has anyone put off having a baby because of their horse??

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daisydog

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Hey,
basically im 30 and were planning on having a baby at some point but ive finally got to the point where me and my horse are finally getting somewhere after lots of ups and downs but im worried about the time off he will have and its really bothering me to the point where im consideing putting having a baby off for a while however the hubs isnt very happy about that. Just dont know what do as I dont want to leave it too long incase we have problems. Arghhh!

Just wondering if anyone else has ever been in the same predicament as me????
 
It's a very personal decision but it's certainly easier to make if your horse happens to need time off or is retired right at the right moment! At 30 you are not too old and you could easily wait 2-3 years. Is that the kind of time you think you need with your horse? I suppose it also depends how many children you would like to have. If you would like 1-2 children close together in age then it's more possible to wait a bit now, if you would like 3+ then it's maybe time to get started.
 
I'm afraid I haven't been in your predicament as I waited until my childrenb were older before buying my mare; however I'm not in the least bit competetive so it wasn't quite such an issue.
The way I'd look at it is which would you regret the most; missing the possibility of having children or missing a year or two out of riding? Life and priorities change when you have kids, but it doesn't stop! Mary King and many others manage to combine competetive riding and having children, whereas if you delay having a family and then struggle and aren't able to the consequences will be much farther reaching. I wish you all the best whatever you decide, it's your life and only you know what is right for you as an individual.
 
I finally got my horses after a lifetime of wishing...already had a 5 yr old daughter, not really planning anymore children (especially now i finally had my horses!!) so all was sweet. I had a project youngster who needed loads of patient groundwork, mini CCW's LR pony and a field ornament, so basically no riding for me apart from friends horses, for two years. I finally backed my youngster and found out in the same week I was pregnant! I was a bit gutted initially, I'll admit, then worked out the timing would be baby due in spring, youngster still only 4, basically backed. Bring youngster back into work after baby and hey presto, life goes on.
Admittedly this is a second baby so I'm a bit more prepared than first time round...but every baby is different...everybody deals with their babies (and horses!) differently...so whilst thinking things through properly is a good idea, sometimes it's best not to over think things, otherwise life has a habit of just chucking it at you regardless...
It's one of those things which is such a unique decision for each individual...so no advice as such but that's been my experience anyway...I know a baby bomb will be thrown into the middle of all our lives again...and it can feel like forever...but they do soon grow up!
Good luck, whatever you decide :-)
 
I'm having the exact same dilemma, except I'm 32. Both horses now finally doing well, have them at home and all is going great. What with working full-time and having the horses, I am not actually sure where I will fit a sprog in. I am genuinely starting to worry about it now though because I'm not getting any younger....

Will be v.interested to see what peoples thoughts are on this thread. Good luck to you whatever you decide and I empathise completely with you!
 
I wouldn't put it as bluntly as that, but lifestyle in general got in the way - I wanted to have a decent house, a permanent job and be in a good place horse-wise (and wasn't really that bothered about kids anyway, so it was easy to delay). I had my first at 32 and although I missed doing as much with my horse, it was the right time for me. Thankfully he was such a good horse I rode up to my due date and was back on in a week, so I managed to keep him ticking over even if he didn't actually improve in that time. If you can afford it, you could get some help to keep him going. Or, when I had my second, the day before he was born I took my horse to a pro friend to school for 6 weeks, so he was lovely when I got him back and I didn't rush to get back on (2 weeks that time...). Obviously I paid her but it was a reasonable deal.

You read a lot about how the best time to have a baby is earlier rather than later. At 30 I would really say think about getting on with it - unfortunately your body can't wait for as long as you might want it to. I know no one wants to hear this, but it's one thing you can't change. I read a lovely quote the other day though - 'It may not be the right time, but when it arrives, it's always the right baby'.

Best of luck. xxx
 
I'm in a very similar position, am 30 with a husband that really wants children. I have my new mare back home who I've really gelled with and hope to get to a fairly decent level eventing in the next couple of years. A three year old that I've just started playing around with and a horse on rehab livery who will be back home in the summer ready to start work again!! Selfishly it's going to be a good couple of years at least before I'm ready to have children. The husband does understand to a degree. But my ponies are my babies at the moment and all at important time and at the moment I can't give that up
 
Never a right time to have a baby, however you can and will mange to fit everything in and time spent with your horses will be all the more precious and rewarding. Babies grow so quickly, before you know it you will be thinking LR, FR and contemplating the move onto horses.

Good luck - exciting times ahead
 
My situation isnt quite as black and white - i have a very demanding job, which has finally enabled me to (with my OH) to buy a house with land and have my horses at home. The job in the main has got in the way (as opposed to the horses) and i am currently pushing for promotion (which is at the minute at least 12 months away). Im also quite a bit older than you at 37. I think i keep expecting the perfect time to come and for me to know 100% i want to make all the related sacrifices - im not there yet so who knows!
 
I'm one of the people who put having kids off as I had a good career and two horses and in my early 30s had only just met my OH and wasn't settled enough. At 32 I had a severe allergic reaction to painkillers and have been too ill/on drugs that would damage a pregnancy ever since. We've tried adoption but I'm not well enough and didn't pass the medical due to having a lie threatening illness.
Although it wasn't the horses alone that resulted in us being unable to have kids I do wish I had considered it when I was younger as now at 42 if I do manage to get off the drugs/find a miracle cure, I'm now too old and have seen too many of my friends in their mid to late 30s struggle with IVF and miscarriages. It may be possible to get pregnant in your late 30s but for many it isn't straightforward (or cheap!)
I do find it hard seeing my friends happily combine a family and horses and feel that I am missing out both now and in the future by not having a family and if it is something that you want and cannot have it can be heartbreaking to miss out. I hadn't even realised that I wanted kids until it was too late and may well have decided not to but the choice was taken away from me and that's devastating at times.
I do however have a lot of time to spend with my horses, we can afford a nice place with stables and an arena which we couldn't if we had kids and I can focus on my health without worrying how it would negatively impact a child's life so there are some positives.
 
I put off having a second because of the horses - I found one child and horses was just about do-able, but don't think I would have coped with any more. I have never been particularily maternal and didn't want to give up my horsey lifestyle, so felt one was the compromise.

I do feel guilty my son has no siblings to play with, but equally we are a very close knit unit and he shares my horesy passion (atm anyhow!), so have a lot of quality time with him. I also try to ensure he has a good social life too, especially in school holidays, with lost of friends over to stay etc.

It is a toughie!
 
Well Zara got her timing right. She could be fit for Burghly. You are only pregnant for 9 months, if you are OK health-wise, think 6 months of realistically not being able to ride. Not much in a lifetime. Yep, it is tricky fitting it all in, but you DO manage to fit it all in.
 
Thank you all so much for replying, good to know other peoples people's thoughts and experiences.
I think I need to decide what I want and talk to the husband. Thanks again!
 
I personally would be very hurt if I wanted kids and my partner put of starting a family for what is a hobby, albeit an expensive, involved one. I'd reconsider their commitment to our relationship and life together.

Unless you are competing at a VERY high level, I wouldn't consider it a sacrifice to have a year or two off - and even then you'd find a way to make it work.

ETA - that said, being most people I know who've had kids keep riding for quite a while, and organise to keep their horse ticking over until they can ride again, its not an either / or situation.
 
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This thread is scary, I'm 27, I do at least have a long term partner who I will probably marry (3 years now, come on man what's the hold up?) But have plenty of friends who don't! It's mainly a financial thing for me, I just can't imagine being able to afford it without something having to give, and that isn't going to be the horses, and well there isn't anything else ;-)

I would not want to work full time with kids, although I guess it depends how cost effective child care works out. I never understand swapping your own minimum wage for someone else's.

I am super open to adoption and also fostering, but I am still not clear on my BF's views there.

Anyway, children, they're awfully noisy aren't they? And you can't leave them in a field all day and just feed them at either end, that's frowned upon....
 
Not a problem my wife faced as I just took over her horses until she was back riding.
Have you though about getting a good sharer for the time you will be off. By good I mean someone who can ride at the smae level (or preferably higher) than you do. You might end up with a child and an even better horse.
 
This is a really interesting thread and something I've been thinking about a lot lately.

I'm 32 and at the stage where all my friends are starting to have babies. I am a few months away from finishing my PhD and OH and I are currently discussing what the plans for the next stage in our lives are. It's a very exciting time, after working towards my Doctorate for the past five years and teaching part time I am now looking to further my career, however I am also aware that my biological clock is ticking...

Further, I have four horses. Financially I cant afford to keep all the horses and have children, not to mention the time involved so I wont be having kids. Luckily for me my partner is not overly bothered by having children but it has come up and I understand that mine could be construed as a selfish choice, however, my animals mean everything to me, they have kept me sane during tough periods in my life and bring me great joy. I know I would resent kids if I had to sell my horses to accommodate having children.

Maybe in a few years when I am more established in my career and have more money I'll reconsider, but for now I have made the choice of horses over babies.
 
It is better to have kids younger as they tend to be easier to get pregnant to hang on to that pregnancy and to get a healthy baby at the end. Not saying getting towards your 40s makes it impossible just more heartbreaking and more problems. Yes I know everyone will start shouting I was 50 when I had my first but recently we have had a real problem with a friend who has had several miscarriages, is heart broken and suffering dreadfully and she is approaching her late 30s so feels time is running out. Not horse connected she didnt meet and marry her partner until recently
 
Oh this is like the thread inside my head!
I'll be 30 this year and my other half can't wait for children. It felt terrifying thinking about it at first, mainly because I'm worried that my horse will be too old when I've done with all that?? So I've decided to enjoy this year, and tick off as much of my horsey bucket list as possible (it is the year of the horse after all!!), and leave all the rest to fate. A lady on my yard has 4 children, and she still manages to compete and have a great time with her horses so it is possible. Also... think small ponies and summer holiday fun. I'd love a daughter who's in to horses, and my other half wants a little apprentice farmer! It is so exciting really. Just enjoy it and see what happens.
 
Hackie said:
I personally would be very hurt if I wanted kids and my partner put of starting a family for what is a hobby, albeit an expensive, involved one. I'd reconsider their commitment to our relationship and life together.

Unless you are competing at a VERY high level, I wouldn't consider it a sacrifice to have a year or two off - and even then you'd find a way to make it work.

ETA - that said, being most people I know who've had kids keep riding for quite a while, and organise to keep their horse ticking over until they can ride again, its not an either / or situation.
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But at the end of the day its the choice of the woman if she wants to be a mother. A man cant demand his wife have a child. If he did, i would not be with him lol
 
I am having the same thoughts ATM as well. I am 33 (BF is the same, though a few months older) and have never been maternal until I met this BF. We are currently saving and plan to start house hunting in July, which means selling my house and renting out his flat (which is worth v little ATM) so could take time. Of all the women my age I know who are starting families, around half are having problems getting pregnant. I don't want to find myself in the same situation. Things are starting to go well with my horse and he's the first one I have owned who actually loves work and competition. I'd love to start doing some BE this year. BF and me have been talking about babies and think we might like to start trying next year, so that would give me this summer.

My main issue is money more than anything else. I think the horse would have to go, and we wouldn't be able to afford for me to have an extended period of time off work. ATEOTD I don't want to start trying in my later 30s, find it is too late and I can't have children, all for wanting to do a bit more with my horse. I'm wondering about putting horse on loan maybe, or getting a sharer come the time, to help financially and to make sure horse gets some work. Things like nursery/ childcare costs do concern me but I'm sure that if we do have a baby, the horse stuff will suddenly feel a lot less important!

I was chatting to a work colleague yday who said don't leave it too late, don't keep waiting for the "right time" because there isn't one, and that once you'd done it, it will be the right time.
 
equi said:
But at the end of the day its the choice of the woman if she wants to be a mother. A man cant demand his wife have a child. If he did, i would not be with him lol
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My OH has accepted the fact that I cannot have kids but it still breaks my heart when I see him playing with our nieces and nephew. He would make an amazing dad and if I had chosen horses over kids and deprived him of that by my choice alone, he would never have demanded kids, I think I'd feel even worse than I do now. It should be a choice you reach together and I expect most men wouldn't demand their partners have a baby but I can see how they'd be hurt if it was put off because of horses and then it became too late and they missed out. Delaying is fine if it does work out in the end, the problems come when it doesn't.
 
This thread is close to my heart- thanks OP for posting.

I am 29 and have finally got my career going and after a lot of set backs, after 6 years I am finally able to start progressing and really enjoying my horse.

I don't want a baby- I don't know if I ever really will. I have a serious back issue which means that I will physically really struggle to carry the extra weight comfortably and have been told that I will most likely be in a lot of pain during pregnancy- this prospect is not filling me with joy.

I also don't think I can afford to do both and the way I feel now, I would definitely choose to have my horse rather than a child. I still feel that my husband and I have a lot of life to live before we take on such a huge commitment. I do not envy the lives of my friends who already do have children. At all.

That said, my best friend has just had a failed IVF attempt and another friend is on her 2nd round. I know there is no way I would put myself through that. I don't want to look back in 10 years time and wish I had done it earlier as I've left it too late... If I do become a mum, I don't want to be older either.

My OH knows exactly how I feel and is very supportive. He is open to adoption if my health issues mean that I will suffer badly through a pregnancy. I'm not 100% sure I could adopt though.

Very confusing!
 
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I waited and had mine at the age of 35 :) don’t regret it for a minute as I was definitely not ready to be a Mum before that. I’m very happy with my lot in life and not really planning any more. 1 with horses (and dogs!) is doable, more.. not so.
 
Infact.. you'll probably know where your heart likes OP after reading this thread... as I'm reading it and thinking, I need to get started on having a baby RIGHT NOW. .... Who'd have thought it !
 
My OH has mentioned having a baby, only in passing though (I don't think he actually wants us to have one yet). It did make me seriously think about the idea and my conclusion was that I didn't want to give up ridding at this moment in time, especially as I have a youngster who needs lots of my time at the moment. I know people who ride through pregnancy but personally I just wouldn't want to risk it.
 
equi said:
But at the end of the day its the choice of the woman if she wants to be a mother. A man cant demand his wife have a child. If he did, i would not be with him lol
Click to expand...

I would not be with a man who didn't want kids, I wouldn't expect a man who wanted to be a father to stay with a woman who wanted horses instead. Parenthood can be a pretty primordial thing and denying someone (including oneself) the chance to have kids is a massive thing.

OP good luck with what ever you do.
 
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