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Today was the funeral. I'm just back.

I did a big eulogy, wasn't sure how I was going to read it out, it was 10 minutes. But, I put my business head/game face on and did it. I think I did him proud. It was filled with stories of our time together, and I even did the voices etc. I think I am genuinely still a bit numb.

At the end, there was a sudden, huuuge round of applause. I wasn't expecting that.

So many people, guard of honour, the lot.

It was very fitting, very him.

The whole time, it seemed that life was being categorised into before funeral and after.
I guess the rest of this week falls into no-man's land.

The funeral getting closer left me feeling quite overwhelmed. I know I didn't answer much but I did appreciate the messages both on here and also PMs.

So, that's it. Sat at home, horses in, dogs fed and just me. I guess the next part of my future will be as tricky as the past 3 1/2 weeks. But, now I 'managed' the funeral and speech, I guess I have more confidence that, long term, I will be able to step up, because I did.

Meanwhile, I think a little crash is in order.
 
Well done Red-1, it sounds like a wonderful tribute to David. I feel proud and I don't even know you! How lovely it is that he touched so many lives and that so many people cared so deeply.

You've done so much and been so incredibly strong these last few weeks. A crash is very, very reasonable. Take the rest you need.
 
Well done!
You got through it to the admiration of everyone gathered there.
Ime the time leading up to the funeral is so busy that momentum gets you through. If/ when friends offer help/issue invitations over the coming weeks, please do accept, although it might feel easier not to do so. People tend to stop offering if they think you prefer to be left alone, although of course your closest friends will persist.
You are quite entitled to crash now but do remember how proud David would be of the way you have coped so far.
 
Hi Red,
I'm so sorry , I only just read yesterday your awful news..I tried to write a couple of posts but nothing looked right.
I can only add to what others say about how you handled today, you did good.
I've got no advice because grief is such an individual thing, but just wanted to say something to add to the other messages of support,
Thinking of you
X
 
Spanny said:
Well done Red-1, it sounds like a wonderful tribute to David. I feel proud and I don't even know you! How lovely it is that he touched so many lives and that so many people cared so deeply.

You've done so much and been so incredibly strong these last few weeks. A crash is very, very reasonable. Take the rest you need.
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I agree with all of this - I couldn't say it any better.

Take really good care Red and do what feels right for you.
 
I've said it before, you are amazing! The way you've handled all this and just cracked on with stuff, even the stuff you were unsure about, is inspiring.

You are entitled to a crash and to some 'you' time to absorb and process everything. However, if you need to reach out for support to real life friends or HHOers, please do. Take care of yourself, Red.
 
Red-1, I've read this thread since you started it but I rarely post on the site. I feel compelled today though. I'm a funeral celebrant bt job and I know how much much love, time and anguish goes into writing, let alone delivering a eulogy. You will have done him proud and trust me, people don't clap too often!

You have handled all these difficult days with such composure. Someone asked me to read the following poem recently and I hope it gives a tiny piece fo comfort on a very hard day.

No person is ever truly alone

Those who live no more, whom we loved,

Echo still within our thoughts,

Our words, our hearts

And what they did and who they were

Becomes a part of all that we are forever.
 
Errin Paddywack said:
I too am totally in awe at how you have handled this. I didn't have a service for Michael because I couldn't face it being a total coward. David would be so proud of you. Tough times ahead and I wish you all the best coping with them.
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You aren't a coward Errin, you were distraught and didn't have any of the career training and experience Red has had in dealing with terrible situations. She did an absolutely amazing job for David and can rightly be very, very proud of herself. But it doesn't mean you failed.

As someone who is also married to a creaking gate I watch you both with admiration for how you are dealing with losing a soul mate.
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ycbm said:
You aren't a coward Errin, you were distraught and didn't have any of the career training and experience Red has had in dealing with terrible situations. She did an absolutely amazing job for David and can rightly be very, very proud of herself. But it doesn't mean you failed.

As someone who is also married to a creaking gate I watch you both with admiration for how you are dealing with losing a soul mate.
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Thank you and I hope you don't have to face this situation for many years yet.
 
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