Feeling bitter and twisted!

[luckyoldme]

Hmmmm lifes not fair and cash is King.
Ive never actually found the balance at all.
Im either working yoo many hours to be able to look after a horse or not enough to earn the money to have one.

All very true. I just wish I had that wonderful balance and correctness that comes from riding under expert supervision from an early age on a well-schooled horse.

I'm feeling bitter and twisted about the fact that I'm just never going to ride like this.

At my last dressage competition, one of them congratulated me on "giving it a go".

Lol.
Did you want to slap him/her?

 

[milliepops]

I think a bit of the green eyed monster is normal when you're trying to do well in a sport like ours.
there will always be people who have had a huge leg up and it feels like you'll never touch them. I would be lying if I said I wasn't envious of people I see out competing, amazing lorries, amazing horses, an entourage of helpers and supporters... and there's little old me struggling with my feral project... but HP puts it well

So never forget whilst we're looking up at those who seem to have it gifted to them on a plate, there will always be those who are thinking the same about you!

Me even 10 years ago would look with envy at what I have now, a decent (if rather old) horsebox that I can go anywhere I fancy, whenever I want, and a horse that I've trained up to a level I never thought I'd achieve. a trainer who really wants to see us succeed - someone who believes in us. 65% at the FEI levels is like 90% at prelim to me! If we can carry on getting scores in the 60s as we attempt to continue scrambling upwards I'll be thrilled.

I AM pretty ancient! And realising that I have probably got as far as we can get. We do alright, get high 60s and sometimes 70s for Prelim and Novice but I know I just don't ride as well as these instructed teens.

I'm a broken record on this subject, but do you have a great instructor/trainer who can help you? its the thing that makes the most difference to my enjoyment and sense of fulfillment, I now go to shows for a sense check but its my lessons that really scratch the itch I have to develop and prove something (to myself ) and that makes the jealous tendencies fade to the background you might think you've hit a wall but a really skilled passionate trainer who gets you should be able to help you see the way forward

 

[Nasicus]

I know where you're coming from. I sometimes lament that maybe if I had been privileged enough to have my own pony and tuition as a kid, I'd be a much better rider now. But hey, nothing I can do to change the past, all I can do is focus on improving now and for the future

 

[TotalMadgeness]

I'm relatively ancient, never had a pony as a child or even riding lessons (my parents assumed I'd grow out of it lol). It has been a long haul struggle as an adult to get lessons, get decent horsecare knowledge and finally my own horses. I've experienced countless false starts and many moments of heartbreak during my time of horse ownership but I now own 2 lovely horses AND, get this, keep them at my own place (BIG GRIN). Both horses have joint problems (as do I now!) which means its an uphill battle to keep both myself and the horses comfortable. So it can be frustrating to turn up at a local dressage comp and see the readymade overbent pretty pony (or horse) entered in all the low level classes wiping the board clean (and then immediately popping off in fancy box to another competition elsewhere to do exactly the same). However, me, I'm just delighted to a) get there in one piece and b) get home in one piece! Its an absolute bonus if I get a rosette as well. I've also witnessed the harassed parent doing all the work while teenage rider sits in car glued to her phone. I must say this teenager never looks happy - usually bored to tears as far as I can tell. Whereas I'm over the moon to be out somewhere with my boys doing the stuff of my childhood dreams.

 

[Buster2020]

You have to look what you have and be happy for what you have op most people would be jealous of you because you can afford the horse. A lot of people would never have a opportunity to get there own horse because they cannot afford a horse.

Lucky you had a horse growing up I didn’t get my first horse growing up I didn’t get my first horse till I was 18 years old and I didn’t have lessons or do competitions on my horse. I am I bitter about it nope. It not people fault they are born into money.

 

[IrishMilo]

The only thing I get envy for is other people's gorgeous lorries! But you have to remember that 80% of those lorries are probably on finance anyway - pretty much anyone can do that. I choose not to because having a shiny lorry isn't worth the agro of having debt or finance to my name. I have an old-ish car, but it's mine, and I prefer it that way.

Again, most people could find a way to finance a decent horse if they wanted to. My friend had a pony who knocked it out the park in BD - her daughter is 14 and I imagine if you didn't know her you'd assume the pony was bought for a bomb and was push button. He absolutely wasn't and the daughter put in thousands of hours to get him to where he was at the point they sold him. Someone's put in the effort to get the expensive horses going as well as they do - why assume it's not the current rider?

I admire anyone who rides well regardless of where they came from.

 

[Marigold4]

It is a funny one, I bizarrely seem to have kinda been both sides of this now.

Was just a riding school kid until I got my first horse at 16 and omg it was just the dream! Initially cadging lifts, then begging mum to hire a trailer where I could, until mum got so fed up of ferrying me about I got a share in our horse box for my 21st. Then rocking up to shows in our weeny little box, slightly lumpy pony, on my own against all the massive posh boxes with pop out sides, grooms and sponsors decals everywhere. I do remember our first trip to Cheshire show coming second in the ridden PBA and another competitor kicking off about why she should have been placed higher , mummy was very sympathetic to her, the judge less so .

Now a fair few years older and lots more hard won experience in a range of disciplines I've had a few people be a little green eyed monster at how 'easy' it is for me and my horses, with the horsebox and with my mum who rides and obviously must help me loads etc.

The truth is mum loves hacking her horse and is a fantastic sounding board and support, but would rather gouge her own eyes out than come out competing with me acting the supportive/pushy mum role . It's all been paid for by myself and I've had to push myself to be better and find the right instructors who can get me there. The horses have been difficult and I have way more disastrous days than good ones lol, but I still get 'oh I wish my mum had a PSG horse I could ride' erm I might have been the one to train her to that mum thinks it's hilarious that anyone would think it's her who's done all the schooling!

So never forget whilst we're looking up at those who seem to have it gifted to them on a plate, there will always be those who are thinking the same about you!

This is very true. We are better at showing than dressage and last year my youngster won a large inhand riding horse class judged by a Royal International judge. People actually loudly insulted him as we left the ring!

 

[Muddywellies]

I actually get where you're coming from. I dressage (or used to) with my unconventional dressage pony (a freebie) and managed to reach the dizzy heights of BD Ele. But I'm not resilient enough to keep on just being pleased with what we've achieved and grateful for what I've got (and indeed I AM extremely grateful, and AM proud of what we've achieved). Just occasionally it would be wonderful to not see a semi pro (or just exeedingly wealthy person with a top dressage horse, produced by their trainer), going home with the prize money.
So, tongue in cheek or not, Im with you on this one.

 

[Marigold4]

You have to look what you have and be happy for what you have op most people would be jealous of you because you can afford the horse. A lot of people would never have a opportunity to get there own horse because they cannot afford a horse.

Lucky you had a horse growing up I didn’t get my first horse growing up I didn’t get my first horse till I was 18 years old and I didn’t have lessons or do competitions on my horse. I am I bitter about it nope. It not people fault they are born into money.

The post was a bit tongue in cheek! I'm just really despairing at the fact that after all these years I'm not a better rider!

 

[Marigold4]

Hmmmm lifes not fair and cash is King.
Ive never actually found the balance at all.
Im either working yoo many hours to be able to look after a horse or not enough to earn the money to have one.

Lol.
Did you want to slap him/her?

I did fume! But not as badly as when someone says ahh bless.

 

[Marigold4]

The only thing I get envy for is other people's gorgeous lorries! But you have to remember that 80% of those lorries are probably on finance anyway - pretty much anyone can do that. I choose not to because having a shiny lorry isn't worth the agro of having debt or finance to my name. I have an old-ish car, but it's mine, and I prefer it that way.

Again, most people could find a way to finance a decent horse if they wanted to. My friend had a pony who knocked it out the park in BD - her daughter is 14 and I imagine if you didn't know her you'd assume the pony was bought for a bomb and was push button. He absolutely wasn't and the daughter put in thousands of hours to get him to where he was at the point they sold him. Someone's put in the effort to get the expensive horses going as well as they do - why assume it's not the current rider?

I admire anyone who rides well regardless of where they came from.

Yes very true. I am rather jumping to conclusions here!

 

[Maesto's Girl]

For quite a lot I see, they have their horses for their sport, not for being a beloved part of their family. I would absolutely LOVE to have a great competition horse, but unless I was to get rid of my girl, I just couldn't manage it. Some would say just sell her and get something else, but I honestly love every inch of my mare so until I can have both, my dream of a super competition horse will stay as a dream.

 

[LEC]

All very true. I just wish I had that wonderful balance and correctness that comes from riding under expert supervision from an early age on a well-schooled horse.

I'm feeling bitter and twisted about the fact that I'm just never going to ride like this.

At my last dressage competition, one of them congratulated me on "giving it a go".

Actually, this is the wonderful thing about horses and equestrian - you could ride like this as long as your body shape is helpful. You need to be super disciplined, video regularly, have lessons and then consider schoolmasters as well. Hours of watching videos is super helpful and modelling yourself on similar riders. How they do everything. Slow down the videos, analyse it step by step - when do they half halt and how? I have transformed my jumping position in the last 6 months through not actually spending any money but actively working on it. Its far from perfect but its getting slowly to where I want it. A lot of people are just not prepared to put the work in.

 

[milliepops]

I actually get where you're coming from. I dressage (or used to) with my unconventional dressage pony (a freebie) and managed to reach the dizzy heights of BD Ele. But I'm not resilient enough to keep on just being pleased with what we've achieved and grateful for what I've got (and indeed I AM extremely grateful, and AM proud of what we've achieved). Just occasionally it would be wonderful to not see a semi pro (or just exeedingly wealthy person with a top dressage horse, produced by their trainer), going home with the prize money.
So, tongue in cheek or not, Im with you on this one.

haha, keep going up the levels and most show days the classes aren't even big enough for prize money to be offered everyone goes home empty handed

 

[HappyHollyDays]

too right and that's from a 3 step mounting block....and as for getting off again - that takes serious planning!

Yep, in my case getting back off requires the same three step mounting block and my two are only 14.1 and 15hh ?

 

[milliepops]

Actually, this is the wonderful thing about horses and equestrian - you could ride like this as long as your body shape is helpful. You need to be super disciplined, video regularly, have lessons and then consider schoolmasters as well. Hours of watching videos is super helpful and modelling yourself on similar riders. How they do everything. Slow down the videos, analyse it step by step - when do they half halt and how? I have transformed my jumping position in the last 6 months through not actually spending any money but actively working on it. Its far from perfect but its getting slowly to where I want it. A lot of people are just not prepared to put the work in.

I think this is a very good point but for the average amateur owner-rider it's difficult to do everything at once. If you're training a horse it's hard to also be super focussed on your position etc as well. Not impossible, but very hard. I have one that feels genuinely on her way to GP now and I can think about what I'm doing to make the picture better when we're toddling round having an easy day, but when working on exercises that we're both learning for the first time it's almost impossible to find the brain space for "are my thumbs on top in these 1 tempis" because by the time I've thought of that I've missed the aids

so yes I agree with the principle and it's attention to detail and good practice that makes the difference, but I think lots of mere mortals will be in the same boat of simply not being able to spin all the plates.

(too many metaphors there but its been a long day already )

 

[Bonnie Allie]

Slightly opposite but in the same vein..........

arrived at a SJ comp one morning at the same time as a teen girl whose Dad who was clearly non-horsie driving a hire horse trailer with a family sedan.

Horse was fluffy, gear was certainly not the latest and her jacket must have been borrowed as it was too large for her.

I remember thinking “gosh, I hope she gets around today as clearly she has gone to a lot of effort just to be here. Maybe it’s her first comp and unfortunately she has picked a big one“. I actually felt a bit sorry for her as I thought she would be outclassed.


You guessed it.......................beat the pants off all of us. Won both classes. She could really ride. My learning was to pull my head in, and never judge a book by its cover.

 

[FestiveFuzz]

I know the OP is tongue in cheek, but I think regardless of who you are (except maybe CDJ) there'll always be someone better than you, with a shinier box and better bred/trained horse. The way I counter that is I remember that to childhood me I am literally living the dream with two beautiful gingers (one of which I've had since a foal!) and the means to travel wherever thanks to owning a horsebox (another dream come true!). Sure I'm probably not the best rider I could be, but my horses are healthy and happy and I enjoy them which is all that really matters in the grand scheme of things.

 

[MagicMelon]

Meh, I actually enjoy dragging my generally-scruffy not particularily bred horses out to events and then doing quite well (hopefully beating the posh horses). Everyone is on an even playing field IMO. Sure, dressage is a bit different as it definately helps having the posh looking horse in the first place. Ive always done BS and BE and my horses always jumped well so it didnt really matter how much money or whatever the next person had.

 

[Ish2020]

I can realate on how you are feeling I grew up with friends with big fancy warmbloods my parents couldn’t afford a horse I bought my first complete by myself horse at 17 years old wasn’t anything fancy definitely wasn’t a competition horse . So I can understand the jealousy feeling but I Love my horse to bits and would never sell her.

 

[Sprat]

Really interesting thread. I think it's really hard isn't it, it's so easy to compare yourself to the jones's. In this sport, there are ALWAYS going to be people better. Always going to have more money, be better riders, have the better horses, lorries and competition records. If you let it, you could become quite bitter about it.

I certainly have done. I've had my mare for 4 years now, and we are piddling about at Novice, dipping our toes in the elementary work in training. I go out to BD or UA shows and kick myself because we are stuck at the low - mid 60's, and was constantly comparing myself to others in the warm up. Why wasn't I riding better, why couldn't my horse be better put together, why couldn't I not fluff up transitions. It became draining, and I was putting so much pressure on myself it wasn't fun anymore. Sure, I could have sold my mare for something better produced which may have helped me, but I didn't want to, and I'm not sure that would have given me more enjoyment from it as what I needed to do was take the pressure off, work harder and enjoy myself more.

Of course someone who has ridden under excellent trainers on decent horses from a young age will be producing better results. I had a childhood of hooning around the countryside with my pals, and then I had a ten year break from riding. When I bought my first mare in my early 20's, I had to learn how to ride all over again.

Instead of letting the competition woes get me down, I've started hooning around the countryside again and having a whale of a time with my latest mare. We are jumping more, going to the gallops, blasting about in fields. I am still continuing with my dressage lessons, and when I feel like I have improved enough to be more competitive at the level I want to be then we will go out again. But I think more important is having a mindset change, as I will never be the best. But I can have a damn good time on my wonderful mare in the meantime.

 

[SEL]

Right now I'd just like any one of my 3 horses to actually be rideable and not just spend all my money at the vets

OP - I do know what you mean though and I've seen a lot more of it since we moved back to the South East. I don't remember so much money floating around kids and ponies when I was young, but perhaps I've got my rose tinted specs on. We were all on various degrees of shaggy at the local gymkhanas then.

I still find it odd watching prelim dressage at one of the local yards and seeing some extremely highly schooled horses doing very basic tests. I can't work out if their riders are just chasing rosettes or are too scared of failure to move up the levels. Perhaps that would show up their riding more??? Perhaps that's me being bitter and twisted

 

[milliepops]

I still find it odd watching prelim dressage at one of the local yards and seeing some extremely highly schooled horses doing very basic tests. I can't work out if their riders are just chasing rosettes or are too scared of failure to move up the levels. Perhaps that would show up their riding more??? Perhaps that's me being bitter and twisted

probably both but that means you can overtake them

hope you get a break from the vets visits soon :/

 

[Asha]

The post was a bit tongue in cheek! I'm just really despairing at the fact that after all these years I'm not a better rider!

Change your instructor. It is possible to train an old dog ( im not saying your an old dog,but you get what i mean ? )
Life is too short to not achieve your goals. Ive mixed up things on the instructor front and really picked up some fab tips. Which have helped my scores. Im never going to be the size 6 blonde bombshell on the perfectly behaved flashy warmblood ( oh i wish about the size 6 !) , but we can compete against them as my ID mare moves very nicely. Enjoy what you have, learn new things.. and then enjoy beating them in the ring.

 

[Muddywellies]

Right now I'd just like any one of my 3 horses to actually be rideable and not just spend all my money at the vets

OP - I do know what you mean though and I've seen a lot more of it since we moved back to the South East. I don't remember so much money floating around kids and ponies when I was young, but perhaps I've got my rose tinted specs on. We were all on various degrees of shaggy at the local gymkhanas then.

I still find it odd watching prelim dressage at one of the local yards and seeing some extremely highly schooled horses doing very basic tests. I can't work out if their riders are just chasing rosettes or are too scared of failure to move up the levels. Perhaps that would show up their riding more??? Perhaps that's me being bitter and twisted

Interesting you have said this. To a small extent I'm involved behind the scenes and it constantly amazes (and frustrates) me how many riders on very capable horses, are riding at levels far lower than they ought to be. I honestly think somehow dressage needs an almighty shake up. People say it's a level playing field - it's really not. More people should be competing HC rather than taking ribbons and pennies home that ought to go to others.

 

[LEC]

I think this is a very good point but for the average amateur owner-rider it's difficult to do everything at once. If you're training a horse it's hard to also be super focussed on your position etc as well. Not impossible, but very hard. I have one that feels genuinely on her way to GP now and I can think about what I'm doing to make the picture better when we're toddling round having an easy day, but when working on exercises that we're both learning for the first time it's almost impossible to find the brain space for "are my thumbs on top in these 1 tempis" because by the time I've thought of that I've missed the aids

so yes I agree with the principle and it's attention to detail and good practice that makes the difference, but I think lots of mere mortals will be in the same boat of simply not being able to spin all the plates.

(too many metaphors there but its been a long day already )

So this is where you need to have different goals - so one day I will be going round a course of jumps and go its about the horse today. The next time the jumps will be easier because of the work which has gone in and the focus will be on me. In order to make marginal gains you need to be at the concious competence stage which if you are learning new things you wont be. You will be at concious/unconcious incompetence. If you wanted to work on yourself you would step back from 1 time tempis and instead work on 4 time as this is where you are probably conciously competent and you can make the most marginal gains for improvement.

 

[milliepops]

MW are you talking aff or unaff. Because affiliated rules permit what they permit and what one person's moral view about what's right and wrong is sort of irrelevant. Unaff it's up to the show centre or organisation (eg. trailblazers) to rule people out based on their past success.

I actually feel it's reasonably fair, there's loads I can't do - I can't do any riding club dressage any more, I can't do any trailblazers, I can only ride in open sections unaff if they have them (though I do use HC if there aren't any ) even on my numpty ROR that is not in any way established.
BD clearly are reviewing people against the rules, just yesterday BD wales announced a shake up of the placings at the petplan champs prelim class where the winner appears to be ineligible so they've been E-d retrospectively. bit of a surprise that got through the pre-checks but human error obviously happens.

 

[milliepops]

So this is where you need to have different goals - so one day I will be going round a course of jumps and go its about the horse today. The next time the jumps will be easier because of the work which has gone in and the focus will be on me. In order to make marginal gains you need to be at the concious competence stage which if you are learning new things you wont be. You will be at concious/unconcious incompetence. If you wanted to work on yourself you would step back from 1 time tempis and instead work on 4 time as this is where you are probably conciously competent and you can make the most marginal gains for improvement.

yeah I agree and that is what we do obviously. But from a rider POV it's hard to not want everything straight away, and I think what I was getting at with my post is that amateurs with limited horses need to cut themselves a break now and then and recognise that it's harder by definition to go it all. it's so easy to start feeling inadequate because you can't do your thumbs on top day alongside your 1 tempis alongside your sitting trot day and then do some gym ball work and also back a youngster because you have a pesky full time job to fit in around it

 

[Sprat]

yeah I agree and that is what we do obviously. But from a rider POV it's hard to not want everything straight away, and I think what I was getting at with my post is that amateurs with limited horses need to cut themselves a break now and then and recognise that it's harder by definition to go it all. it's so easy to start feeling inadequate because you can't do your thumbs on top day alongside your 1 tempis alongside your sitting trot day and then do some gym ball work and also back a youngster because you have a pesky full time job to fit in around it

Couldn't agree more. I'm sure everyone would improve with 5-6 horses to ride a day, but this just isn't feasible for the average hobby owner

 

[Annagain]

The thing I'm most jealous about when I see these families is that they're doing it together. That's for the families where they all seem to want to be doing it anyway, not the ones where parents seem to be forcing their kids to do it! In 30+ years of horse ownership, my dad has been to watch me once and my mum about 5 times. I adore them and we have a great relationship but it would be nice to share a big part of my life with them. They're just not horsey and mum is very open that she hates watching me jump in particular as she's so scared I'll fall off and hurt myself. Since I was 13, I would head off on the big shared transport lorry with friends or hack to local shows for the day and tie up to a friend's trailer being very jealous of the car and trailer and the mum who had driven it there. It's stood me in good stead as I'm always on my own these days too whereas lots of friends can't go anywhere without help!