How to over come grief when horse is PTS

[spottydottypony]

I lost my 9 yr old boy June 2012 to a fractured leg which totally devastated me. I had owned him from 9 months old he was beautiful. I'm just about getting over him passing when my old boy whose 36 yrs had a freak accident in the field two weeks ago and impaled himself on a fence rail. He survived for a week but was sadly PTS last Saturday 27 th. In the space of ten months i have lost my two beloved horses, my friends. I cannot cope at all, im like a zombie at the yard and in work. I have no appetite to eat and all i want to do is sleep. I cannot replace my boy, i mentally cant do it. I still have two ponies but the bond is not as strong even though i think the world of them. I know there is nothing i can do and time is a great healer but i just cant cope. How do you survive such pain and loss?

 

[mushroom]

My heart truly goes out to you. I haven't lost my horse yet but I lost my beloved cat after 18 years and no one really understood the devastation I felt and still feel. Seven months down the line I still miss him unbearably.

All I can say to you is that the pain never goes away when you lose a person/animal you love, it just becomes more bearable. Honestly.

 

[blackhor2e]

I'm so sorry for both your losses. I really think that time is a great healer. I lost my old boy two years ago, and it was my decision to have him PTS which is a lot different to loosing a horse suddenly or in tragic circumstances.

Time is a great healer, and I still miss him now, some days more than others. I have lots of photos of him around the horse and great memories I can hold onto. Thinking of you.

 

[Moggy in Manolos]

It really does just take time. I still hate the fact I lost my girl so suddenly to colic, I still think she was too young to go, having never suffered from colic in her life, suddenly she was struck down with a deadly impaction.
Try not to expect much of yourself, I felt numb for a long time and I still miss Seren, I always will, she was amazing and had been part of my life for over 19years. You will feel like a zombie and empty but it will ease *big hugs* to you x

 

[windand rain]

My philosophy that has stood me in good stead through losing parents and a baby has always been that "no one dies until the last person alive leave this mortal world" They live on in hearts and minds forever. Just because they are physically gone doesnt mean their soul and reason for being is gone They are there with you through tears of sadness and joy sharing your life as you remember them in good and bad times.
Grieve for them as you would your family member as that is what they are and keep a warm and cosy spot in you heart for them and time will help if not ease the pain make it more bearable.

 

[Carrots&Mints]

Time is the greatest healer. Xxx

 

[mushroom]

Spottydottypony, take it from those who have lost beloved animals, you will get through this. As M-in-M said, it really does take time. Hang on in there.

 

[Lolo]

I don't know. I am so sorry for your loss though.

When I lost my old boy, I wrote a lot about him in notebooks or in Word. Just ramblings about him, all the silly things I remembered and things I loved about him. It helped, to write it down and allow myself to feel sad and be miserable on my own. You lost something very precious to you, feeling sad and saying you feel sad and having a cry is normal. I try and repress it all in public but on my own I let loose.

 

[ladyt25]

It does get easier. I haven't experienced freak accidents like that with horses but I lost my pony after he broke down team chasing. He should have been ok after box rest bit sadly he didn't cope. I've also had to pick my dog up off the road after she was hit by a car. Her back and pelvis were too broken to repair. When the vets told us the news I had to leave work as I was in pieces. I didn't eat for a few days. Both these incidents can still upset me and both happened a fair few years ago now. It does get easier day to day though but don't he afraid to let it all out, it does help

 

[Hoofprints in the Snow]

You have had an old wound opened as well as losing another horse. I feel so sorry for you, it will take time and mentally you will be exhausted. When your mind is so full of upset it makes you want to switch off and sleep. If this is affecting you at work it might be an idea to have a word with your Doctor. As others will tell you it takes time, you will never forget them but it will become bearable and your good memories will come through. (To enjoy the love you have for and get from animals, you have to endure the pain when you have to let them go) Hugs()()()

 

[Nightmare before Christmas]

I lost both my horses 7 days apart 4 weeks ago, both a total shock! I wasnt as upset as I thought I would be but I think about them all the time and keep calling other horse by their names. It gets better with time

 

[spottydottypony]

Thank you for all your replies. Im sitting here crying, i just want to be alone, not speak to anyone and feel guilty for laughing at my dogs! I know it will take time i just cant believe its happened so close together. My ponies are good apart from one of them whose also 36 yrs had a burst of Laminitis 3 months ago and his pedal bone rotated so i nearly lost him. He seems ok im keeping a close eye on him.
Nightmare before christmas thats awful worse than me im so sorry

 

[Bionic Boy]

I don't think you ever really get over it I think you just learn to live with it. How long that takes I really can't help you with.

I can't imagine what you are going through but my only advice is take your time and take as long as you need too.

 

[zigzag]

It takes time, I lost 3 horses in a week, one with a broken leg, two days later my old went down in field and couldn't get up, 3 days later my other old boy's tests came back to say he had cancer. I gave up horses for 6 months couldn't cope, but went back. Give yourself time xx

 

[Polos Mum]

IMHO It will never go away, you just learn to cope with it over time, lots of time. Don't be too hard on yourself and don't expect to suddenly feel better - you've suffered a major loss - twice.
You will come across people who just don't understand the relationship we have with 'pets' - try to ignore them and know that plenty of people grieve for their horses in the same way they would for a person.

 

[spottydottypony]

Everyone's been really kind at work and the yard, I found it hard at work because everyone was asking how was my horse and i had to tell them he had been PTS!
Thank you for all your kind words x

 

[Sussexbythesea]

Sorry to hear your sad news it really is devastating losing our beloved animals. Feeling like you do is completely normal when you have suffered such a loss. Your body and mind want to sleep so it can heal. Be kind to yourself and don't keep it all bottled up.

I sometimes worry how I will cope when I lose my horse of a lifetime Solly Pandy who is 18 this year and my kitties who are both 15 this year and whom I have nurtured from tiny babies. I know it will be extremely hard to cope but I know I will because I coped when Teabag was PTS and I coped when my mum died. "This too shall pass" is what my mum always used say and she was right. It's not that you will forget but you will carry on because you have to. You will gradually feel better and new things will come to brighten your life, they really will.

 

[sodapop]

I found I just had to ride the storm I am afraid but you will feel better in time. I lost my boy a few years ago in a collision and because I was unconscious I never got to comfort him or say goodbye. You will have bad days, not so bad days and better days then you will start to get good days.
You have had a very traumatic time and how you are feeling now is normal.
xx

 

[Nightmare before Christmas]

Thank you for all your replies. Im sitting here crying, i just want to be alone, not speak to anyone and feel guilty for laughing at my dogs! I know it will take time i just cant believe its happened so close together. My ponies are good apart from one of them whose also 36 yrs had a burst of Laminitis 3 months ago and his pedal bone rotated so i nearly lost him. He seems ok im keeping a close eye on him.
Nightmare before christmas thats awful worse than me im so sorry

sadly its horses and when you work with them for so long you will lose some along the way. Keep smiling and remember all the good times

 

[Superhot]

Personally, I think it is important to allow yourself time to grieve, to cry when something triggers an overwhelming feeling of loss. Why do we insist on putting on a brave face? It hurts like hell and most people will surely understand the pain you're going through. It might help you to contact http://www.bluecross.org.uk/1742/pet-loss.html. The Blue Cross offer an excellent bereavement service...

 

[snowstormII]

'Re: How to over come grief when horse is PTS
My philosophy that has stood me in good stead through losing parents and a baby has always been that "no one dies until the last person alive leave this mortal world" They live on in hearts and minds forever. Just because they are physically gone doesnt mean their soul and reason for being is gone They are there with you through tears of sadness and joy sharing your life as you remember them in good and bad times.
Grieve for them as you would your family member as that is what they are and keep a warm and cosy spot in you heart for them and time will help if not ease the pain make it more bearable.'

Wind and rain, you are so right. I lost the only horse I had ever wanted to get old with. She was only 10 when she was taken last year. I was in ribbons all the time to start with, God knows how many boxes of tissues I went through. After a few weeks I realised I could go a day without crying over her (it was barely an hour to start with!), and gradually it got to 2 days and then 3 sometimes. Now 10 months on I only cry a few times a month - always just as heart-breakingly hard as in the early days, but the thing is it is not every day now, and it mostly only happens in private. I too wrote down all the happy memories and feelings I had when I was with her, noted any songs that triggered me (I am now mostly able to sing Lady Antebellum's 'I need you now' nearly all the way to the end without blubbing!).

I/we who have lost a loved one, human or animal, really feel for you. It will eventually get less raw. It is still early days, but if you are still as overwhelmed in several months you ought to see your doctor. Hugs and understanding wishes being sent to you.

 

[snowstormII]

Wind and rain, you are so right.

I lost the only horse I had ever wanted to get old with. She was only 10 when she was taken last year. I was in ribbons all the time to start with, God knows how many boxes of tissues I went through. After a few weeks I realised I could go a day without crying over her (it was barely an hour to start with!), and gradually it got to 2 days and then 3 sometimes. Now 10 months on I only cry a few times a month - always just as heart-breakingly hard as in the early days, but the thing is it is not every day now, and it mostly only happens in private. I too wrote down all the happy memories and feelings I had when I was with her, noted any songs that triggered me (I am now mostly able to sing Lady Antebellum's 'I need you now' nearly all the way to the end without blubbing!).

I/we who have lost a loved one, human or animal, really feel for you. It will eventually get less raw. It is still early days, but if you are still as overwhelmed in several months you ought to see your doctor. Hugs and understanding wishes being sent to you.

 

[Nicnac]

Time is a great healer, but grief can sometimes take you by surprise. I lost my beloved Friesian in a freak accident last year after owning her from 4 months old until she was 19. Driving to work the other morning just over a year since she died, I found myself with tears streaming down my face. Had just been thinking about her.

There are no hard and fast rules; you just have to take what comes and don't fight it.

 

[Tobiano]

So sorry for your loss OP, and all of you who have lost loves. I think before you try to overcome grief you have to allow it in first. Try to be with people who - if they dont exactly understand, at least will not try to jolly you along or do the 'just a horse' thing. But you do need to grieve, it is very early still. In time the grief will recede and you will feel more normal. ((((hugs)))))

 

[Twinkley Lights]

No answers OP as I'm still numb from losing my lad last year and still cry when it hits me that he is gone Big hugs to you ((((((((hugs))))))))))

 

[debsflo]

My philosophy that has stood me in good stead through losing parents and a baby has always been that "no one dies until the last person alive leave this mortal world" They live on in hearts and minds forever. Just because they are physically gone doesnt mean their soul and reason for being is gone They are there with you through tears of sadness and joy sharing your life as you remember them in good and bad times.
Grieve for them as you would your family member as that is what they are and keep a warm and cosy spot in you heart for them and time will help if not ease the pain make it more bearable.

wonderful words. I too think its just time,you must allow yourself to grieve. With my last horse who had a heart attack and died in my arms i couldnt face seeing anyone for weeks and 11 years on still feel so very sad. I am already worrying if and how i will cope when i lose my 21 yr old mare. My sister ,mum and dad have all died in recent years and i consider my horses to be part of my family.

 

[pines of rome]

I lost my daughter,s pony and my big horse seven weeks apart and the grief I felt was utterly unbearable, it made me quite ill, I drank and smoked loads and lost weight!
It took me a very long time to get over it, getting myself another horse did help as he gave me a purpose to get up for! and I love him dearly now!
I am afraid it really is a time thing, I am very sorry for how you are feeling right now! Hugs x

 

[Eaglestone]

SpottDottyPony - my heart goes out to you and can only think that time allows the pain and upset and all the other emotions, to subside . There must be a time when the lovely, good and happy memories, don't make you cry ......

I have this to come and I am dreading it, as my boy, who has gone through everything with me and has always been my reason to get up every morning for over 22 years is now coming up to 32 years old. He is the only thing I have ever truly loved and puts a smile on my face every day .... my heart goes out to you (((hugs))))

I lost the only horse I had ever wanted to get old with. She was only 10 when she was taken last year. I was in ribbons all the time to start with, God knows how many boxes of tissues I went through. After a few weeks I realised I could go a day without crying over her (it was barely an hour to start with!), and gradually it got to 2 days and then 3 sometimes. Now 10 months on I only cry a few times a month - always just as heart-breakingly hard as in the early days, but the thing is it is not every day now, and it mostly only happens in private. I too wrote down all the happy memories and feelings I had when I was with her, noted any songs that triggered me (I am now mostly able to sing Lady Antebellum's 'I need you now' nearly all the way to the end without blubbing!).

Thank you, SnowstormII .... these will be words that will help me know that there will be time when the pain subsides ...... when I have to go through what SpottDottyPony is going through ...

 

[mandwhy]

I am just so sorry to hear of your loss, and I think that losing a horse is just the same as losing anyone else, don't let anyone tell you 'its just a horse', anyone that knows you well will know how much your horses mean to you.

 

[Adopter]

My philosophy that has stood me in good stead through losing parents and a baby has always been that "no one dies until the last person alive leave this mortal world" They live on in hearts and minds forever. Just because they are physically gone doesnt mean their soul and reason for being is gone They are there with you through tears of sadness and joy sharing your life as you remember them in good and bad times.
Grieve for them as you would your family member as that is what they are and keep a warm and cosy spot in you heart for them and time will help if not ease the pain make it more bearable.

Windand rain, What a lovely way to remember, and very brave of you to post such detail.

OP take time to remember, it is ok to feel sad, and use your memories to help you get through until time makes it easier to bear.

Sending hugs to you both.