How would you have handled this? (Sharer situation)

E

Expo

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I have a nice natured, amenable cob "Bob", who loves to hack out and is generally as safe as a horse ever can be. He is definitely not a fast type, more a steady Eddy who prefers to potter about, but does have a little canter in him if needed. That suits me fine ... I'm a potterer too!!

For the last year or so, my friend "Mary" has been riding my boy one a week as her work shifts allow, after she lost her own horse, and not being in a position to get another one for now due to other commitments. The arrangement has suited us well. She loves Bob to bits and looks after him very well. I trust her totally with my horse, but she's a quiet and none assertive person, who likes to be friends with everyone, hence the following ...........

Yesterday I was busy and Mary was free, so she went to the yard to go for a hack on Bob. As she was getting tacked up, another livery "Jane" arrived and asked if she could come along. Jane has a reputation for being a bit of a galloper and a hot head, but Mary agreed on the condition that they didn't go too fast. Jane's horse is a very forward going type who loves to go fast - the faster the better! Needless to say, Jane pushed Mary into "having a little canter" / "you can't just walk all the time, it's boring!!" / etc, which turned into more of a fast ride than Mary was happy with, and Bob returned to the yard totally lathered, having tried his best to keep up with Jane's horse. Mary called me to explain and apologise, but assured me Bob was fine - just a bit warm as it was a warm day yesterday. I got the yard an hour after Mary left to find Bob still sweating up in his stable, although she had washed him off. So, if you were me, what would you have done:-

A - asked Mary not to gallop about on hot days in future
B - tell Mary she cant ride Bob any more
C - tell Mary not to ride out with Jane any more
D - tell Jane not to ride out with Mary any more
E - explain to both Jane and Mary that Bob is not up for galloping about and, if they ride out together in future, please keep it slow and steady
F - some other option?
 
as Mary has been doing well with Bob up to now and it suits you for her to ride him when you're busy, i think that means B is out, and A is probably not necessary. C and D feel a bit primary school-y.
I think E is the most appropriate, if you don't want him ragged about then probably wise to mention it to them both. Mary could do with learning to speak up a bit for her own benefit as much as Bob's, but if you think that's unlikely a quiet word with Jane seems prudent.
 
Probably E, depending on how receptive Jane is to option E. If they ride out together and it happens again, I'd be bringing out option C + D and speaking to them both (ideally at the same time).
 
it sounded like Mary just made a bad call under pressure in a situation she wasn't anticipating. She called you to explain and apologies, which was the right thing to do. I assume she won't do it in future. `So if I was you I'd write it off and just explain you don't want to horse doing gallop work in groups.
 
If the share has been really good for you, Mary, and Bob up until this moment, I would go with option E, with a smattering of C. Yes, Mary should have been more assertive, or not ridden out with Jane in the first place, but from your telling, it sounds like Jane was pushy about cantering and blew off Mary's objections. I hate that sh1t. If myself or my trail riding buddy specify that we want to keep it slow for whatever reason (horse not fit; horse too fresh; footing not great....whatever), then everyone on the ride needs to respect that.
 
Sounds as if Mary knew it was a mistake by her calling you and explaining. I think she will probably make her excuses to Jane going forward and not ride out with her.

I don't think you need to speak with Mary but maybe a little word in saying "You can tell Jane or others you don't want to ride with them if you want" a bit of a supportive comment rather than telling her not to do something as I'm guessing she is an adult, just a bit of a quiet one that doesn't like conflict (coming from another adult who doesn't like conflict!)?

I would maybe speak with Jane if I saw her and say if you do go out with Mary and Bob please don't race around as Bob really wasn't in a good way when he got back and its not fair on him. Make it about the horse which could make things easier.
 
E, I agree with Kat it sounds like Mary got caught in a situation of going out with a headstrong pair and made a mistake in how far it would get. I bet most of us have been in a similar situation.

She called to apologise which says a lot for how honest and considerate she is. She didn't need to tell you and she could have just hoped you wouldn't find out. If anything it proves what a good sharer you have there.
 
AFB said:
It sounds like Mary will have learned not to ride with Jane in future anyway so I probably wouldn't worry too much, along with her honesty and apology, I think I would put this one down to experience.
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I was going to say this, if she doesn't like fast rides she is probably unlikely to do it again. I would just say something along the lines of I'm glad you are both ok and if you need me to talk to Jane to avoid the same happening again let me know.
 
Probably a version of E but I would speak to Mary first and sympathise about having been put in a difficult situation. Find out if she would rather avoid riding with Jane or doesn't mind as long as there is no galloping. Then see if she needs any help in handling the situation i.e. you talking to Jane.

However I wouldn't be convinced that Jane would behave any differently, after all she was asked to go slower and didn't the first time.
 
Option d, but put in a nicer way along the lines of "Im really sorry Jane pushed you into doing something you really didnt want to do, next time just say no and if she argues tell her to call me" I might also have a word with Jane and tell her that your horse is strictly a walk and trot chap and is better off pottering out on his own
 
I don't think you should speak to Jane about this, unless Mary is a child, which it doesn't sound like. I would speak to Mary, sympathise with her over having been railroaded into going faster than she would like and come up together with a strategfy for her refusing to ride with Jane again.

Maybe she could say something along the lines of 'Thanks for the offer but Bob can't keep up with Neddy, so I won't join you today, thanks' If Jane persists, Mary can blame you, the owner 'I have been asked not to go on faster rides, Bob isn't fit enough'.

Mary has to learn to be the horse's champion, it will be good for her to practise being assertive on his behalf, if she can't do it on her own.
 
honetpot said:
I am hardcore here, none of the above. Mary would be getting a flea in her ear, Mary is an adult, and you have asked her not to do something, what happens if he had been injured, who would pay the bill? Would she have told you if he hadn't had been in a muck sweat? Mary would be on her way.
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I don't think OP said that she has asked Mary not to do fast work, more that the none of the 3 want to gallop around the countryside, so they naturally don't. Ig Bob will do it I would have turned him round/away when Jane started charging about and left her to it but it is quite a lot to ask of a horse.
 
To be honest, I think she’d be on her way.

Bringing a horse home lathered and leaving him in the stable sweaty isn’t acceptable. Washing is well enough, but it sounds like he needed walking for a proper call down and she just left him. If she’s had a horse previously, she should know this.

And she ought to have stuck to her guns with the ride - there’s always the option of taking him home alone if there’s a major issue, or splitting up. It’s all very well being shy and anxious to be friends with everyone but the horse comes first - I get it, I’m like that, but horse first. Always.
 
I wouldn’t say anything.
It’s not the kind of ride she enjoys and she apologised.
It’s not going to happen again.
 
F.
Educate whilst a bit of a gallop probably done bobs girth line a bit of good, washing off and lobbing in a stable can bring on a cold sweat and colic


There's a good reason competition horses get walked after an even, and it is to do with heart rate/body temperature so whilst sheave an error in judgement, we are all human and I think a discussion about ride buddies is needed but more so about how long bob needs after too cool down.
 
Caol Ila said:
If the share has been really good for you, Mary, and Bob up until this moment, I would go with option E, with a smattering of C. Yes, Mary should have been more assertive, or not ridden out with Jane in the first place, but from your telling, it sounds like Jane was pushy about cantering and blew off Mary's objections. I hate that sh1t. If myself or my trail riding buddy specify that we want to keep it slow for whatever reason (horse not fit; horse too fresh; footing not great....whatever), then everyone on the ride needs to respect that.
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I love this post.
 
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