Getting your partner interested in horses... any success stories?

[EchoInterrupted]

So I'm sure we've all at some point hoped/wished that our partner would see that horses really are the best (if also depressingly expensive) hobby. My boyfriend has been exposed to horses (his mum co-owns one with another lady), but to his mother's disappointment never got into it as a child. She stopped trying as he got older, so he hasn't been out to see her horse in over a decade (probably more). I've been sharing a horse for the last several months and this week the boyfriend was finally able to come out and meet him and watch a lesson, now that Covid restrictions are slowly being lifted. He said the riding looked fun, but that he doesn't think he would enjoy all the stuff around it (yard chores, 30 min commute each way) and that it would put him off riding.

Today I mentioned to him that the riding school on the yard would be able to "rent" me a novice friendly horse for an afternoon so I could give him a basic lesson and do a very easy hack with him. He actually seemed super keen and even brought it up again later saying he wants to schedule it rather than it being something sitting on the back burner that we never end up doing.

A small part of me is hopeful... any success stories out there of partner's getting into horseback riding?

Note this is 95% a joking thread - while it would be fab if he eventually rode a bit, I have no expectations of him ever *actually* getting into horses He has his own hobbies he is perfectly happy with and we have a couple shared hobbies as well (or at least I pretend to have other interests besides the horses )

 

[Ceifer]

Personally it would be my idea of hell if my partner took up riding ?.
I like we have separate hobbies. He’s supportive of my riding and all the time I spend with my horse.
I had an ex many moons ago that took up riding. I think more as an effort to ‘woo’ me. But it was a painful experience watching him plonk about and I was terrified he was going to fall off.
So sorry not a success story. But he did look good in breeches so that was great ?

 

[Scotsbadboy]

Tried it, failed, never again. Granted it didnt help he was having lesson on my sports horse rather than your typical dead to the leg, safe as houses, R S type which didnt help! But no, i like my own hobby, he has his own (is killing people on the PS5 a hobby?)

Nope, no nooooooo!

 

[sport horse]

Yes - choose one that rides anyway!

 

[milliepops]

Yes - choose one that rides anyway!

haha
Mine can ride, used to ride, now doesn't ride and we can all pretend he's an expert while he maintains he can't afford to get injured so leaves me to it

 

[AmyMay]

I’ve never had any desire in my partner’s wanting to be involved or interested in my horses.

Mother of God, just no! ??

 

[Griffin]

I have always thought it is more useful to have a partner who wanted to do the yard jobs while I ride but I can see the appeal of going for hacks together (using them as a shield on the road ).

I do know of a few partners who have got into horses, usually it seems to be able to spend more time with their significant other (or see where the money is going if I am being cynical).

 

[Caol Ila]

Mine has no interest in learning how to ride but he likes being around horses. Since we've been together, he has learned how to clean a stable, put on a headcollar or a rug and even a bridle, pick feet, and lead a horse. He's now competent enough to handle the 28-year old without supervision.

 

[smolmaus]

I would settle for the OH not being scared of them tbh ? He wasn't an animal person at all before we met but now he is a very involved Cat Dad and he is very attached to the hamsters (though they remain "mine") so I have no doubt when the time comes he will adapt and grow to love the pony too!

He met a few of the rescue ponies briefly when we went up to meet and collect the cats (same rescue) but we stuck to the herd of tinies as he seemed a bit nervous of the big geldings. Didn't tell him till after he had it the wrong way round in terms of "safety"

 

[EchoInterrupted]

Interesting that there's so many people who would hate it if their partner got into riding hahaha.

For me it's not that I want him around at the yard all the time (it has been super nice to have some time apart when I'm at the yard during lockdown), and more that it would be nice to occasionally hack out together, for him to have enough interest in it to come watch some competitions once I start competing again, maybe be open to doing beach rides on vacations, that type of thing (ETA I'm sure he would already be "willing" to do these things now, but might be nicer for everyone if there's some genuine interest there haha). I don't think I would ever expect or want it to be a primary hobby of his. And the idea of him trying to ride my current share (an 18h ex-eventer with big paces) is slightly terrifying haha (hence the plod along riding school horse for him to hack)

 

[EchoInterrupted]

Personally it would be my idea of hell if my partner took up riding ?.
I like we have separate hobbies. He’s supportive of my riding and all the time I spend with my horse.
I had an ex many moons ago that took up riding. I think more as an effort to ‘woo’ me. But it was a painful experience watching him plonk about and I was terrified he was going to fall off.
So sorry not a success story. But he did look good in breeches so that was great ?

Thankfully we are well past the "wooing" stage so I can be confident that if he didn't like it he wouldn't try it again. We've been together a good while - I just got back into horses this past fall after about 8 years out of the saddle, which is why he never had been exposed to that side of me before. It's actually his mum taking me out to ride once while we were visiting them last year that got me back into it. When his mum and I got back to theirs that day, my partner said that it was the widest smile he had ever seen on my face (even if I couldn't walk for a day after).

And the "plonking around" sounds painful to watch haha

 

[LiquidMetal]

Mine rides well enough we could go for a hack if our other horse was suitable but he’s never going to be really interested and I don’t want him to be. If he got interested in horses, I’d have to become much more invested in golf and I don’t see that happening. I like having my own thing and he has his own. That said, he is extremely supportive and will come watch lessons, clinics, shows, help haul to vet, etc if I need. I taught him how to recognize a lead change a few years ago and that’s his favourite piece of lingo to drop in - regardless of what the horse is doing.

We keep our horses at home and fortunately, my husband is extremely helpful with the various chores related to them.

 

[MuddyMonster]

I'm fairly confident my OH wouldn't recognise my horse without me there!

He takes an interest and is supportive day to day (but more so when it goes wrong) and is happy to come for a bike ride whilst I'm hacking every now and then on a nice day but I'm happy with his generally hands off approach. It's far easier to hide the cost ? I'm sure he feels the same about his golf!

 

[WineOClock]

Riding, no. But he can muck out, drive a horse box, and give a bulls**t commentary on a dressage test that would probably convince the uninitiated. Good enough for me

 

[dogatemysalad]

We met through horses and it was lovely to ride together and share yard jobs. These days, we're down to one horse, which is mine, but husband still does the clipping and ground work several times a week and has the occasional ride.
It's really nice to have a partner who knows how time consuming horses are.

 

[paddi22]

a woman I know really wanted her husband to take it up. she kind of forced him into it, but then he totally got obsessed. He had her driven demented telling her the best way to do things. they he decided he didn't like the horse she had as it wasn't big enough for him (he was a huge man), so they got this 17hand maxi cob elephant of a thing, which she absolutely hated riding. he disappeared off with it every weekend to go hunter trialling and it was wrecked when she rode it the next day. then he got their kids into riding too and turned into a crazy pony club competitive dad.

she used to love just coming up and having quiet time with her horse, and then she ended up with a horse she hated and her whole family plus kids there all the time.

 

[Rowreach]

I've always thought it was rather strange to want a partner to take up the same hobby - I quite like it being my thing and not his thing. I did have a client who wanted me to teach her husband to ride. He took to it like a duck to water and went to a show a couple of weeks after he started and jumped clear on her horse. She was really really miffed about that

Mine, although he does very scary and dangerous things for a job, is extremely wary of horses and has made me promise I'll never make him get on one. Happy days!

 

[throwawayaccount]

my partner flat out isn't interested and thinks its a waste of money. i mean, it does cost a lot. it costs everything.

but horses give you memories and teach you so much and for me, how to be a better person.

he does occasionally help but uses the allergies excuse more than anything...

 

[Red-1]

Mine learned, didn't know anything about them when we met, but saw I was happier with them in my life and encouraged me to buy one. He tried some RS lessons, but they were, by-enlarge, dire. They even managed to injure him in perfectly predictable ways.

He was down about it, so I borrowed a horse from our farrier, a 24yo who had been out of work for a year. I did give some initial lessons, such as how to bridle (managed to get knocked out demo-ing, but that is another story!). It was successful as I dared to leave him to it to make the mistakes. he would go out hacking, go to the bottom of a hill and blat to the top. Then prance sideways back to the bottom, the horse would leap an imaginary gate and they would blat to the top. When they were both tired, they would walk home.

The horse was in top health by the end of summer, and the loan was passed to a horsey lady, where he declined. Managed to get a sore back with a slip of a thing, whereas Mr Red was weighty but rode balanced.

We moved my horses home, he learned to be an event groom as well as doing chores. Then, I wanted to upgrade my horse and he bought the outgoing one for himself. It was an ID X TB eventer, but he was kind. I did, again, give some lessons so he knew where the buttons were, as this one was rather well schooled.

He never liked jumping, but went to some RC clinics and won some ribbons dressage. He loved that horse, and when the horse eventually needed to be PTS, he swore never to have another. He still helps me with mine though, would be capable of most things. He never learned to plait, trim feet, bandage wounds, and point blank refuses to willy wash, but he does pretty much everything else. Oh, no tack cleaning either, he bought himself plastic tack!

The secret? Let them make the mistakes. It becomes their hobby as much as yours. They are allowed a different point of view. Imagine how little fun you would have trying motor racing or whatever, if they constantly lorded it over you and told you what to do. Learning from mistakes is the way to go, just head off anything that is actually cruel to the horse or dangerous. Other than that... let the halter be upside down. Let the tack be dirty. Let them jump higher than they should. Let them canter round on the wrong leg.

We found RC lessons good, or private lessons where I would film but not participate or give an opinion. Mr Red some lessons from rather posh trainers, sometimes. He would book in with whoever I did. He sometimes disagreed with them, too. Usually I was too busy with my own horse at the box, so I could look sorry that his lesson hadn't gone to plan without getting involved. Never mind the day where he dropped a place in dressage when the test said F trot, before A canter. He thought a walk-canter (which he and the horse could execute perfectly) would get better marks and was indignant that it did not! But he had fun - more fun dropping the place on his own merits than if I had interfered and he had done the movement correctly and won. I did wonder why he was practicing walk-canter in the collecting ring, but then he was also doing shoulder-in and traverse, and a sort of half-pass, and none of those were required at prelim either!

 

[marmalade76]

Honestly, don't bother. Mine helps with poo picking, makes hay, does all my ground maintenance and that's it and that's the way I like it. If I took him to a show, he'd huff and puff all day and badger me about getting off home ASAP.

 

[EchoInterrupted]

a woman I know really wanted her husband to take it up. she kind of forced him into it, but then he totally got obsessed. He had her driven demented telling her the best way to do things. they he decided he didn't like the horse she had as it wasn't big enough for him (he was a huge man), so they got this 17hand maxi cob elephant of a thing, which she absolutely hated riding. he disappeared off with it every weekend to go hunter trialling and it was wrecked when she rode it the next day. then he got their kids into riding too and turned into a crazy pony club competitive dad.

she used to love just coming up and having quiet time with her horse, and then she ended up with a horse she hated and her whole family plus kids there all the time.

Oh my, never thought of it going like that. Maybe I should be more careful...

 

[Tarragon]

Nope. Married for nearly 30 years and I don't think he has come to the stables more than a dozen times in the whole of that time. I think that he is now resigned to it, and recognises that the ponies keep me sane, slim, healthy and happy. I earn their keep and have a financial "pony fund". I compromised early on, and tend to ride early in the morning and rarely spend more than half a day at a weekend out with the ponies. I think he would change it if he could, but knows that it isn't going to happen.
It is the only part of my life where I am in complete control and can make all the decisions. I quite like it ;-)

 

[suestowford]

I have done it, he had never had anything to do with animals at any time until he got together with me. Now we have lots of pets, including the ponies, and he does the poo picking every day. He even learned to ride - after thinking it looked 'so easy' and finding out the hard way it wasn't. He liked going fast and once he realised he would have to learn how to stay on he got lessons. I did not teach him!

 

[The Jokers Girl]

I love that my husband is totally uninterested. Before lockdown the most he would do was get her in from field whilst I was mucking out.
He has so little interest he is happy for me to go off an enjoy my hobby and he enjoys his (computer games haha)
This suits me as its means I can horse around to my hearts content as long as I don't complain about his gaming addiction ??

 

[Caol Ila]

When Gypsum was strong and sound , I offered to let him sit on her, but he said, "I would feel weird, riding an animal." Fine. I never pushed it. What's the point? He's happy to walk with us on foot or bike and do basic care things that he feels are within his knowledge and abilities (so...not handling the 3-year old). If he'd wanted to learn to ride, I would have happily supported that. But the important thing is that he likes horses, and he thinks me getting more of them is always a good idea.

 

[EchoInterrupted]

I love that my husband is totally uninterested. Before lockdown the most he would do was get her in from field whilst I was mucking out.
He has so little interest he is happy for me to go off an enjoy my hobby and he enjoys his (computer games haha)
This suits me as its means I can horse around to my hearts content as long as I don't complain about his gaming addiction ??

This sounds extremely familiar hahaha.

I'm happy with how it is, but was curious to hear if others enjoyed riding with their partners (or by the sounds of it prefer them to stay out of it completely!)

 

[AFB]

I like the help with the yard chores but that's enough for me really - and that's what he's happy with too so works well.

 

[windand rain]

Well sort of oh is a car fanatic has spent as much if not more on cars than ponies We bought a 7.5 ton lorry that he loves and he started out driving us to shows. He eventually got bored and watched, got fed up of not having input so I get the ponies ready and he shows them. He hates not winning eventually he learned to ride but prefers in hand as its not so much him as the pony. He then at the age of 65 bought his own baby horse who he adores
We have lived together 45 years 44 years married 45 in July

 

[Annagain]

No thank you! OH and I have been together 25 years and he's been on a horse once. As a 17 stone 6'3" former rugby player it was difficult to find a horse for him to ride! We eventually found a trekking centre with a horse big enough for him and we went for an hour. His horse was called Skiver and it couldn't have been a more appropriately named horse, OH gave him a bit of a kick and all he did was turn round and look at him!
They managed about 3 strides of trot and they both decided that was enough.

I love that it's my thing without him - he can go off and do his stuff too and we're better for that bit of time apart. I do wish he'd be a tiny bit helpful sometimes (he'll sit in the car watching me do everything rather than come and help me - he used to do water and feed while I mucked out and did hay but these days he won't even do that) especially if he's come with me to the yard as we're going on somewhere as I feel like we could both get going more quickly if he did a little bit but I'd rather that than having him around all the time!

 

[Dontforgetaboutme]

Nope, in 25 years he’s hardly been to the yard. However, he is excellent cook so always have delicious meal waiting for me when I eventually make it home. I romanticise about going on hacks together but he once said it was my time on my own with my friends & guess he’s right. He will come up & help if I ask very nicely