im i being unreasonable exercising my horse 3/4 times a week

[WestCoast]

I prefer the old days when a woman new her place! ............now bring on the abuse!

. . . And a man earned enough to keep a woman and her horse in the manner to which they wished to become accustomed without working and did all the work that needed doing on the house and serviced the cars.

 

[Goldenstar]

. . . And a man earned enough to keep a woman and her horse in the manner to which they wished to become accustomed without working and did all the work that needed doing on the house and serviced the cars. [/

 

[mandwhy]

I think he is being unreasonable OP but I don't like leaving my BF waiting for ages until I get back from the horses to have dinner (however 6.30 is fine!) We just like eating together, so he quite often ends up messing with my horsey plans or me not riding without saying a word! I wouldn't expect him to cook for me (we do share cooking when in) but I would expect him to eat a frozen pizza or something! I think my problem is he doesn't mind as long as I give him times - I always get waylayed!

If you are into cooking you could make him a few ready meals! I make a Bolognese or chilli etc and put it in takeaway boxes for my BF to microwave (also for his lunch at work), homecooked meals seem to make him happy it also frees me up to have something healthy as he is a bad influence!

Then again I am a student so I usually have time and should really get horsey stuff done in the daytime!

 

[Cocorules]

My OH is conpletely non horsey dosnt get it all day sees looking after a horse as a chore not a passion. hes has now threw a wobbler because i have been going up to an arena (10mins hack away) and riding my horse with other horsey ppl 3 times a week and not using our lane. this does not cost me very much as im sharing my session with other ppl but last night i didnt get back till 6.30 and his dinner was not ready! im starting to get really pissed off with his complete lack of interest im my passion to point im thinking of divorcing. im i being unreasonable really?

Having horses completely changes your lifestyle. I do not even finish work 'technically' until 6.30 and in practice far later. I then have horses to do before I get home. If my OH didn't cook, he would not get fed until extremely late. He gets less time with me than he would if he had a non-horsey wife, but he has adapted his expectations over time. I know at times he has struggled with it and more specifically struggled with the fact that everything revolves around getting to the horses morning and night so he feels he comes a long way down my list of priorities. The trouble is that if you have horses you will be spending a lot of time (a) earning enough to keep them and (b) looking after them. Either he can get used to that and is happy with it or if not he leaves or you give up horses.

In my own case I have had horses far longer than my OH and so he cannot claim he did not know what he was letting himself in for. Now I have my own land he gets involved more partly because he can see I need practical help and partly because he loves power tools and tractors. He is incredibly supportive though. He also has own interests and likes the freedom to pursue those which he gets because I am out all the time!

 

[Toby_Zaphod]

EJ87:- You sound unhappy & talking on this forum about this sensitive matter probably isn't the way to go. Send him an email with the link to this thread & see what he says. You've posted all this in the public domain so he is entitled to see what you & others have said about yours & his relationship.

 

[AmyMay]

Send him an email with the link to this thread & see what he says. You've posted all this in the public domain so he is entitled to see what you & others have said about yours & his relationship.

Eeeek

 

[hoggedmane]

Am feeling very grateful for my OH!

Seriously though if you are thinking of starting a family have a long hard think about your relationship. You will be more reliant on him if you have a baby whether or not you go back to work. You will have less time when you have children; I don't get in until between 7 and 9.30 during the week now and it's not the horse it's running children to judo, cubs, piano etc. Any thoughts of getting out will be 100 times harder when you have a child. You will need a supportive partner if you have children and finally, when your children are older do you want them to treat you how he does as that is the role model they will have.

 

[TTK]

Married one like that, I housed him and fed him and so on, then I had to pay for the divorce!

Money well spent then!

 

[cheeryplatypus]

Oh dear
I ride 7 days a week, mostly don't get in until 8.30pm and OH cooks my tea!
Feeling very spoilt

 

[Littlelegs]

From your later posts op my opinion has changed somewhat. Yes, I still think its ridiculous that you have to do the cooking & cleaning because you earn less. Imo that should be based on who works longest & how physically demanding it is. But I think staying with someone for their money is also unacceptable.

 

[edgedem]

I've had idiots as partners like that in the past - I now have a fanatical golfer as an OH! 4+ hours on a golf course on a Saturday, Sunday and sometimes evenings in the summer too by himself vs the time I spend up stables is a pretty close call.

We are probably about as selfish as each other when it comes to our time but it works!

Lol this is my exact situation.. in fact sometimes his golfing time trumps my horse time! It makes it much easier when we both have a time consuming hobby

 

[Fairynuff]

my oh has his horsebox to play with and leaves me alone to play with my horses. No one moans about meal hours, smells etc. He does get narky when he finds bandages and various bits of equine clothing birling around inside the washing machine with his underpants

 

[Zimzim]

I dont think you are being unreasonable.

I would just tell him to back-off and go get a hobby!!!

 

[Horses24-7]

Maybe you should point out to him that riding your horse is good exercise and thus keeps you fit and healthy and I suspect quite toned (sorry if thats slightly personal no offence intended) and if you did not have this sort of hobby you might become bored and depressed and just sit around eating chocolate, crisps and biscuits all day and become a bit of a couch potato and then he would have something to moan about it!

Lol!

My husband always says that £400 a month to have a wife with a toned bum is well worth it!

 

[Luci07]

I used to have an OH like that...did I mention he is now an Ex?! Both worked full time, yet he ( stupidly) really believed it was my job to run the household and cook as " my job". He did not like me saying I was happy to do it...if he paid me enoigh to be a stay at home partner!!

 

[Shadow-01]

My OH isn't the slightest bit interested in my horses but he knows where he stands in terms of them!

We have a simple rule in our house, if he wants an evening meal he can either make it himself or wait till I come home!

I'm quite happy to cook, but I'm certainly not cutting my time at the yard short to rush home! He's a big boy and knows where the oven is!!

OH also has his own time consuming hobby with motorbikes, so with no kids to worry about, it works out well for both of us

 

[Welsh]

Please get advice regarding finances if you should be thinking you've had enough, if you walk away it won't be the end of the world and you WILL manage, albeit differently. Sometimes by asking other people something like this we've already accepted something is not right and maybe you don't want to fix it.. Get advice, PLEASE.. then take it from there, all the best x

 

[Fransurrey]

This post saddens me, OP. My OH isn't horsey and also likes to eat at 5:30pm - to me that's afternoon snack time!

We've come to a compromise. He's learnt to cook (and honestly, I can't get the sodding man out of the kitchen, now!!) and I tell him in advance when I'll be later home, so he can get his own. If we're both in, then I eat with him at 5:30. Washing up gets done by whoever gets there first (or doesn't escape the house in time, ha ha!).

If I do forget to tell him I'll be late or get stuck in the lab, I have been known to walk in and find my dinner literally sat there, with him scoffing his! Now that's service!!

 

[EJ87]

Thanks for all your comments and its been really reassuring to hear about otger ppls situations. at the min we are on a break thankfully our house is big enough that he can live at one end and me on the other. maybe when he realises that im not giving up my time to be with my horse that she is part of my life and if he wants to stay part of it he will have to accept that and learn to cook for himself!!

 

[Sugar_and_Spice]

To everyone coming up with very useful practical solutions as to how the OP could have a pre-prepared meal waiting for her husband...I'd like to point out that her husband could also be the one to prepare in advance the meal which he later wants to eat! All the single men who live alone don't starve in a week lol.

As for showing her husband this thread, that's crazy. This is a man who throws a wobbly at her being 15min late home and no dinner waiting. What do you imagine showing him this thread will do?!

 

[Tinsel Trouble]

Thanks for all your comments and its been really reassuring to hear about otger ppls situations. at the min we are on a break thankfully our house is big enough that he can live at one end and me on the other. maybe when he realises that im not giving up my time to be with my horse that she is part of my life and if he wants to stay part of it he will have to accept that and learn to cook for himself!!

You're not on a break, you're house sharing with a guy and sleeping seperately. a break would be one of you moving out and you both learning how to live seperately.

 

[Wagtail]

Have you looked into possibly getting your own land? Work out what you would save on livery and add it to the mortgage. That is what we did. Husband used to get tired of me always being out so he decided we would move and keep the horses at home. Now I am always here! We actually bought far more than we needed and so I opened the livery yard and my full time job became working at home.

 

[Sugar_and_Spice]

Glad you're ok OP. It can't do you any harm to separate yourself from him for a bit and have some breathing space to be yourself, even if you are still living in the same house. It will give you a chance to see not only if he can adapt, but also whether or not you find yourself missing his company.

 

[redriverrock]

I have been in exactly the same situation as you are in now so if my advice sounds abit blunt it is only because I know wishy washy half measures DO NOT WORK! Your husband has needs and wants that you cant or wont comply with...personally I think he is a lazy spoilt t*** but each to there own. What you need to decide and stick to is
a. do you want to carry on as you are and spend god knows how many years trying to change him.
b. allow him to change you
c. live this half life where your together but your not and probably send yourself and him crackers
d. walk away with abit of dignity, live your life and let him live his.

One thing is for sure you will not change him and Im sure its not just about your hobby...sounds like 2 people who just are not compatable

 

[AmyMay]

Thanks for all your comments and its been really reassuring to hear about otger ppls situations. at the min we are on a break thankfully our house is big enough that he can live at one end and me on the other. maybe when he realises that im not giving up my time to be with my horse that she is part of my life and if he wants to stay part of it he will have to accept that and learn to cook for himself!!

Well that's a swift development since yesterday. I guess you must have had a chat.

 

[edgedem]

Have you looked into possibly getting your own land? Work out what you would save on livery and add it to the mortgage. That is what we did. Husband used to get tired of me always being out so he decided we would move and keep the horses at home. Now I am always here! We actually bought far more than we needed and so I opened the livery yard and my full time job became working at home.

wow very jealous thats my dream!

 

[1Lucie]

Er.. nope! Sorry but im sure it wont kill him to put on pasta/jacket spud/easy meal for you both for when u get in!