Feel embarassed & defeated

[Quigleyandme]

Whilst reading your post I was thinking exactly what Flicker wrote. I think I read that you don’t actually need to bang your head to be concussed - a good shake up will do it too. I’ve felt tearful, fearful and low riding my horses after completely non-riding related minor surgeries and injuries. Please just give yourself an opportunity to heal. I watch favourite films and TV shows like Flambards on DVD when I’ve lost my enthusiasm and that works for me. I hope the riding school asked you to fill out an incident report? I came off a very well schooled and mannerly riding school horse when she tripped and fell on her knees in collected canter in the school. I was not the least bit hurt but completely disoriented and was sitting on my bottom clutching her front leg asking the instructor what happened? The instructor explained and automatically my next question was was it my fault? I had to complete a very thorough accident report before I could go home.

 

[daydreamer]

I'm another saying don't give up and take it easy on yourself.

Don't write off a share - I have done a fair few shares over the years and I don't like hacking that much so I would often just school or lunge them or even do in hand pole work. The owners I rode with were happy enough that their horses were getting extra exercise and they got some time off. Once you feel safe riding the horse in the school you could then build up to going for short hacks if you wanted to. Also thinking back I hardly ever took my share horses hacking alone (I started as a riding school rider from a youngish age but didn't have my first share horse until I was in my mid twenties so I'm much more confident in the school than hacking). If you find a share on a big yard you make lots of friends and there is usually someone who will hack out with you. Also coming from a riding school background I have realised I am much happier being on a large yard than on a small yard. Plus if one share ends and you have a good reputation you usually get offered another share.

I think people forget how difficult hacking is and that you really need to trust your horse (and ideally the horse should trust you too).

With regards to making horsey friends I would see if you can get into volunteering somehow. Do you have a local riding club who would like help dressage writing or jump judging or stewarding etc? If you can get into something like that regularly you will make friends. If you aren't on your local Facebook horsey groups I would advise joining those so you can see people asking for help etc.

 

[HashRouge]

As other have said - you have absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about!

Last time I fell off was because I snuck into a farmer's field on my share horse for a canter, and he spooked badly when a pheasant flew up next to us. Unfortunately, he then charged off back onto the bridleway, and galloped straight down it and onto the road. I had to ring his owner to say that he was loose and headed towards the road while I was sprinting down the bridleway after him. Now that was mortifying! Luckily he was fine, but I can tell you now I've never snuck into a farmer's field since (it was two years ago). I was 29 at the time!

What I think you should do is book yourself a lesson as soon as you feel physically recovered. Take a friend for moral support, even if they're not horsey! Get yourself back in the saddle as soon as possible and be very kind to yourself - if you just want to walk, then that is absolutely fine! You should tell your instructor that you want to aim towards hacking out again. Have it as a proper target, something that you discuss with your instructor and get their advice when they think you are ready. When you do get to the stage of booking a hack, ask for a quiet horse. Don't be embarrassed to ask for the riding school's famous plod!

Ultimately, riding is supposed to be fun, so don't worry if you haven't made as much progress as you think you should have done. So long as you are enjoying yourself, that is the main thing.

On sharing - it really is a wonderful thing to do and you should not rule it out because you don't think you are good enough/ confident enough. You can always put an advert up at the local farm shop or on a local facebook page detailing your experience and just see if anything comes up.

 

[LadyGascoyne]

If I were you, I would be looking at sharing a nice, smaller horse and taking some lessons privately or even loaning to stay on full livery in a yard with a supportive environment.

A lot of people looking for sharers would be happy to have someone school and not hack terribly often but I also think that once you start to get to know a horse properly, you might find hacking a different experience.

I think sharing/loaning would give you the best chance of progressing your riding.

I also think that it doesn’t sound like your riding school is listening to the signals. Only from what I have read in your OP, I would be thinking:

Why are you on a horse which is a bit of a plod in the school? That’s not going to be helping you to progress.

Why did the group trot if your horse was jogging and tense? That’s not terribly helpful.

Why have you been in riding schools for this long, and not gained more confidence? To me that feels like the RS is doing quite well out of keeping you at a certain level of independence, or they do not have the capability to help riders take the next step.

 

[Parrotperson]

Sorry - long long post.

So, I feel embarrassed and disappointed in myself. At 29 years of age I feel like I'm still in the same place I was - plus now more scared - than I was as a teenager.

I dont have my own horse. I ride at a well known riding school. I had a scary fall out on a large group hack around 2 weeks ago now and ended up in hospital as a precaution as he was 17.2hh and the fall was at speed. Fortunately I didn't break anything but hurt my hip/leg and lost some of my memory temporarily afterwards - had no idea what day it was or where I was and very confused.

The whole time the horse I was riding was jogging, desperate to be in front. I ride him frequently in the school and he's actually a bit of a plod in there, but found out he's also a hunter. I was nervous, and not used to this on a hack - I've always had someone in front and there were a lot of people with us.

Everyone kept telling me the worst he would do it trot / jog, but I knew he wanted to go. I should have been more vocal. So yes, we got to an open field and they wanted to trot. Of course, I lost control. No brakes, heading for a fence, I managed to turn to try and stop but I was already so exhausted from holding him back (plus nerves) I ran out of energy and fell.

So, naturally, I'm now scared of open spaces and hacking. But mostly, I'm ashamed, upset and embarrassed. If I can't hack / enjoy hacking - what's the point? I've always found the thought of hacking alone to be scary, which is why I've never managed to transition to sharing. Ive been on plenty of amazing and fast hacks before, but I've always had someone experienced with me. I'm more than capable of all other aspects of sharing, but most sharers want hacking - which I understand.

The whole point of me even doing this hack was to join a club to make horsey friends, and that backfired massively, as I'm now to ashamed and embarrassed to show my face. I feel fine about going back in the school, but I just feel sad and defeated.

Literally what do I do next? Do I give up? I've been in riding schools forever. It's so hard to make horsey friends when you're older, I'm so sad I never did pony club or have horsey parents. I often wonder if things would have been different if I'd got into riding when I was really young

If you made it this far thanks ??

Well embarrassing ways to fall off. I fell off once at halt. Got on adjusting stirrups horse bucked (I mean WHY?!) and off I came!

Also fell off once at a good fast canter after nag hit a cow pat and guess where I landed?

Don't feel embarrassed. Get back on Ask to ride something else. Good luck!

 

[Tarragon]

Nothing really to add to the long list of lovely supportive answers on here already (though I still have a memory of walking home along the road, after falling off and the pony took herself off home without me, with a stirrup in one hand and my whip in the other and muddy jodhpurs!!)
I am another one who think that perhaps a loan of a safe sane pony, that you can get to know well, and a supportive yard and trainer, is the way forward.

 

[Annagain]

There are many many threads on her about embarrassing falls. Do a search and have a read of them. If they don't make you feel better about your fall, they will at least give you a laugh.

Mine was my first pony broncing me off on our local 'common' (open playing fields) while a rugby match with about 100 spectators was going on. He then ran on to the pitch, stuck his head down and starting eating. I've also broken a toe getting on to my old boy. He always walked off as I got on so I got used to jumping forwards. This time he went backwards and I threw myself straight over his neck and off the other side, hitting my foot on a breeze block wall. That one was only less embarrassing due to an audience of one rather than 100!

We've all been there, we'll all be there again. It's unfortunately part and parcel of horses. Nobody will be judging you at all.

When you're ready, a quiet hack with one other person on a very reliable horse would be the way I'd go to getting back to it.

Also, longer term, have you thought about looking for a share horse rather than keeping going at the riding school? It might help you to build a relationship with one horse and you'd have people at the yard you see more regularly than riding school clients so could maybe make friends more easily. Volunteering at your local riding club is another brilliant way to make horsey friends - they always want help and once you get to know people you may well get offered share horses as word of mouth always works best.

 

[Baywonder]

Please don't be embarrassed - I think almost everyone on this forum has hit the deck more times than they care to remember!

I had a very similar fall to you quite a while ago. I was out with a friend on a fairly new horse of mine, and a sedate canter in an open field turned into a full on bolt. I came off and lost consciousness for a little while, but thankfully nothing broken. My confidence took a nosedive, but I did regain it gradually by riding my old pony.

Just take things steady, and go at a pace you are happy with.

 

[Landcruiser]

The link below might be useful OP. Julia is great, I know her through TREC. You could have a chat with her, but she specialises in people that have lost confidence for one reason or another.
Just to add, I'm a pretty confident experienced rider of my own horse - but he's 14.3 and I know I have brakes. Stick me on a strong 17+ hander in an open field and I would cack my pants.

https://www.yourhorseisyourmirror.com/

 

[Birker2020]

I've fallen off my last spooky horse a number of times, she was very spooky to certain fillers and would sometimes drop her shoulder at the last minute and stop. I don't think I helped the situation as I'd walk the course and decide I didn't like a particular jump and that would be the one I'd fall off at! I also used to just go floppy if I felt myself fall, I think a lot of people would have made the effort to stay in the saddle but I just used to get this weird feeling where I would totally relax and go floppy and almost just want the fall to be over with. I think this is why I have never broken anything, like jockeys - they also relax and curl up into a ball when they fall.

I had about five concussions and at least four trips in ambulances when I used to compete every weekend. But I never used to have anyone laugh at me, usually people are concerned when you come off at speed and mine was a big horse, 17hh so it used to hurt and I was lucky I never broke anything.

I also got catapulted out of the saddle once when she suddenly stopped at a fence for a shaft of sunlight on the ground! I ended up sommersaulting in the air and landing on my back and was very lucky to escape serious injury.

I came off at a fun ride once when my horse who had been jumping 3ft jumps suddenly found great offence at an 2ft straw bale lying on its side! So accidents happen and the more you ride and the more you compete the more they happen.

But don't ever feel ashamed, its a sport where serious injury can and does happen but for the most part we are lucky enough just get up and pat ourselves down and start again.

 

[brighteyes]

Falling off one's own horse is a completely different kettle of fish to falling off one you barely know and don't trust. The former sharpens the mind and is easy to analyse for future reference - well, that was no less than I deserved, sometimes! An unscheduled dismount of any sort in a situation like you describe is very hard to see from any other POV than terror. Believe me, your fellow riders will have been equally appalled and scared too. I reserve judgement about the ride leader.

Find a plod, do no more than you feel like doing and under good and invested supervision. Give yourself time and I promise nobody worth a moment's consideration will have thought it funny.

Good luck and let us know how you get on. Nice to see real offers of help, too. Sadly mine are all nutters.

 

[coblets]

Think I can speak for most of us here when I say the only thing I ever think, when I see someone fall, regardless of their ability, is: ‘are they okay’ and ‘glad that’s not me’. No one will be judging you.

 

[SatansLittleHelper]

Awww I really feel for you. Confidence is a fragile thing and that's a big ass horse to fall off, I'm not surprised it's knocked you. I highly recommend the book by Karl Greenwood "Control your Stress and enjoy your horse"...alot of thought provoking advice.
I once fell off at a standstill...too busy chatting shit and not paying attention, Horse decided to have a nice tug on the reins to have a snack and I slid over the handlebars ??????

 

[Birker2020]

Think I can speak for most of us here when I say the only thing I ever think, when I see someone fall, regardless of their ability, is: ‘are they okay’ and ‘glad that’s not me’. No one will be judging you.

I was on a fun ride once and the air ambulance flew really low over our heads (the horses weren't startled) and landed in the next field - some one had come off and was hurt.
Some poor girl/lady had fallen off her horse jumping some logs and as we rode past we all glanced over at the helicopter and I saw they were working on her so I turned away but I had tears in my eyes wondering if she was okay as I knew what it was like to fall off and hurt yourself.

A good few months later 'The Real A&E' was on telly and to my total surprise they showed a snippet of what was coming up in the programme and it was a snipped of a fun ride in Warwickshire. I recognised the row of jumps immediately and shouted to my partner and we sat and watched it. And there was a group of riders being filmed by a cameraman from the crew in the helicopter. They showed a line of horse and riders and then panned on me, and there's me with my head turned gawping at the rider sprawled on the ground. Luckily she was alright, no serious injuries but I can always remember that feeling of sadness seeing her on the ground.

 

[Shilasdair]

I am going to go against the tide here.
Everyone is saying 'The horse was naughty, you shouldn't have been put in that position, it was outside your control'. But if you feel it is outside your control, you won't feel that you are able to stop it in future - this is a scary prospect.

I think it was your actions that made you fall off - and that you need to accept that, and create a plan for yourself to get back into riding - and to deal with it.

If I were you, I'd start with lessons indoors, on a horse you trust.
Then you need to ride the 17.2 indoors again.
Then you need to book a hack with one instructor on a 'safe' horse, and find out ways of controlling a sharp/forwards horse - because you are always going to encounter them.

• Was your equipment good enough (hat, back protector, gloves whatever)?
• Were your stirrups short enough to allow you to take half seat to give you more stability (and do you know how to ride in half seat?)
• What should you do with a jogging horse to make it walk? (Half halts, circles, halts, leg yield).
• Do you know how to 'bridge' your reins?
• If you were in a field, could you have circled?

Finally, when you feel you have a plan, you may be ready to ride the 17.2 out on a hack again. Or you may not. But you'll have used the experience positively, and will have learned vital skills for anything untoward in future.

 

[Shilasdair]

Oh - and you might want to join a FB group called 'S**teventersunite' so you will realise we all fall off constantly.
But - horsey people will only laugh with you when they know you are safe afterwards, not at you.

 

[Cavalier]

I know exactly how you feel. I ride at a riding school and have a lesson and hack each week. A couple of years ago we were out on a hack, had a gallop up a field and as we slowed to a canter the horse fell over and landed on top of me. I can’t remember what happened and, although I was talking and got up ok, I can’t remember anything until we were nearly back at the stables and I realised I was on a different horse. I was lucky and was only bruised but my confidence hit rock bottom. I basically got my instructor to take me back to the start again with lunge lessons, loads of no stirrup work to improve my seat and, although I did ride Daphne again for a couple of hacks, I swapped to a different horse. It’s taken a while but I can finally ride through mud without thinking I’m going to die. Don’t be embarrassed and just take it at your own speed. The great thing about riding schools is that you can ride a different horse

 

[Skib]

Riding is not compulsory. If it frightens you, stop riding until you really want to again. It is neither defeat nor disgrace. It is common sense. But accept that falling is normal.

If you are an older beginner you should have a check for weakness in your bones or any existing condition that might increase the risk of riding.

My mother told me when I was a little girl that one always fell off horses when learning to ride. You get straight back on. So though I re-started riding lessons aged over 60, I bought a bp and didnt worry too much about falling off.
With a good school and a good teacher one should not fall often. OH and grand daughter have both fallen only once each. But some pursuits are riskier than other. I like to hack and if one horse spooks or races another, the rest are likely to join in.

 

[horsesense]

Riding school is definitely at fault; they are taking money off you in exchange for providing you with a suitable mount and a safe ride out. They should know their horses' temperaments, and just because the horse suited you for schoolwork doesn't mean that it's a suitable hack for you. They should be allocating you a hacking horse based on your experience and ability; it is the riding school proprietor who should feel embarrassed, not you.

 

[Shilasdair]

Riding school is definitely at fault; they are taking money off you in exchange for providing you with a suitable mount and a safe ride out. They should know their horses' temperaments, and just because the horse suited you for schoolwork doesn't mean that it's a suitable hack for you. They should be allocating you a hacking horse based on your experience and ability; it is the riding school proprietor who should feel embarrassed, not you.

No riding school worth its salt will guarantee you won't fall off. Just because someone does fall off, doesn't necessarily mean that someone else is at fault.

 

[Bubblewrap]

Bless you. Falling off is horrid. Ive been riding for over 50 years and still fall off, it hurts a lot more these days!
I went for a, newly joined/didn't know anyone, riding club lesson on my TB and I got on him and he threw me straight back off, he was on high alert due to somewhere different! The people in the class and watching were very supportive and are now friends, they often remember that lesson - we have all been there.
I think maybe you just need to way up your options going forward. Why don't you find a local pony/riding club, or event centre and volunteer?
A lot of my older friends seem to have gather a few horses, usually semi retired now, along their horse ownership journeys and are alway looking for someone to help and to gently exercise them.
Good luck what ever you decide!

 

[Not_so_brave_anymore]

I'm the sort of person who's either totally fine, or not at all. My worst was one time at a well respected trekking centre, we hadn't even got to the end of the yard, horse literally just stuck it's head up twice to look at a couple of other horses pratting about in the field next door, and I hopped straight off and said thanks very much but I'd changed my mind. They must have thought I was a right wally- I had just (truthfully) told them 4 minutes earlier that I was an experienced rider who had owned a horse for several years ?‍

 

[Pipps]

I don't really have much to add in terms of the fall as everyone has well covered it already but I hope you're feeling better about it all soon. I do know what you mean about trying to make horsey friends as an adult though, I'm just getting back into it at 28 and I often feel like I'm the only adult at the riding school, so always happy to talk and to meet others locally, I'm East Yorkshire if you're this way on ?

 

[Chianti]

I doubt there's anyone who rides who hasn't fallen off. I've ended up on my bum getting off a 13 hand pony that stands like a rock as I dismount. Perhaps have a couple of quiet lessons in a school to get your confidence back before you hack out again. When I was horseless I used to go to a riding school to hack. I only went on private hacks with a member of staff. I've always hated group hacks which can end up like a cavalry charge. If it's just you then you can say what you want and don't want to do so you don't have to go out of walk until you feel confident again.

 

[Winters100]

Oh poor you, a dent to your confidence is horrid, and can make you feel really low.

Firstly you have nothing to be embarrassed about. With riding we are all just somewhere on a scale between total beginner and genius pro - it really does not matter where you are, so you do not need to be embarrassed about your skills. Everyone there will have ridden out with people who are better riders than them and who are worse riders, and to be honest they were probably thinking how brave you were to try it on an excited 17.2.

Regarding being more scared than you were as a teenager - I am sorry to tell you that this is normal and is unlikely to change. As teens we feel invincible, and have no imagination about what might happen. I think if you asked the vast majority of riders they would say that they became more cautious later in life than they were as youngsters. I certainly did, in my teens I would get on anything, and was often asked to sit on horses and ponies who were playing up. Now I like my safe and sensible horses and have absolutely no desire to get on anything remotely silly.

Losing confidence after a fall happens. It can be difficult to rebuild, but it can be done. In your shoes I would be looking for a lovely schoolmaster/mistress and start doing what I enjoy. If that is only walking for a while then fine. I lost my confidence hugely after a serious accident and it took me a long time to rebuild it. Actually I should really say that it took my schoolmistress a long time to to rebuild it, because it was all down to her. I remember getting her home and feeling so tense and scared just cantering slowly in the arena, but she carried me every day, never spooking or being silly, just showing me that I could do it. Now I am back to where I was before the accident, definitely not fearless, but confident on sensible horses and able to do what I enjoy.

My advice would be don't push yourself. I have come to an age where I honestly do not care if I improve or not. Riding is just a hobby, so do what you enjoy, and if that means riding a nice safe steady horse forever then that is just fine - you will have just as much fun.

In terms of making friends it will come. If you have time then I would look for people locally who need help, maybe go and watch at a local riding club and see who you get talking to, everyone sometimes needs an extra pair of hands and just offering to hold a horse for a couple of minutes can be hugely helpful.

Chin up and good luck with everything. Remember this is a 'diversion' sign, not a 'road closed' sign. Give it some time and I am sure that you will be back having fun sooner than you know it.

 

[honetpot]

When i was sixteen I worked with hunter liveries and used to ride a 17.2 fit hunter five days a week, usually there would be three of us in the group. One day my work colleague was off sick so they sent me off on my own, I lasted about twenty minutes in walk, one buck and I was off.
You have actually cracked what a lot of people take ages to learn, you assess what you are riding and act according every time you ride, you knew the horse wasn't settled and if you had a choice you would have avoided the situation. Give yourself a pat on the back.

 

[Mrs. Jingle]

So much good advice here and I agree with most of it. Give yourself all the time you need. I do question that the yard would have known this horse was a whole different ride out on a busy hack, and they should have known your limitations due to the very fact they have been teaching you to ride!

As Shilasdair said, no riding school can guarantee you won't fall, but they should know their clients and their horses well enough to at least do their best to minimise the risk. From your post I do not think they fulfilled their side of the deal on this occasion. I would be researching a new riding school to be honest.

I am sure nobody would have been laughing at you - more likely thanking their lucky stars it wasn't them! We all fall at some point, I am an old rider now and I am always in awe of pictures and videos from young bloods doing brave and daring stuff on their horses, my nerve left me years ago.

Pride always comes before a fall.....oh boy is that true, I did on one occasion in recent years decide I would go for a good gallop on my favourite track and video as we flew along and I was determined to post it on my FB page. On the humiliation, but I did share it as I could see the funny side.........half way along my stupid mare did a sideways leap at a mouse farting in the grass and the following picture is my last attempt to ever show off my riding and camera work again! the old brick of a camera survived and so did the old rider, pride was badly damaged though! ??You will be just grand and look back on your first serious fall and also have a bit of a chuckle when you have a few more miles under your belt.

 

[cindars]

Fell of whilst horse was at standstill. Then fell off at gate into cow slurry and had a long ride home.

 

[Miss_Millie]

If I were you, I would be looking at sharing a nice, smaller horse and taking some lessons privately or even loaning to stay on full livery in a yard with a supportive environment.

A lot of people looking for sharers would be happy to have someone school and not hack terribly often but I also think that once you start to get to know a horse properly, you might find hacking a different experience.

I think sharing/loaning would give you the best chance of progressing your riding.

I also think that it doesn’t sound like your riding school is listening to the signals. Only from what I have read in your OP, I would be thinking:

Why are you on a horse which is a bit of a plod in the school? That’s not going to be helping you to progress.

Why did the group trot if your horse was jogging and tense? That’s not terribly helpful.

Why have you been in riding schools for this long, and not gained more confidence? To me that feels like the RS is doing quite well out of keeping you at a certain level of independence, or they do not have the capability to help riders take the next step.

I want to weigh in on this, as I personally stopped going to my local RS this year - After many months of weekly lessons I felt that they didn't care at all about my progression at all and every week something would be wrong due to poor management. It really took the joy out of riding for me, so I stopped going. It was interesting to see that a lot of people have left reviews with similar issues to what I was experiencing, so I wasn't alone. I was even told off by my instructor for riding a horse that was 'above my skill level' - we don't get to pick the horses we ride so I don't see how that was my fault!

OP, I also come from a non-horsey family. I understand that this lack of background/support can make the equestrian world seem even more daunting. I'm always second-guessing if I'm 'good enough' and what people will think about me. But if you really love being around horses and they make you happy then just try to remember that this is the most important thing. I'm sure that you'll be able to find a share that works for you. I had my first share a couple of years ago and she was a bomb-proof happy hacker. She was so good for my confidence - you just need to find the right horse for you.

Good luck, and I hope you feel better soon

 

[Jazz2304]

I am going to go against the tide here.
Everyone is saying 'The horse was naughty, you shouldn't have been put in that position, it was outside your control'. But if you feel it is outside your control, you won't feel that you are able to stop it in future - this is a scary prospect.

I think it was your actions that made you fall off - and that you need to accept that, and create a plan for yourself to get back into riding - and to deal with it.

If I were you, I'd start with lessons indoors, on a horse you trust.
Then you need to ride the 17.2 indoors again.
Then you need to book a hack with one instructor on a 'safe' horse, and find out ways of controlling a sharp/forwards horse - because you are always going to encounter them.

• Was your equipment good enough (hat, back protector, gloves whatever)?
• Were your stirrups short enough to allow you to take half seat to give you more stability (and do you know how to ride in half seat?)
• What should you do with a jogging horse to make it walk? (Half halts, circles, halts, leg yield).
• Do you know how to 'bridge' your reins?
• If you were in a field, could you have circled?

Finally, when you feel you have a plan, you may be ready to ride the 17.2 out on a hack again. Or you may not. But you'll have used the experience positively, and will have learned vital skills for anything untoward in future.

I do agree with you yes, in that I'm sure many others would have had the skills etc and experience to have handled the situation better. I think I said somewhere in this thread that I would be more vocal in future if I felt like I wasn't in control / comfortable in the situation. It was definitely a learning curve, I think mostly it was just fear - this was the first time it had happened to me and I panicked. I do know how to ride in half seat and did turn in a circle but panic took over. Those questions are actually super helpful thank you x