Highmileagecob
Well-Known Member
You are put on this earth to be happy, not to make other people happy. As one door closes, another will open - you might need to give it a shove, but be ready. Wishing you well, I hope it works out ok.
Giving up horses and mental health...
- Thread starter dominobrown
- Start date
ApacheWarrior1
Well-Known Member
Cortez
Tough but Fair
Having briefly run a livery yard (and NOTHING could persuede me to ever do so again) I can completely sympathise with your situation. Having also recently stepped away from the world of horses after 50 or so years, I can tell you that you'll be fine - more than fine - out here in the real world. There are so many things that you bring with you from having worked so hard, organised so much and dealt with so many things and people. Good luck: onwards and upwards.
Barton Bounty
Just simply loving life with Orbi 🥰
Dont look at it as having wasted years, you were having fun.. you have now stopped having fun and in turn is having a detrimental effect of you own personal life. Sooooo.. what do you fancy doing? Get a little job to tide you over and think about where you go from here.
I am almost positive that you will be back loving riding your own horses when the pressure is off
I am almost positive that you will be back loving riding your own horses when the pressure is off
doodle
Well-Known Member
Another full support from me. I have never had my own yard but I do struggle with my mental health. I was a groom. Of course self employed so I had no sick pay, holidays etc. The long hours and bad conditions are just what you do if you work with horses. Why tho? I didn’t even have any where to sit to eat my lunch.
I would have to prove I was on the psych ward to be allowed time off. I had another groom report back that I wasn’t in hospital so i should be working. I would have the crisis team telling me I had to take time off. Yet i still wouldn’t. I had a badly broken hand, I had a broken foot and still was expected to work. The day my own horse was pts I was still expected to make up the hours i had taken off.
After 10 years at one place, I was no longer needed. I didn’t even get a goodbye. I then questioned why on earth had I done that for all that time.
I no longer work with horses. I do not miss it in the slightest. I don’t miss the “well that is just working with horses” attitude. I enjoy my own horse now.
Change is hard, but you are doing the right thing.
I would have to prove I was on the psych ward to be allowed time off. I had another groom report back that I wasn’t in hospital so i should be working. I would have the crisis team telling me I had to take time off. Yet i still wouldn’t. I had a badly broken hand, I had a broken foot and still was expected to work. The day my own horse was pts I was still expected to make up the hours i had taken off.
After 10 years at one place, I was no longer needed. I didn’t even get a goodbye. I then questioned why on earth had I done that for all that time.
I no longer work with horses. I do not miss it in the slightest. I don’t miss the “well that is just working with horses” attitude. I enjoy my own horse now.
Change is hard, but you are doing the right thing.
PinkvSantaboots
Well-Known Member
I worked with horses for years and I struggled for the last few years I did that was about 13 years ago, I wouldn't ever go back and do it again my body is actually broken as well so I can't physically do it anymore.
I also have sciatica it is excruciating and there is no way I could run a yard with it, honestly give yourself a break if the liveries are causing that much grief get rid life is too short.
dominobrown
Well-Known Member
I am sorry that you had to experience that, definitely know how it feels. It’s amazing how much is considered “normal” in the horse world is actually shocking and not ok.
dominobrown
Well-Known Member
Sciatica is debilitatin. I have days that I can barely walk, then have to dose myself up on very strong painkillers to ride a wide cob that I know is going to make it worse. Being in pain is exhausting.
PinkvSantaboots
Well-Known Member
It's awful I had an acute bout about 9 weeks ago my leg is only just starting to feel normal, it was numb and weak for about 8 weeks, I was literally on the highest dose of codeine and I couldn't even do my own horses so god knows how you were doing yard work
maisie06
Well-Known Member
Get out of the game. I feel the same as you having wasted half of my life on horses too and regret it everyday. Find another job, there's plenty out there at the moment and someone will be glad to have a grafter. Even if it's something relatively boring you will meet new people and open new doors.
Will you still enjoy having your own horse? I didn't, once my favourite horse died I had others but not the bond so I sold up and I'm glad I did. If you still want a horse of your own, try to find a relaxed yard or your own space as the gossip and bitching can be awful on yards.
If you can afford to - take a break away from everything, make time for yourself - you deserve it. Good luck and keep us posted
tristar
Well-Known Member
my prescription for you 1st and foremost would be a lovely holiday, somewhere warm by the sea, a smart laid back hotel, on the beach, somewhere interesting for trips out if wanted, a lovely setting, decent food, can you just taste it?
many times i have had the chance to do liveries, a group of friends that compete asked me to find a yard for us all many years ago, where i live now would make a fantastic yard, with outriding on the doorstep etc., but no, i could never even be arxed to even think about it, the commitment, just too overwhelming.
i wish you every luck in your chosen path, and look forward one day to reading how you are enjoying your life and horses again. x
many times i have had the chance to do liveries, a group of friends that compete asked me to find a yard for us all many years ago, where i live now would make a fantastic yard, with outriding on the doorstep etc., but no, i could never even be arxed to even think about it, the commitment, just too overwhelming.
i wish you every luck in your chosen path, and look forward one day to reading how you are enjoying your life and horses again. x
dominobrown
Well-Known Member
Haha that sounds lovely! My partner got me a holiday for my birthday in June. I am getting rid of liveries and job hunting uptil then, though some of them seem reluctant to leave as they can’t find another yard etc etc for the price or services I offered.
Hopefully I will find the joy in it again. I have a lovely home red who is 7 this year who is amazing and I constantly feel guilty that I am not doing more with her.
Hopefully I will find the joy in it again. I have a lovely home red who is 7 this year who is amazing and I constantly feel guilty that I am not doing more with her.
Red-1
I used to be decisive, now I'm not so sure...
In that case, I think I would be upping my prices until they leave!
SatansLittleHelper
Well-Known Member
To be blunt, working with horse people is bullsh!t (the horses themselves are great!!) and I'd never do it again. It sucks the joy out of the hobby and drains you physically and mentally.
You really need to cut yourself some slack here and do the right thing for you and your family, because it sounds like it's time to cut loose. I actually admire your bravery in looking at other options, it's hard to turn your back on something that's all you've ever known...self care is important, you can't pour from an empty cup xx
You really need to cut yourself some slack here and do the right thing for you and your family, because it sounds like it's time to cut loose. I actually admire your bravery in looking at other options, it's hard to turn your back on something that's all you've ever known...self care is important, you can't pour from an empty cup xx
nagblagger
Well-Known Member
Just throwing it out there while you look - could you offer diy livery to a select few, to tide you over the change?
dominobrown
Well-Known Member
I have a couple of dIYS left, both of which aren’t too much bother. I have learnt the hard way with DIYs, though you make so little on DIY livery often it’s not worth the hassle. If a horse breaks something then there goes your profit margin for the month and often unfortunately people bring drama with them which I can’t cope with. Ex boyfriends showing up threatening liveries becomes my problem, people going a 4 day benders and not showing up to do their horses, as well as the normal mess etc and my current annoyance is if I buy a bottle of mane and tail detangler I literally use it twice and by the next week it’s empty! grrr
TPO
Well-Known Member
If you've reached your decision, you'd be well within your rights to issue formal notice to the existing liveries that the yard is closing.
To be blunt their inability to find (or even try to find) another yard isn't your concern. The service that you offer is ceasing and now they have an exact date that they have to be off your property by. If you don't have a contract covering notice periods I'd suggest that 12 weeks is a very generous length of time to enable anyone to find a new yard.
That takes you almost to the end of June, could be good timing for your holiday 
I know it's easy for a faceless entity to spout platitudes on the Internet but please don't consider a permanent decision for a temporary problem. You've clearly been through the mill and had a LOT to content with both physically and mentally. You didn't get to this point overnight, so you won't feel better overnight either, but this WILL pass, and things WILL get better.
It sounds like you already have a plan forming and there IS light at the end of the tunnel.
If you ever need to vent or offload to a random I'm just a PM away.
For anyone stuggling-
To be blunt their inability to find (or even try to find) another yard isn't your concern. The service that you offer is ceasing and now they have an exact date that they have to be off your property by. If you don't have a contract covering notice periods I'd suggest that 12 weeks is a very generous length of time to enable anyone to find a new yard.
That takes you almost to the end of June, could be good timing for your holiday 
I know it's easy for a faceless entity to spout platitudes on the Internet but please don't consider a permanent decision for a temporary problem. You've clearly been through the mill and had a LOT to content with both physically and mentally. You didn't get to this point overnight, so you won't feel better overnight either, but this WILL pass, and things WILL get better.
It sounds like you already have a plan forming and there IS light at the end of the tunnel.
If you ever need to vent or offload to a random I'm just a PM away.
For anyone stuggling-
TPO
Well-Known Member
Rowreach
Adjusting my sails
OP I've only just seen your thread, and everything you have written on here could have been written by me 7 years ago. I hear you, and like TPO says, if you need to vent to a stranger who completely gets where you're coming from, feel free to message me.
nagblagger
Well-Known Member
You have certainly had some very problematic people and sound that you have been very tolerant, more tolerant than i would have been! No wonder you want to give it up.
Ample Prosecco
Still wittering on
And me. Always willing to listen. And am so sad to hear how much you’ve struggled. Prioritise health and happiness now and take care x
dominobrown
Well-Known Member
Really well said TPO.
Thank you rowreach.
Some of worst has passed, however I am expecting a lot more difficult times ahead, the rejections, the plans that fail, upsetting people and the gossip.
I do however feel like that in the “failure” of my business I have learned a lot and reached a better perspective.
I didn’t post on here during my lowest, I couldn’t, and I did not have the motivation to do anything other than to make it through each day. Depression and anxiety feel like such personal, individual probelms that only ‘you’ experience however its so common and so many people can relate. One of the first people I spoke to was a vet (horse people never go to the doctors!) which is another career path that is very hard mentally and physically.
Thank you rowreach.
Some of worst has passed, however I am expecting a lot more difficult times ahead, the rejections, the plans that fail, upsetting people and the gossip.
I do however feel like that in the “failure” of my business I have learned a lot and reached a better perspective.
I didn’t post on here during my lowest, I couldn’t, and I did not have the motivation to do anything other than to make it through each day. Depression and anxiety feel like such personal, individual probelms that only ‘you’ experience however its so common and so many people can relate. One of the first people I spoke to was a vet (horse people never go to the doctors!) which is another career path that is very hard mentally and physically.
Ample Prosecco
Still wittering on
Your business hasn’t failed. You have made a decision that it is no longer what you want. It takes courage to change direction and there are plenty more challenges and ventures ahead of you. You will have stacks of transferable skills and you will never again work so hard for so little!
You should be very proud of achieving your dream and for having the strength to say ‘this isn’t what I want anymore’. Best of luck with the next phase.
You should be very proud of achieving your dream and for having the strength to say ‘this isn’t what I want anymore’. Best of luck with the next phase.
Ample Prosecco
Still wittering on
Ps getting away from talk and gossip is a benefit of changing direction - not something to worry about. People might speculate. But you no longer need to pay any attention to it xxx
Archangel
Normal, 10 cats ago
Another vote for a CV writing service. They can help with the supporting statement as well.
Good luck with the job hunting.
Good luck with the job hunting.
meleeka
Well-Known Member
You couldn’t pay me enough money to run a livery yard so well done for sticking it out as long as you have OP.
The universe has a habit of working out and I’m sure whatever comes next will be much more enjoyable and hopefully you can mentally recover.
The universe has a habit of working out and I’m sure whatever comes next will be much more enjoyable and hopefully you can mentally recover.
TheOldTrout
Completely Unknown Member
I'm so sorry to hear what you've been going through, I think stepping back from your yard is essential. As well as finding someone to help with your cv, would it be worth finding a financial adviser (some banks have them, I think) who could help you work out the figures needed for income, expenditure etc so you can plan your financial future? When you need to have a new income by etc. (I would need this but I am rubbish with numbers so need help!)
Nothing more to add apart from wishing you luck.
Nothing more to add apart from wishing you luck.
greasedweasel
Well-Known Member
My entire career had been horses, equine degree as well, as others have said the horses were grand, some of the horsey people less so (though several are my dearest friends). Life changed within two months, my partner (business as well) died, sold 40 horses and walked away from the industry. Honestly seven years on I have no regrets, I am still lightly surprised how much I get paid for working what feels like part time. You’d have to wrestle my weekends off out my cold dead hands. When I am shredding the business accounts as another year has passed I remember the stresses and I miss none of it. Life changes and there is a life beyond horses, grab it 
tda
Well-Known Member
This......100%
Best of luck with your future plans
Orangehorse
Well-Known Member
You haven't failed, you have been successful to have done it for so long. Now move in a different direction.
Go to the doctor about sciatica and get x rays to see what is going on.
Have a holiday when you can go.
You local library should have a job club, and help with writing a CV if you don't want the private route.
You have been managing a business, and multi-tasking so you have done a great deal.
Go to the doctor about sciatica and get x rays to see what is going on.
Have a holiday when you can go.
You local library should have a job club, and help with writing a CV if you don't want the private route.
You have been managing a business, and multi-tasking so you have done a great deal.