Feeling anxious and uneasy......is it me or is this all a bit odd?

Perfect_Pirouette said:
Okay so throwing this thread off on another tangent here because quite frankly I need some help.

IF your horse had been on 6 different yards in the past year (a few of them being to previous owner too) was 13 and had health issues. WOULD you, yes or no, risk him going to yet another new place?

I would not do PTS lightly. But I am terrified of him ending up in the wrong hands or being passed from pillar to post and surely PTS is a better fate than that?!
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If I were you I would send the horse you have on loan back to the owners, bring your boy home and give yourself to think his future through properly without making any decisions off the cuff.

Yes, it was silly of you to get a new horse whilst you hadn't sold your own, but it's happened now. You just need to get your own horse back home and go from there.
 
OK try not to panic and fill your mind with horrific scenarios.

On the actual "evidence" you have so far the best case scenario is they're thoughtless and a bit wrapped up in their own world and don't think they've done anything wrong (happens more often than you'd think). Worst case scenario is they deliberately took him on trial knowing they weren't trialling him per se, but were trialling whether they actually wanted another horse or not.

So try not to panic. Definitely DON'T text them to say how upset you are. Texting in this kind of situation is a really bad idea. Imagine how you'll feel if you just don't hear back: even more upset. It's not going to get you anywhere.

Wait until you can speak to them (this evening?), calmly and clearly ask for a final answer on whether they will be keeping him and paying for him. If they dither, tell them very calmly and clearly that they therefore need to bring / send him back, and agree when that will happen. If they look like getting sticky about that I'm afraid you have to chalk it up to experience and pick him up.

Try not to panic. I know how it feels, but you just need calmly to re-take control of the situation. As I often say: worst that happens is you're just back where you started. You found a solution once, you can find it again. From how you describe him, I don't actually think he would be that difficult to rehome. There are loads of people looking for a safe and reliable horse and no one expects them to be completely saintly.
 
Loan horse won't be going anywhere. Neither will mine for a bit if he comes back.

I will find the money and time for 2 but it could only be for a few weeks. I love my boy I do, but he isn't what I want. He was only ever bought with a view to sell on within a year or 2. If anyone has read my posts re him in the past 6 months they will know all the stress and heartache I have gone through with him.

Yes he's better now and great, but I am afraid as callous as it sounds I want done with it all now. I am tired, seriously, seriously tired of it all.
 
When I got J, he wasn't really what anyone wanted. Who want's a 4yr old stiff, weak ex racer with a habit of spinning and bronching. His owner didn't. However she did the right thing and she found me and he is my dream horse.
There is nothing that much wrong with your ginge. You found this home, you'll find another.
It will all be done and dusted soon. Advertise him, once you have a few nice people ring up you will feel so much better.
 
I may get shot down for this, but I think you are feeling more sorry for yourself than the horse at this moment. You complain about not being able to afford the two, and your reluctance to send your loan horse back in this situation, even though you can, speaks volumes. I can understand you making excuses for putting your horse to sleep e.g. him being passed from pillar to post, not coping, fear of him being mistreated (I can relate - I have recently had my mare PTS after 18months of her being field sound. I toyed with the idea for a year before she was kicked in the field and the decision was made for me -horrible to say, and as upsetting as it was, it was a relief) however I think if you were honest with yourself, you know that the horse could and can have a good quality of life, you just need to find that home for him. I think deep down that you feel it is an inconvenience to you to have him back which throws a spanner in the works with your new horse, and it is easier to make excuses in favour of him being put to sleep in order to get yourself out of the mess you are currently in.

I may be totally off the mark, but that is how it comes across to me. I am not trying to be gripey at all - I know some posts on here can be rude and I'm not trying to be at all - It's just the way this comes across to me.
 
IF he comes back and you can only keep one horse after a few weeks then you need to take responsibility and send loan horse back until you find a decent home for your horse.
Then think about what you want and get a new horse.

Your horse may not be what you want but you owe it to him.
Don't put him down because you want rid.
 
Wow PP just re read what you have put there!

It sounds worryingly like you are tired so would rather have your horse destroyed than have the hassle of re advertising or having to send your loan horse back!

I hope that was just bad wording due to your frustration at the situation!
 
That is absolutely NOT what I meant.

I have said that 1. IF I considered PTS it would be because I don't want him to end up being passed from pillar to post (say for instance in winter if he becomes a bit stiff and whoever thinks 'ohh, actually, it's a bit of maintence I can do without') NOT for any other reason.

I have just said in my above post that if they don't want him, he will be coming back to me. NO, not to stay indefinitely, but so I can TRY and TRY is the operative word here to find him a loving, permanant home.
 
I've just read this whole thread and I do feel for you OP but mistakes are there to be learnt from. You should have never have assumed they were going to have him. A horse is only sold once the money is in your bank. The reason they gave is poor however better that they have said now (although there is still a chance they might still have him) as how would you feel if you later found out he had been sold again??? If this home is so ideal why not offer a loan or do you desperately need the money?
As another thought perhaps there is another reason but they don't feel they could tell/explain. I've been to look at a horse for a friend and it wasn't suitable but trying to explain to an owner that it isn't and why without sounding rude can be hard after all in their eyes they are perfect!!:p
 
If you want to secure your horse a safe and secure future then do not sell him, once that happens you loose all control.

Loan him out.

Yes it will take a bit of effort on your part, and yes you will need a contingency plan should you have a loaner that sends him back - but I'm afraid the buck probably stops with you on this one. There are plenty of lovely loaners out there who are very good and won't mess you around!
 
Perfect_Pirouette said:
Loan horse won't be going anywhere. Neither will mine for a bit if he comes back.

I will find the money and time for 2 but it could only be for a few weeks. I love my boy I do, but he isn't what I want. He was only ever bought with a view to sell on within a year or 2. If anyone has read my posts re him in the past 6 months they will know all the stress and heartache I have gone through with him.

Yes he's better now and great, but I am afraid as callous as it sounds I want done with it all now. I am tired, seriously, seriously tired of it all.
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I'm sorry PP, I enjoy reading your posts and I'm glad the boy came right, but regardless of whether he is unfit for purpose/suplus to requirements he belongs to you and you owe him the right decision at the end of the day, that is not being put to sleep because you are tired of the drama he has caused you, that isn't really what owning a horse is about.
 
right I think op.
needs to log of here.
Not think about it.

Finish work, do evening things, like her loans horse.
Eat and have a nice alcoholic drink!
.Think call woman and get final decision and make arrangement.
Whichever way they may go.

Then log back on and tell us.

We will either congratulate you or help with the next step if he us coming home.
 
I think OP is emotional and stressed so, she should have a deep breath and a cup of tea and we should not jump on her for sounding off & imagining the worst case scenarios.

PP, the - "we aren't sure if we need another horse", line sounds like a tactic to beat the price down to me.

Hold fire till later, horse is fine, they are looking after him, there is no urgency to act immediately & see what they come back and say.

Decideup front - if neccessarywrite it down, what you will say to them if they say they want a price reduction, or in fact if they say they don't want him, so you aren't caught out when you speak to them. Personally I would move a bit on the price as a matter of principle, but not give him away, and I would demand they deliver him back at their expense if they don't want him.

I reckon you could find a nice home for him yet so all is not lost - these things are just sent to try us!
 
Perfect_Pirouette said:
Okay so throwing this thread off on another tangent here because quite frankly I need some help.

IF your horse had been on 6 different yards in the past year (a few of them being to previous owner too) was 13 and had health issues. WOULD you, yes or no, risk him going to yet another new place?
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No.

I think you owe it to this horse to keep it or shoot it.
 
Perfect_Pirouette said:
Okay so throwing this thread off on another tangent here because quite frankly I need some help.

IF your horse had been on 6 different yards in the past year (a few of them being to previous owner too) was 13 and had health issues. WOULD you, yes or no, risk him going to yet another new place?

I would not do PTS lightly. But I am terrified of him ending up in the wrong hands or being passed from pillar to post and surely PTS is a better fate than that?!
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I'd put him on loan.
 
Whatever your thoughts are, PP, the person who has him 'on trial' is messing you about. For all you know, they could be reading this thread and know they have you in an awkward position.
Accidents can happen, horses need vets, who's paying the fees? There could be other problems occur- how do you know theyr riding/treating him properly?
In my mind, if this is how they mess you, the owner about it wouldnt be such a perfect home! I wouldnt want my horse there!!
 
laura-c said:
I may get shot down for this, but I think you are feeling more sorry for yourself than the horse at this moment. You complain about not being able to afford the two, and your reluctance to send your loan horse back in this situation, even though you can, speaks volumes. I can understand you making excuses for putting your horse to sleep e.g. him being passed from pillar to post, not coping, fear of him being mistreated (I can relate - I have recently had my mare PTS after 18months of her being field sound. I toyed with the idea for a year before she was kicked in the field and the decision was made for me -horrible to say, and as upsetting as it was, it was a relief) however I think if you were honest with yourself, you know that the horse could and can have a good quality of life, you just need to find that home for him. I think deep down that you feel it is an inconvenience to you to have him back which throws a spanner in the works with your new horse, and it is easier to make excuses in favour of him being put to sleep in order to get yourself out of the mess you are currently in.

I may be totally off the mark, but that is how it comes across to me. I am not trying to be gripey at all - I know some posts on here can be rude and I'm not trying to be at all - It's just the way this comes across to me.
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Without appearing to be argumentative, I have to agree with this ^^^. When I started reading this thread I felt, and still do, you've been treated disrespectfully by the people who are trialling your horse. I really felt you cared deeply for your boy and wanted a forever home for him. I'm not getting that sense now. As suggested by several other posters, you need to send your loan horse back and focus on your horse, if these people decide against purchasing him from you. There was a thread on another forum with reference to people trying to find forever homes for their horses. Someone posted: "I'm not going to give my horse a forever home, but I expect you to." I think your preparation in placing your horse on trial was well thought out (contract, time limit, communication). I just believe, now, that you jumped the gun and acquired your loan horse before final decisions were made, based on your, and their, positive feelings about your horse. If you really think your boy has been passed from pillar to post too often and you are that upset by the situation, then keep him yourself. At some point in the not too distant future, you will find another home that will conform to your standard of care.
 
This.

siennamum said:
I think OP is emotional and stressed so, she should have a deep breath and a cup of tea and we should not jump on her for sounding off & imagining the worst case scenarios.

PP, the - "we aren't sure if we need another horse", line sounds like a tactic to beat the price down to me.

Hold fire till later, horse is fine, they are looking after him, there is no urgency to act immediately & see what they come back and say.

Decideup front - if neccessarywrite it down, what you will say to them if they say they want a price reduction, or in fact if they say they don't want him, so you aren't caught out when you speak to them. Personally I would move a bit on the price as a matter of principle, but not give him away, and I would demand they deliver him back at their expense if they don't want him.

I reckon you could find a nice home for him yet so all is not lost - these things are just sent to try us!
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And this. (ETA) Sadly I'm not in the position to buy but would help out with a share if you were local to me.

taylorsxmummy said:
I want him :(
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Please take a deep breath OP. You can't make any decisions until you know for certain what is happening. Write a few things down to clear your thoughts. Think about what your response will be for each scenario the phone call could take so you have a script to try and keep your emotions down.

Does your YO know he could be coming back?
 
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Well aren't we a judgemental lot this afternoon. OP sounds pretty stressed right now and perhaps jumping to all the worst case scenarios. FWIW though and I admit I don't know the whole history of your horse and his problems, but if you can't secure a long-term safe and comfortable future then there are worse things than PTS. A horse lives in the moment and changing homes/owners every few weeks or months is unsettling and distressing.
 
I'm sure you are just upset PP and that's why you are coming across as unfeeling, and dare I say heartless, regarding your horse. You sound like he is nothing more than a nuisance to you and you just want rid of him. I think (hope) it's just the stress and upset which is why you are saying these things.

The horse sounds like a very sweet horse and if he is then there is no reason for someone else to think he is a nice horse.

He's only been away 2 weeks and you've said they have raved about how good he is, well that answers your question about how he deals with being 'passed from pillar to post'!

You need to have a plan of action in place now for if they do decide they don't want him and are going to send him back to you. Good luck. I'm not harping here but personally I can't be doing with this sort of hassle so I'd have just collected him yesterday when the 'loan with view to buy contract' was up.
 
Sounds to me like the OP is very stressed and after spending the last 2 days running around worrying about this then I give her the right to be,

When your in such a situation you generally do pick the worse case scenario,

I hope you get the answers you want PP good luck, will be watching from the sidelines x
 
They are not having him.

She was nice about it, said he is the perfect horse for them, she has fallen completely in love with him and it 100% isnt anything he's done but daughter lost her job last week and they've lost a member of staff and so are now not in a position to buy another.

I now have a dilemma as in hindsight, bringing him back to where I am now is not going to be suitable. We have no hacking, you have to hack for roughly 2 and a half miles on a very narrow road with ditches either side before you get to anywhere safe to get off road and trot or canter or even just get off the road away from traffic. People on my yard don’ t hack for this reason. It is bad enough with a horse who is 100% with all vehicles but with one who isn’t good with large vehicles it is not safe or suitable environment for people to try out a ‘happy hacker.’

It was a nightmare when they came to view him as after taking him in the school they wanted to hack as that was what they were buying him for. After 10 mins of wandering down the road the girl said ‘shall we just go back this is pointless just wandering down this road’ that is another reason why I agreed to the trial as I knew they had their private estate to hack him around and miles and miles of forestry commission land to hack too.

I just rang next door neighbour to see if he could go back there as it is good hacking around there but they have just bought another pony for their granddaughter so haven’t got room.
I NEED to get him somewhere with good hacking so potential viewers can actually try him.

This is just a nightmare.
 
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