I can't do this anymore

I think we all often have times (esp at this time of year) when it all seems too much, and that's even with sane, sound horses that we can ride. It's really hard work and you've had an even harder time of it. I see nothing wrong with either sales livery or just handing him over for someone else to ride and sell. Especially if you accept that you might lose all or some of your money on him and can afford it - then don't feel bad about walking away - it's for your health and your family, and they are more important than any horse. Good luck.

PS - where are you? There are good sales liveries out there, might be worth asking for recommendations.
 
OP what happened at the weekend must have been very scary. I think your horse needs calmer companions and I agree with bringing him in when they go out. We all have days/weeks like this I am sure, where everything seems too much and we are letting our horses down. I have times where I feel I have let mine down terribly, things go wrong putting them in or out and I feel like a failure...but then something the next day goes brilliantly and I am back to feeling on cloud nine with them all. They are not robots and do things which are unexpected at times. It is heightened even more if you are feeling down in general I am sure. Going to see your doctor does not mean you have to stop work - make an evening or lunchtime appointment. Putting it off will just make you feel worse. It may not even be depression, you could have anything, anemia etc, which can easily be solved.
 
Hi OP and first of all, some moral support. It does sound like you're very down.

I'm not sure why everyone seems to be saying the Shettie must go. It sounds like the Shetland panicked due to a one-off situation and your boy played "follow the leader" but, if he is more settled with his mate, I wouldn't rush to get rid of the Shetland. I have seen this happen with a hunt once before (and the horses ended up playing chicken with the buses on the main street) but it was 20 years ago and never happened again so treat it as a one-off unfortunate incident.

Your horse is probably very unsettled due to the adrenalin rush of the events but that will sort itself out as the week goes on. Can you leave him and the Shettie to "chill out" for a few days? As someone else said, this is the toughest time of the year with horses and you might find you feel very different in six weeks' time when spring is in the air. Have another think about getting rid of the Shetland - sounds like he/she may still be useful if your boy is worried about being on his own. If you still feel the same in six weeks, then think again about what you want long term. He might not be the right horse for you but you will have time to find him the right new home.
 
I've followed you're threads before and I have to say that I think you would be happier without this horse. You love him but perhaps he's just not the one for you. I wonder if even if he had a personality change and all problems were ironed out if you would trust him then-I don't think you would. I've kind of been there.

It might not be a popular view but if it were me I'd sell while he's still sellable, take a break then maybe look to buy something that you feel confident and HAPPY on.

There is absolutely nothing at all wrong with selling a horse which isn't a good match for you but could be a fabulous match for someone else.
 
IIWY I would contact a reputable dealer and see what they will offer for your horse. You do sound stressed out and like you've had enough. It wouldn't be much money, but it would get the horse gone with minimal faffing and they'd be confident enough to set him straight and sell him on in the right direction.
 
I can sympathise - my 2 much loved horses were let out of their field (someone took gate off hinges and dragged it into the field - temporary rented field - gate padlocked but I forgot to check hinge was reversed).

I was panicky and distraught but... they were fine !! they were let out in the middle of the night and ended up on a friends lawn (where luckily I had been schooling in their arena so my gelding must have taken the lead and gone there) they had gone round blind corners on a busy road in the early hours of the morning.

This was a one off, never happened again and the memory does fade and you do get back to normal.

But, if your horse is not right for you then make a definate plan of action (which it seems you are doing) then you can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe aim to have him up for sale in 6 weeks then you will be able to see the end in sight ! If you think the companion going may be an issue (which hopefully it will not be) then maybe get some calmer to put in feed.

Good luck and try and get a good nights sleep - everything always seems better after that !
 
Flame_ said:
IIWY I would contact a reputable dealer and see what they will offer for your horse. You do sound stressed out and like you've had enough. It wouldn't be much money, but it would get the horse gone with minimal faffing and they'd be confident enough to set him straight and sell him on in the right direction.
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Op nothing wrong with this course of action at all , when a horse is causing friction with your OH and really his POV is logical , you got the horse for fun it's not fun it costs a fortune youre stressed out .
Dealers don't get a great press on here mainly because people tend to post problems but a decent dealers are good at squaring horses up and getting them away to suitable people .
 
Thanks everyone again.

The shettie is going whether I want her to or not as the owner is worried about her. I am guessing she wants to come this weekend to collect her. But they will be doing very little now other than him coming in to be fed to see if we can separate them for 10 minutes.

I am in Hampshire so if anyone could recommend a decent dealer/sales livery that's not too far I would be grateful.

I have got myself some kalms and once I see how they are today and have a chat with the vet and the groom and see what they suggest re giving them some sort of calmer.

To be honest if I have to lose money on him I will for the right home, he is a talented lovely man and does deserve to be out there having fun. I cannot see that he will have fun being with me if I am honest.

I don't think I will buy another horse as this has been a disaster from day one. I've probably only ridden him about 15 times and I have spent a fortune on him so far.
 
I wouldn't make any rash decisions yet either, the horse has just moved to a new yard and had the shock of the hunt coming through, it's no wonder he doesn't seem happy.

Give him time with the groom handling him for now, stable him when the other horses go out and I'm sure you'll have a happier horse once he is less insecure.

In the meantime I'd get a good instructor to give you lessons, even if it is all groundwork and build your confidence up. Give it more time and if you still feel the same then that is the time to start thinking about selling.

You do sound caught in a negative spiral at the moment, sometimes just taking a step back and a deep breath makes all the difference, and helps when you can't see the wood for the trees. Look at your horse's good points, sometimes it's easy to forget what we have got in front of us because we are looking for the bad points all the time.
 
amymay said:
You seem to be making rather a drama out of this, op.
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Amymay is right. How is this an unreasonable comment?

The horse needs handling. It needs consistency and leadership which will help it to calm down (green on green etc)

Hardly the fault of the hunt if equines are in paddocks with unsuitable fencing, yes he followed the Shetland but it should not have been possible to escape in the first place.

As someone else said: That's horses.
 
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Thanks touchstone.

To the people who have private messaged me I have tried to reply but not sure if they have sent! It doesn't seem to be working as usual!! To the lady who knows a sales livery could you let me have her contact details please xx
 
Firewell said:
Ok first of all the shetland needs to go. Now your horse has other horses around he doesn't need her. He will pine for a few days and then he will forget about her.
Your horse sounds like he is upset as he is not in a routine, he has been moved around, the hunt upset him, he's not being ridden reguarly yadda yadda.
To me it sounds like the best thing would be to put him with someone you trust to sell him for you. He might be lovely but he is not the right horse if you are too scared to ride him. He needs to go somewhere where he is in a strict routine with experienced people riding him for him to have the best chance of the right home. He will probably thrive and be really happy then and you will have a massive weight off your mind.
You can say to them you want him to have a nice home and to pass on your details so you can stay in touch.
Then if I was you i'd book some lessons and start having fun with horses again, get your confidence back, not have any stress and just enjoy it for a while before thinking about the next step.
You cannot carry on like this. You are at your wits end and it's not fair on you and it's not fair on the horses.
Good luck.
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Absolutely all of this! You might even find that without the shetland he will settle far better. As for the hunt - I think it is pretty poor form that they did not warn you that they were coming close to your land!
 
I think selling your horse is the answer. As you say, there is a limit to how much time and money you can spend and this horse seems to have really shaken your confidence - neither of you are to blame, you just weren't suited to each other for whatever reason. I have no doubt he will soon settle in and being ridden by someone else will be good for him, but that isn't the point as far as you are concerned is it?

It takes courage to admit you are scared to ride your horse and he will pick up on your nerves and react accordingly.

If you can ride other horses confidently I would stick with this for the moment. Confidence is a funny thing and very difficult to regain, but you haven't lost confidence in riding generally, just this horse. I had a horse that used to bolt suddenly and for no reason. Eventually I lost my confidence in him and he was sold - it was like a weight being lifted off my shoulders.

I have a lovely horse now who is by no means an angel, but she's never done anything that would scare me.

Would the person you bought him from be willing to buy him back? You may lose a bit of money, but it's a small price to pay.
 
Your horse needs routine. Bring him in everyday. Groom him, lunge him, pick feet, change rugs etc, basically handle him in the same way every day.
At first he might be a pain so tie him up or put him in a safe place and walk away. Keep an eye on him to make sure no harm comes to him but let him sort out his own temper tantrums. Unless he is in danger of harming himself leave him to get on with it, if you do this everyday he will stop being a pain. But it all needs to be done again. And again until its normal.
 
I just want to say a massive thanks to everyone for your support and advice. I am feeling much better this evening.

The groom brought him in and he was fine put him in his place when he fidgeted etc and he gave up and stood quietly. He is almost back to his normal quiet self :). We had a long chat about what to do so she will bring him in every afternoon and feed him etc and she will lunge him once or twice this week and then ride him out with me on my share horse on Saturday. Then we can properly asses the amount of work needed and where to go with him. He is such a sweet boy so hope I can find a happy outcome for him.
 
Grumpymoo said:
I think I am depressed but I can't go to the doctors I need to keep working and keep going because I will lose my job otherwise. I just want to run away from this all I just want someone to take him. My husband is fed up with it all seeing all his money going and me still not riding and unhappy. I just feel so bad for my horse I just want him to be happy again. My husband wants him to go to sales livery at the weekend so I don't have to deal with him anymore. I don't want him going just anywhere.
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I won't advise on the horse side of the situation as I think your last post about working with the groom is a good plan and with regards to selling etc you are the only one who can make the decision, however, you need to go and talk to your doctor. From everything you've said it really does sound like you may well have depression of some sort. Going to talk to your doctor does not mean you will be off work at all but they can put you in touch with people to talk to, there are meds available that can help while you work through this and will enable you to deal with things, but the main point is that there are lots of options available, most of which do not involve time out of work, and going to talk to your doctor does not mean that you have to go any further with anything. You'll be amazed at the help they can offer you and the difference it can make to everything
 
mynutmeg said:
I won't advise on the horse side of the situation as I think your last post about working with the groom is a good plan and with regards to selling etc you are the only one who can make the decision, however, you need to go and talk to your doctor. From everything you've said it really does sound like you may well have depression of some sort. Going to talk to your doctor does not mean you will be off work at all but they can put you in touch with people to talk to, there are meds available that can help while you work through this and will enable you to deal with things, but the main point is that there are lots of options available, most of which do not involve time out of work, and going to talk to your doctor does not mean that you have to go any further with anything. You'll be amazed at the help they can offer you and the difference it can make to everything
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Yes I agree with this. And although Amymay is her usual blunt to the point of rudeness self, she is actually right. The fact you feel so desperate over something that is really just a minor thing is a big clue things are not ok with you, never mind about the horse, if that makes sense.

For your own sake, go to the Dr and get some support. They can't sign you off work unless you agree and your work can't sack you for being off work either!

I'm not being nasty, I've followed your posts about this horse, and I think you are a nice person in a bad situation but this thread really does point to you needing some support in life.

Good riddance to the Shetland, he will get over her very quickly, make sure you take him away from her not her away from him and occupy him mentally and physically for a few hours after her departure. See the Dr. Get some perspective. Be kind to yourself. Make the decision.

Good luck!
 
Thanks again for the advice. And yes I will be using amymays advice regarding getting the groom to ride my horse out whilst the Shetland is being loaded.

I am sure all will be fine eventually. Thanks everyone
 
I'm sorry you're feeling so awful. I don't think you are making a drama, I think you just have a lot on your plate and the weekend was the straw that broke the camel's back.

First up, send the shetie back. Try not to fret as your horse will cope. Arrange for the freelance groom to help you for a few weeks. Most importantly, get yourself to the doctor. They won't sign you off against yourw wishes but they may well be able to give you something to help.

Once you are feeling stronger you will have the energy to resolve things.
 
ghostie said:
I'm sorry you're feeling so awful. I don't think you are making a drama, I think you just have a lot on your plate and the weekend was the straw that broke the camel's back.

First up, send the shetie back. Try not to fret as your horse will cope. Arrange for the freelance groom to help you for a few weeks. Most importantly, get yourself to the doctor. They won't sign you off against yourw wishes but they may well be able to give you something to help.

Once you are feeling stronger you will have the energy to resolve things.
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^^^^^^^^^^
this
Grumpymo I think you are over stressing and worrying. Your horse and the shettie are all ok, thankfully, and the huntmaster brought them back and appologised. I sound to be very green around horses, no criticism
The groom helping you out is a fantastically good idea, well done.
If you feel unable at the present to be a horse owner then thats perfectly ok and you can look around for a new home for your horse. Maybe a riding school would want to take the horse, try ringing round.
Sometimes it takes time to find the right home, nothing you can do about that, so hang on in there. ((((HUGS)))
 
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You're not alone, I haven't had the dramas that you have had (yet I hope!), but have been feeling a similar way. I have had my new horse 3 months and he is all I have ever wanted, temperament, looks and ability wise but I keep feeling like I am not good enough for him and that he deserves better and would be happier somewhere else.

Everyone keeps telling me though that the weather conditions (and therefore horse conditions) are not good for the state of mind at the moment and that spring is only around the corner. I know that I would never get over it if I were to give up on him, and I am determined to make it work. I am now trying to get a bit more patience with myself. I hope you can do the same?
 
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julie111 said:
I've noticed a few nasty comments from you, why? The op is clearly upset and needing some advice, comments like the one you gave are not necessary and are just nasty. Go away and grow up!
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Amymay is never nasty. She is just very blunt and concise. Once you realise that, you do not take offence. :)
 
I agree with Amymay and think that if the OP is so stressed after the event, when all was well that ended well, that she needs to consider whether keeping horses is the hobby for her. There are always dramas and crises, sisters calm and unflappable big mare had colic last week, cue after midnight vet visit and not going to bed until 4am, that is having horses. If we had given up after every drama and crisis we would never have had a second horse. We have kept horses all our adult lives and had many through here, all remaining to their end, we are however careful of what we buy.
 
YorksG said:
I agree with Amymay and think that if the OP is so stressed after the event, when all was well that ended well, that she needs to consider whether keeping horses is the hobby for her. There are always dramas and crises, sisters calm and unflappable big mare had colic last week, cue after midnight vet visit and not going to bed until 4am, that is having horses. If we had given up after every drama and crisis we would never have had a second horse. We have kept horses all our adult lives and had many through here, all remaining to their end, we are however careful of what we buy.
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I was rather thinking along the same lines. I'm so sorry you are upset, but really: this is part of life with horses. There are FAR worse things that can happen (and hopefully won't), so you'll have to be prepared to be a typical hard-nosed horsey woman if you're to survive all the rubbish things that a life with horses throws at you.
 
I've followed the OP's threads and she's out of her depth. She has the wrong horse and is obviously trying hard to find a situation where things start going well and it hasn't worked out yet.

OP, horses do certainly test your staying power with regular trials like this one, but you shouldn't feel despairing (often :o :D ).
 
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