Has anyone bought a house with land and then relationship with partner not worked out?

[Hilltop Munchkins]

With my partner I jointly bought (mortgage) a house with land 9 years ago and have my horses at home.

Think we are going to go our separate ways eventually but feeling totally daunted by this because of what to do with my beloved horses!

I love my life with my horses at home but my relationship isn't working and we have become different people with different values.

My horses are retired and live out all year round, happily just being horses. There are no yards within 45 mins of my workplace that offer 24/7 turnout all year round.....I've looked......but it's also difficult to ask around on facebook when everyone knows you to have a smallholding!

If I could find a suitable livery yard it would be one thing. I don't really want to go back to stabling them at all - the mucking out (used to get problems with my shoulder), putting them in an unnecessary routine, plus I wouldn't be able to afford part livery on my own AND get my own property!?

I suppose one option would be to move much further away in search of a suitable place for my horses but ive never really moved more than 2 counties away from my birthplace, I don't wish to move further from my family than I am now (1 HR drive). Plus if I did move further I'd have to change my job (been there almost 10 years!) And I'd be away from everything familiar!

I guess I'm just looking for stories from others who have been in a similar predicament?

TIA

 

[shortstuff99]

Is there no possibility of you buying him out?

 

[milliepops]

i wasn't on the mortgage but I found myself in a similar situ of needing to move me plus 2 horses that lived at home. though I had to go pronto, whereas it sounds like you may have more time to look?
Are there any fields to rent in an accessible radius of where you'd like to be? if you don't want livery even for a short term thing it might buy you time to find the ideal property.

 

[Hilltop Munchkins]

Is there no possibility of you buying him out?

Sorry, should have mentioned, neither of us could afford to live here by ourselves!

 

[Hilltop Munchkins]

i wasn't on the mortgage but I found myself in a similar situ of needing to move me plus 2 horses that lived at home. though I had to go pronto, whereas it sounds like you may have more time to look?
Are there any fields to rent in an accessible radius of where you'd like to be? if you don't want livery even for a short term thing it might buy you time to find the ideal property.

We moved further from our families in order to have a house with land, ideally I'd live closer to my work and parents, but in those areas the few yards have restricted turnout/unsuitable and fields to rent are non existent (or get snapped up before I hear of them).

 

[coblets]

Haven't been in a similar situation but options appear to be:
- finding a field to rent in the area
- putting them on retirement livery
- asking a friend to post on facebook for you, or asking your farrier/vet/etc if they know of anything. You might get lucky and find a private yard looking for companions.

Also whereabouts are you located OP? Someone on here might know of something suitable.

 

[Hilltop Munchkins]

Haven't been in a similar situation but options appear to be:
- finding a field to rent in the area
- putting them on retirement livery
- asking a friend to post on facebook for you, or asking your farrier/vet/etc if they know of anything. You might get lucky and find a private yard looking for companions.

Also whereabouts are you located OP? Someone on here might know of something suitable.

Previously had friends post on my behalf when I was looking for temp livery because of my shoulder, but everyone always recommends the same ol yards that I know about and have already considered.
I don't know what area to look at for fields, I'd probably rather move closer to family but it would be no use getting a field far from home now when it could take months to sell the house and be in a position to move!?
I don't feel I can confide in friends about it at the moment because the relationship hasn't actually ended yet but feel it's only a matter of time now.
If I had a gun to my head then I could advertise everywhere but I can't at the moment.

 

[Rowreach]

Previously had friends post on my behalf when I was looking for temp livery because of my shoulder, but everyone always recommends the same ol yards that I know about and have already considered.
I don't know what area to look at for fields, I'd probably rather move closer to family but it would be no use getting a field far from home now when it could take months to sell the house and be in a position to move!?
I don't feel I can confide in friends about it at the moment because the relationship hasn't actually ended yet but feel it's only a matter of time now.
If I had a gun to my head then I could advertise everywhere but I can't at the moment.

I know it's hard when you feel everything is falling apart, and you want to get things sorted in your head (and in reality) for your animals, but you do have a bit of time here. The decision to sell your place hasn't actually been taken, and even if it went on the market tomorrow and a buyer turned up the next day with cash in hand, you still would have months in which to sort something out before it changed hands. And once it's on the market, you can be openly and actively looking for somewhere.

And even then, if the horses had to go to a stop-gap livery for a bit, while you sorted out where you are going to live (and therefore what area you'd like the horses to be in), it wouldn't be the end of the world.

What I'm trying to say (and I have been in the same situation so I really do empathise) is that you can breathe, keep your eyes and ears open, but know that even if you haven't found the perfect place for them at that point in the future when your place may be sold, you will find somewhere, even if it's temporary.

 

[Cowpony]

Could you put them on retirement livery half way between where you are now and where you'd like to move to? Then you could deal with all the selling/moving etc without having to worry about them, whilst being able to visit them whenever you wanted. Then once you're settled in the new place you could look around for a closer yard or land, without any pressure.

 

[freckles22uk]

It could be worth asking the admin of horse groups on fb in the areas you are looking to post an anonymous post for you. That way friends won’t know it’s for you. Me and my daughter run a couple of groups on there and often post anonymous posts and tell the person who it’s for to keep an eye on the replies.

 

[Hilltop Munchkins]

Could you put them on retirement livery half way between where you are now and where you'd like to move to? Then you could deal with all the selling/moving etc without having to worry about them, whilst being able to visit them whenever you wanted. Then once you're settled in the new place you could look around for a closer yard or land, without any pressure.

I have considered the idea of retirement livery, the only ones nearby seem to think retired horses want a cosy stable every day (maybe some do) but I want mine to live natural uncomplicated lives outside. If I was to find a retirement livery further afield that offered full time grazing then that would probably create new problems - going from seeing them multiple times a day plus out the window, to what, seeing them once a week if that? It's an option but I think my mental health would take a dive, not having them around. They are my reason to keep going.

 

[brighteyes]

I have considered the idea of retirement livery, the only ones nearby seem to think retired horses want a cosy stable every day (maybe some do) but I want mine to live natural uncomplicated lives outside. If I was to find a retirement livery further afield that offered full time grazing then that would probably create new problems - going from seeing them multiple times a day plus out the window, to what, seeing them once a week if that? It's an option but I think my mental health would take a dive, not having them around. They are my reason to keep going.

Except it doesn't need to be permanent? Just as a stop gap. I'd send them to Happy Horse Retirement in Sennybridge, if you are really stuck, and leave them there until you're not.

 

[webble]

Is there a way you could keep the land and just sell the house?

 

[thefarsideofthefield]

Is there a way you could keep the land and just sell the house?

This ! Would there be any possibility of getting planning for a lodge/mobile home , possibly on part of the current garden if not on the land ?

 

[poiuytrewq]

This ! Would there be any possibility of getting planning for a lodge/mobile home , possibly on part of the current garden if not on the land ?

This could be a good idea?

 

[Hilltop Munchkins]

Is there a way you could keep the land and just sell the house?

The land is behind the house so not a realistic option.

 

[poiuytrewq]

The land is behind the house so not a realistic option.

As in no access? That’s annoying ?‍

 

[Pearlsacarolsinger]

Not me but I do know someone who was in a similar position to you. The couple divorced. The wife asked around her friends and acquaintances and the milkman came up trumps and offered her some fields to rent, she then managed to get planning position to put a shelter/storage on the land. It was particularly upsetting as she came from a farming family who had sold up before the divorce. Fortunately for her, it is a very horsey area with lots of privately owned horses /land.

 

[FinnishLapphund]

I have considered the idea of retirement livery, the only ones nearby seem to think retired horses want a cosy stable every day (maybe some do) but I want mine to live natural uncomplicated lives outside. If I was to find a retirement livery further afield that offered full time grazing then that would probably create new problems - going from seeing them multiple times a day plus out the window, to what, seeing them once a week if that? It's an option but I think my mental health would take a dive, not having them around. They are my reason to keep going.

You say that you want them "to live natural uncomplicated lives outside", but is that your preference, or is it something they truly need 24/7 to not get in pain, or become too stiff, and creaky?
You say that it's important for your mental health to have them nearby, so if you have to choose, which is most important, having them nearby, or them being out 24/7?

As others have mentioned, perhaps you will have to make some compromises, and at first choose a temporary solution, which will give you more time to look for a better permanent solution.
You said that previously when friends have posted on your behalf looking for alternatives, they've only gotten the same results as the ones you already know about. If you try it again, why not give them a list over either all the places you already know about, or at least a shortened list with the places that has came up the most often among the answers, to include in their post.

As Pearlsasinger's reply above shows, ask people "outside the box" of people you think might have the answer. Whatever happens, hopefully, it will turn out better in the end than what it might seem at the moment.

 

[Hilltop Munchkins]

You say that you want them "to live natural uncomplicated lives outside", but is that your preference, or is it something they truly need 24/7 to not get in pain, or become too stiff, and creaky?
You say that it's important for your mental health to have them nearby, so if you have to choose, which is most important, having them nearby, or them being out 24/7?

As others have mentioned, perhaps you will have to make some compromises, and at first choose a temporary solution, which will give you more time to look for a better permanent solution.
You said that previously when friends have posted on your behalf looking for alternatives, they've only gotten the same results as the ones you already know about. If you try it again, why not give them a list over either all the places you already know about, or at least a shortened list with the places that has came up the most often among the answers, to include in their post.

As Pearlsasinger's reply above shows, ask people "outside the box" of people you think might have the answer. Whatever happens, hopefully, it will turn out better in the end than what it might seem at the moment.

One enjoys the stable/field shelter where as the other is happiest outside, he will tolerate a stable for a few hours but then eager to get out. He's the type who'd rather stand outside the shelter with his bum to the rain. Ideal life for them is the priority, but temporary option has to work for my mental health. For instance I wouldn't be able to do a long drive to yard before going to work and having to start mucking out stables, and I wouldn't be able to afford part livery for 2.

 

[fredflop]

Ok so my first questions are…

is the split up amicable? Hopefully so then everything will be easier. Can you talk to your husband about the property, will you be putting it on the market ASAP?

personally I’d suggest getting the horses on retirement livery ASAP, if you can afford it. It’s one less thing to worry about and you can concentrate on sorting yourself out.

 

[SO1]

There is a facebook page called Match my horse which seems to offer a service to find people livery yards without divulging who the person is. Might be worth signing up to something like that to see if someone can find someone where suitable for you.

Might be worth putting up a wanted advert up in a local corner shop in the area that you want to live in as there might be someone non horsy with land attached to their house who would not mind a bit extra income or be able to help temporarily, especially if the horses are retired so you are not going to be riding them.

If there are no grass livery yards in the area you want to live in then you will have to make a compromise. Sadly many people cannot keep their horses exactly as they would like to and have to make compromises. Mine is distance it can take nearly two hours to get to the yard on public transport sometimes from where I live in London, I manage to go to the yard 4 times a week and I work full time. I do live on my own so have no family or partner at home waiting for me to get back to so it does not matter if I don't get home till really late on the days I go to the yard after work my pony is in work so I ride when I go to the yard. Obviously I am on part livery.

So you may need to decide what is most important to you, being able to see your horses daily or for them to live out. It is going to be a difficult time for you no doubt with splitting up with your partner, moving house and having to move the horses and being on a yard when you have had them at home.

Can you get your horses on to a decent retirement livery within 2 hours of where you live or work. You might not be able to see them three times a day but if you are able to travel and have the time to do then maybe you could like me see them 4 times a week.

Alternatively I expect by the time the property is sold it may autumn or winter and you might not feel so bad about the horses coming in at night if the weather is bad and therefore a local yard might suit temporarily until you can find an alternative solution be that moving to another area if you want the horses to have the lifestyle they previously had or find a retirement yard and coming to terms with seeing them less often.

 

[catembi]

FWIW, my husband of 15 years turned out to be sh*gging someone at work, hence splitting up (this was in 2009). At first, I thought I was going to lose the house due to big mortgage, considerable outgoings from horses & running 7.5 ton & 3 big dogs. Then I thought, f * * * it, I'm not going to go down without a fight & was looking into every way possible of hanging onto the house, getting a 2nd job, getting a lodger or two etc. I managed to get another job with a big payrise, and I kept the house. Then a few years later, I sold it & got a bigger house with more land! It might be worth speaking to a mortgage adviser to see if you could restructure the mortgage in a more affordable way, such as extending the term.

 

[Spotherisk]

I understand that you want anonymity, but could you post on here a vague area you’d be looking in? For instance I know of a fab place in the middle of nowhere on Dartmoor, it’s a private yard and wouldn’t advertise - those places are out there!

 

[FlyingCircus]

I think if you have a limited budget, a limited search radius and a strong preference for 24/7...all in an area that seems short on options, something will have to give.

 

[SO1]

Have you asked the retirement places that offer stabled retirement livery that are nearby if they can take your horses for living out but that you will pay same price or more than than the stabled livery - that is if you can afford it.

If you use an estate agents for selling the house and finding somewhere new for you maybe also explain you are looking for a field to rent and you are willing to pay them commission to find something as they have contacts.

I have considered the idea of retirement livery, the only ones nearby seem to think retired horses want a cosy stable every day (maybe some do) but I want mine to live natural uncomplicated lives outside. If I was to find a retirement livery further afield that offered full time grazing then that would probably create new problems - going from seeing them multiple times a day plus out the window, to what, seeing them once a week if that? It's an option but I think my mental health would take a dive, not having them around. They are my reason to keep going.

 

[spotty_pony]

I haven't read all of the replies but have you thought about asking at local farms if you could rent some grazing? Or approaching anybody local who privately owns horses and land? I found the best places this way.

 

[Lucky Snowball]

Couldn't the house be sold with some sort of agreement that access to the field is via the house - not literally ! We own our property but neighbours have access across ours. Or if house is suitable, could it be split into two eg two semis or two flats. I hope you work something out.

 

[Dia]

Not a house with land but a house with a joint mortgage I was determined to hold on to and could only afford half. I was lucky in that my parents bought the other half and I now pay a mortgage to them which I can afford as I have a lodger.

Could you afford it if you got a lodger and took a livery in?

 

[Carol Singing Dawg]

Sorry to read about your partnership coming to an end. After nine years you ought to have built up quite a bit of equity in your property. Can you use some of it this to buy land, get registered with local land agents and see what comes for sale rather than rent?