I just bought my first cob! Introduction + feed advice + photos!

[gallopingby]

Rigsby has a new job.

36 hours ago my life was happy and complete.

35 hours ago I was doing CPR on my husband, who collapsed suddenly while we were doing a perfectly normal getting ready for bed routine. He'd just put the dishwasher on, I was eating biscuits, when he collapsed.

My neighbours were straight round, we did good quality CPR but the ambulance were not able to bring him back and he died.

Oh God, I feel so alone.

David left our house for the last time at midnight and just am so lost. I didn't dare sleep as I knew that, in sleep, I would forget and then have the pain and shock of remembering when I woke up.

Yesterday, my dogs and horses got me to get up and go out.

Yesterday I turned out and brought in. The dogs were let in the garden and fed. That was my achievement for yesterday.

I am about to do the same today. One foot in front of the other, turn out and bring in. Feed dogs.

How do you lose weight so quickly? I dropped 4 lbs overnight, and I'd eaten before David died, so normal food. My ears are ringing.

Rigs helped me through the illness and death of my mother, I now hope he can keep me sane through the death of my husband who never made it to 60, and missed our 30th wedding anniversary in 5 weeks' time. We had so many plans.

One condolence was that we had a fabulous day out on Tuesday, to see the Lancaster in Lincolnshire. It was a day of laughter and smiles. David was in his element. Another was that he knew he was loved.

Hug your loved ones tight.

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What fabulous photos. I’m so sorry Red must have been a huge shock for you but it sounds as if you’ve lovely neighbours and friends around you to help. When things happen unexpectedly it can sometimes hit you a few days / weeks afterwards so make sure you look after yourself, great to think about what you might do in the future but often not the best idea to do anything other than surmise for a while or longer. Don’t know you but the idea of donations to the Lancaster restoration sounds lovely, a little different and something many will appreciate and feel a link to.

 

[SEL]

I think your idea of asking for donations towards the Lancaster's restoration is an excellent one
Flowers are lovely but donations to something more permanent seems like creating a lasting memorial

It's a great idea

When they started restoring it I made a small donation on behalf of my dad for father's day and he was more chuffed by that than any presents.

If there's anything we can do please, please shout.

 

[wren123]

Oh I'm so very sorry Red, what a terrible shock.
Please take care of yourself and accept all the support offered.

 

[Laurac13]

I am so so sorry to hear your lovely David has passed, words are not enough, you are in my thoughts to stay strong, big hugs x

 

[EnduroRider]

Oh Red... I've not previously commented on this thread but have often enjoyed dipping in for a read and it has always been apparent what a great team yourself and Mr Red have been. What a total shock this must be for you.

I am in awe of how composed and functional you now appear but please do let your guard down and grieve in whatever way that comes for you x

 

[BallyRoanBaubles]

Oh Red I have no words but sending my thoughts x

 

[catembi]

Very sorry to hear. What an awful shock for you. (((hugs)))

 

[Haniki]

Only just caught up with this thread. @Red-1, I am so sorry for your loss. Life is so unfair at times. Take care.xx

 

[DizzyDoughnut]

I'm so sorry, whenever you wrote about him it always came across how much he means to you and how much you obviously meant to him.

 

[Caol Ila]

Oh, Jesus, Red. I just caught up on this thread. I am so, so sorry. Your love for David always shone through when you wrote about him. I wish I was closer and could do something other than type things on the internet.

From what you've written, it seems like David loved old planes. The Lancaster flying over you is so sad, yet so beautiful.

 

[Red-1]

I got through another night. I did manage some sleep. My neighbour told me that I could not just eat cream cake and apples, she said to eat some fish so I did do.

I realised yesterday that, as I let BH's hoof boot lady out, I was feeling scared of going out of those gates. I have been opening them and closing them for people, but not stepping outside. I don't think it helps that I've had a couple of really insensitive messages on FB from people who I think were simply trying to be nosy. I just don't want people excitedly asking me about the helicopter. One was about getting well quickly, which was a weird thing to send as the whole village knew I needed a defib as I put it out as an appeal on the village page. You don't ask for a defib unless death is likely. Get well quickly seems just seems an insensitive thing to send to me and I don't want to embarrass myself by coming out with it. I think I would be more tolerant if it wasn't for the fact that the same person has been rude to me, and others, over a long period of time. Right now I can't rely on my politeness filter.

My good friend Di, who came to mend the fence on Monday, offered to come and ride out with me, using Rigsby. He had been on holiday for his asthma, but I have given him extra inhaler last night and will give Ventipulmin this morning, and we will ride out with BH and Rigs. It is just a half hour ride. I am not looking forward to it but needs must. I don't think Rigs will mind helping me out for a half hour walk with someone very lightweight. He is only coughing a few times a day and is otherwise healthy. I think half an hour will be OK. I just need someone to be with me to be a shield against people saying stuff. I just want to go for a walk out not be accosted, because that is what it would feel like.

In the afternoon, my friend who owns the pro yard where BH went for holidays while building work was done is coming. We have known each other about 20 years. She is coming just to see how I am but I suspect she will be having a quick squizz at what horses are eating in case I ask her to come get them if I feel it is all too much. She is very kind and wise and practical. She is someone I would feel safe to just say come and get them and they would be safe. But she is just coming to see how I am right now.

My diary is filling up for next week, people to see about lots of things. I haven't even decided on a funeral director, but I had decided on the Crem. But then, I spoke to David's colleague last night and I'm not so sure. He told me that the whole training centre was in bits, people crying. They had a ceremony of remembrance on Friday with the flag at half mast and a 2 minute silence. He reckoned there would be at least 100 people from work who would want to come to the funeral. The Crem isn't that big. He said they would be OK to come and stand outside, there would be speakers.

I do know the vicar though: I met her through school and she is amazing. I was going to arrange for us to go for a cup of tea on our 30th anniversary in September, just to talk through marriage and planning for the future. David was reluctant but agreed, because he knew it was important to me. Anyway, she did mum's funeral too.

It does make me happy that people want to come but then also sad about how mum's covid funeral was with 12 people. But then, I feel kind of OK about that because of the sight of our beloved Queen Elizabeth, as she had a similar lonely experience at the death of her husband. At least I had David with me for that, so not so lonely, but it reminded me that it wasn't just mum who didn't get the funeral she deserved. Queen Elisabeth always did the right thing, I hope that wherever she is now, she knows that I got some comfort that it was the same for everyone.

David picked out what music he would like looooong ago, like 10 years ago. He always said it with a smile, but I have no countermanding wishes, so I will go with what he said.

I was sent this photo by one of his colleagues. Their FB page has been full of messages. It is a photo I took back in Covid, when we started to have "Candelabra Suppers." It was because of the threat of Covid back then, we did many meals as a celebration of... each other and life in general. This particular one was out in the open. It was a lovely evening but the candles had to fight for it in the breeze.

 

[chaps89]

As much as your love for Rigsby has always shone through in your posts, so has your love for Mr Red. As did his love for you. I am so sorry that you lost him so suddenly and in the way you did, I’m glad you have some fabulous memories, older and more recent, to draw on.
I am not a million miles away from you from what I can tell and if there is anything that I can do to help please let me know (a couple of other forum members will vouch for me I’m sure if it helps)

I am sorry that people have been so insensitive- personally in the circumstances I wouldn’t worry about my filter kicking in and responding appropriately, the fact you do shows the wonderful kind of person you are. I hope you can ignore them and focus on the many people who seem to be supporting you.
Rest in peace David.

 

[scats]

You are doing amazingly Red. I wouldn’t worry about telling the nosy parkers on FB to do one, some people seem to think they have the right to have all the details about things that don’t concern them.
That is a lovely photo of David xx

 

[rabatsa]

I feel using the like button is wrong, a hug would be better but the care is behind the click.

 

[paddy555]

only just read this and was very shattered. So very very sorry. This could happen to any of us, it's frightening.
Take care and I hope you can get through another day.
RIP David. He seemed such a happy looking man.

 

[ycbm]

David was clearly a very special person, loved by so many. How cruel the world is when it can take one of the best so early and leave another of the best, who's spent their life trying to make the world a better place for others, so bereaved.

I'm crying for you and with you at your posts and photos, Red. The pain must be unbearable. Keep going.

 

[cbmcts]

I'm so sorry Red. You must be in shock still so mind yourself please

 

[Reacher]

Have only just seen this, am so sorry for your loss. It brings it home how short and fragile life is.

 

[OldNag]

I feel using the like button is wrong, a hug would be better but the care is behind the click.

Seconded- we need a hug/care button.

Red I hope that seeing your friends today and having a hack out will help you though the day.

I rather suspect that wherever you choose for a funeral is not going to be big enough - you and David clearly have a lot of people who will want to be there for you both.

That is such a lovely photo xx

 

[Emilieu]

That picture is so beautiful Red, the love and peace just shines from his face. That the people he worked with are so affected speaks volumes, l hope it offers some comfort to you.
Pleased you have good friends and are getting out for a ride - not saying it will make anything easier but might as well be miserable on horse back in the fresh air as not.

 

[southerncomfort]

Shedding a few tears for you here Red.

I hope it brings some comfort to know how well loved David was.

Sounds like you have a good support network of people who care very much about you and your boys.

 Xx

 

[SEL]

Eyes watering again Red - so desperately unfair. Keep checking in. Even if it's just to say you've had another cream cake xx

 

[Red-1]

I just ordered 50 resus aids for school. They are on a keyring.

I started CPR with David, but there was a lot of vomit and it was very difficult. I have a resus aid on every keyring, and I remembered and there was a set of keys to hand so I then had a resus aid. It was still awful, left me in trauma, but that little device made the almost impossible - possible.

I would highly recommend everyone here having on on their keys.

These are the ones I used, they were adequate.

I hope staff will slip it on their keys and I hope they never have to use one. I have had one since the 90's. This was my third set.

Pardon our interruption...

 

[Red-1]

A neighbour took a photo of the Lancaster that flew over our house yesterday.

It feels like David is still here.

 

[Haniki]

Thank you for sharing the link to the resus aids - I have ordered some.
I have two friends who were instructed to do resus by 999 callers - one on their dad and the other on their husband.
Neither patients made it (both were elderly and one had cancer), but at least my friends knew they had done everything they could - as did you. You were very brave.
It sounds like you have some good friends around you.
Take care.xx

 

[paddy555]

I just ordered 50 resus aids for school. They are on a keyring.

I started CPR with David, but there was a lot of vomit and it was very difficult. I have a resus aid on every keyring, and I remembered and there was a set of keys to hand so I then had a resus aid. It was still awful, left me in trauma, but that little device made the almost impossible - possible.

I would highly recommend everyone here having on on their keys.

These are the ones I used, they were adequate.

I hope staff will slip it on their keys and I hope they never have to use one. I have had one since the 90's. This was my third set.

Pardon our interruption...

thanks for that link. I had never heard of these. Will order.

 

[SEL]

thanks for that link. I had never heard of these. Will order.

Me neither. I'm going to order too.

 

[ElleSkywalker]

The Lancaster and the Bird. Beautiful

 

[Red-1]

I did it, left the property with my friend riding Rigs and me on BH. Just around the block, but I have been out now. Rigs was fine, a couple of little coughs but nothing bad. He seemed to enjoy the walk out.

I have looked round the place and I see so much that needs doing. Looking back, David had been struggling for a long time, blaming it on age, and I kept saying I would simply get a contractor in, but he took offence at that and said he would do it when he felt better. But it simply hasn't got done. We have moles, weeds, loads needs strimming and cutting. Fences need upgrading. It is all on my list.

This afternoon a friend called round. She did indeed check out the horses/stables etc to make sure I was managing. I am humbled that she cares enough to drive to the next county to make sure we are all safe. Happily, the beds are immaculate, the fields poo picked, waters fresh etc and both boys look smart.

Apple and cream cake for lunch again.

I have found a funeral director. Had some more friends contact me. Found David's will. Anyone know a legal question? I thought I was the executor but it seems I am the beneficiary but two people who are already dead are the executors. How do I become an executor?

 

[AmyMay]

I did it, left the property with my friend riding Rigs and me on BH. Just around the block, but I have been out now. Rigs was fine, a couple of little coughs but nothing bad. He seemed to enjoy the walk out.

I have looked round the place and I see so much that needs doing. Looking back, David had been struggling for a long time, blaming it on age, and I kept saying I would simply get a contractor in, but he took offence at that and said he would do it when he felt better. But it simply hasn't got done. We have moles, weeds, loads needs strimming and cutting. Fences need upgrading. It is all on my list.

This afternoon a friend called round. She did indeed check out the horses/stables etc to make sure I was managing. I am humbled that she cares enough to drive to the next county to make sure we are all safe. Happily, the beds are immaculate, the fields poo picked, waters fresh etc and both boys look smart.

Apple and cream cake for lunch again.

I have found a funeral director. Had some more friends contact me. Found David's will. Anyone know a legal question? I thought I was the executor but it seems I am the beneficiary but two people who are already dead are the executors. How do I become an executor?

You’ll need a solicitor love to sort out how the will is now to be executed. Shouldn’t be complicated though xxxxx