Skirt + kitchen floor = slippery surface)

I love the theory that the horse caused the broken leg, but I think it was probably the shower.
 
The Xmas Furry said:
I couldn't drive for at least 6 weeks after my break 9 years ago and my yard is nearly 4 miles from home. Had crutches and airboot due to the swelling as they wouldn't plaster.
I was very reliant on my fabulous livery, family and friends to get my 2 sorted with basic needs and for occasional lifts to the yard.
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I spent over 6 months with4 metal rings round/in my leg after breaking it in October 2020.I was advised not to go outside any more than absolutely necessary in cold weather because it would affect the metal. I don't really think that we can criticise the relative for not being able to do her own horse, she might not be allowed to weight-bear on the leg, who knows? What we can say is that she should ask the YO to deal with the horse, leg and all - and be prepared to pay for the service.
 
Exploding Chestnuts said:
I'm a bit mystified by the whole thing, I had three months in a sort of soft splint and crutches, I was still able to drive a car, shop, etc etc. I think horse was out, 24/7 but I checked him every day.
I have not had a broken leg, but I don't think it means she can't do anything for eight weeks, obviously things take longer to do, and if the horse is aggressive she needs to do something about that rather than expecting others to look after it.
I, too am a bit cynical about slipping in the shower, how easy is it to break a leg, I have had a large number of falls, only one kept me off work, just because I could not drive.
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I destroyed the tendons in my ankle and was heavily reliant on my husband to do everything, including my horse, for 18 months.
 
Pearlsacarolsinger said:
I spent over 6 months with4 metal rings round/in my leg after breaking it in October 2020.I was advised not to go outside any more than absolutely necessary in cold weather because it would affect the metal. I don't really think that we can criticise the relative for not being able to do her own horse, she might not be allowed to weight-bear on the leg, who knows? What we can say is that she should ask the YO to deal with the horse, leg and all - and be prepared to pay for the service.
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I agree.

When my older brother broke his ankle (well, it wasn't quite broken) I told him not to drive with it because I could just see him getting into a bigger mess than he was already in. He did try to, but soon gave that up. It was a huge bore really to have to go over there, take him to the supermarket (because he didn't trust me to find what he wanted) then take him home again, but the situation wasn't dangerous. (He didn't kick.) I wouldn't want to take on the care of a horse who I simply didn't feel safe around.
 
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