Family/friends wanting to ride my horse

[Wishfilly]

I think if your horse is not suitable, it's worth taking the time to explain this to non-horsey parents of the kids who do ride. It's worth it for their daughter's safety to explain not every horse is as sensible/calm as the ones she will be riding at this stage in the riding school, and asking for rides on random horses may lead to her getting hurt. If she is nice to groom, it would be nice to allow the child to do that if she wants to.

For those who don't ride at all, I'd also perhaps explain the risks and the work involved in getting the horse ready to ride, as well as explaining why it's not fair on the horse to be ridden by lots of inexperienced children.

I think it's worth explaining the risks involved, because most non-horsey people genuinely won't understand. If you would allow the kid to ride/do horse stuff on another occasion, why not ask the dad if he would arrange it on another day- but explain that he will need to help/be involved too!

But I think it's absolutely fine to say no, especially if there's so many people asking.

 

[Ossy2]

While it would probably annoy me too and your horse is not there for their entertainment, do none of you remember being that pony mad kid that would do anything to spend some time with horses? I didn’t have my own pony when I was a kid so I was probably one of those annoying kids. My relatives did have animals though, My auntie had shetlands, non ridden so no issue with riding them, but I’d love going to her house as it meant I could go sit with the ponies instead of siting with the adults. Equally my grandparents had a farm and I could go see the chickens and cows ect.
While I think it’s extremely rude of the kids parent to message you that, I don’t think I’d begrudge a pony mad kid a bit of horse time at a family BBQ.
But it would definitely be a no to riding.

 

[sunnyone]

I'd say to the parents " if you're still here at 6 or 7p.m. when I intend to do the horse we can all go and pick out, feed etc. but I'm not going down there in even half decent clothing. Make sure you bring the child's hat and boots" Most won't and so exclude themselves.
I have always hated refusing a kid a stroke/groom or a ride on the leading rein. It's good experience for the horse and it educates the child into understanding that a horse is not a toy or a machine.
I schooled horses around housing estates for years as an introduction to traffic and sundry noises etc. I feel that I want the kids who live there to grow up smiling at horses and their riders, not lobbing stones at them because those they had only ever seen them from a distance.

 

[MissTyc]

I have to admit, I am softer. I let the kids fill the water buckets, poo pick (I teach them to do it to my standards), groom a safe pony if there is one available. And I don't mind pre-arranging a visit for a little ride, but I am very honest and direct and why my horses are not suitable for children or novices. I explain to them how to get access to other ponies if it's something they want to do.

I love sharing my passion with family members and others and I love contributing to the next generation's good horsemanship. On my yard I am like the pied piper and yet nobody would ever touch ponies without my permission and they know and understand that on the very rare occasion they are allowed a little ride then they should thank their lucky stars. It all pays forward - group of kids have just repainted my stables for me as a birthday surprise and lovely job they did too! I assume closely supervised by parents ... or maybe not. Often, these kids are much more sensible than their parents.

 

[ihatework]

Just say she isn’t a suitable horse for a novice child and that you can’t risk child’s safety.

 

[Sossigpoker]

I'd let a kid come and help me groom and do chores but I wouldn't let anyone ride. You could be blunt and say that you've invested a lot into the horse's education and don't want it ruined or you could say that as your horse isn't used to novice riders it wouldn't be safe and you're not prepared to take that risk.

 

[Melody Grey]

Use the word “no” regularly and with conviction. You don’t need an explanation as to why not, a reason or an excuse. It’s just ”no” and then be silent.

Get practiced at being comfortable with awkward silence.

....and the first to speak following the silence usually loses, so stand firm!!

not unreasonable at all OP- I don’t tolerate requests for rides, I’m not a riding school/ crèche!

 

[canteron]

I always say that for every hour of riding there is at least 6 hours of graft - so if they do 6 hours of poo picking you will think about it!

Say it with a jokey smile but in a way that they know you mean it.

and if they persist ask the dad if he would do some fencing maintenance while their child rides and a contribution towards the costs!

 

[AShetlandBitMeOnce]

I hacked up to the pub for a pint with a friend on the Downs and I had only just got off and a young man came up to me and offered me £50 to have a ride.. on my 18hh+ Warmblood who was at that time passaging in hand as we had just had a blast across the field leading up to it.. I applaud his bravery I suppose!

I was tempted to say yeah sure.. I'll give you your £50 back if you come back in one piece He said he was from Dubai, so I'm not sure if it's more acceptable out there, I have never been.

 

[Winters100]

I have no problems allowing others to ride my horses, BUT they have to have sufficient skills, be suitable weight, and it has to be at a convenient time to me.

In my experience honesty is the best policy, and I have no problem saying

Sorry, I want to ride them on that day
Sorry, they can take maximum x kg
Sorry, you / your child needs more lessons before to be safe

I am not mean about my horses, and often let others have a ride, but they are not toys, and as owners it is our decision.

 

[J&S]

I think it all depends on who is asking, the situation at the time, and of course, the horse or pony available.
I think the "ride" needs to be properly planned, not an impromptu "sit". I have taken some really unlikely candidates out in the past quite successfully.
Personally I don't think a family BBq is a suitable situation and would say "No"........... offer 6.30 am the next day!!!

 

[Esmae]

I always say no. I don't explain. It's just no.

 

[Lucky Snowball]

A friend's daughter rode one of my ponies a few times while she was on holiday about 30 years ago. She recently rocked up and suggested we ride together again sometime. No problem except she's about four times as big and quietest horse is not up to that much weight. Reading replies above - I'll refuse due to insurance and no hat.

 

[Lois Lame]

It's so cheeky! I'll never forget the time I'd got off my horse in the middle of Avebury (lots of tourists) and a guy asked me if he could put his little kid on the saddle and take a photograph. I said no, but he persisted and wanted to know why not!
I think non horse people view them as a sort of fairground ride- they only "see" the riding/having a ride, they don't understand that for every hour of riding there are hours of hard work, there are years of training, financial investment, emotional investment. It just doesn't occur to them.

I think they don't see the danger. They assume that the horsie is quiet and well-behaved and wouldn't put a foot wrong. Then, horror of horrors, if their child fell off they would be up in arms.

 

[Lois Lame]

I just say that they are nutters to ride soon stops anyone asking ?

I think I will use this if/when I get another steed. (I certainly hope it won't be true)

 

[Lois Lame]

I hacked up to the pub for a pint with a friend on the Downs and I had only just got off and a young man came up to me and offered me £50 to have a ride.. on my 18hh+ Warmblood who was at that time passaging in hand as we had just had a blast across the field leading up to it.. I applaud his bravery I suppose!

I was tempted to say yeah sure.. I'll give you your £50 back if you come back in one piece He said he was from Dubai, so I'm not sure if it's more acceptable out there, I have never been.

I wouldn't have touched one like that with a barge pole. I think I'd find it very easy to decline.

 

[Lady Jane]

My saddler told me a story this week. He and his wife were looking after a friends 6yr child for the day and were at a friends yard who offered ride on 32yr old Smokey. It was going great until a pheasent flew up, Smokey spooked,child fell of and broke arm in 3 places which required surgery. So to me its just a big fat no!

 

[SatansLittleHelper]

My standard reply to people asking if their kids can ride my horses ( or Shitland!!) is usually " Why..??? Do you not like them..?!"

 

[Melody Grey]

? literally no one, including OH and friends who are riders, has ever asked to ride Monty. Lucky me! I do get asked about OH’s cob and my sons pony though.....where the answer is still no!

 

[Rosa666]

I said she could help me groom and poo pick but not ride as my horse isn’t a novice/child’s pony and they were fine. I also waited till they were talking of leaving to offer to do the horses so better for me time wise. And it was fine she was happy with grooming Didn’t do the poo picking though ! ? horse enjoyed the groom too and saved me a job. So I think if ppl ask in future I can say yes to grooming def no to riding!! Then that doesn’t make me look like an evil witch lol xx
Thanks everyone for replies, enjoyed reading them! Xx

 

[MiJodsR2BlinkinTite]

The sad thing is that years ago this is what happened and this is how a lot of us learnt to ride; there'd be someone in the village or our parents knew who we'd rock-up to on a Saturday morning and in exchange for a bit of mucking out, tack cleaning or whatever, we'd get the chance to actually sit on a pony! To be able to simply breathe the air that a pony had just exhaled was sheer bliss and was enough to sustain you through a vile week at school.........

Sadly now, these days this can no longer happen. All it needs is someone's kid to fall off and bang their head and you'll find yourself sh@t on from a great height with a compensation claim. It happens unfortunately.

From what you are describing OP it looks like you are being "told" that you MUST let the offspring of all your family members and friends, ride?? It isn't asking, nicely, and with due respect, it feels like they are frankly taking the P!ss here. It isn't a case of this being regarded as a privilege, I get the feeling they are all thinking it is their god-given right??

I think you are simply going to have to start Growing Some and say "no" - if you want a reason say its because of insurance. But you actually shouldn't need a reason............. and don't let them say Ohh I'll sign an indemnity form to say its at our own risk; because that simply will not protect you. Period. Let them take the kids to the local riding school and learn there where there is insurance cover in place in case something happens.

Difficult one especially with family.

 

[Wishfilly]

I do think it's really difficult, because when I was a kid I did benefit from being able to ride friends' ponies etc. But they always offered, I never asked, which I think is the difference. And ultimately, when I was a little bit older and more serious about learning, my parents did take me to a riding school until I was old enough to have shares/loans etc.

I think the "learning to canter" stage is actually a really tricky stage where a lot of falls happen, even in riding schools on safe ponies, let alone on a horse that isn't really a novice ride. In many ways, it's easier to put someone on who's never/rarely ridden and just lead them around the school a little bit (assuming you have a horse that will take its lead from you and is reasonably sensible). Definitely anyone who's riding needs their own insurance.

I think if the horse got a groom and the child enjoyed doing that, then that's a win for everyone!

 

[Wizpop]

Whilst I can see both sides, my gut reaction is “no” ( he/ she is not a bike!) and, whilst the odd person asking might be ok, if irs going to open up floodgates then all the more reason.
Filling hay nets, grooming, etc is one thing but there’s a whole lot of health and safety issues to consider if there’s a constant stream of people asking.

I don’t 5hink I’m unreasonable; I do remember what it was like to be pony-less as a child.I took my grandchildren for a sit on a “safe” horse that I owned once or twice, but wouldn’t want lots of others turning up. I also took them for rides/ lessons at a local riding school so that they got the idea what horses were all about.

These days they don’t ask- the girls think horse poo is so gross that they can’t go within 10 feet of it ,and grandson would rather just go everywhere fast on his bike!!

 

[Goldenstar]

Just say no you are not doing it .
Be firm and don’t give explanation.
Learning to say no is an excellent life skill this is an opportunity not to be missed to practice.

 

[Mrs. Jingle]

To be honest I would not even allow them to groom or do anything with any horse of mine these days. Imagine dear old Dobbin, getting a scratchy brush inadvertently scraped across his tender bits - even dear old Dobbin might be forgiven for delivering a well aimed cow kick to a vulnerable little face or head.

Just see how fast a much loved relative or friend rushes off to their lawyer suing you for negligence for allowing the child around your horse, because it will of course be all your fault. Nope - definitely would be saying a very firm no, no matter who it was.

 

[Sprogladite01]

I always tell people it's a no but they can go and give them some treats if they don't mind being slobbered on - mine are fairly free range at home so when they see the sweets they come galloping in - can be quite alarming if you aren't used to it lol. Last time, we had visitors who wanted to see the horses so off we went with the baileys bucket. My connie promptly mugged the lady (friend of my parents) and then proceeded to munch on her very floral looking dress. My little welshie came snorting in like a tiny arab and proceeded to circle us all like a shark. I let that go on for a few mins before I firmly told the devil duo enough was enough and to scram, at which point they proceeded to hoon back to the field at full speed. I don't think any thoughts of riding were left at that point!

Edit to add: always good to remember that 'No' is a complete sentence!

 

[Red-1]

Imagine how I feel, with a Rigsby who is able and willing to give pony rides.. only I have no kids or family/friends with kids (all grown up now, I am a grandma age LOL). So, I offer rides to colleagues with kids, but they are busy with other stuff and aren't really bothered.

At least Rigs enjoyed his visit to the local care home for a pat visit, felt very important.

I am insured for OAP visits and kids having a non commercial ride.

 

[Chuffy99]

I had a cousin who had ponies when I was young and pony mad, I offered to muck out and clean tack but was never invited over
Many years later as a successful groom at a good yard making extra cash buying and making cracking kids ponies, she had an expensive pony they couldn’t cope with and I was asked to go over and ride/school it for her, no payment mentioned
I’m normally a giver but took great pleasure in quoting a ridiculous price for reschooling, then bought it, sorted it and made lots of money
Just out of interest has anyone on here been sued for a novice taking a fall of their pony after being allowed a free ride

 

[Christmascinnamoncookie]

A friend's daughter rode one of my ponies a few times while she was on holiday about 30 years ago. She recently rocked up and suggested we ride together again sometime. No problem except she's about four times as big and quietest horse is not up to that much weight. Reading replies above - I'll refuse due to insurance and no hat.

I’m afraid I’d be brutal and say the horse is just too little to take her, no need to be offensive about it, but I find you need to put an absolute stop to it if you don’t want to allow it. I never let anyone ride mine, he completely freaked at small kids one day, so easy to say no.

When I was persuaded to move to a very BHS yard full of extremely expensive KWPNs, a young woman came one day in the summer holiday, dragging-I assume-her small charge with her and asked if the boy could have a ‘pony ride’. She was very persistent and astonished to be told no, even tho it wasn’t an RS.

 

[AShetlandBitMeOnce]

I had a cousin who had ponies when I was young and pony mad, I offered to muck out and clean tack but was never invited over
Many years later as a successful groom at a good yard making extra cash buying and making cracking kids ponies, she had an expensive pony they couldn’t cope with and I was asked to go over and ride/school it for her, no payment mentioned
I’m normally a giver but took great pleasure in quoting a ridiculous price for reschooling, then bought it, sorted it and made lots of money
Just out of interest has anyone on here been sued for a novice taking a fall of their pony after being allowed a free ride

Yes, someone had their daughters friend or a neice or something ride their TB and they were ejected and paralysed. They successfully sued.