Feeling bitter and twisted!

[milliepops]

Um, I dont think that has been true in any walk of life I've ever encountered...it's a massively naive (and somewhat patronising) thing to say.

Unless the task you've set yourself is relatively straightforward and doesn't rely on lots of other people (e.g. a degree), then what you want to achieve will always be affected by factors external to yourself. Some of those will be navigable by you (once you've acquired another skillset or bought in expertise), some will be solved by luck, some diminish over time, and some will always be there. Hard work is self-evidently import for anything that you want to become proficient at, but learning which things to work at and which just have to be worked around is important. It is particularly important in anything horse related, because more than any other pursuit I've experienced, people are prone to spending huge amounts of time and money going down rabbit holes trying to fix something that can't be fixed, or trying to fix it in the wrong way (I've done it myself, I think most people have).

I think you make a good point but the one thing that will definitely put the kybosh on any plans of success is kicking at the ground with your bottom lip stuck out because of what your parents did or didn't do a few decades ago. i think that's why lammy's post was relevant to this thread.

 

[honetpot]

I think there are many of us who are older, who wanted to ride when we were young and the thought having your own pony was simply a dream. I had a very few riding lessons as a child, and I was basically self taught from the only book in the school library and any other book I could find. None of my friends had lessons, we rode for a small farmer dealer, and every pony we were given had usually a problem, if you were lucky it was just green, and I fell off a lot. My first horse was LOU, no transport but I used to hack everywhere, and I was in heaven.
I used to sometimes help on the collecting ring at SJ, John Whitaker was just another local rider, he is a couple of years older than me, he was blagging rides in a very battered hat. He had horses that could jump, but I thought at the time, he rode not much better than some of the people I knew, he was just younger than most of the riders in the classes, he must have been about fifteen at the time. I realised when I was about sixteen I was never going to be a brilliant rider, but I could be a good all round horse person, and keep on learning, and make the best of what I have.
Most of my life the people I have mixed with have had better horses, better transport, my vice is tack, so I always had the best tack, so the fact I can do almost as well as them with things people discard, and sometimes have even made money make me happy. To be honest I wouldn't know what to do if I had more than a £1000 to spend on a horse, and the thought of having a lorry sat on the drive that cost almost as much as a cheap house fills me with horror.

 

[Lammy]

Um, I dont think that has been true in any walk of life I've ever encountered...it's a massively naive (and somewhat patronising) thing to say.

Unless the task you've set yourself is relatively straightforward and doesn't rely on lots of other people (e.g. a degree), then what you want to achieve will always be affected by factors external to yourself.

It is not patronising to say that if you have the ambition and the drive you will go out and do something. If you want it you have to go and get it, that is life. People having more should never be something that effects you or your own goals, being bitter and reminiscent about what could of been “if only I had this as a child....” is an unhealthy mindset to have.

I never said there wouldn’t be external factors and the people that have made something from nothing have not only put the time and the work in but have also probably made large sacrifices. I could be sat here thinking I could be going to the Olympics if only I’d started riding as a tiny child and not started at 12 once a month before I bought my own at 17. But in reality I love just being able to have a horse I bought a youngster for my second as I couldn’t afford something backed. I’ll be happy if we do some BE90’s but for a start we need some transport and yes I could pull my finger out and pay more for a 4x4 and a trailer and I could squeeze that into my finances but the reality is I don’t want to. At least not right now with a degree, change of job to get better hours so I can do the degree, less money as the change of job was a pay cut and trying to still save for a house. (But yeah the degree is straightforward ?)

But what I won’t do is whinge and bemoan people who are luckier than me. I prefer to use them as my inspiration and live vicariously through them and their event reports until I can get out there and do it myself.

 

[Muddywellies]

I'm really enjoying reading this thread. So interesting to read everyone's different viewpoints. I personally lost heart with dressage when at the area festivals, which I thought were for grassroots riders, I discovered almost all those in the top placings were semi pro or in the business, with parents who are trainers, or on top horses, produced by others (not in every case tho). The winner of my bronze section last year is now being sold for 30k with the riders parents owning a very well known equestrian centre. I'd be interested to know how many of those achieving great success, work full time to pay the mortgage and keep their 1 horse on DIY livery, at a yard with pretty poor facilities (and it's the best in the area), with no support other than paying for a monthly lesson. I had considered that it's just my own poor negative mindset that has led me to this belief, but other posts in here have reminded me that I, like others, gave myself a kick up the a&se in my 30s and on top of full time work and lame horse, I studied for and gained a degree and improved my career. So I guess Ive got some grit and determination. When I can see my efforts aren't fruitless, I've got plenty of it. But with the dressage, despite 6am starts starts so that I can ride before work, saving every last penny to pay for the work needed to get the old lorry through its mot, all my riding attire and equipment being from ebay, and having to choose between a lesson or a competition (with competitions costing me annual leave from work), I guess you kind of run out of steam eventually. Even my dear Dad commented earlier this year that I need to rest on my days off rather than spend the time competing and getting nowhere.
So maybe we're all just on paths in life that are different. I never had any horsey opportunities come my way so to achieve what I have I suppose is pretty good going. For now, competing and dressage is on the back burner as I have other priorities and tbh I'm not missing it. But what I've concluded from this post is that everyone's paths are different, with some paths leading to great success in the arena. Mine didn't go that way and probably never will unless my numbers come up on the lottery. I'll keep persevering with that one ?

 

[Pippity]

It is a funny one, I bizarrely seem to have kinda been both sides of this now.

Was just a riding school kid until I got my first horse at 16 and omg it was just the dream! Initially cadging lifts, then begging mum to hire a trailer where I could, until mum got so fed up of ferrying me about I got a share in our horse box for my 21st. Then rocking up to shows in our weeny little box, slightly lumpy pony, on my own against all the massive posh boxes with pop out sides, grooms and sponsors decals everywhere. I do remember our first trip to Cheshire show coming second in the ridden PBA and another competitor kicking off about why she should have been placed higher , mummy was very sympathetic to her, the judge less so .

Now a fair few years older and lots more hard won experience in a range of disciplines I've had a few people be a little green eyed monster at how 'easy' it is for me and my horses, with the horsebox and with my mum who rides and obviously must help me loads etc.

The truth is mum loves hacking her horse and is a fantastic sounding board and support, but would rather gouge her own eyes out than come out competing with me acting the supportive/pushy mum role . It's all been paid for by myself and I've had to push myself to be better and find the right instructors who can get me there. The horses have been difficult and I have way more disastrous days than good ones lol, but I still get 'oh I wish my mum had a PSG horse I could ride' erm I might have been the one to train her to that mum thinks it's hilarious that anyone would think it's her who's done all the schooling!

So never forget whilst we're looking up at those who seem to have it gifted to them on a plate, there will always be those who are thinking the same about you!

I'm definitely a bit green-eyed about your childhood! You have a mum who doesn't actively dislike horses, and were able to have a horsey childhood. I wasn't able to take the step from riding school kid to owning my own horse until I was in my forties, and my little cob couldn't make it to PSG if Carl Hester was training her.

Even so, I was out hacking the other day and, as we rode past a cyclist, she said, "I wish I was brave enough to do that."

So, even going out for a ploddy hack on a fat little cob, somebody's envying you.

 

[Muddywellies]

I'm definitely a bit green-eyed about your childhood! You have a mum who doesn't actively dislike horses, and were able to have a horsey childhood. I wasn't able to take the step from riding school kid to owning my own horse until I was in my forties, and my little cob couldn't make it to PSG if Carl Hester was training her.

Even so, I was out hacking the other day and, as we rode past a cyclist, she said, "I wish I was brave enough to do that."

So, even going out for a ploddy hack on a fat little cob, somebody's envying you.

When I was 16/17 my mum used to take me for a weekly half hour riding lesson and she'd sit in the car knitting during my lesson. And if I made my Dad cross during the week he would ban me from going for my lesson that week ??

 

[1523679]

At my last dressage competition, one of them congratulated me on "giving it a go".

You know, in many ways there can be no higher praise.

It takes a much bigger person to get out there and give it their all in the full knowledge that they will read the results placings from the bottom up, than it does to strut into the arena having had every possible advantage.

You are probably better than those fortunate youngsters will ever be. Just measuring using a different - and much more demanding - yardstick.

I’m very much in the same boat as you. Swings and roundabouts, eh.

 

[Ish2020]

Op that awful attitude to have it also not good for your mental health. You can achieving anything at any age just don’t blame young people for your lack of your success in your riding. Do something about it if you want to correct bad habits .

 

[KEK]

I'd say that particularly with young people/kids it is very difficult to ascertain the full dynamics going on underneath that confidence, competence and opportunities that might be all an outsider sees. I was once one of those envied kids, not in horses, but in music, and the truth of how I felt about it was not what you would have seen on the surface I don't think.

I could read music long before I could read words (partially thanks to dyslexia), I could play pretty much any instrument I laid my hands on, and between 7 and 17 i would practice 1-2 hours a day with at least 2 lessons a week. I have a grade 8 in three separate instruments, where most people would consider it an achievement to have just one, I played in national orchestras and won many awards, the first at age 6. My parents paid for lessons with the best teachers, bought me expensive instruments and knew all the right auditions to take me to for all the best opportunities.

And not for a second do I think that anyone looking on would have expected the kid who often spent lunch breaks practicing, in fact had precisely zero emotional connection to it. I kept going at it because it was routine, because I liked being good at something, and because I knew it made my parents happy. And the last day I played anything properly was the day I moved out of home.

I remember a boy joining my school when I was doing my GCSE's, a year lower. He played the piano and saxophone, but he couldn't read music. He had just listened to jazz and copied what he heard. I taught him to read music so that he could play in the school band and still now I remember, clear as a bell, the look of all consuming joy on his face one day while playing. And I remember the penny dropping in my head as I realised that that was what it was supposed to be like. I have often wondered about him since, where he is now and whether he achieved his dreams...I really hope he did. He had none of my training, accolades or technical ability, but he was a better musician than I would ever be.

These days I ride horses 1-2 hours a day, and I'll never be a world beater, but I do it because I love it. And that experience with music as a child means that I pinch myself every day that I am lucky enough have something so valuable in my life.

Snap DabDab! I too had parents very into music and had passed my grade 8 piano at 11. Got up at 6am to do 1 hours practice before school and another hour after, and that was after band, choir etc practice. Also have not played since I moved out of home 12 years ago. I desperately wanted a horse or even just lessons but they thought it was too dangerous and expensive. This year I achieved my dream of my own pony, and he's at home. Unfortunately I can't ride him as it hurts too much, so currently I'm in the position of kinda being an owner, as he is young and being educated by a top show jumper. He's going so nicely for her and he is going to start some baby shows in another month or so. Meanwhile I will keep trying things to hopefully get out of pain so I can ride him

 

[9tails]

Oh, this wasn't meant as a lighthearted post after all

 

[milliepops]

I'm really enjoying reading this thread. So interesting to read everyone's different viewpoints. I personally lost heart with dressage when at the area festivals, which I thought were for grassroots riders, I discovered almost all those in the top placings were semi pro or in the business, with parents who are trainers, or on top horses, produced by others (not in every case tho). The winner of my bronze section last year is now being sold for 30k with the riders parents owning a very well known equestrian centre. I'd be interested to know how many of those achieving great success, work full time to pay the mortgage and keep their 1 horse on DIY livery, at a yard with pretty poor facilities (and it's the best in the area), with no support other than paying for a monthly lesson. I had considered that it's just my own poor negative mindset that has led me to this belief, but other posts in here have reminded me that I, like others, gave myself a kick up the a&se in my 30s and on top of full time work and lame horse, I studied for and gained a degree and improved my career. So I guess Ive got some grit and determination. When I can see my efforts aren't fruitless, I've got plenty of it. But with the dressage, despite 6am starts starts so that I can ride before work, saving every last penny to pay for the work needed to get the old lorry through its mot, all my riding attire and equipment being from ebay, and having to choose between a lesson or a competition (with competitions costing me annual leave from work), I guess you kind of run out of steam eventually. Even my dear Dad commented earlier this year that I need to rest on my days off rather than spend the time competing and getting nowhere.
So maybe we're all just on paths in life that are different. I never had any horsey opportunities come my way so to achieve what I have I suppose is pretty good going. For now, competing and dressage is on the back burner as I have other priorities and tbh I'm not missing it. But what I've concluded from this post is that everyone's paths are different, with some paths leading to great success in the arena. Mine didn't go that way and probably never will unless my numbers come up on the lottery. I'll keep persevering with that one ?

I think there's a few things going on here.
BD specifically never called the Area Festivals "Amateur" championships. there are lots of us who would benefit from that change, but the difficulty seen elsewhere is how to define an amateur and who actually has the advantages that those of us who struggle on perceive.

for instance, I think under some rules someone working 7-7 as a groom 6 days a week would be classed as a professional cos they earn their living from the industry. but they might have a cheapo horse, a disintegrating tow vehicle, only get to ride a few days a week because they don't have time, and so on. whereas you might have a rich housewife amateur with oodles of free time and cash thanks to her supportive husband, who can base herself at her trainer's place and ride £££££ horses... (i come across these people fairly frequently )

therefore what we THINK championships are for and what they actually are defined as can be very different and personal perception is fairly meaningless if people are within the rules.

there's also the sort of low level pro to consider. Someone might be busting a gut to make a name for themselves but they aren't going to challenge the top flight olympic candidates. In fairness they do need recognition because if you're an owner looking for a good rider for your nice horse, not everyone can funnel their horses into olympic level stables. they simply don't have the capacity. and tbh not every good horse is VERY good so there is space for the lower achieving pro rider.

I think there's also different versions of success and one isn't necessarily more or less worthwhile, it depends on your individual circumstances. On a previous horse success for me was winning the AF and going to the AF champs. On current horse, success is climbing up the ladder within our own capabilities (in isolation from what everyone else is doing) and I get great satisfaction from that. We sometimes get a frilly at the AFs but more often than not are making up the numbers. "reading the scoreboard from the bottom up" is a great way of putting it. tbh i don't feel any less successful. I'm getting to do things I didn't think I'd do and I don't personally need the validation of a rosette or sash at the moment.

My trainer said something the other day that really made sense to me. In dressage, the levels are a demonstration of ability, but ability isn't all it takes to win. Just being competent isn't enough. it's unlike some other sports or passtimes in that way, you don't get a badge or certificate just for having "arrived". but you can - as an individual - make the becoming competent a measure of your success. If i can get competent to ride the GP test I will feel like I've crossed a huge threshold. It would be nice to get 60% at a show while doing so. it won't be enough to win the class but I'd have surpassed my internal measure of success.

 

[Pippity]

When I was 16/17 my mum used to take me for a weekly half hour riding lesson and she'd sit in the car knitting during my lesson. And if I made my Dad cross during the week he would ban me from going for my lesson that week ??

I had to cycle to the yard and work all weekend for my half-hour lesson! Uphill! Both ways! In the snow! (I didn't even learn any useful horsey skills while working, because I was always on leadrein duty. Often for small children who spent the whole lesson sobbing that they didn't want to ride but Mummy made them.)

 

[daffy44]

My post wasn't really about "fair". It's about the fact that my most important ambition - to ride well - is beyond my reach. I have spent years undoing the bad habits I learnt as a child when unsupervised. It is a fact that those who learn a sport when young do better than those who take it up in later life. Their bodies and minds are just more receptive.

As I said, I do agree that riding as a child is very beneficial to adult competitive success, but I dont believe that proper lessons as a child are that relevant, but thats ok, I'm happy to agree to disagree with you. I am also very happy not to share your belief though, because despite not having any formal dressage lessons until my late twenties I have managed to train three horses to GP, but if I had started by thinking my lack of childhood training was such a handicap I would never have even dared to try.

 

[ihatework]

My post wasn't really about "fair". It's about the fact that my most important ambition - to ride well - is beyond my reach. I have spent years undoing the bad habits I learnt as a child when unsupervised. It is a fact that those who learn a sport when young do better than those who take it up in later life. Their bodies and minds are just more receptive.

Actually I don’t necessarily think it’s beyond your reach. If you want it enough there are ways to make it happen. Ok, maybe not Olympic medals but definitely a significant shift upwards in your riding ability and understanding.

As a child I didn’t have horsey support. It was only in my 20’s where I had my own. I’d had minimal and unstructured training and whilst not completely useless I was definitely just fumbling around at RC level. I’ve never been a jealous/envious person but I genuinely at that time wanted to go out and compete properly and successfully, although these days I’m not sure my reasons for wanting that were necessarily going to help me achieve that.

But for a few years I ploughed everything into it. Horse. Training. Transport. A lot of training. Lunge lessons, schoolmaster lessons, mechanical horses and stay away expensive training on my own. I had to pull my riding apart and put it back together. If I’m honest at the expense of my relationship at the time. And do you know what I made huge leaps forwards to the point I understood what it would take to keep on that trajectory. But when push came to shove I didn’t want it enough to make the compromises I would need to make and put in the work I would need to put in. So I gave up and don’t regret it, but equally glad I had the chance to get it out of my system.

Long story short - if you want to learn to ride well you can. But it’s perfectly acceptably to say you’d love to be able to ride well but can’t commit to the journey of getting there.

 

[LEC]

As I said, I do agree that riding as a child is very beneficial to adult competitive success, but I dont believe that proper lessons as a child are that relevant, but thats ok, I'm happy to agree to disagree with you. I am also very happy not to share your belief though, because despite not having any formal dressage lessons until my late twenties I have managed to train three horses to GP, but if I had started by thinking my lack of childhood training was such a handicap I would never have even dared to try.

I had loads of PC lessons as a child and everything I was taught has now been changed! I now spend my adult life working on not being a monkey up a tree over a jump and that the contact is achieved from a horse moving behind into the rein rather than having your hands solid and moving the bit constantly! I joke, but those who learn things for themselves actually have loads of skills. It just might not be as tidy but its often very horse friendly as taught through mistakes. So I agree with Daffy44. I know kids who have done the whole BD pathway since 10 years old and yes they can do sitting trot beautifully but they have no idea on riding something less than perfect, no idea on jumping and pole exercises and no idea on just cantering across a field and learning to balance with the horse.

 

[Hollychops]

I didnt have my own horse until 20 as my parents couldnt afford one and they were in no way horsey, my dad could never understood why i continued to ride as i was never going to make the top level! The hours i spent hanging over fences looking at horses doesnt bear thinking about. i worked at a riding school for a while, read books and worked with horses when i left school, when working pupils were seriously made to work their socks off for a few pennies each week (my first wage was £5 a week). When my own daughters started riding, i went without to allow them to have the opportunities that i never had, and i'm sure there are many parents who are doing this. And why shouldnt they? Its their money, after all. Its very frustrating at times to see others with better horses, bigger lorries and all the support/training they require when things are going wrong, but thats life.

I now have a new horse, who i saved up for a long time for, my own lorry and am fortunate that i keep her, and her retired companions, at home. I can do what i want to do and am happy to have that option. I have to work full time to allow it all to happen, but i am happy with that as well and I dont envy anyone really. I would love to be able to do all that i want and have lessons 2 or 3 times a week, a newer lorry, an arena at home, but its just not going to happen. My hubby will only come and watch occasionally, but again thats something i have to accept, its just not his thing. I would just say, be grateful for what you have and enjoy. There is always someone out there that would love to be in your shoes.

 

[Frumpoon]

What I want to know is, what do I have to do for a living to afford all the bells and whistles - the big HGV lorry, the sole use yard, etc etc

I have a decently paying job but it doesn't come close to funding all that stuff...

Do tell...what is it I need to do?

 

[Cowpony]

What I want to know is, what do I have to do for a living to afford all the bells and whistles - the big HGV lorry, the sole use yard, etc etc

I have a decently paying job but it doesn't come close to funding all that stuff...

Do tell...what is it I need to do?

Most of the jobs that pay you that sort of money wouldn't leave you the time to be able to enjoy those facilities.....

 

[Caol Ila]

Marry well? Win the lottery?

 

[Pippity]

What I want to know is, what do I have to do for a living to afford all the bells and whistles - the big HGV lorry, the sole use yard, etc etc

I have a decently paying job but it doesn't come close to funding all that stuff...

Do tell...what is it I need to do?

From observing the people who have that sort of money, you either inherit it or marry it.

 

[Caol Ila]

Invent an internet thing that will change the world, like Jeff Bezos or Mark Zuckerburg?

Take up drug dealing?

I was 'helping' a friend hunt for livery yards by looking up equestrian properties for sale. I found one for £8 million.

 

[Muddywellies]

an internet thing that will change the world, like Jeff Bezos or Mark Zuckerburg?

Take up drug dealing?

I was 'helping' a friend hunt for livery yards by looking up equestrian properties for sale. I found one for £8 million.[/QUOTE]


Pmsl!! You would need an annual income of £1.77million to afford that. Can't see the local council paying me that for 37hrs a week ?

 

[Teaboy]

I probably had a mix of these two childhoods. I didn’t have relentless training, brought my own horses on from youngsters, had quite a bit of reckless fun, did all the care side before and after school so had basic horsemanship knowledge. However my parents definitely wanted me to be competitive and didn’t shy away from the expense of sport, but even if they tried to say the right things I subsequently felt under a heck of a lot of pressure and completely lost the love of competing - despite doing ok. That is something in my nature though and not to do with parenting.

I’m much happier as an adult having had no lessons for many many years, spending every last penny I earn, riding a variety of horses, in a variety of disciplines to no great level, and with less finesse than I used to do it but I’m a better and happier horse person now.

Definitely just try not to compare yourself with others, that’s the only way.

 

[DabDab]

It is not patronising to say that if you have the ambition and the drive you will go out and do something. If you want it you have to go and get it, that is life. People having more should never be something that effects you or your own goals, being bitter and reminiscent about what could of been “if only I had this as a child....” is an unhealthy mindset to have.

I never said there wouldn’t be external factors and the people that have made something from nothing have not only put the time and the work in but have also probably made large sacrifices. I could be sat here thinking I could be going to the Olympics if only I’d started riding as a tiny child and not started at 12 once a month before I bought my own at 17. But in reality I love just being able to have a horse I bought a youngster for my second as I couldn’t afford something backed. I’ll be happy if we do some BE90’s but for a start we need some transport and yes I could pull my finger out and pay more for a 4x4 and a trailer and I could squeeze that into my finances but the reality is I don’t want to. At least not right now with a degree, change of job to get better hours so I can do the degree, less money as the change of job was a pay cut and trying to still save for a house. (But yeah the degree is straightforward ?)

But what I won’t do is whinge and bemoan people who are luckier than me. I prefer to use them as my inspiration and live vicariously through them and their event reports until I can get out there and do it myself.

Everyone moans. I always got told that if you don't have anything in life to moan about then quite frankly you're not trying hard enough. You can moan while also getting out there and getting stuff done, some of the highest achievers I know are also impressive moaners - the ability to see the world through a critical eye is really goddam useful if you're trying to make stuff better.

 

[SEL]

Marry well? Win the lottery?

Lottery win is my life plan.

Yet another life plan I am failing to succeed at

 

[Lammy]

Everyone moans. I always got told that if you don't have anything in life to moan about then quite frankly you're not trying hard enough. You can moan while also getting out there and getting stuff done, some of the highest achievers I know are also impressive moaners - the ability to see the world through a critical eye is really goddam useful if you're trying to make stuff better.

And we both know there is a big difference between having a bit of a moan and being bitter and raining on everyone else’s parade as they appear to be more fortunate than you.

I prefer my glass half full and while it may not get you any further in life I feel a lot happier for it. But I can appreciate people have different approaches to life.

 

[DabDab]

Was the OP doing that? I thought she said that she envied them, as in wished she was like them, because she admired their technical ability (though admittedly I haven't read every subsequent post in detail, maybe there was some general life's not fair whining later on)

I'm happy when I'm improving things, generally more work stuff than horses, because horses for the most part just my happy little bubble, but there are definitely times that I psychologically throw my toys out the pram and say 'god, life would be so much easier with an indoor school/all weather track/acres of good turnout etc. But that kind of internal rant then makes me think what about those things would actually make stuff better and usually there is something I can do differently myself to improve things along those lines. The internal outburst prefaces me putting some effort into coming up with a slightly better solution, and that's a mental cycle that most people go through.

I would never dream of putting one of those internal moments of frustration on here, because I know that I would get endless responses telling me how to be grateful etc. And explaining to me how I am a terrible, jealous, wicked individual.

 

[Tarragon]

I am quite grateful that none of my 3 children (now aged 18,19 and 22) were either particularly talented in a sport/hobby or had an overwhelming passion for something, because, as a parent, i would be too selfish to abandon all my own interests to give up my time to support them. Don't get me wrong, we did spend what seemed like a decade ferrying children around their various clubs every night of the week, but it was not extreme. I know someone who had a child that swam at county level, who spent every weekend at swimming galas and hours during the week at various training sessions. They ended up becoming a swimming instructor!
I do wonder whether youngsters who are lucky enough to have these parents who give up their time and spend ££££s to allow the child to achieve in their chosen sport really ever appreciate the sacrifice.
In the space of about 5 years, i have watched a local family with a pony club aged daughter go from hairy ponies to sport horses and from no trailer to cheap trailer to posh Equitrek box. She is one very lucky girl!

 

[Tarragon]

I also met someone who said that she rode competitively in the past, before children, and wasn't going to pick it up again unless she was able to compete at the same level! A completely foreign idea to someone like me, who just loves my ponies, whether ridden or not, and can think of no better way to spend a couple of hours just exploring on horseback with my horsey companion.

 

[milliepops]

Was the OP doing that? I thought she said that she envied them, as in wished she was like them, because she admired their technical ability (though admittedly I haven't read every subsequent post in detail, maybe there was some general life's not fair whining later on)

I'm happy when I'm improving things, generally more work stuff than horses, because horses for the most part just my happy little bubble, but there are definitely times that I psychologically throw my toys out the pram and say 'god, life would be so much easier with an indoor school/all weather track/acres of good turnout etc. But that kind of internal rant then makes me think what about those things would actually make stuff better and usually there is something I can do differently myself to improve things along those lines. The internal outburst prefaces me putting some effort into coming up with a slightly better solution, and that's a mental cycle that most people go through.

I would never dream of putting one of those internal moments of frustration on here, because I know that I would get endless responses telling me how to be grateful etc. And explaining to me how I am a terrible, jealous, wicked individual.

I don’t think its being wicked to have an outburst of frustration, god knows we've all done it. But as the thread drifted from the OP there's definitely been an air of "its not fair" and also dumping on people who appear to have it made (they are probably miserable, and they don't know anything about REAL horsemanship) I think its that bitterness that I (and possibly lammy) react against. It doesn't make your own personal performance any better, by being snarky about someone else's life or circumstances.