I've had my confidence seriously knocked :-(

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Like me you've had a lot of bad luck with injuries. When I have a crap day competing I hold on to the fact that the horse is sound, healthy and actually able to do a dressage test! This puts it into perspective for me.

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It's funny you should say that - I get so so frustrated with myself for not riding nearly well enough and consistently coming 20th or thereabouts out novice eventing. I know the horse is capable of more and it is me holding him back. However every time I go up that centre line I have a smile on my face because I think how lucky I am to be there and be competing at all - the cowbag mare rarely left the yard she was such a witch and I was miserable not being able to compete.

Can I ask JetSet, what level have you ridden to in the past? My riding and my confidence in my own abilities has been transformed by spending 3 months training under someone riding a variety of horses including those trained to a higher level than my own. Whilst I appreciate this isn't possible for the majority of people, what it has taught me is the value of schoolmaster lessons, and I fully intend to keep having them even when I have my horse back, and even if it means sacrificing a competition here or there - because overall my results will be better for it. Now if you've ridden to PSG before this probably doesn't apply, but if like me you are an amateur producing a horse yourself for the first time to each level, then I guarantee it will make a difference, because you will learn whether it is the horse giving the wrong answer to the right question (in which case stick to your guns!) or you asking incorrectly - in which case change something.

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I only got my first horse at 19, so seven years ago and have trained her now up to Medium, obviously with help along the way... My first pony was Hannah
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I only started dressage in 2005 when I decided I loved the techincal side of the 'flat work' and sort of fell in love with the discipline. So before that, I had never been involved with it and it has been quite a steep learning curve for me, one which 90% of the time I have enjoyed
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I did have some lessons on a GP horse when Hannah was in foal, but I cannot find anyone in the area who has a school master I could have some lessons on
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I think it is such a great way of learning certain moves (I worked a lot on the flying changes on the mare I had lessons on... so I now know more about how to ask and when etc). Yes it is expensive, but I think it is a great way to learn if you can.

I hadn't really thought of this as a way of helping my confidence, but perhaps if I can 'ride' a good horse correctly, then it would aid me in feeling more postive about what I am asking.

Does anyone know of someone who offers this in the NW?
 
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Andy used to read for me out competing, but more often than not I go on my own. I did once ask a lady to read for me at a local competition (there are no penalties) and she told me she would not read for me because her daughter was in my section and she did not want to give anyone any help! You can imagine how that made me feel and have never asked anyone else since because as I see it, everyone who is there on the ground is there with someone!



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You need to get over it. Yes, everyone is there with someone, that doesn't mean everyone has that kind of unsportsman-like attitude. Otherwise I'd never jump a bloody practice fence as I am always BSJA/BE on my own. I just smile and ask someone to alter it for me, and if they ignore me (never had anyone say no yet) then I ask someone else. Likewise I have been out eventing with people a lot recently as groom, but it doesn't mean I haven't held people's horses/altered jumps/taken whips, boots and bandages off for them etc. I am happy to help because frankly the small amount of help I give someone is not going to affect how well 'my' rider does. You caught one sh1tty person on one day, and now you won't ask anyone ever again? That to me does require you to be told to man up and pull yourself together!!

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I've just always tried to learn the tests because of this and it usually does work out ok... just obviously not when I go to pot
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I have read for people at competitions when competing because I know how helpful it can be and some venue do offer someone to read if you donate some money to their charity which I think is an ace idea and one I use when I visit those venues
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i would seriously get the tests read out, then you can focus on you and not where you ar going to turn.
Just because one horrible woman wouldnt read doesnt mean everyone is like that =0 maybe take a friend or someone off the yard with you. Your dad was there on Sat maybe he could have read it! or ask the steward? there will be somebody there willing to help! otherwise you will get yourself down and lose confidence in yourself if you go wrong twice in a prelim test that youve probably ridden 10 times before!! its the worst feeling forgeting the test because you just trot round with your mind completely blank thinking "sh*t where do i go" and then you forget about your horse!
or why dont you take both grace and han to the comp in the same class. ride Hannah first so the nerves disappear a bit and you've already done the test so when you get on Grace you can think to yourself "ive just done it so i am going to go in there and do it again"!!! but knowing you you would then start worrying about competing the pair against one another!!
=) x
 
I'm quite shocked at some of the replies on this post, people saying it's your attitude etc and that you should be happy you got a good score.

I know how you feel, I went show jumping a few weeks back just a 2ft6-2ft9 unaff show, got 4th place.. very very happy! But I rode like an idiot, I got so nervous before I was close to being physically sick. I am very angry at myself for not riding the way I can when I'm not in a show situation - I will do everything at home without nerves, but under show pressure I just can't ride, I sit there, I pony club kick, get left behind on jumps and if I don't get left behind, my position is a state.
This knocks my confidence further because I know the same thing will happen when I go to a next show.

You have every right to feel this way, and if it knocks your confidence, it knocks your confidence.
It may not be such a big deal to others, who don't get the nerves, but it is to some - like you and I - and I don't believe it is fair for people to say you need to 'get your act together' because, I know, it isn't that easy!

I really hope you manage to overcome these nerves under show/judge pressure because I know how much it can ruin a show, or knock your confidence
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Ha ha... I asked my Dad once, never ever again! He wears strong glasses to read, it was sunny... I won't tell you what he read out but he had more than me in stitches laughing
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That is a really good idea Jen about taking them both, riding Han (would have to be HC as she has Elem points) and then riding Grace! What a fab idea
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I had a c**p day competing yesterday too! A hailstorm hit us for most of the warm up before my 1st test (53%!) and the 2nd test was 1/2 hour late so neddy very cheesed off and not playing any more (56%). UGH! I have worked really hard on him all winter and came home very disheartened. Then I found some sheets from last year, with a splattering of 3's for leaving the arena, and 0's for not cantering when we were meant to! So as others have said, remember just how far you have come. In a subjective discipline like dressage, you have to measure your own progress. You could go and ride EXACTLY the same test with the same judge tomorrow and get a different mark. What about entering a couple of competitions HC to take the pressure off thinking about results? I have confidence issues too, and found that some of Kelly Marks "Perfect Confidence" was helpful, she talks about the mind following familiar routes, so continuing the pattern of negative thoughts. I think your comment about not eating or drinking before a competition is also significant, your brain needs fuel, as well as your body, to function properly!
 
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I had a c**p day competing yesterday too! A hailstorm hit us for most of the warm up before my 1st test (53%!) and the 2nd test was 1/2 hour late so neddy very cheesed off and not playing any more (56%). UGH! I have worked really hard on him all winter and came home very disheartened. Then I found some sheets from last year, with a splattering of 3's for leaving the arena, and 0's for not cantering when we were meant to! So as others have said, remember just how far you have come. In a subjective discipline like dressage, you have to measure your own progress. You could go and ride EXACTLY the same test with the same judge tomorrow and get a different mark. What about entering a couple of competitions HC to take the pressure off thinking about results? I have confidence issues too, and found that some of Kelly Marks "Perfect Confidence" was helpful, she talks about the mind following familiar routes, so continuing the pattern of negative thoughts. I think your comment about not eating or drinking before a competition is also significant, your brain needs fuel, as well as your body, to function properly!

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Is the Kelly Marks thing you recommended a book?

I think I am going to do some Novice tests HC to take the pressure off as I do think this would be a good idea. It is something I have been considering for a little while, and I think this has given me the final push!

Sorry you had a crap day competing yesterday too! Poor you getting caught up in a hailstorm, but bloody well hurts too!

I know I should eat or drink something before competing, but it does tend to come back up... however, I think the isotope type drinks might be ok, so am going to buy some tomorrow from Tesco for this coming weekend.
 
A friend of mine tried hypnotherapy and was advised to by her cynical ex prof eventing trainer... she had a massive phobia jumping and was struck by irrational fear. Once session with a good hypnotherapist and she is a different person. Totally cool, not nervous and happily jumping 3ft3 and going XC for the first time in 15 years grinning from ear to ear! It might be worth a try. From how she described it it sounds like something that might work.
 
OK... listen to me being positive:

I have just read the H&H and Grace and I featured in it twice in the Results from last weekend
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That is the second time since she injured herself in 2007
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That is what I have to go to the Inters with in my head... the fact that we, as a team, did so well last weekend. And we were a team last weekend!
 
I do relate to how you are feeling....

When I first started affiliated BE/BSJA, I'd always wonder what the hell I was doing there with all these 'good' riders around me - from there, I'd automatically resign myself to the fact that there is no way I can do better than them, so to come away from the day in one piece will be good enough a result
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My dad would come to all my events, and have to say, is a hell of a lot more competitive than me - he must've got fed up with me coming up with a list of excuses each time as to why I hadnt done well. I'm very good at protecting myself
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My breakthrough came at the end of last season, when my OH came along to an event with me (first one he's been to). This may sound really stupid, but he is very competitive, and also very successful in his work etc, and I kind of felt like I needed to show him that I also am successful in my riding?!!
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I knew that coming last wouldnt be good, despite how many excuses I could make for it - all he'd be interested in would be to see the results - ie, to get placed.

Anyway, that day, I DID manage to hold it together - we got a 30.5 dressage and a double clear. We came 5th, and he was very impressed
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(please dont think I spend my whole life trying to impress my OH, ... I was doing it more for me
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).

All I did differently that day was to think of the positives - of all the times I hadnt got lost in my dressage (there's been a few
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), of all the clears I'd jumped, and then of finishing the XC in time. It worked, but because I wouldnt be able to cover up any faults, as he wouldnt understand why (being un-horsey).

If you are scoring 65% plus, and know that you have a fab horse and are clearly a fab rider, just keep on thinking about that. Almost 'show off' to others about that? Pretend you're a professional rider and keep it together. Dont try and double guess what people are thinking about you, just do it for yourself.
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If you do get to see Nicki Heath - please let us know how it goes
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I see your pictures of Grace etc and had no idea you were competing at prelim level. My confidence is now knocked to even go out and try a prelim, unaffiliated or otherwise, on my little mare if people like you and your horse is what I'd be up against!
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I've read your original post and the replies, and am torn between two camps to be honest, yes, you do go on a lot about how badly you think you ride sometimes, but you don't seem to have done enough about it to fix it. Then I sympathise hugely because of how you beat yourself up!
Everyone has bad days, when I used to compete I was the most nervous person you could imagine, very grouchy before I went in the arena but once that horn beeped I was as cool as ice.. nothing could sway my determination to do the best I could .
Over the years I learned how to train people to be successful competitors and it isn't that difficult.
Firstly you make sure you are working above the level you compete at at home.
You make sure of this by having a good trainer /instructor who confirms this.
Then you take the horse and yourself out to situations where it isn't so high powered, like your local riding club. This gets both of you used to low level comp and the proof that you are ready to do affilliated comps. (in other words, you win every time and easily at the RC!)
You cover every eventuality such as forgetting your test by having a reader, if necessary pay someone to do it like an instructor or a friend.
The week before the comp you go to sleep every single night after visualising yourself going through the entire day at the competition, from loading the box to riding the test, to winning that rosette.
It's a sort of mind programming that is now fashionable but we've done it for years.
My other advice is similar to what Spotted Cat said, ride enough schoolmasters to make you a better rider and a competent one.
Someone said to us a while ago how lucky we were to have such easy horses to compete, and instead of being cross we were actually quite flattered, because if they appear that way to outsiders, then we've done the job right beforehand.
My daughter goes in the dressage arena totally confident of what she needs to produce to get a good mark. How she's got like that is riding huge numbers of horses, some here, others on yards where she has worked. To ride a Badminton entry through it's test beforehand under instruction has to give you confidence about what's expected, so that unlike you a negative thought rarely enters her head, she knows she has done sufficient work at home for the horse to perform when both are under pressure, and it works.
Yesterday on the way to the event she mentioned she hoped one horse wouldn't get eliminated at a certain fence, and she was put straight immediately that thinking like that meant it was a good possibility! (she may be utterly confident dressaging but not yet jumping!)
Try and afford some lessons on horses trained to a higher level than your own, and it really does become easier to ride a test afterwards.
It's no fluke the likes of Lucy Wiegersma is seen having regular training sessions at Talland, if you could afford a week there it would make a massive difference to your confidence, not only do they have the schoolmasters but Pammy really does get you motivated.
I think your problems are in your self confidence and you genuinely don't understand how your complaints are seen as whingeing to others.
I'd read all the responses carefully and try and put some of the very good advice you've been given to good use, then soon you can be the one advising how to be confident competing...
 
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Andy used to read for me out competing, but more often than not I go on my own. I did once ask a lady to read for me at a local competition (there are no penalties) and she told me she would not read for me because her daughter was in my section and she did not want to give anyone any help! You can imagine how that made me feel and have never asked anyone else since because as I see it, everyone who is there on the ground is there with someone!



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You need to get over it. Yes, everyone is there with someone, that doesn't mean everyone has that kind of unsportsman-like attitude. Otherwise I'd never jump a bloody practice fence as I am always BSJA/BE on my own. I just smile and ask someone to alter it for me, and if they ignore me (never had anyone say no yet) then I ask someone else. Likewise I have been out eventing with people a lot recently as groom, but it doesn't mean I haven't held people's horses/altered jumps/taken whips, boots and bandages off for them etc. I am happy to help because frankly the small amount of help I give someone is not going to affect how well 'my' rider does. You caught one sh1tty person on one day, and now you won't ask anyone ever again? That to me does require you to be told to man up and pull yourself together!!

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Sorry to quote all of this but I totally agree. I have *never* managed to learn a test enough to ride it without having it called (apart from the petplans where I had no option and it was the only test i was doing). When I send my entry off I phone and make sure that there will be someone there who will be able to read for me they've never said no yet. I have called for people who go blank right before they've gone in, and they usually go on and win the class (!!)
I find it *so* much easier to have it called no matter how many times i've ridden the test. You'd be surprised how many people will willingly do it- even total strangers
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I think the reason this thread contains so much emotion is the subject really taps into what EVERYONE feels sometime. EVERYONE. Read any biography of a successful rider (or a successful anything) and it will contain tales of setbacks, poor performances, confidence blips, and efforts to surmount - or circumvent (worth a point, Gamebird?) the general obstacles life and our minds throw at us. I repeat EVERYONE feels like that sometime. It's part of being human.

BUT not everyone LOOKS like they feel that way and I really do think for many people part of the process of controlling/overcoming it is trying to keep a lid on it. I'm ALL for talking about our problems - I am North America after all, and regularly horrify people here with what I consider reasonable topics for conversation - but I do think this is one of those situations where you "show it until you know it". In other words if you slap a smile on your face, force yourself to act as if you're confident and in control, it actually helps you BECOME in control.

It's a very, very tough lessons to learn. Most of us learned it by getting screamed at by "old school" instructors until we learned not to show the cracks. I don't actually think this is a good way to go but we are lucky now to accept that options such a sports psychology, hypnotherapy etc. can produce better results in a much more humane fashion.

But at the end of the day EVERYONE who goes on to success has had to fight these battles. I suspect that's why people are getting a bit wired about it - because they, all their friends, their instructors, their parents, have had to fight the same battles. It's nothing special, it's certainly not something to be in despair about.

I do think the comment about one person refusing to read for you and how that made YOU feel is telling though. Why did it have any bearing of how YOU feel at all? You weren't being persecuted. She was being a b***ch. Or maybe her daughter pitched a huge fit if she read for anyone else, or maybe she'd read for someone one time who HAD beaten her daughter and she felt badly about it. It had nothing to do with YOU. It certainly wasn't some stinging proof of the horribleness of dressage people everywhere. Give the rest of us some credit. I've read (or set jumps, or held horses, or put up ramps, or given legs up - heck I've hardly ever been to a show when I didn't help someone else or need a hand myself, and I'm about as self-sufficient as they come) for loads of people and I've had to ask people to read for me. People at horse shows aren't unwelcoming, they're busy and nervous and caught up in their own drama, they certainly aren't looking to make you feel bad.
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You gotta love the internet, too. There's such a temptation to bare your soul, as you would to only your dearest friends, just to get the support of people who understand and know how it feels. The problem is they don't know YOU. And they only respond to what's written, not to all the other, perhaps more obvious things they don't experience. Which is not to say it's not very useful to share the pain, just that sometimes it's messy.

_JS_, everyone has times like yours. Some, I hate to say it, worse. Which is not to invalidate the way you feel - not at all - it's just a reminder we all feel this way and we all struggle to get over it. You, alas, don't get to be the exception.
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So just find what works for you (sports psychology, hypnotherapy, different instruction, wider experience, heck, medication if that's what you need
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) and go forward with it. You'll sort it out just like the rest of us do. But don't expect people to be always sympathetic or even able to give you magic advice - they're busy struggling with their own demons. I would bet most of the "tough love" on here is, in fact, EXACTLY the sort of stern talking to that's worked for many people in the past. Sometimes we have to hear it many times, from different sources before it sinks in. Then we have to mull it over before we make the change. That's people for you.

And, in the end, the change has to come from inside.
 
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I do relate to how you are feeling....

When I first started affiliated BE/BSJA, I'd always wonder what the hell I was doing there with all these 'good' riders around me - from there, I'd automatically resign myself to the fact that there is no way I can do better than them, so to come away from the day in one piece will be good enough a result
smirk.gif


My dad would come to all my events, and have to say, is a hell of a lot more competitive than me - he must've got fed up with me coming up with a list of excuses each time as to why I hadnt done well. I'm very good at protecting myself
smile.gif


My breakthrough came at the end of last season, when my OH came along to an event with me (first one he's been to). This may sound really stupid, but he is very competitive, and also very successful in his work etc, and I kind of felt like I needed to show him that I also am successful in my riding?!!
confused.gif
I knew that coming last wouldnt be good, despite how many excuses I could make for it - all he'd be interested in would be to see the results - ie, to get placed.

Anyway, that day, I DID manage to hold it together - we got a 30.5 dressage and a double clear. We came 5th, and he was very impressed
smile.gif
(please dont think I spend my whole life trying to impress my OH, ... I was doing it more for me
cool.gif
).

All I did differently that day was to think of the positives - of all the times I hadnt got lost in my dressage (there's been a few
wink.gif
), of all the clears I'd jumped, and then of finishing the XC in time. It worked, but because I wouldnt be able to cover up any faults, as he wouldnt understand why (being un-horsey).

If you are scoring 65% plus, and know that you have a fab horse and are clearly a fab rider, just keep on thinking about that. Almost 'show off' to others about that? Pretend you're a professional rider and keep it together. Dont try and double guess what people are thinking about you, just do it for yourself.
smile.gif


If you do get to see Nicki Heath - please let us know how it goes
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Other than the BSJA / BE part, you could have been writing about me! I think I could do with someone coming with me just to give me a kick up the arse and get me motivated. I am much better when my husband comes with me as he has quite a calming influence on me and helps me laugh off when things go wrong. Unfortunately, he is very rarely available these days
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However, he is coming down to the Inters with me this weekend...

I do get quite intimidated by the professional riders when I am warming up, so that is all adding to the nerves out competing I think too! So your way of thinking may just work.
 
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I see your pictures of Grace etc and had no idea you were competing at prelim level. My confidence is now knocked to even go out and try a prelim, unaffiliated or otherwise, on my little mare if people like you and your horse is what I'd be up against!
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Please please don't feel like that... I did not write this post to make people feel like that and I am very ashamed if that is how I havemade you feel
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I think your mare is simply lovely. I love reading about your progress together, the activities you get up to and the pictures you post! I don't know whether she has had her operation yet on her sinuses, but if not, may I take the chance to wish you every bit of luck with it and lots of healing vibes will be winging themselves to Patches
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I think you are confusing a confidence knock with just being pee'd off with how you rode.

People out there (me being one) who do have serious confidence issues with some aspects of riding will not be able to see where you are coming from in this post.

Having your confidence knocked can come from many things not from a judge that gives you 65%!!!!!

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Hear hear HP. When I got my new(ish) boy in August last year, we went hunting, we jumped and I was planning a whole winter and summer of jumping. I have lost my confidence and now struggle to jump a X pole. THAT is a confidence knock.

IMHO you need to stop taking it all so seriously and try to enjoy your horses. Your horse does not care if you "let her down". She does not care about competing or whether she could have won the class. From what I can see, you are not a pro nor are you selling the horse, so why does it matter if you came second?

Sorry if this sounds harsh but I am really struggling to see why you are so downbeat? You have three (? I think?) horses that you adore so why not try to enjoy them? If you don't enjoy competing then do something else. Simple.
 
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My trainer acknowledges this confidence issue when I am out competing, she has seen it in action
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She says I lack the belief in my riding abilities and what I am asking when I get in that situation...

I take Rescue Remedy before each competition (it is an absolute essential in my competition bag and stays there permanently) but it definitely didn't do its job yesterday
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Contact Jo Cooper and try TFT. It works a treat!
 
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A friend of mine tried hypnotherapy and was advised to by her cynical ex prof eventing trainer... she had a massive phobia jumping and was struck by irrational fear. Once session with a good hypnotherapist and she is a different person. Totally cool, not nervous and happily jumping 3ft3 and going XC for the first time in 15 years grinning from ear to ear! It might be worth a try. From how she described it it sounds like something that might work.

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Absolutely LMAO at this description Law - brilliant
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Cynical? Him? Never
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Well, I can only echo what Scarlett has said , you come across as a whingy brat, (I'm not saying you are in real life ) ,you are a very privelidged young lady .As for somebody not reading for you, I won't read for anyone except my daughter, because if a mistake is made , I would feel terrible. Most people would give their eye teeth to be as lucky as you.
 
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I've read your original post and the replies, and am torn between two camps to be honest, yes, you do go on a lot about how badly you think you ride sometimes, but you don't seem to have done enough about it to fix it. Then I sympathise hugely because of how you beat yourself up!
Everyone has bad days, when I used to compete I was the most nervous person you could imagine, very grouchy before I went in the arena but once that horn beeped I was as cool as ice.. nothing could sway my determination to do the best I could .
Over the years I learned how to train people to be successful competitors and it isn't that difficult.
Firstly you make sure you are working above the level you compete at at home.
You make sure of this by having a good trainer /instructor who confirms this.
Then you take the horse and yourself out to situations where it isn't so high powered, like your local riding club. This gets both of you used to low level comp and the proof that you are ready to do affilliated comps. (in other words, you win every time and easily at the RC!)
You cover every eventuality such as forgetting your test by having a reader, if necessary pay someone to do it like an instructor or a friend.
The week before the comp you go to sleep every single night after visualising yourself going through the entire day at the competition, from loading the box to riding the test, to winning that rosette.
It's a sort of mind programming that is now fashionable but we've done it for years.
My other advice is similar to what Spotted Cat said, ride enough schoolmasters to make you a better rider and a competent one.
Someone said to us a while ago how lucky we were to have such easy horses to compete, and instead of being cross we were actually quite flattered, because if they appear that way to outsiders, then we've done the job right beforehand.
My daughter goes in the dressage arena totally confident of what she needs to produce to get a good mark. How she's got like that is riding huge numbers of horses, some here, others on yards where she has worked. To ride a Badminton entry through it's test beforehand under instruction has to give you confidence about what's expected, so that unlike you a negative thought rarely enters her head, she knows she has done sufficient work at home for the horse to perform when both are under pressure, and it works.
Yesterday on the way to the event she mentioned she hoped one horse wouldn't get eliminated at a certain fence, and she was put straight immediately that thinking like that meant it was a good possibility! (she may be utterly confident dressaging but not yet jumping!)
Try and afford some lessons on horses trained to a higher level than your own, and it really does become easier to ride a test afterwards.
It's no fluke the likes of Lucy Wiegersma is seen having regular training sessions at Talland, if you could afford a week there it would make a massive difference to your confidence, not only do they have the schoolmasters but Pammy really does get you motivated.
I think your problems are in your self confidence and you genuinely don't understand how your complaints are seen as whingeing to others.
I'd read all the responses carefully and try and put some of the very good advice you've been given to good use, then soon you can be the one advising how to be confident competing...

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I have actually been sitting reading all the posts for the past 30 minutes and trying to take bits from each one. Yes, some have upset me with what people perceive me as, but I have tried to look at it as an outsider and yes, I can come across as someone who just moans about it and doesn't take much action
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I guess I don't usually open up on an open forum like this because I am worried about the responses, after all, if I ask for advice I have to be prepared to take the good with the bad.

I think people perceive me as much more confident than I actually am when it comes to my riding. I constantly criticise my own position, know my weaknesses (one of which is that I let me lower leg come forwards and really struggle to keep it underneath me) and am my own worst critic. I get very cross with myself when I can't get something right and my trainer is having to constantly correct me over and over, it frustrates me that I can't get it right! It is the same about my nerves when I go to a competition; it frustrates me that I can allow myself to be so ridiculous. And that is what I become, there is no better word for it. For goodness sake, I choose to do this, it is my hobby, and yet my stomach is churning, my hands are often shaking when I tack up and I just get myself in quite a state.

It sounds as though your daughter has got a really good attitude to competing, and that is something I genuinely strive to achieve. But until I posted this post, I was not really 100% sure how best to conquer that self doubt. Yes, I have posted other posts about things, but it has mostly been about the horses rather than myself. I thought that by sharing how I was feeling, perhaps some others would recognise that and I did hope that someone would have conquered it and offer words of advice.

I would love to go to Talland, or somewhere similar, for a week at some point. I was thinking of asking for it for my birthday in March but we ended up needing work done to the horsebox and the house so all the money / gifts were related to that. I am hoping to be able to go towards the end of this year though...

I did not realise I came across as wingeing if I am honest, I thought I was sharing how I felt, but I can see where this has manifested from and I will try not to post threads that have this running through in future as it obviously is irritating and annoying to many readers of this forum. I do not want to be seen as the 'laughing stock', which is what I think I am now seen as following this post (and some previous ones about Grace...)

Thank you for taking the time to reply and offer advice. I think you have summed everything up perfectly.
 
Echo Jo Cooper.
I obviously dont take dressage serious enough, I have no idea who judges me at venues to even start getting a wibble before I go in.

Dont get me wrong, I get cross with myself if I dont ride well or I feel my horse didnt put enough effort in, but it makes me more determined to do well and train harder
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Eventing however, was a whole different ball game. I was terrified of letting everyone down, my horse, my parents and myself.
The pressure was so great, i would end up being 1-3rd after the dressage phase, either retire or have a stop in the sjing and then storm round the xc feeling deflated cos i had let everyone down.

I had help with Jo, stopped competing for a year and just trained until I was happy. My first event back eventing and we jumped DC and finished 3rd on my dressage score!

Jo seriously helped my fight my confidence issues.
 
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Andy used to read for me out competing, but more often than not I go on my own. I did once ask a lady to read for me at a local competition (there are no penalties) and she told me she would not read for me because her daughter was in my section and she did not want to give anyone any help! You can imagine how that made me feel and have never asked anyone else since because as I see it, everyone who is there on the ground is there with someone!



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You need to get over it. Yes, everyone is there with someone, that doesn't mean everyone has that kind of unsportsman-like attitude. Otherwise I'd never jump a bloody practice fence as I am always BSJA/BE on my own. I just smile and ask someone to alter it for me, and if they ignore me (never had anyone say no yet) then I ask someone else. Likewise I have been out eventing with people a lot recently as groom, but it doesn't mean I haven't held people's horses/altered jumps/taken whips, boots and bandages off for them etc. I am happy to help because frankly the small amount of help I give someone is not going to affect how well 'my' rider does. You caught one sh1tty person on one day, and now you won't ask anyone ever again? That to me does require you to be told to man up and pull yourself together!!

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Sorry to quote all of this but I totally agree. I have *never* managed to learn a test enough to ride it without having it called (apart from the petplans where I had no option and it was the only test i was doing). When I send my entry off I phone and make sure that there will be someone there who will be able to read for me they've never said no yet. I have called for people who go blank right before they've gone in, and they usually go on and win the class (!!)
I find it *so* much easier to have it called no matter how many times i've ridden the test. You'd be surprised how many people will willingly do it- even total strangers
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I will do that in future, at least then they will have some notice and I will know there is someone there to read for me. I worry about forgetting the test quite a lot I have realised, this is something my trainer pointed on to me on one of the last lessons I had, so I think this is a contributory factor.

I do not have anyone to come with me to read, so will make sure I phone ahead in future!
 
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I do not have anyone to come with me to read, so will make sure I phone ahead in future!

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I'm the same, I always compete on my own. I'm the same as BBs as well in that I never get wobbly before we go in. Sadly this backfires when my supreme cool, and big grin, get wiped off my face once i've turned down the centre line and seen who it is judging!! (I've never yet known who the judge is before I turn up on the day). Usually the grin gets replaced for a smirk and a inner lol as by then I can guarantee a 58% whatever the test looks like!
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Carry on as best as I can and enjoy the good bits.
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what about chris bartle at the YRC? wouldn't they have some suitable schoolmaster types?
i think its hard when you don't have confidence in your own ability- i can certainly sympathise with this- but you really need to relax a little as this much self criticism is just not healthy
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you will end up making yourself ill if you keep getting worked up like this....if i were you i would just avoid said judge in future if its gets you this worked up...
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good luck next weekend, just try to think positively (you could visualise yourself riding the test of your life and winning on an amazing score each night this week in preparation rather than sitting there panicking about everything going wrong)
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I think the reason this thread contains so much emotion is the subject really taps into what EVERYONE feels sometime. EVERYONE. Read any biography of a successful rider (or a successful anything) and it will contain tales of setbacks, poor performances, confidence blips, and efforts to surmount - or circumvent (worth a point, Gamebird?) the general obstacles life and our minds throw at us. I repeat EVERYONE feels like that sometime. It's part of being human.

BUT not everyone LOOKS like they feel that way and I really do think for many people part of the process of controlling/overcoming it is trying to keep a lid on it. I'm ALL for talking about our problems - I am North America after all, and regularly horrify people here with what I consider reasonable topics for conversation - but I do think this is one of those situations where you "show it until you know it". In other words if you slap a smile on your face, force yourself to act as if you're confident and in control, it actually helps you BECOME in control.

It's a very, very tough lessons to learn. Most of us learned it by getting screamed at by "old school" instructors until we learned not to show the cracks. I don't actually think this is a good way to go but we are lucky now to accept that options such a sports psychology, hypnotherapy etc. can produce better results in a much more humane fashion.

But at the end of the day EVERYONE who goes on to success has had to fight these battles. I suspect that's why people are getting a bit wired about it - because they, all their friends, their instructors, their parents, have had to fight the same battles. It's nothing special, it's certainly not something to be in despair about.

I do think the comment about one person refusing to read for you and how that made YOU feel is telling though. Why did it have any bearing of how YOU feel at all? You weren't being persecuted. She was being a b***ch. Or maybe her daughter pitched a huge fit if she read for anyone else, or maybe she'd read for someone one time who HAD beaten her daughter and she felt badly about it. It had nothing to do with YOU. It certainly wasn't some stinging proof of the horribleness of dressage people everywhere. Give the rest of us some credit. I've read (or set jumps, or held horses, or put up ramps, or given legs up - heck I've hardly ever been to a show when I didn't help someone else or need a hand myself, and I'm about as self-sufficient as they come) for loads of people and I've had to ask people to read for me. People at horse shows aren't unwelcoming, they're busy and nervous and caught up in their own drama, they certainly aren't looking to make you feel bad.
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You gotta love the internet, too. There's such a temptation to bare your soul, as you would to only your dearest friends, just to get the support of people who understand and know how it feels. The problem is they don't know YOU. And they only respond to what's written, not to all the other, perhaps more obvious things they don't experience. Which is not to say it's not very useful to share the pain, just that sometimes it's messy.

_JS_, everyone has times like yours. Some, I hate to say it, worse. Which is not to invalidate the way you feel - not at all - it's just a reminder we all feel this way and we all struggle to get over it. You, alas, don't get to be the exception.
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So just find what works for you (sports psychology, hypnotherapy, different instruction, wider experience, heck, medication if that's what you need
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) and go forward with it. You'll sort it out just like the rest of us do. But don't expect people to be always sympathetic or even able to give you magic advice - they're busy struggling with their own demons. I would bet most of the "tough love" on here is, in fact, EXACTLY the sort of stern talking to that's worked for many people in the past. Sometimes we have to hear it many times, from different sources before it sinks in. Then we have to mull it over before we make the change. That's people for you.

And, in the end, the change has to come from inside.

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Thank for taking the time to write all of that... it has certainly helped.

I truly believe everyone has a confidence crisis, which is partly why I was quite shocked as some of the replies I received. I sort of supposed that everyone had been there at some point in their riding careers (in fact in any 'sport' they compete in) and assumed there would be lots of ways to help beat it.

I can understand why people get frustrated with posts like this, it comes across as slightly melancholy and pathetic. But I don't feel pathetic, I feel more fustrated with myself that it is spoiling what I love doing. Yes, she got a good result in the first one, but that was honestly without much input from me, and it makes me mad that I just sat there!

I want to change, after all, feeling the way I do when out competing is not ideal! Most of the time I get away with it and get good results, but then there are times like yesterday where one factor tipped those nerves over the edge and made me freeze.

It is only me that puts the pressure on me, but I do feel that I put so much work into my horses, so much emotion and forego many things for them (as I am sure everyone on here does...) that feel I have let myself down when I ride the way I did yesterday. My family do not put pressure on me, they are non-horsey and don't really get it, and my trainer never puts pressure on me, she gives me so much encouragement!

Maybe I need to take another period off competing and spend some time getting my confidence more stable before we venture out again... after all, it won't help either of us if I get into that state!

But I do want to change, as I say, it is spoiling what I love doing!
 
Becki, if you want me to come to church farm or warren farm to read for you, I certainly will. I will be doing some unaff Novice tests at both places this summer (might aff if do any good). I tend not to do Prelim at all with clever horses as they go 'off the boil' at bit with the simple tests.
I am ver very laid back (I don't do nerves) so I can offer a positive relaxed atomosphere.
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BTW I might you to read for me!
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And will you pretend to be my trainer so I look the part!
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Becki, if you want me to come to church farm or warren farm to read for you, I certainly will. I will be doing some unaff Novice tests at both places this summer (might aff if do any good). I tend not to do Prelim at all with clever horses as they go 'off the boil' at bit with the simple tests.
I am ver very laid back (I don't do nerves) so I can offer a positive relaxed atomosphere.
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BTW I might you to read for me!
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And will you pretend to be my trainer so I look the part!
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i would ditto this...if you are desperate for a reader i doubt my baby will be competing this year and so i'm often at a loose end...
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