has anyone put off having a baby because of their horse??

equi said:
But at the end of the day its the choice of the woman if she wants to be a mother. A man cant demand his wife have a child. If he did, i would not be with him lol
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I totally agree, but it appears in this instance that they have decided to start a family together, and the OP is considering putting it off due to her horse commitments.

Thats different to demanding that she has a child if she doesn't want to, or cannot, in my view.

She has stated that she has an inkling that this is causing her partner a level of upset. If he wasn't fussed either way, then my answer would be different.

As I said, if I was thirty, and had met my life partner, and we wanted to start a family together, and they put it off for the sake of a hobby/sport/interest, I'd really question their commitment to me.

And I've competed at a national level, with all of the expense, hard work and dedication that involves, so riding is not something I take lightly. But I would never put it over my loved ones, if it was a case of not being able to manage the two.

Putting a horse above the feelings of your OH over something as important as having a child is pretty extreme, in my opinion, and you couldn't blame him for being resentful.
 
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Having a baby doesnt mean you have to give up your horses, its not forever!
Everyone told me if i ever had another i would have to sell my horses my life would change blah blah blah..........basically i had my 2 by the time i was 23, then 9 years later fell pregnant with my son (who is now 1) - i had to give up my job early and riding earlier than expected as i had horrendous morning sickness which caused me to be in and out of hospital every few weeks up untill i was around 28 weeks or so.
A year on i have my horsey job again, am now riding 2 of my horses and (had time to back one) and i also work nights part time as a carer aswell as looking after a 1 yr old and my 2 others who are 8 and 10. Baby goes to nursery whilst am working 3 mornings a week. Partner has his own business so he's not around much at weekends or week days. I still have time for myself and ride about 4 x per week.
Life does change but you just learn to juggle things about! Baby 3 wasnt planned and quite a surprise but he's the best surprise ever!!
 
Before we had our little girl, lots of people said to me that if you wait for the perfect time to have a baby, you'll never have one. There will always be a reason not to have a baby and before you know it, it could be too late :)
 
so i felt like this a year ago and had a fantasic youngster to back and bring on, hubby and i decided that after backing the youngster that we should start trying for a baby as i prob wont want to stop riding once the youngster is "up and going" but typically it didnt happen that way and we spent 6 months trying, my original plan was to stop and crack on with the youngster and leave the baby until next year but guess what I founf out that i am preganant at christmas and although i really wanted to ride away my youngster but now i will send him away and make it work. I am over the moon about the pregnancy and when you think it wont happen you may realise how much it does or doesnt mean to you. i am 29 BTW. but horses can wait for continue education by sending away if you can afford it. just think if you are going to want to stop if things go really well with your horse?
 
5 years ago I was given the horse of my dreams - well beyond my dreams actually - 4* eventer happy to carry me around more than I will ever be brave enough to enter!! In that time I've had 2 children and evented him properly maybe 20 times.
I'll never have another horse like him and at 19 now it'll be tricky to get him back up to comp readiness (especially with 2 small kids) but I wouldn't change anything - he's very happy being a plod hacker and if I'd have waiting and then had problems my life would be poorer.

OP only you can make the choice but horses will be around a lot longer in your life than a baby will, yes you could easily wait a few years, but then you might not have the money, might not have a spare room, the large enough car - as someone above said you are NEVER 'ready' but in any choice you make you'll always consider the 'what if'

You can be hunting at 80 years old (I hope to be) - it's not so easy to have your first child past 40.
 
Clare85 said:
Before we had our little girl, lots of people said to me that if you wait for the perfect time to have a baby, you'll never have one. There will always be a reason not to have a baby and before you know it, it could be too late :)
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So well said.

There are always reasons why the timing for a baby is inconvenient. I put if off for ages due to horses until a gynae freaked me out saying I may need a hysterectomy down the line. He said I have all my life to ride horses, but only a relatively short window to have babies. Now my only regret is that I didn't start sooner (had my first at 31).

If you are one of these people that manage to ride until you're 6 months, and then are back on the horse after 1 months, then you are only out of the saddle 4 months. Even if its longer, its no big deal.
 
Try searching for Hot to Trot's threads OP. She brought her horse while pregnant and seems to have mainly been using her maternity leave to event. It might not be what you want to do, but they are great reads.
 
Only you can make the decision whether you want to have a baby or not at the moment. We were trying for 18 months before I managed to get pregnant and that was after I planned to get my boy out and about over last summer (obviously that never happened) but I am will do something this year. In the scheme of things a year or so out to have a baby is nothing.
 
This is something thats been on my mind too. I'm finally at the stage where I can afford to buy and look after my own horse, i'm 30 and its been my dream since I cant even remember. I've never wanted children, and my partner is great, he isnt bothered either way, but i'm worried we will change our mind in a few years and then I will have to give up the horse I intend on buying because we wont be able to afford both. So now i'm confused, do i buy a horse this year and make my dream come true, or do I not 'just in case'. For me a pet is for life, even though I haven't got the horse yet, it hurts me to think about giving it up and selling after a few years if we decide to have children...
 
Fionalex - I thought I'd have to sell my horse of a lifetime when I got pregnant but I managed to find a sharer. Works brilliantly for me and she looks after jim as if he were her own. That could be an option for you. I wouldn't put off buying a horse because of you don't have children you will regret not doing it :0) life is full of what ifs and maybes. Live life for now ;0)
 
gingernut81 said:
Fionalex - I thought I'd have to sell my horse of a lifetime when I got pregnant but I managed to find a sharer. Works brilliantly for me and she looks after jim as if he were her own. That could be an option for you. I wouldn't put off buying a horse because of you don't have children you will regret not doing it :0) life is full of what ifs and maybes. Live life for now ;0)
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Yes you are right, life is far too short....
 
stencilface said:
Just get a horse like mine who goes lame all the time and there are plenty of gaps you can fill with a baby :D
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Okay that made me laugh out loud :biggrin3:

I was 'lucky' with my daughter I guess. My old showjumping mare had just been retired and my homebred youngster was not ready to be started. I had viewed another showjumper to take over from my old girl and had a vetting booked. This horse thrilled and excited me so I really wanted it! However by a stroke of oddity, I actually found out I was pregnant with my daughter the night before the vetting. I was shocked and I felt it would be a major setback in my life at that time. It took me a few hours to get my head around it, and then I phoned my vet and cancelled the vetting. I did not buy the horse; instead I took my old mare back out of retirement (no comps, just hacking) and rode her until I had my daughter and then after she was born my youngster was ready to back so timing couldn't really have worked out better. Once she was born I couldn't help but wonder what on earth I was thinking about considering a horse over my child. I had felt it was totally the wrong time for me, but it really wasn't, it was perfect timing. I think it's all how you choose to look at things though. I mean I thought buying this new horse was THE most important thing to me at that time; of course it wasn't; my daughter was.
 
touchstone said:
I'm afraid I haven't been in your predicament as I waited until my childrenb were older before buying my mare; however I'm not in the least bit competetive so it wasn't quite such an issue.
The way I'd look at it is which would you regret the most; missing the possibility of having children or missing a year or two out of riding? Life and priorities change when you have kids, but it doesn't stop! Mary King and many others manage to combine competetive riding and having children, whereas if you delay having a family and then struggle and aren't able to the consequences will be much farther reaching. I wish you all the best whatever you decide, it's your life and only you know what is right for you as an individual.
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Agree totally touchstone. You still have another 5 years to decide, I have 3 children and there was a ten year gap between my middle and last. I had my first at 27, second at 28 and last at 37 years. It wasn't easy juggling children and horses but, it can be done. Yes, you would have to take some time out, I never rode when pregnant, and then afterwards was too bloody knackered to ride anyway but I wasn't competing, just enjoying riding whenever I could. Although I love my horse very much (although I do moan about him a lot lol), I would never ever want to turn back the clock and not have my children. Also, it can put a strain on a relationship if one is looking forward to having a baby and another isn't interested and keeps delaying. It happened to a friend of mine, and it ended their marriage.
 
Riding doesn't have to take a backseat with a baby. Once you have a good hubby and floodlights, or a few nice friends that will mind baby while you ride everything is fine.

Besides my hubby has agreed to buy me a FAB horse when i've finished having children :biggrin3: so just another 1.5 to pop out
 
Ive permanently put off having children, its just not for me.

Its a personal choice, I have been slated, had people being condescending to me, been told ill change mt mind when im older (im 30 but look about 25 according to others) so it can be annoying when people get on your case about it but if you want to put it back go for it.
 
If you aren't sure about a baby don't have one. When I had my first child it was an overwhelming intense need to have a child I wouldn't have put it off for anything and I'm of the belief if you don't think like this then don't have the child - kids are beyond hard work and if you're not desperate for one you're not ready ...
 
It's amazing how when that little person comes along, suddenly everything you thought that mattered/was important becomes nothing compared to your child.

My horses were my world, now they are a part of it but they are not the be all and end all.
I would never chose them over my daughter but until I had her, my views were very different.
 
I was once told by a very dear old (in his 80's) friend of ours that there is never the "right" time to have a child. You could go on making excuses for ever. When it happens, it happens. Something will have to give, but believe me it's worth it, and horses will be there for you in some form later anyway.
 
Black Beastie said:
Ive permanently put off having children, its just not for me.

Its a personal choice, I have been slated, had people being condescending to me, been told ill change mt mind when im older (im 30 but look about 25 according to others) so it can be annoying when people get on your case about it but if you want to put it back go for it.
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They give up getting on your case when you are about 45.
 
I put off having kids because of horses. I am now 41 and although there is nothing medically wrong with me or my partner I cannot get pregnant. Have no money for IVF so my decision has been made for me. I am pretty devastated!!!!! My advice if you want kids get on with it!!!! You might be young but sometimes it doesn't matter. The younger you start trying the better even if its a year. Age unfortunately plays a massive part in pregnancy.
 
Of course it's your choice :-) you will probably 'do it' the once and it will be job done!!!!! (Fingers crossed) just wanted to point out that sometimes when you decide it's right it just doesn't happen :-(
 
blitznbobs said:
If you aren't sure about a baby don't have one. When I had my first child it was an overwhelming intense need to have a child I wouldn't have put it off for anything and I'm of the belief if you don't think like this then don't have the child - kids are beyond hard work and if you're not desperate for one you're not ready ...
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Have to say I don't entirely agree with this. My decision was a more logical one (i.e. now is as good a time as it ever can be and I'm 31 so best get on with it). However, when I found out I was pregnant I realised I wasn't emotionally prepared at all and spent months thinking I didn't really want it - mostly, probably, because of horses. Even so, I loved him the moment he was born, and so do most people. I have friends who haven't bonded instantly with their babies but it has always happened eventually for them, in the first few weeks. I suppose I am saying that not everyone has that intense desire or desperation, but it doesn't mean you won't love your baby or realise that it was the right time to have one after all.
 
blitznbobs said:
If you aren't sure about a baby don't have one. When I had my first child it was an overwhelming intense need to have a child I wouldn't have put it off for anything and I'm of the belief if you don't think like this then don't have the child - kids are beyond hard work and if you're not desperate for one you're not ready ...
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^^^This. I was indifferent as to whether have to children or not until I reached my mid thirties, when I suddenly experienced this same overwhelming need. I was lucky in that I popped my two out 18 months apart without suffering any fertility problems.

I loved doing all the baby stuff, but now they've grown up, I've forgotten completely how to deal with a baby! I'll be a rubbish Granny!
 
To all pondering about age to have children be aware of time. When me and ex decided to have children at 26 we tried for over 2 years. Both healthy people. We were sent to consultant but before first visit i found out was pregnant. Be aware that it may take time. Also having a child opens up such wonderful times to be had together with ponies.24 years on my daughter means more to me than any horse could. And we still share the most amazing bond and passion for horses :)
 
I put my horse on loan when I got too pregnant to ride, he is with my neighbour and I have decided he can stay there for the time being as he is very happy, I just pop down and ride him every now and then and I have just got a mini at home so I can play horse still.
As a previous poster said - horses are no longer my top priority and I am glad that I don't have to worry about fitting in the ridden work and relying on baby sitters.
 
Sat in bed with the lullabies playing, feeding mini sf off to sleep. Right now I can't understand why anyone wouldn't want one, vomit inducing I know.

Had you asked me the day I gave birth I would have still been unsure about what I was getting myself in for and whether this is what I really wanted.

Horse had essentially most of last year off in either box rest, mee too pregnant to ride - swelled up like Veruca Salt, couldn't get my thankles (like cankles, but thigh width :D ) into my wellies even! - or me with newborn. Luckily he couldn't care less and now sound gets ridden 2-3 times a week when I can and want to.
 
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I'm 30 and my first baby is due in may. For me, I'm not competing to a high level, just enjoy some low level showing and dressage. Yes I'm sad to miss out on all the county shows etc (baby due same weekend of Devon county!!!) but it's only a year and tbh my horses are t home and it gives me just a much pleasure to see them outside my window grazing happily and enjoying the odd pony cuddle. I'm lucky in that my husband is horsey and will ride his nd lead mine. I have a rising three year old who's so good natured and easy I'm not worried about not starting anything with him until autumn at least, maybe even next year. My husband is over the moon about the baby, as am I. He plays rugby and shoots, if he had said oh I think we should put it off so I can concentrate on those I would really have questioned our marriage. As it is I'm googling mummy lead rein outfits...baby and ponies can get along just fine I think :) :)
 
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