Forum Bully Behavior - Observation

[ponypilotmum]

I will mention no names, but there are those who feel ONLY their opinion is valid, and when someone has an opposing view all the other person's friends come on and start backing them up. Sarcasm is only funny if it's in keeping with the tone of the post.
As for taking over almost every thread with a group of three or four discussing their own personal 'in' jokes about whether their pony or another member's WB is the mightier or not (?) - yawn, it's ruining some very informative threads, and putting people off posting.
I just feel that there are some people who need to realise that just because their friends / mummy/ au pair think they're the bees knees and the best horse rider in the whole wide world, doesn't mean the rest of the world has to think it too or face the wrath of their friends.
If you post nasty remarks on someone's thread, then don't cry when they get annoyed with you. Honesty is one thing, cruel remarks just to show off because you think you're some kind of expert is another... and it's easy to see the difference.
Bullying? no
Immaturity? yes.
Sorry, just my opinion

 

[Lady La La]

LLL, really? I genuinely don't believe that poster was being sarcastic. I believe she was saying that her mare is so far away from the condition she was in the previous year that she is now fat - a description which a number of people seemed to agree was in line with the photos she provided (even if you disagree). If she were being sarcastic then surely she deserves as much wrath from other forum members as I do for being sarcastic, since according to some on here, it is the 8th deadly sin

I'm not sure why you feel I have a problem with others posting "whatever they like". I don't, within reason. However, there were a handful of very personal insults thrown at me on that (and previous threads), which were in breach of the T&Cs, and though I didn't report them, since they were removed by TFC, that is not my subjective opinion, but actual fact. Other than those specific cases, I have never suggested that others can't post exactly what they please. However, on an open forum, they may get replies they dislike. I certainly do...

I didn't say she was being sarcastic, I said the explanation marks and smiley faces made for a jokey, excited feel. I am not and never would condone any personal insults being thrown towards another poster, its not something I've seen you do and it's certainly not something I think you should have had to put up with. The point I was trying to make is that unless it is you that is posting, you seem to have very little tolerance for what is being posted.
For example, I do not think that Jadeyy *really* thought her mare was 'a fat beast' just the same as I do not think that you *really* lopped off Ferg's front legs... You both wrote something joke like in a thread, and you both used these ... but aparently Jadeyy doing it wasn't allowed because she was making light of her horses gross weight. Despite the fact the horse wasn't grossly over weight.

As I've said above, if you had concerns over the mares weight then I do believe that yes you should have brought it up with the OP, but not in the unhelpful way that you opted for, especially as you were aware of the posters history with her horse. You could have posted in a way that would have been far more beneficial to a novice horse owner battling with a horses weight problems.

 

[JFTDWS]

For example, I do not think that Jadeyy *really* thought her mare was 'a fat beast' just the same as I do not think that you *really* lopped off Ferg's front legs... You both wrote something joke like in a thread, and you both used these ... but aparently Jadeyy doing it wasn't allowed because she was making light of her horses gross weight. Despite the fact the horse wasn't grossly over weight.

As I've said above, if you had concerns over the mares weight then I do believe that yes you should have brought it up with the OP, but not in the unhelpful way that you opted for, especially as you were aware of the posters history with her horse. You could have posted in a way that would have been far more beneficial to a novice horse owner battling with a horses weight problems.

I do think that it's somewhat different to describe your horse as "fat" than to say you chopped its legs off. I think the ridiculous-ness of the latter implies that it is spoken in jest. Sadly the prospect of an owner having a fat horse is not ridiculous - given the epidemic of equine obesity in this country right now. I never said she wasn't "allowed" to say it, but if you do say it, surely you expect replies like that? I know I would if I posted similar on here. I should stress that while you don't think that the horse is overweight, I do think the photos showed an overweight horse at the start of spring (allegedly, this is apparently spring?) which were of concern to me.

Yes, in hindsight perhaps I should have worded it differently. I didn't expect the statement to be taken in the way it was - it was meant as a lighthearted, though somewhat abrupt way of making a point - not some obscure point, the exact statement I made was the point - it was not sarcastic or obtuse. Iirc, I did re-word several times before posting, but I felt that elaboration diluted the point itself and appeared condescending to the OP. Ironic that it was worded thus so as not to offend the op, and yet it sparked such a debate.

 

[Lady La La]

Yeah, that is pretty ironic.
The point was, Jadeyy did not think her horse was fat. If she did, I'm pretty certain she wouldn't have posted given the greif she's recieved previously regarding the mares weight...
You didn't lop Fergs legs off, Jadeyy didn't think her horse was fat.
Anyway, I digress...
I don't think you're a forum bully, and I'm glad you didn't chop your horses legs off, I spotted you at a horseball match & I think he's rather lovely.

I don't think I've ever whitnessed bullying on this forum, but then I've been called a bully once or twice so perhaps my judgement is a bit wonky.

 

[quirky]

Quite!! But some people can never look outside of the box can they?! In the eyes of some anybody who tends to agree with someone else must be a butt licker rather than just, well, merely agreeing with them!!

Actually, the image of somebody licking somebody else's butt makes me feel quite nauseous, so it isn't something I like to think about.

I tend to agree with many people on here ... it doesn't mean I want to get my tongue anywhere near their butt crack and I'm sure those that 'hunt in packs' are of the same mindset

 

[JFTDWS]

Whether she thought it or not (I don't know, I'm not a psychic ) I think that the point was well made later in the thread by many posters that she should keep a close eye and ensure her weight is kept in check, which I'm sure she has, so alls well that ends well

I'm glad you didn't chop your horses legs off, I spotted you at a horseball match & I think he's rather lovely.

Thanks He's short enough already, without his legs we'd be in real trouble

 

[Moomin1]

Well ladies, I HAD thought you were a bit cliquey, but now you have fully persuaded me you are not.

Wagtail I have never met, and am never likely to meet, DH or JFTD!! Haven't even got a clue what their names are in RL!

FWIW I only know two people on HHO, one being Pootleperkin, and the other being Cobrastyle. I am not a member of any 'clique', I have my own opinions and my own brain in my head (I think!). If I tend to agree more with JFTD then it is merely down to perhaps having the same ideas/morals/outlook on issues?!

 

[Achinghips]

This thread makes me feel sick. Shame on you egoists.

 

[mcnaughty]

OP - there is loads of very bad behaviour on here - funnily enough, when you confront them they always blame it on you and say you have taken it the wrong way! I am continually amazed at this behaviour - though I shouldn't be!

People should read their posts before hitting the send button! Also, consider "would I say this to someone's face" - answer would usually be NO!

 

[Wagtail]

Wagtail I have never met, and am never likely to meet, DH or JFTD!! Haven't even got a clue what their names are in RL!

FWIW I only know two people on HHO, one being Pootleperkin, and the other being Cobrastyle. I am not a member of any 'clique', I have my own opinions and my own brain in my head (I think!). If I tend to agree more with JFTD then it is merely down to perhaps having the same ideas/morals/outlook on issues?!

Of course it is.

Actually, to be fair, I hadn't had you down as one of them before this thread. I just thought you all protested 'too much'.

 

[JFTDWS]

Of course it is.

Actually, to be fair, I hadn't had you down as one of them before this thread. I just thought you all protested 'too much'.

Well, since an accusation of off forum "rallying" of support was levelled at one of "us" (and I say "us" loosely, we happen to be a group of generally like minded individuals who tend to end up on the same threads on a forum - if that is the latest definition of a clique, then that is what we are) it seemed pertinent to point out the fallibility of that logic.

I've never understood the problem with cliques, anyway. Surely in any environment, individuals with similar views tend to cluster together

 

[Wagtail]

I've never understood the problem with cliques, anyway. Surely in any environment, individuals with similar views tend to cluster together

Then why deny you are in one?

No, there is no problem with cliques unless they cause upset to others.

 

[JFTDWS]

Then why deny you are in one?

No, there is no problem with cliques unless they cause upset to others.

Erm, because not minding them isn't the same as being in one?

I don't see a problem with marching brass bands, doesn't mean I am a member of one!

 

[DH1]

Individuals with a similar interests and views are naturally bound to gravitate towards each other. The thing is that I find interesting though, is just how many threads on a thousand different subjects, attract the same group of posters. Uncanny, you can almost set your watch by the processional arrival of some individuals.

 

[ELFSBELLS]

There are a few on here that think by posting on the same threads and making a joke of the thread between themselves, is clever and funny, imo it is bullying, and said people need to grow up, it's the old adage of being somewhat anonymous and thinking there are no repurcutions (spelling ) they need to grow up !!

 

[Kokopelli]

TBH I'm still a bit hurt after the many horrible comments and worse PMs on how I neglected my horse, he's so harmed from my 'neglect' now of course as you can see from my signature. :rolleyeys:

It's part of the reason I come on here because people do jump on the bandwagon, I wouldn't call it bullying but it still isn't a pleasant experience.

 

[DougalJ]

As the old saying goes "it's not what you say it's how you say it" and that is portrayed in the tone of replies that are on here. Without opinions, forums would be boring and a good heated debate is good to read, follow and join in. BUT some posters can be a little too choice with their words and they I am sure would not say it to the poster face if you took the computer screen away. I don't believe that we should all have fluffy opinions just to make it like Tellytubby Land but some should think twice before they post in what tone or manner they are portraying.
I've seen some threads which truly amaze me that they are allowed to get away with their condescending comments. We were all novices once and wanted advice on a hobby we all mutually love. This is why we are on this forum - we love all things equine! Some on here i think forget this.... However the majority of members on here are fab and I've learnt much from the advice that has been given over the years.

 

[chocolate_cake]

I only lurk but like the silly posts it would be boring without it. If you don't like it then thats fine but I think saying people are bullies is not on.

This post seems to have give people the excuse to point a finger at people they dislike or have a sort of grudge against and I think that is just as much bullying as anything I have read on here.

 

[Goldenstar]

There are a few on here that think by posting on the same threads and making a joke of the thread between themselves, is clever and funny, imo it is bullying, and said people need to grow up, it's the old adage of being somewhat anonymous and thinking there are no repurcutions (spelling ) they need to grow up !!

If you think having a joke with a thread is bulling you have never seen or experianced it ,now clearly there are threads where having a joke would be inappropriate for example my OH has died and I have to sell my horse making a joke of a thread like that would be clearly inappropriate.
But I make a joke of things in real life i dont see why I should be different on the forum to protect your sensilbilties and what I see on this thread one persons victim is another's bully it's not up to you (or me )to dictate if others makes a joke.
If you don't like a thread don't read it there are threads I never read, so what . I only remember one thread where a young person was getting a lot of stick but she was flighting her corner well and although I was uncomfortable with it I doult it harmed her
I will joke if I what to joke I am not even sorry you don't like it and I am no bully.

 

[Wagtail]

Erm, because not minding them isn't the same as being in one?

I don't see a problem with marching brass bands, doesn't mean I am a member of one!

I find this very strange that people mention cliques on here and mention no names, then suddenly you are here, denying you are in one! My comment came after this big song and a dance show you made denying being in a clique.

Anyway, I just found it all quite amusing, hence my comment.

 

[Hedgewitch13]

Of course bullies never see themselves as that. It's always their 'opinion', which seems to be a get out clause.

 

[JFTDWS]

I find this very strange that people mention cliques on here and mention no names, then suddenly you are here, denying you are in one! My comment came after this big song and a dance show you made denying being in a clique.

Anyway, I just found it all quite amusing, hence my comment.

I don't recall any singing or dancing on this thread? I do recall a few explanations in response to some very unsubtle comments I think, as with many things on a forum, you see what you want to see and it proves what you want it to prove

 

[horsegirl]

In the same way that the people "being bullied" always cry that as soon as someone disagrees?

How can anyone be bullied on an online forum? No one forces people to come on here. If you don't like what people are saying either put them on ui, stay out of the thread or switch off your pc. IMO people need to stop being so sensitive, grow a pair and take responsibility for their own lives. And if anyone disagrees with me I shall cry "bully" and report the post

 

[Lady La La]

I can't quote, but:
"There are a few on here that think by posting on the same threads and making a joke of the thread between themselves, is clever and funny, imo it is bullying, and said people need to grow up"

How is turning a thread into something funny, bullying? I admit it can get quite tedius at times but bullying it aint.

 

[chocolate_cake]

But having an opinion is not bullying. People seem not to understnad the difference between having opinions and being deliberately personall towards someone. You might not like the opinion, you might find it hurtful but everyone is allowed to have, and share their own opinions.

I don't understand if bullying is bad on here why is everybody who is getting upset not reporting it? I think anybody who truly believes there is bullying and who does nothing is almost as bad as the bullies themselves and should be ashamed of themselves.

 

[Wagtail]

In the same way that the people "being bullied" always cry that as soon as someone disagrees?

How can anyone be bullied on an online forum? No one forces people to come on here. If you don't like what people are saying either put them on ui, stay out of the thread or switch off your pc. IMO people need to stop being so sensitive, grow a pair and take responsibility for their own lives. And if anyone disagrees with me I shall cry "bully" and report the post

Actually, your behaviour on a recent thread could very easily be construed as bullying. Picking on someone for their bad grammar and mocking them. Shame on you. Quite disgusting behaviour IMO. So why am I not surprised you deny that bullying can take place on forums?

 

[JFTDWS]

Actually, your behaviour on a recent thread could very easily be construed as bullying. Picking on someone for their bad grammar and mocking them. Shame on you. Quite disgusting behaviour IMO. So why am I not surprised you deny that bullying can take place on forums?

Harsh

 

[ELFSBELLS]

Lady La La, it is not the point of turning a thread into fun, it is the point of making fun of people between a certain few, that is not fun, that imo is bullying !

 

[Wagtail]

Harsh

It needed saying.

 

[horsegirl]

The person in question called me an idiot so I think I can say what I like in return. I believe calling my behaviour disgusting is bullying so shame on you!

Also correcting people is not the same as mocking, how on earth did you cope at school? What do you do if your boss tells you something is incorrect? Call him/her a bully and run away?