How can I deal with this lady?

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dark_prince

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If anyone is aware, I am looking for a horse. My friend is helping me (same age) and we went to see one yesterday.

I am very keen to get a space at the same livery yard/riding school, and I do know the owner as I used to ride there a couple of years ago. She has said she'll help me find a horse.

However, the lady that owns the yard has been very difficult. After 2 weeks of hearing nothing from her, I decided to have a look around and ended up seeing a horse yesterday. On the Saturday (day before) she rang me and was very 'unhappy' with me for 'not letting her do her job' and she said 'if you want my help then you need to let me do it'.

I just agreed with her, as I do want/value her opinion as she knows horses. But she doesn't seem to take into account what I want? I'd told her that I was looking for something young that had been broken in but still green so I could bring it on myself. Around 15hh+ and with the possibility to be an allrounder. However, she did send me two links to adverts the other day.. neither of them were remotely what I was looking for.

Now she's just text me saying she has found me a horse to go look at, but I need to see him today as someone else is viewing him tomorrow. But she didn't mention anything about the horse, and I'm working til half 6 tonight!

She's told me about the horse and although he sounds nice, he's 11 and I feel like that's too old. I want something I can bring on myself and teach, but he's been there and done everything!

I'm just going to go see him to keep her happy, but I've only just begun looking and I'm regretting it now. I want something I want, not something someone else thinks I should have :(
 
Just say, many thanks for all your hard work, but I think I've found the horse I wish to purchase.

Perhaps, however, she's steering you towards horses she thinks are more appropriate for your level of expertise??
 
If she starts out this controlling then I dont imagine it will get any better. Look for another livery yard or she will make your life a misery.
 
amymay said:
Just say, many thanks for all your hard work, but I think I've found the horse I wish to purchase.

Perhaps, however, she's steering you towards horses she thinks are more appropriate for your level of expertise??
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I do appreciate her help, but she's not listening to me :(

She's never seen me ride so she wouldn't know what I can/can't handle. I know I would be better suited to a younger horse but she keeps sending me links to 11-16 year olds!
 
Why don't you go & see him now that it's been arranged.

I'm guessing that this lady, the yard owner, who you say knows a lot about horses, is trying to help you find something that will be safe & fun for you. I presume that she has seen you ride & if she is experienced, she will hopefully have a good idea of the sort of horse that will be suitable.

Do you know if she has heard about this horse through word of mouth? It is almost always better to buy this way, especially if it is your first horse.

I realise that it is a very appealing idea to have a young horse & produce it yourself, but the reality is that it is a very long, hard road. 11 is no age at all for a horse, in fact it sounds perfect :-) Old enough to have been a done a few things but young enough to still have years left & be lots of fun.

If you really don't like him perhaps you can have a chat with the YO & maybe view some together?

Let us know how you get on. It sounds very exciting. Good luck.
 
Please don't take this the wrong way, but are you really ready for a green horse? I don't mean that as a criticism as I know nothing about you or your riding ability, but could it be she has doubts that you are experienced enough? If so might be worth a chat to explain to her that you feel you are more than capable of a younger horse? What does your instructor think in terms of the sort of horse you should be looking for?
 
HazyXmas said:
Why don't you go & see him now that it's been arranged.

I'm guessing that this lady, the yard owner, who you say knows a lot about horses, is trying to help you find something that will be safe & fun for you. I presume that she has seen you ride & if she is experienced, she will hopefully have a good idea of the sort of horse that will be suitable.

Do you know if she has heard about this horse through word of mouth? It is almost always better to buy this way, especially if it is your first horse.

I realise that it is a very appealing idea to have a young horse & produce it yourself, but the reality is that it is a very long, hard road. 11 is no age at all for a horse, in fact it sounds perfect :-) Old enough to have been a done a few things but young enough to still have years left & be lots of fun.

If you really don't like him perhaps you can have a chat with the YO & maybe view some together?

Let us know how you get on. It sounds very exciting. Good luck.
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She has never seen me ride! :( I know it seems a lot to want a younger horse for my first, but I'm not a novice! I don't know how to explain to people that I don't want something that has been there and done it all. But considering people seem to think it's not a good idea, I may just quit that idea :/

I know people who have gotten unbroke youngsters for their first horses. But obviously this is not the right idea for me. Thanks.
 
i would of thought she would of seen u ride and know what u can handle in order to help u look for a horse?? thats maybe just me tho :S
 
ghostie said:
Please don't take this the wrong way, but are you really ready for a green horse? I don't mean that as a criticism as I know nothing about you or your riding ability, but could it be she has doubts that you are experienced enough? If so might be worth a chat to explain to her that you feel you are more than capable of a younger horse? What does your instructor think in terms of the sort of horse you should be looking for?
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Again, she has never seen me ride. I'm not stupid and I would never buy a horse that I couldn't handle.

I'm getting upset with everyone doubting me. This might just be an eye opener that I shouldn't buy a horse. Thanks.
 
u should maybe go see it.....if she's an experienced horsey lady thn she might of found u and absolutly amazing horse even tho a little older :D could be the horse of ur dreams :D
 
sallyballybee said:
i would of thought she would of seen u ride and know what u can handle in order to help u look for a horse?? thats maybe just me tho :S
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She came to value a horse for me, and after I said he wasn't really what I wanted she said she'd help me look. Because I've never bought before and she has lots of exp. buying and selling she said she'd help me find what I wanted.

It's irrelevant now anyway as I realise I've been stupid. I don't think I should get a horse anymore now.
 
HazyXmas said:
Do you mind me asking how old you are & how long you've been riding?
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I'm 17 and around 9 years. But it doesn't matter anymore. Everyone's been helpful enough with telling me a youngster is not a good idea. Irrelevant to the fact that I've brought horses on before or not, I'm realising I'm being stupid. I'm not getting a horse now.
 
l.ark said:
Again, she has never seen me ride. I'm not stupid and I would never buy a horse that I couldn't handle.

I'm getting upset with everyone doubting me. This might just be an eye opener that I shouldn't buy a horse. Thanks.
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We're not doubting you, we've never met you. We're just asking because the advice we give depends on your experience. E.g. we get a lot of people on here that have had a few years of weekly lessons at a riding school and no experience of horse care and then want to buy a just backed youngster for their first horse which would be, frankly, a disaster nine times out of ten. Equally there will be other people that have never owned their own horse, but have ridden for twenty years and have loads of experience. We're not asking to be nasty, just so that we can help you.

If you are very experienced and can handle a youngster my advice would be 'say thanks but no thanks to the lady' and take your current instructor to viewings. If you've just got a few years riding experience and have never, owned, loaned, shared or had a lot of horse care experience I would gently suggest you look at something a little older.
 
I can't comment on whether it is a good idea or not to get a yougnster as it I don't no you & it's your decision.

I would suggest just go & have a look at this 11yr old you may be suprised & think yes actually he is the horse for me or you may think no I still want something to bring on & if this is the case then you need to be firm with the lady & tell her your very grateful for her help, but you do want something ready made.

I got a 4yr old last year (be it not my first horse or youngster), but it's is a nice feeling that the work that is done is yours, but also you need to expect bad days. Just go with you gut as only you can make the final decison. Good luck & let us no how it goes if you go tonight :)
 
ghostie said:
We're not doubting you, we've never met you. We're just asking because the advice we give depends on your experience. E.g. we get a lot of people on here that have had a few years of weekly lessons at a riding school and no experience of horse care and then want to buy a just backed youngster for their first horse which would be, frankly, a disaster nine times out of ten. Equally there will be other people that have never owned their own horse, but have ridden for twenty years and have loads of experience. We're not asking to be nasty, just so that we can help you.

If you are very experienced and can handle a youngster my advice would be 'say thanks but no thanks to the lady' and take your current instructor to viewings. If you've just got a few years riding experience and have never, owned, loaned, shared or had a lot of horse care experience I would gently suggest you look at something a little older.
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Sorry. I was just asking for advice on how to deal with her and tell her that's not what I'm looking for, but apparently this involves me giving a detailed reason on why I think I am able to want a younger horse. I have loaned before. I have brought on younger horses. I think I'm capable of it but this is obviously a mistake.
 
Thanks for the posts but I'm going to see this horse tonight then give up. I'm obviously not capable of owning a horse. Thanks.
 
l.ark said:
She came to value a horse for me, and after I said he wasn't really what I wanted she said she'd help me look. Because I've never bought before and she has lots of exp. buying and selling she said she'd help me find what I wanted.

It's irrelevant now anyway as I realise I've been stupid. I don't think I should get a horse anymore now.
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thank goodness for that! You sound very immature and definately not ready to bring on a youngster. If you throw in the towel so easily when people give advice what would you do if the youngster were to start napping? Get yourself a 'been there and done it all' horse and dont bite off more than you can chew.
 
How can you give up on what you want so easily, I would of moved heaven and earth to have my own horse when I was your age - unfortunately I had to wait a bit longer, in fact till I was 37!

You know in your own mind what you can handle and what you have experience of dealing with, so if you are confident and have trusted / experienced friends and a good instructor for when things are tough, then go for it - don't give up on your dream.

I'd been riding for 30yrs when i got my boy, but had no experience of having my own horse and had only been a sharer for a few months. Having no experience of youngsters I knew that wasn't for me, but like you I wanted one that was fairly young in the hope that we would have many happy years together. In the end I went for a 7 yr old and whilst his basic training was in place he (and me it turned out!) needed quite a bit of fine tuning, but its been great fun :D

Good luck and just remember people on here are just trying to be helpful :)
 
What an awkward situation for you!

Only you know what you want - so I would stick to your guns and only view horses that fit your criteria, and if she comes up with ones that are older, just very politely say thanks but no thanks (easier said than done though!!!).

Sounds to me she is just looking out for you and being over cautious, or has just not taken on board what your requirements are.

I got into a similiar situation with a friend, who asked me to help her look. As far as I understood she wanted an 'older' 15hh allrounder, been there and done it etc, for a buget or around £5000. Having trawled the net and H & H for nearly 2 yrs, she discounted everything I suggested, only to recieve a phone call a few mnths ago to say she had bought a green 6 yr old, that had not yet competed! However she is very happy with the horse, despite a few teething issues, and hope it all works out for her.
 
I'm sorry OP, no-one is meaning to upset you :-)

It's a lovely idea to get your own horse, & we've all been in the situation of it being our first one. Unfortunately, for many, many of us, the exciting dream has turned into a nightmare as we've bought the wrong horse :-( That's the only reason that people are urging caution about getting a youngster.

Of course you don't have to take anyone's advice, especially from a forum where none of us know you. It's just because people do genuinely care & we are all looking forward to reading happy, positive posts about all the fun your having with the new horse.

Do you have an instructor to give you some help & advice? He/she is probably the best person to help you with your search.

Don't give up, just take your time to buy the right horse. Take care x
 
l.ark said:
I'm 17 and around 9 years. But it doesn't matter anymore. Everyone's been helpful enough with telling me a youngster is not a good idea. Irrelevant to the fact that I've brought horses on before or not, I'm realising I'm being stupid. I'm not getting a horse now.
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Petulance is a most unattractive feature.....:rolleyes:

If you trust this woman, have a sit down and a chat with her. If she is as experienced as you say she won't steer you wrong - whether she comes up with a 4 year old horse or a 14 year old horse.

Nothing beats experience when buying a horse, especially a first horse.
 
I would be straight with her. It might help if you explain that you want to involve someone who knows more about your riding experience. Just be honest polite and unemotional.

I do recommend you involve someone who knows you well has seen you ride and knows what you will be doing with the horse. A second pair of eyes and someone who will think with their head while you think with head and heart really helps.
 
That's a bit of a melodramatic response! No-one is suggesting you shouldn't buy a horse. It just comes across that someone with a lot of experience buying and selling horses seems to be guiding you towards a different kind of horse than the one you feel you would like, and people are questioning why?

If she hasn't seen you ride, is she picking up inexperience from comments you make to her? Sometimes you can guess the level people ride at by simply talking to them (although some people can waffle!) Can she watch you rise and then at least you's might be on the same page when you's are looking at horses?

If a few strangers comments are enough to put you off getting a horse, you have to question if the challenges of a youngster would be too much?
 
Irrespective of how experienced you are it is always good to get other opinions. I've just bought my 6th horse/pony (in 30+ years of ownership) and I was very appreciative of having help from someone more experienced than me. You are right that you should feel comfortable to lay down your preferences and have them listened to, but do be open to other suggestions. There are numerous posts on here about people buying new horses and the whole thing falling apart a few weeks later.

Good luck! :)

P.S. flouncing won't get you any sympathy/respect on here. :rolleyes:

Bingo anyone?

flounce-bingo.jpg
 
In fairness to the lady helping, if someone of your age & 9yrs experience said they wanted me to help find a first horse I wouldn't recommend a youngster either. Only difference is I would watch them ride first to see if they were the exception to the rule & were capable. Perhaps you could suggest letting her watch you ride & handle a horse?
Lots of novices do get away with a youngster as a first horse. But more often it goes wrong.
Realise you are young & disappointed with replys, but having a strop isn't the best way of proving you have the maturity for bringing on a youngster.
 
Fairynuff said:
thank goodness for that! You sound very immature and definately not ready to bring on a youngster. If you throw in the towel so easily when people give advice what would you do if the youngster were to start napping? Get yourself a 'been there and done it all' horse and dont bite off more than you can chew.
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Yes because someone who suffers from depression and gets upset by comments like that, obviously this reflects my riding ability..

Tbh you come across as a middle aged person who thinks they know it all, yet are in fact very naive about people.

I don't really see what me getting easily upset has to do with if i can deal with a horse that starts napping. And yes, if you are so interested to know I HAVE dealt with quite a few horses that nap and I managed all of them just fine.

I can see why this forum gets such a bad name, if people are so quick to judge and be rude to people who are just asking for advice, not a judgement.
 
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