Fighting the fear?

HufflyPuffly

HufflyPuffly

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How do you fight the fear of ruining a horse?

I never thought I'd be so anxious about messing up a horse, with the other two I was super happy to crack on and not give the bad parts too much thought. But with Skylla I am 'so' aware that everything she does is a product of my training! I specifically went out and bought a youngster as I wanted to have a blank slate to work with, rather than working around other peoples mistakes (and I do love it), so it makes no rational sense that I'm now fearing every wrong step as the one that ruins her.

She is a bit quirky, is that because of me? Or just she's a fairly independent, sassy little horse...

This waffling comes to you from the consciously incompetent person, because she refused a fence yesterday xc schooling :eek: (it was a decent palisade, with a hedge on the top and a small ditch in front, you know perfectly simple and easy, not :rolleyes:). I know that if I am logical about it, all horses will have a stop at some point (or will they, do professionals do it so well the horse never loses a good experience out of the jar?) and the fact we broke it down, worked out the question and then she did jump it a couple of times means it's fine and overall she was a complete superstar, means I should be happy with the day right? Not stressing about my ability to reasonably assess what the training steps up should be.

I know you have to push the boundaries of the comfort zone to continue to improve, but gah I am being such a bloody nervous nelly about it and it's annoying me! We have regular lessons which I love, but I need to also be able to train independently with confidence, as I can't really have my hand held every time I ride (as appealing as that sounds :p).

Any advice, tips, words of wisdom... that-I-can-print-out-attach-to-my-hat-and-read-whilst-riding-so-I'm-never-having-to-do-it-all-on-my-own...

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My thoughts are that you can't find out the limits without occasionally crossing them. That is not just about jumping, it is about contact, pressing the buttons dressage, meeting traffic, everything.

If you never found the limit you would not know how far is too far, and if they go too long without having a mishap and learning how to work through it while it is still quite easy and easily overcome, then I think you are setting a problem up for the future.
 
The scary thing about horses is they learn the "wrong" thing so easily.
The great thing about horses is they are so adaptable, you can re-teach them the "right" thing pretty easily too.

She's an honest horse, you're a decent rider. You get plenty of input and she's on an upward trajectory. I understand where you're coming from but i think you need a sense check ;) you and she will both make mistakes along the way, that is normal, and it's how you deal with them that matters. You've just described a really productive way of dealing with a little mistake. So you're doing the right things!
 
FWIW my latest project is frightened of making mistakes himself. He tries so hard, then freaks out if he thinks he did the wrong thing. So I have found I have to put him in the position now and then, of getting something slightly wrong, so that he learns that it's OK and we just correct it.
Mistakes are good learning opportunities, for everyone :)
 
Interesting I hadn't thought of it like that!
I'll try and really think about the mistakes being learning opportunities.

It was the combination of height, plus hedge on top and ditch which she only spotted after she stopped. So we then had to jump the ditch on its own, then the rail over the ditch, and then come back to the palisade before she really hesitantly jumped it, so we jumped it again more confidently before moving on and jumping some nice small ones to finish.

I do know that I am doing the 'right' things, but I am overthinking it like mad and if it wasn't for my lovely mum and friend being with me yesterday would have had a complete (even more than this lol) wobble of confidence at my own ability... Which led me to write this, as how can I become more independently confident without needing someone telling me I'm doing it right... See I'm being annoying even to myself lol!
 
As above if we were all perfect, we never made a minor mistake we would either be at the top of the game or never move on from the very basics, some would be looking at the young horse, now old, in the field waiting for it to be the right time to start working it.

Learn from your mistakes, try not to dwell on them but equally do not let the odd one stop you pushing the boundaries a little, I nearly always go back a step to finish on an easy note with younger horses, even if there have been no problems, and find that can really help consolidate every jump session by ending with something they can ping over making less effort.
 
AlexHyde said:
I do know that I am doing the 'right' things, but I am overthinking it like mad and if it wasn't for my lovely mum and friend being with me yesterday would have had a complete (even more than this lol) wobble of confidence at my own ability... Which led me to write this, as how can I become more independently confident without needing someone telling me I'm doing it right... See I'm being annoying even to myself lol!
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TBH I think we all get this sudden total loss of confidence in our abilities now and then! There are so many variables when riding/training horses it's really hard to get everything to go totally right so you feel like it's all gone perfectly. Anyone who is trying to improve will always notice the bits that didn't go perfectly and I think it can snowball into a paralysing state if you dwell on them. So. take a step back, look at the overall picture - she's come on leaps & bounds and that's all your work.
 
Oh the joys of bringing on a young horse!! Such an emotional rollercoaster because one minute it’s all going great and then it’s not and you question yourself and beat yourself up constantly about whether anything that goes wrong is your fault. Such amazing highs when it all comes together....... and crashing lows when it doesn’t.

No pearls of wisdom except make the most of the highs and try not to dwell too much on the lows. Also be patient and don’t be afraid to go back a step and build confidence until they really get it. I fell off my youngster for the very first time cross country schooling a few weeks back and it really knocked his confidence. Since then he has been overthinking everything so we have taken a few steps back to build him back up. Until then he had been ridiculously bold, so I’ve had to adjust to riding the less bold horse I now find beneath me. The good thing is we are getting our mojo back and I’m sure you two will too. I’ve found that trust and a strong bond can overcome most things.
 
Dunno, but if you ever work out how to rid yourself of that particular worry can you let me know!
But yeah, like others have said up thread, finding a difficulty and working through it with a positive outcome is often when massive amounts of learning take place and trust gets developed. So even though at the time you get off feeling a bit morose about the session you often get back on the next time and have a far more positive experience.

But yeah, no matter how many horses I back and school I still mither that there's some sign I've missed and therefore I'm ruining them/breaking them physically and don't even realise :eek:. But I'm a worry wart.
 
I asked myself many a time had I overhorsed myself buying Skye as a 6 year old, my answer was technicality wise - no. I had the tools and the knowledge to ride and manage her. Confidence and self belief wise - yes.

She did learn so many bad habits from my confidence incompetence, nappy, rude, tense, loss of independence, but I don't measure it now on what I did that was wrong, but my ability to get the help to work on fixing it, and adapting my skills to deal with it further. Like you did, yeah maybe you overfaced her- but you broke it down and got to the place you wanted to be initially. There's the horsemanship - you adapted your approach to inspire confidence and ability in the horse and managed the desired outcome. You didn't spin her round and point her at it again and again until the session and her trust disintegrated.

You've done a grand job. She's such a super well rounded little horse - pat yourself on the back and get on with it!
 
I think I just want it to be a nice smooth trajectory up :p which is completely un-achievable lol!

Thanks all, you've given my mood a lift and Skylla is out in a field stuffing her face with grass 100% not caring about that fence yesterday lol. Will try and be more rational in future...
 
I feel the same fear as everyone else, and the same self doubt. My coach always tells me that allowing a horse to make a mistake is a learning opportunity, dare them to make a mistake. If they never make a mistake, how can we correct them and teach them what we actually want. I find that advice very useful in changing how I look at things. To me, what you did and how you approached the 'mistake' was exactly correct, and you both learnt from it. I know how you felt after and I have felt exactly the same but really next time you go out it will be with far more confidence.

I think all riders make mistakes with young, green horses. It's the riders who acknowledge that things aren't perfect that create a better learning environment and who ultimately get a nice horse because they are open to changing things up, taking a step back, and looking at the bigger picture.
 
She jumped the fence and you are asking yourself how you could have got to that point better.

Sounds like you're doing a great job to me.

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From her point of view she asked a question - 'is this really ok'. And you answered her by breaking the tasks down and showing her how they then fit together. She then said 'ok I'll give it a try' (jumped hesitantly). Then said 'ah yes you're right it's fine' (jumped confidently).

Sounds far more useful as a training and bonding exercise than if she just did not have a problem with the fence in the first place and jumped it without bother. Because one day she WILL dislike something and how you work through that successfully is the key to your partnership and her confidence in you.
 
Ah I love this forum! Thanks everyone, not sure I will entirely be able to shake off the little voices of doubt but at least I know I'm not alone and I will try and be more confident that my approach is working!

I guess I feel bad that I put her in a position that she didn't understand the question, she is so bold once she understands I really, really don't want to spoil it. Completely barking mind, when you think that we're less than a month from where she refused all fences on the first attempt...
 
Something stuck in my head about this and I was thinking about it earlier. I doubt pros shelter their youngsters from making mistakes either - obviously no one intentionally dumps a horse in a bad situation but esp for XC you want the horse to be able to think for itself now and then - if you are always putting them on the perfect stride or never showing them something they don't have to work out, then they will never be able to look after YOU when it counts ;)
 
milliepops said:
Something stuck in my head about this and I was thinking about it earlier. I doubt pros shelter their youngsters from making mistakes either - obviously no one intentionally dumps a horse in a bad situation but esp for XC you want the horse to be able to think for itself now and then - if you are always putting them on the perfect stride or never showing them something they don't have to work out, then they will never be able to look after YOU when it counts ;)
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Ah look at you coming up with even more reasonable thoughts :p, my irrational side is still going nooooo you are still rubbish don't believe the internet :p.
 
You put it really nicely yourself in that its better to think of mistakes as learning opportunities.

When i was younger it was all about seeing a stride and i used to worry that i couldn't and wouldn't be able to ride as i couldn't see a stride, now it's all about riding a rhythm and let the horse work it out which is so much easier on both horse and rider. A few good riders i look up to both say they place their horses at fences but then what happens when they miss? So now they have to try and intentionally miss a little or not place so the horse can work out what to do for themselves. The one rider does a lot of eventing and says the horse needs to think for themselves and cannot rely on the rider as if we make a mistake then it will result in a big accident.
 
I think even in your first post you’ve got the tools there to get you through this. Just need to turn that inner voice around, and it sounds like you’re already there.

I’m very much the same but less competent than you! I know my horse would be far better in someone else’s hands, but equally he could be worse too. So I bumble on through and try to break it down into what I need to do, not what I’ve done wrong.

Like MP says, I’ve found that yes I can hamper him and we have some blips, but also I don’t appear to have ruined him totally and they are pretty forgiving beings, thank goodness!
 
Thank you for posting this - finding all the replies very helpful. I'm currently going through an 'I'm ruining him' crisis of confidence, so hearing how others also have this and how they approach it is very useful. Thanks :-)

OP I think you are doing an amazing job with your lovely mare
 
Ah thank you guys :), I'm going to really try and stop being so neurotic about her, as she doesn't care about reaching her potential as long as she gets food lol. Funny how youngsters get you!
 
Just reading Tik Maynard's book again in preparation for the clinic this week (eeeeks) and he says this:

"I see 2 ways to build confidence in horses: One is to keep having positive, successful experiences. The second is to go through something difficult, but to come out okay on the other side".
 
Ambers Echo said:
Just reading Tik Maynard's book again in preparation for the clinic this week (eeeeks) and he says this:

"I see 2 ways to build confidence in horses: One is to keep having positive, successful experiences. The second is to go through something difficult, but to come out okay on the other side".
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I think I 'want' to do it the first way, but actually I'm going to have to accept the second way!

Good luck for your clinic xx
 
AlexHyde said:
I think I 'want' to do it the first way, but actually I'm going to have to accept the second way!

Good luck for your clinic xx
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No you are doing a mix of the two which is what most of us in reality will be doing, even riding a made horse we have to go through a few more difficult challenges, it is how you come out of it that really counts as to whether it can turn something difficult into a positive.
 
I agree, a mix of the 2 is what is ideal :)

If you only have positive experiences in training, then having a negative one at a show or unfamiliar environment would leave you crushed. You need those learning events to build confidence in your ability as a partnership to solve problems.

Going to use a Darcy example again as it's a current theme for us... he needs to make a mistake to learn that I am not going to tell him off for it - he has got noticeably less anxious through this process. Likewise I need him to make a mistake, have a little freak out and find that we come through it easily enough, to have confidence that he's not going to deck me! I always feel braver in the moments after we have resolved a problem, because it's money in the "we can fix it together" confidence piggy bank!

If he always behaved 100% as I hoped, then I'd be worrying that one day the wheels would come off. perhaps at his first show, or whatever. but as it happens I know he might startle and shoot off for a stride but now he knows not to run off blindly and we can face the challenge together.
 
Completely agree MP - I need to know that the wheels can fall off a little without it going horribly wrong and the horse needs to find out that when they have a crisis that I will make it all ok again.
 
You learn to live with the fear and do it anyway! Training horses always causes me to doubt and second guess myself, and I've done it all my life, in the end I just trust my instinct and listen to my horses, and it seems to work out ok.

Keeping things perfect is unrealistic and not how you learn, you have to make mistakes to make progress, just always be fair to the horse and try to end every session on a positive note.
 
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