I can't do this anymore

G

Grumpymoo

Well-Known Member
Joined
18 July 2012
Messages
444
Visit site
I've reached the end with my horses now. The Shetland (on loan) is going back to her owners asap. I have no idea what to do with my boy and he is so attached to her I don't know what his reaction will be. After what happened at the weekend I just want him to have some stability but I just can't see how that will happen. He needs a long term loving home with someone that wants to work with him and I need it quick but I don't want him to just go anywhere.

I am in such a mess and feel I have ruined a lovely horse. Please no negative comments because I just am at the complete end with the whole thing.
 
Does the Shetland have to straight back can't she stay until you find a new home for the horse.
You sound very stressed and panicked from your post try and take a deep breath and stay calm.
I am sorry if you have posted on your issues in the post and I dont remember or missed them but why cant you go on ?
Are you looking to sell your horse if so you need to make a plan to sell him how and where to advertise and the best way to describe him.
 
Sorry no. I have had on going problems riding related due my geldings greeness and my lack of confidence in the saddle but I have had no issues handling him and I would of let a child handle/groom him he was very well behaved.

i moved to a new yard last weekend so I could get back to riding him in company (I have two good friends here) and also so I could share my friends horse to get my confidence back with the view of me either eventually getting on with my horse or getting him fit to sell.

This weekend the hunt were coming through the woods next to our yard. Unfortunately it all seemed to lose control and they lost the hounds so they ended up over our land up our lane for about an hour or more just all over the place. My gelding (they live out) was fine but as he has become to attached to the Shetland who panicked and ran through the fence he jumped out. This was fine as they were just in a secure empty field so I stayed watching them whilst they galloped around and waited for them to settle and then put them back. Unfortunately the hunt came back past the lane and the shettie bolted through two more fences with my running after her and of course my gelding jumped out following. Over 5 hours of searching they were found in miles away in a village and the hunt master brought them home in his lorry and apologised for what had happened with the hunt. Now they are in the schooling paddock which has sheep wire to keep her in and are very unsettled and not happy. My boy just seems really off. I don't know what to so it is such a mess. I don't know how they have no injuries. I just keep seeing this happen again once she is gone and he is going the be a mess. I can't handle him at all. I have the vet out today for vaccinations and a check over and I am paying a groom to bring him in cuz I just can't do it. I am so scared of what will happen next as everything just seems to be against me.
 
The owner of the Shetland wants her back asap as she is worried about her escaping again and I can hardly blame her to be honest.
 
I am meeting with somebody today about potentially riding him and selling him for me but she would do it at this yard. He can go out with two geldings he knows and they are the only other horses that are out 24/7 but they tend to be both ridden together so if no other horses are out next to him he will be on his own and stressing. I am worried about what this whole thing has done to him mentally and I am in a constant panic about what is going to happen if he stays here. But I don't want to keep shipping him from yard to yard if he will be sold eventually. I don't know how I got into this mess.
 
Grumpymoo, you sound terribly depressed. These kinds of things happen with horses. They are stressful, but normal crisis that occasionally happen. Have you been to the doctors? If not, I think you should get yourself there asap. Pay someone to do the horses for you so you can get a break. Don't get rid of your boy until you are thinking clearly and are not panicking and getting things out of proportion, because you may regret doing it, once you sort yourself out.
 
Ok too be honest the idea of a companion is that it makes life easier and it sounds that this Shetland is a mixed blessing at best.
Can you get your horse into a field with a group of horses to get him settled while you make a plan.
What help do you have to get the horse ready to sell ?
 
I have owned him since June. He was always fine to handle which is why I kept going with him and with a confident rider on his back he would behave. But now if he is brought in away from the Shetland he has been rearing up on the yard and just generally losing it.
 
Goldenstar has some good advice, just step back and relax. You had a bad day yesterday by the sounds of it, but the horses seem ok.
Your horse will bond with others and it sounds like his little shetland friend is a little excitable!
Is there anyine else he can go out with? I would be tempted to put him onto a magnesium calmer to try and help the situation.
Is there anyone who can help you? You sound like you could do with a good friend at the moment?
Perhaps its best not to do any riding until you feel more 'in control' but do you have any facilities to do lunging etc?
 
I think I am depressed but I can't go to the doctors I need to keep working and keep going because I will lose my job otherwise. I just want to run away from this all I just want someone to take him. My husband is fed up with it all seeing all his money going and me still not riding and unhappy. I just feel so bad for my horse I just want him to be happy again. My husband wants him to go to sales livery at the weekend so I don't have to deal with him anymore. I don't want him going just anywhere.
 
I don't want to sell him but there is little point me keeping him as I don't feel I will ride him and he is a talented boy. I seem to have spent every day since I bought him worrying about would could happen and it all seems to have gone wrong. I've only been on this yard a week and he has already broken a fence and caused everyone to be out looking him all day. I am constantly worried that what will be next and if I get a phone all at work saying he has escaped because the other two are being ridden my work will not let me out so then I can just see me being asked to leave. I don't want to cause anymore hassle.
 
Grumpymoo said:
I think I am depressed but I can't go to the doctors I need to keep working and keep going because I will lose my job otherwise. I just want to run away from this all I just want someone to take him. My husband is fed up with it all seeing all his money going and me still not riding and unhappy. I just feel so bad for my horse I just want him to be happy again. My husband wants him to go to sales livery at the weekend so I don't have to deal with him anymore. I don't want him going just anywhere.
Click to expand...

As i said before you need to have a very good think about this. Please dont make any rash decisions, as you may regret them later.

How would it make you feel if he found a good new home? Would you feel happier not having this stress? What would you do if you didnt have your horse? take a break? buy something you could handle better? There are lots of questions to consider.

Sending you some much needed 'hugs'.
 
Ok this a bad time of year to have horses the winter seems long and your are broke after Christmas just when they eat the most and lie on the most bedding.
You have not posted enough to any of us to make judgements about your horse but horse ownership is mainly great fun ( admittedly with bad bits) when you have the right horse for you.
Get your horse some where safe with a group of horses and separated from this naughty little pony then calmly decide what to do with help of experianced friends on the ground.
 
Grumpymoo said:
I think I am depressed but I can't go to the doctors I need to keep working and keep going because I will lose my job otherwise.
Click to expand...

Go to the doctor. Most GP's are well aware that people need to keep working and are usually quite reluctant to sign you off with depression as not working often makes things worse.
 
OP could you not just take a step back. Could your boy just be turned away until Spring? You could maybe just care for him, but do not worry about riding etc. Ride your friend's safe cob if and when you can. Just take the pressure off yourself. Life is no race.

Think about whether you could get help in the spring - perhaps in the form of a sharer with more experience, who will help and school your horse.

Weigh up some options - don't be pressured into a hasty decision because of an unfortunate incident, which clearly was not instigated by your horse. Good luck.
 
Oh dear, bad weekend Grumpymoo :(

Bluntly, it does sound like he is a bit too much for you in many ways. If someone will ride and produce him to sell go ahead with this and don't knock yourself, you have tried your best but it's not a match made in heaven.

Sales livery could be the quickest way to bring this to a conclusion and sometimes we have to put ourselves before animals, especially if there is family involved. Otherwise get him advertised asap from where he is and make sure you put in the ad that he needs a confident rider/home. If you're paying someone to ride him at home, can you arrange they ride when other owners are riding so yours is not left in field alone?

I wouldn't worry too much about the hunt incident, as far as he is concerned he ran after his mate, the little sod that it is, get it gone as soon as possible as it's a bad influence. It's very lucky neither were hurt, so you do have some luck on your side :)

If you sell him from home you can vet the owners, and when he's gone you will feel better very quickly.

You really should try to grab an hour to go and talk with your GP, better nip depression in the bud before it takes a big hold.
 
Ok first of all the shetland needs to go. Now your horse has other horses around he doesn't need her. He will pine for a few days and then he will forget about her.
Your horse sounds like he is upset as he is not in a routine, he has been moved around, the hunt upset him, he's not being ridden reguarly yadda yadda.
To me it sounds like the best thing would be to put him with someone you trust to sell him for you. He might be lovely but he is not the right horse if you are too scared to ride him. He needs to go somewhere where he is in a strict routine with experienced people riding him for him to have the best chance of the right home. He will probably thrive and be really happy then and you will have a massive weight off your mind.
You can say to them you want him to have a nice home and to pass on your details so you can stay in touch.
Then if I was you i'd book some lessons and start having fun with horses again, get your confidence back, not have any stress and just enjoy it for a while before thinking about the next step.
You cannot carry on like this. You are at your wits end and it's not fair on you and it's not fair on the horses.
Good luck.
 
I would be over the moon to find him a happy home and just want my life back and to not be constantly worried about him. To be honest I was hoping that someone out hunting would be so impressed by his jumping skills that they would offer to buy him!

I can carry on sharing my friends horse who I happily ride out and have no problem with.

I am so lucky to have such a lovely yard owner and friends who have pulled together and have listened to me cry over what to do this weekend.

The freelance groom who comes to our yard has offered to look after him for a few weeks whilst I make my decision what to do. But ultimately if he jumps out because the others are out riding then it is my problem to deal with. I just want some calmness!!

Thank you everyone for your support and advice x
 
Get rid of the shettie! Work away with him on the ground get to know him and him you? To training with long lines, schooling exercises on the long lines get his brains active and focused and get yourself riding this friends horse to get ou sorted and when your ready get on him.

Don't make rash decision as you will regret them and will do for a while. Go to docs get help? Speak to a counsellor or therapist as once this mindset creeps in it can be attached to anything in your life not just the nags.
 
Sounds like you have both had a huge shock, get yourself some Kalms to take the edge off your panicky feelings, you can't help your lad feeling like this, get him a calmer, Klop worked on a mare of ours, to settle him down. Is there not a calm horse he can be turned out with, the shetland doesn't sound like an ideal companion if he panicks
I would get your friend to be with you bringing in/turning out, sing your heart out while handling him, it really does work, calms both of you.
Ours once got loose onto a busy A road during rush hour,I still have nightmares about it, all survived unharmed.
Once you have calmed down, then decide your options.
Lots of hugs
 
There is a simple solution to him jumping out when his mates go for a ride - pop him in a stable. I have three geldings and rarely one gets left alone, but if this does happen, they are are lot more settled in munching on a net.

Also bear in mind what happened at the weekend was a freak situation and very unlikely to happen again. That coupled with the horse having just moved was just so unfortunate, but that's horses.

It sounds like you have a good support network at your yard and tbh I think you are doing the right thing by selling - horses are meant to be fun and not making you depressed.

Hugs x
 
Thanks everyone. I will have a good chat with the groom this afternoon and see of I can get her to ride him when the other two are ridden or if she can pop him into a stable (if I can borrow one) but they are in an indoor barn so if no one else is in he will stress but at least he cannot escape as they have sliding doors with bars instead of a open top door.

He never used to mind about being alone as long as he could see at least another horse but with him being so unsettled I just don't know how he will react. He has always been such a happy thing but now he seems just grumpy.

Once he is sorted I will then get myself off to the doctor to have a chat. I think the Shetland will probably go this weekend so I fear that we could have more drama coming :(
 
Thanks for your comment amymay. I am not going to argue with you if that's what you think but you are more than welcome to come here and take over what I am currently dealing with. I don't know anything about you or your life but hope you never have to deal with what I did this weekend.
 
I'm not trying to argue with you. But you seem to be turning an unfortunate (and not doubt stressful situation) in to a crisis. And you need to put it in to perspective.

No. 1 your horses are fine.
No. 2 the hunt need to be taken to taks (which I'm sure your YO is doing).
No. 3 none of this is your horses fault
No. 4 think of it as a learning experience. You managed, you coped, and all is well.

As for returning the shetland, when the box arrives to collect it, you go out for a ride on your horse. Then he won't see his companion leave.

Another option for you is to put the horse on full livery. That will give you the chance to let someone else deal with him for a while, whilst you explore sales livery options.
 
Last edited:
That's a very helpful comment amymay.
Poor girl is worrying herself sick about this situation.
Not everyone is wonder woman with the right answer to every problem !!!
 
personally if my Favorite pony , the spoilt pampered special TB leapt out and galloped away and was recaptured after a horse hunt lasting several hours I would be a more than a little shaken so I do think that's a little unkind Amymay.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top