How to deal with new people on the yard that you really don’t wanna interact with !

Fern007 said:
It sounds to me as though you are suffering with everything being so stressful. It's been a hard year on everyone. Things that probably wouldn't normally be an issue are blown out of all proportion. There are some great suggestions. You only have 2 weeks. Pop your ear phones in, sing along and smile if you see someone. Tack up for your time slot and go to school. Give them a minute or 2 then mount up with a smile and a pat for your horse. Hope you can relax a little over the next few weeks as the last thing you need is you being ill as well!
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Fern007 said:
It sounds to me as though you are suffering with everything being so stressful. It's been a hard year on everyone. Things that probably wouldn't normally be an issue are blown out of all proportion. There are some great suggestions. You only have 2 weeks. Pop your ear phones in, sing along and smile if you see someone. Tack up for your time slot and go to school. Give them a minute or 2 then mount up with a smile and a pat for your horse. Hope you can relax a little over the next few weeks as the last thing you need is you being ill as well!
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Thanks I will defo be taking the head phones up . I am struggling no end then because the yard owner isn’t doing what they are paid to do . I am just in such a rush . I really don’t mind sharing the school but when I am not allowed in when I am booked it’a annoying . They where there today and tied the horse outside my stable and where giving it treats . I just said hey please watch my mare as she will bite as she on box rest and not allowed treats . They didn’t reply . But oh well
 
lannerch said:
You only have 2weeks left there why do you care at all what others think or say, just get on with your life, do your horse, and stop worrying. Any inconvenience is only temporary, and soon will be a distant memory.
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Pinkvboots said:
This it's 2 weeks if it's really so bad avoid going down when they are there so you don't have to see them,
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I am just counting down I am going to go early in the morning to get done and out of the way. Thanks
 
You haven't got much longer at the current yard. If it was me, I think I would just say hello & get on with the jobs. As for the school, someone had a good idea of waiting a bit & then just going in. You could say t whoever is in there, you need to get started due to time pressures etc.
 
ILuvCowparsely said:
Okay

Firstly you need to speak to yard owner about your issues with the time slots an stuff in front of your stable.

Second get a sign made up for your stable and say box rest do not feed horse treats as they are on a special diet.

Thirdly Be polite and just give a smile or a Hi to anyone and if they rude or sarcastic ignore it, be the bigger person or you will be brought down to their level.

Fourth. Regarding your horses care, I sympathise, my late mare was on box rest 1 .1/2 year. Next door yard went as far as reporting me to WHW ( who did nothing as my vet said she was under vet care and we spent £ 10.000 trying to save her. ) snide remarks saying I should pts. Yes it hurt and angered me, and one woman I still ignore. I now will smile and make convo but inside is a different matter.

New mare is on her 5th Month box rest (check ligament and collateral ligament). My mare has been gd but very spooky, sharp and explosive, half rearing and bucking which she normally does not do, when riding out as she still cannot turnout. Even though well meaning liveries say just put her out in coral. I wont because if it goes pear shaped my insurance wont pay.

Trouble is by being rude or ignoring, the horse world is small, and you may come across some of these people in future yard, or they end up being your yard owner, you never now.

I would say "I appreciate your input, but we have matters in hand and thank you for caring" and leave it like that. Any rude comments just walk away ..........................
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I am being blanked by yard owner as one of my friends borrowed my box to move her horse but she gave notice. She didn’t even arrange to have it off me she spoke with my dad . Apparently I should have know and stoped it ? . I will do that next door tied up outside my stable today and where giving there’s treats . I just said hey , my girls on box rest so please just watch she doesn’t bite you as she not allowed treat at the min and she being very grumpy . They didn’t reply . But I will get the signs up it’s never been an issue before will do them now .

Don’t think people who have never had a horse that require a lot of care or box rest realise how difficult it is . The long I had to do was 8 months and it’s so hard so how you did a year and half. I have had a lot of people say I should put down but I won’t do it and my vets say I am right to do so. I don’t give up on my horse easily . I have lost count of the money she’s cost and my old one at home well at the neighbours now we sell the house. Just can’t wait to get the facilities I need to get her home . I have already found the most amazing tack system and wood chip turnout I want to put in for my old ones and my mare ?. I think I am more excited about that than having the whole team at home. I will try the I appreciate your input thing in future I think I have kinda just been shutting down to ignore it !

Thanks
 
CanteringCarrot said:
There are people I don't care to interact with at the yard, mostly because I'm not there for the social aspect. I just say Hi and entertain short small talk and get on with what I'm doing. Only takes a few seconds out of my day.

No one asks me to do anything for them though as most of us are quite independent. Or some just don't care if they're doing it right or wrong ?‍♀️

If we had set times for the school and someone went over their time, I would just say this is now my reserved time, if you need a few extra minutes feel free to ride around me. Not my problem if they were late.

Another thing that I do (as my devil horns expose themselves) is if someone is chatting or whispering about how I do something, I ask them if they would like to try to do it better, or to show me how they would do it. I've not had anyone take me up on the offer yet ?
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This is me so much now I never used to be like it . Love the idea of offering to let them try and do it better . Will 1000% do that ? Thanks
 
sport horse said:
Gosh - I bet that not only are you looking froward to going to your new yard but I guess the liveries where you are leaving will have a party to celebrate the event.
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Haha well hope they enjoy may even get them a bottle to celebrate .I guess the only good thing is if there busy bitching about me when I leave they won’t be bitching about anyone else for a few days .
 
sport horse said:
It must be a toxic atmopsphere in this yard. In your earlier post you were wanting advice on how to leave very quickly because the YO was bonkers and might hurt your horses and now it is the liveries that are causing you angst.
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Yep it is we would have been gone weeks ago but there was a hold up with an inconclusive pre movement blood that was needed . It got worse since all my friend have gone and one of the good grooms got fired in the last few weeks over something she didn’t do . Feels like I am in hell right now tbh . Poorly horse , YO is bonkers to say the least there’s now a reputation with the yard , the livery’s that are coming are questionable because no one decent what’s to come. Talking smoking in the barn and one got kicked off another yard for fighting like an actual punch up ? . I am praying for good results so I can go or I need some good weather and I can take them home but our field is trashed and so so so wet it’s probably only suitable for ducks . Thanks
 
problem that is easily delt with. have a seatshirt printed with the worlds DO NOT SPEAK TO ME OR MY HORSE on the front and back. wear it to the yard.
if anyone speaks to you go running to the yard owner claiming harrisment.
 
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Backtoblack said:
problem that is easily delt with. have a seatshirt printed with the worlds DO NOT SPEAK TO ME OR MY HORSE on the front and back. wear it to the yard.
if anyone speaks to you go running to the yard owner claiming harrisment.
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Thanks Great idea think these need to be mass produced ?
 
Its sad that you are feeling this way when you know you are moving on to pastures new. Everyone on a yard is new at some time....you re about to become the newbie on a yard..how would you like to be greeted/treated when you arrive? Cut yourself and them some slack, say hello...smile and move on.
 
Midlifecrisis said:
Its sad that you are feeling this way when you know you are moving on to pastures new. Everyone on a yard is new at some time....you re about to become the newbie on a yard..how would you like to be greeted/treated when you arrive? Cut yourself and them some slack, say hello...smile and move on.
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I can’t keep up with all the new arrivals it’s like getting to know one or two people in a few weeks but 5 new horse all seem to have a at least 2 or 3 people . It impossible to make them all feel welcome. Thanks I have cut them some slack they tied there horse outside my stables like directly in the middle of my horse . Feeding treats to there horse . I just said hey please be careful if you tie outside my stables as my mares on box rest and may bite . They didn’t rely
 
Mary3050 said:
Thanks I have no issues sharing but she was jumping a said that we would be in the way . I think next time I will just say look sorry your 5 mins over your more than welcome to stay in with me ?
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I don't think you have to do this. if a slot is booked it's booked. I'd just stop at gate and say 'I have this booked for 8pm, im coming in thanks' and then just saw some compliment about their horse 'oh I see x is looking well' etc.
I think you have had a few overly harsh remarks here that you didn't deserve. it's very frustrating in yards like this, it's like death by a thousand cuts if it's constant small annoyance and it can get very stressful. the last few weeks in the yard could be a good time for you to learn a coping mechanism ands phrases and reactions to use for situations like this.

if people are being ignorant and rude to you you don't have to try and win them over. if you are friendly and polite but they still think you're a bitch well that's their choice, it doesn't matter top you in the slightest what their opinion is in the long run. if you don't click with them as people then there's no point wasting energy pushing it. friendly wave, friendly hello, headphones on! every time! you pay good money to go to a yard to enjoy relaxing time with your horse. it's not your job to be teaching people how to tack up.

I've moved a few times and have ended up on loads of different livery yards, some absolutely toxic. best technique it to just be cheery and polite, say you're rushing if you don't want to interact, throws in the odd compliment about a horse or riding improvement and then get on with your own thing. if someone asks me to do something now, I really don't do it if it's a hassle to me but I'd be polite and say 'im really sorry, im rushing at the moment so can't but x might help or there's some good videos on YouTube that would show it.'
 
Mary3050 said:
Hi guys ,

So I am leaving the yard I am currently at soon hopefully another 2 weeks if all goes well . But there be a whole bunch of new livery’s arriving over the last few weeks . Mid week two of the people I am closest with left . Meaning 3 stables free so new people will be arriving . I just really don’t wanna interact with the new livery’s that are already here .

Mainly because they aren’t my type of people. I am at the point where I just don’t want to deal with them . Apparently one said I was being really frosty and unwelcoming but I am at the point where that many people come and go schoolers that I dunno who’s staying . I am usually a person who I can make convo with anyone even if there not my type of people. But I am really struggling we are talking about 5 new horse and everyone seems to have 3 or 4 family members .
The one next to me I just don’t like and don’t feel like I should waste my time speaking to them . Even though I have never had a convo with them . They weren’t even hear 3 days and they made comments about my poor horse who’s ill and they way I “treat “ her . Because she difficult to catch in the stable when I syringe her medication . Then they keep running over into my school slots . Usually I wouldn’t bothered but when I am waiting 15 minutes into my 30 mins slots because she didn’t get from work on time and is still jumping . I don’t see how that my problem . Then yesterday my water buckets had soap in them . Because she used them to bath her horse . Then her stuff all in front of my stables too . There’s also kids running everywhere giving horse carrots without asking . Novice people that expect you to help them every 5 minuets because they can’t get a bridle on or rug or what ever else. We aren’t a riding school and the groom vanishes into thin air when they Arrive. There a group of teenagers who just sit in the tack room eating with a bunch of friends from different yards . Then when I am riding kids run in the school and when I am working a horse that’s been out of work and has a tendency to blow up bucking bolting kinda thing . They could get hurt . I explained this to the mother and the kids but they still do it. Currently the yard owner and I aren’t really speaking so that’s not an option.

How do I get through the next few weeks without seeming and massive bitch but having minimal interactions with them . God give me strength. Thanks guys
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I would say an ipod is your friend, insert headphones and quickly do whatever you have to do on the yard, you can say Hi and Bye to seem polite but if you act busy they'll leave you be.
 
Mary3050 said:
Thanks I am trying but apparently it’s makes me a bitch . Maybe I am just caring to much . Thanks
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If they are not the sort of people you like why do you care about their opinion?

Just ignore them and crack on for the next 14 days.

When children come running into the school, send them out - or run them over depending on your mood.
 
I’d they say hi then say hi and keep doing what your doing. I do that and have done on every yard I’ve been on. I say hi in passing and unless anyone actually comes to speak to me I just do me.

I’m prickly however and give off that leave me alone vibe, folk who don’t know me get offended and people that do don’t bother with it.
 
paddi22 said:
I don't think you have to do this. if a slot is booked it's booked. I'd just stop at gate and say 'I have this booked for 8pm, im coming in thanks' and then just saw some compliment about their horse 'oh I see x is looking well' etc.
I think you have had a few overly harsh remarks here that you didn't deserve. it's very frustrating in yards like this, it's like death by a thousand cuts if it's constant small annoyance and it can get very stressful. the last few weeks in the yard could be a good time for you to learn a coping mechanism ands phrases and reactions to use for situations like this.

if people are being ignorant and rude to you you don't have to try and win them over. if you are friendly and polite but they still think you're a bitch well that's their choice, it doesn't matter top you in the slightest what their opinion is in the long run. if you don't click with them as people then there's no point wasting energy pushing it. friendly wave, friendly hello, headphones on! every time! you pay good money to go to a yard to enjoy relaxing time with your horse. it's not your job to be teaching people how to tack up.

I've moved a few times and have ended up on loads of different livery yards, some absolutely toxic. best technique it to just be cheery and polite, say you're rushing if you don't want to interact, throws in the odd compliment about a horse or riding improvement and then get on with your own thing. if someone asks me to do something now, I really don't do it if it's a hassle to me but I'd be polite and say 'im really sorry, im rushing at the moment so can't but x might help or there's some good videos on YouTube that would show it.'
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Thank you I was starting to think maybe I am a massive bitch and don’t know based on the comments . Haha yes I need to stop using ignoring people as a coping mechanism ? . I feel like I got bashed by a few people for the comments on the novices . I don’t mind the odd helping but as you said it’s not my job and I don’t have the time either . I will try just saying maybe the groom by name will be Able to assist . Thanks
 
Do you not realize what they are trying to do . They want to cause a fight so they can bad mouth you to new yard. So they can ruin it for you at the new yard or trying to stop you from leaving. Probably because they don’t want people leaving.
 
Mary3050 said:
Defo counting down the days . I am happy to share but then the yard owner brought in a booking system and you have to book your slots . But they told me to wait outside they needed a few more minutes. I waited 5 minutes . They said they need to go around one more time . I said okay can I get on she was like not really as I need all the school . At 15 mins into my slot . I just said I am sorry but I only have 15 mins left and need to work my horse. I can’t hack my crazy coming back into work mare . I may die ? . I will just have to remember that I am lucky but I never usually have any issues .
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Say no. It's my allocated slot now and go in. Naje sure you gave photo of slot time just in case. Face it what is worst thing that can happen ? You can be given notice and that could be perfect for you. X
 
Mahoganybay said:
Could you not move to your new yard sooner?
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I can go as soon as my pre movement bloods come back clear . One came back inconclusive but I can only move at weekend due to my dads work and i can’t drive the lorry. Bloods are being repeated on Wednesday so if they come back in time I can go this weekend but if not I will have to wait until the following weekend . Thanks
 
WeeLassie said:
Remember when you move to your new yard you will be the newbie. How would you feel if someone speaks about you on a public forum like this? Niceness costs nothing....
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I haven’t named them. I say hi that’s it but apparently because I don’t sit in the tack room talking then this makes me rude . Doesn’t cost anything for them to not make comments about my horse care or even say hey back does it
 
Lexi 123 said:
Do you not realize what they are trying to do . They want to cause a fight so they can bad mouth you to new yard. So they can ruin it for you at the new yard or trying to stop you from leaving. Probably because they don’t want people leaving.
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Hum never thought of it like that . My new yard aren’t bothered the current yard has a reputation that come in the last 6 months . They do have loads of stables free now that they can’t fill so could be right there . Thanks
 
I think your main issues are them feeding treats, asking you to help and commenting on the way you manage your horse?

Regarding the management of the horse I would just speak to them in a very positive and polite way, say that you heard that they had some concerns and want to explain why you are doing x or y. Normally is puts people on the back foot if you are direct, and by being polite and friendly about it you will not feel that you have anything to feel ashamed about later. Same with the treats. I would just thank them, and tell them how kind it was that they include my horse in the carrots, but explain that for now it is not allowed.

Regarding helping, unless I truly had no time at all I would just help them out. If I really could not I would apologize and explain why.

Ultimately when you look back on this situation you are unlikely to be upset for long about how others have treated you, but if you feel that you have let your own standards of behaviour and kindness to others slip then it will bother you for much longer.

Remember that you soon will be the new person at another yard, and I guess that you will hope to be made welcome even if the neighbor is leaving soon. In the same way that one leaves personal problems outside of the door of the office, or business problems on the doorstep when arriving home, it is good to do the same at the yard. Whenever I have problems I just remind myself that so does everyone else, and that being positive costs nothing.
 
Gingerwitch said:
Say no. It's my allocated slot now and go in. Naje sure you gave photo of slot time just in case. Face it what is worst thing that can happen ? You can be given notice and that could be perfect for you. X
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Haha yes then I wouldn’t have to pay my notice great idea . I
Gingerwitch said:
Say no. It's my allocated slot now and go in. Naje sure you gave photo of slot time just in case. Face it what is worst thing that can happen ? You can be given notice and that could be perfect for you. X
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Thanks didn’t think of that it would be a great out come as I wouldn’t have to pay my notice . It’s an online booking system so I will screen shot .
 
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