bouncing_ball
Well-Known Member
everyone has everyone’s numbers at my yard. We have a liveries only WhatsApp ground for finding hacking partners /planning clinics Etc
Knowall novices
- Thread starter Smogul
- Start date
everyone has everyone’s numbers at my yard. We have a liveries only WhatsApp ground for finding hacking partners /planning clinics Etc
Tracking_up
Well-Known Member
In previous yards, we've had mobile numbers on contact sheets outside stables/on yard info, in case of emergency.
Leandy
Well-Known Member
Ignore! Never apologise, never explain. Well not never, but that is the approach I would take here. If one won't come to the yard that is her problem not yours and certainly not yours to solve. If she wants to approach for a civil conversation then she is welcome but I wouldn't be initiating it myself. And going forward if they tried to provide more unwanted advice or loiter around me when I wasn't happy for them to, I would ask them to go away and mind their own business pls! Every time. Hopefully they would then get the message.
TheLoneWanderer
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Lois Lame
Well-Known Member
I think this sort of situation is funny to read about but awful when it happens to oneself. Like someone said, you are upset too, not just the knowall friend of the knowall. So I would have said or texted, 'I'm upset too, and I too would like an apology.' Then I would have gone off ranting in the privacy of my own home/verandah and taken myself off on a long walk to cool off.
Then, the ball is in the knowall's court. What will she do? Text her knowall friend, then the two knowalls have a rant and rave and 'How dare she!!!!! Doesn't she realise we're experts??!!' kind of tantrum.
Maybe it would end in a truce, I don't know. What a pain it is to deal with people of this sort. Looking forward to the next chapter, OP. Good luck!
Bonnie Allie
Well-Known Member
There is very little that cannot be solved by talking. Don’t text - it’s the cowards way.
Approach them in the yard next time you see them with a big smile and ask if you can have a chat so that you can better understand one another.
I know not everyone is a conflict person and I have been known to terrorise some by wanting to resolve an issue face to face immediately but rarely does it lead to long term or unresolved issues.
Approach them in the yard next time you see them with a big smile and ask if you can have a chat so that you can better understand one another.
I know not everyone is a conflict person and I have been known to terrorise some by wanting to resolve an issue face to face immediately but rarely does it lead to long term or unresolved issues.
Cowpony
Well-Known Member
I think this is a good idea. Unfortunately drama queens seem to win sympathy and those who seethe quietly get painted as the villains. So I'd call their bluff and ask them about their experience of driving, because you are always interested to learn. When they come up with nothing you can gently display your expertise and explain why their intervention was unwelcome. Finish the conversation on a friendly note, leaving them feeling embarrassed but unable to complain because you've been so nice! ?
Smogul
Well-Known Member
Apparently they had said to YM that people were not being very friendly to them. YM suggested that they back off a little but the message obviously didn't get through. I saw texter in car park, said hello as normal and left it at that. I decided that anything I said or did would probably not go down well.
Gloi
Too little time, too much to read.
If they give unwanted advice I would in a not unpleasant manner ask them where they had learnt that. Eg. With the driving say , oh who did you learn to drive with? If they do have a reasonable answer you can chat about it and if they say they read it on the internet or the like at least you all know where you stand.
bouncing_ball
Well-Known Member
The problem with this is if you are all on the same yard, sharing the same facilities, it is best to be on civil (if distant) terms as a minimum with everyone. You want them to tell you your horse looks colicy / to rescue that slipped rug in the field / to be prepared to share the school when a lesson is double booked by acccident etc. etc.
Same with work colleagues. It is best build and maintain relationships with people you have to share resources with. To all support each other. Even if you do need to set clear boundaries and limit the interactions.
If you have your own land / work for yourself, you have the freedom to do what you like.
Indy
Well-Known Member
I'd probably just say sorry for losing my rag but I don't want or need your advice thanks next time I saw them.
LegOn
Well-Known Member
I think this is typical keyboard warrior stuff - they didnt say it to your face, but one woman has to text you on another womans behalf - thats just beyond ridiculous.
I would be taking @Bonnie Allie approach and next time you see them - I would stride straight up to them and watch their faces drop, they are just cowards and dont want to be confronted. I would take the politicians way out and say 'sorry you felt that way about what I said but unfortunately you didnt take the time to see it from my point of view that I was also upset to have someone interfere with me and my horses, I've always kept to myself and dont comment on the many things that you decide to do one way, I would do another way - thats just life, and you know what they say, horses for courses, so I'm definitely happy to forget the whole thing as long as we all have learned that we all do our own things, different as they may be, and let everyone get on and enjoy their own horses without judgment or interference
Thank you and goodnight!
I would be taking @Bonnie Allie approach and next time you see them - I would stride straight up to them and watch their faces drop, they are just cowards and dont want to be confronted. I would take the politicians way out and say 'sorry you felt that way about what I said but unfortunately you didnt take the time to see it from my point of view that I was also upset to have someone interfere with me and my horses, I've always kept to myself and dont comment on the many things that you decide to do one way, I would do another way - thats just life, and you know what they say, horses for courses, so I'm definitely happy to forget the whole thing as long as we all have learned that we all do our own things, different as they may be, and let everyone get on and enjoy their own horses without judgment or interference
Thank you and goodnight!
Antw23uk
Well-Known Member
Just apologise ... Say something like 'Im sorry i upset you for losing my temper at your unrequested sh*t advise. Next time i will run you over and rob you as you lay on the ground'
sunleychops
Well-Known Member
tell em to jog on
Annagain
Well-Known Member
I'd apologise for the way you said it but not for what you said. Explain that you have owned horses for XX years and have so far managed to care for them and drive them without breaking any of them so you'll carry on doing your thing and would appreciate them not interfering.
windand rain
Well-Known Member
How about saying I was stressed because your interferance is unwanted and has cost me time and money while holding a discussion with my vet via video link
Jellymoon
Well-Known Member
Love that!
I‘m usually for ignoring these things, but I think in this instance a response is required as these muppets need educating in what is acceptable behaviour so they don’t walk around thinking they are right and you are wrong.
i would do it by text too, as very hard to do it face to face and say all you wanted to say.
How about: ‘I apologise if my actions offended your friend, however, those of us who have been around horses on livery yards for a long time do not interfere with other people’s animals, and certainly do not enter into an arena while another person is training and try to take over their session. This is completely unacceptable behaviour. I’m willing to let it go this time, but if it happens again I will be making a formal complaint to the YO. Now let’s all get on and enjoy our horses‘.
Flicker
Well-Known Member
Sorry OP but I’m raging on your behalf. These people barged into your life and your schooling session, foisted their opinions on you unbidden and then clutch their peals in offended horror when you tell them the truth. Oh, and THEN use your mobile number for a purpose other than intended (this is not an emergency, nor is she wanting to plan a hack or a clinic) to basically try to make this about you and YOUR behaviour??
For me, that text would not warrant a response unless you want to send a short one that starts with ‘f’ and finishes with ‘f’. This is her problem, not yours. If her friend chooses to be offended, that’s up to her. Perhaps this will serve as a valuable lesson of when it is appropriate to talk and when it is appropriate to be quiet.
As for an apology, you have done nothing wrong. This is on them.
For me, that text would not warrant a response unless you want to send a short one that starts with ‘f’ and finishes with ‘f’. This is her problem, not yours. If her friend chooses to be offended, that’s up to her. Perhaps this will serve as a valuable lesson of when it is appropriate to talk and when it is appropriate to be quiet.
As for an apology, you have done nothing wrong. This is on them.
Charley657
Well-Known Member
I would not like that. My sister had a disagreement with another mum from nursery and she forwarded my sisters number onto men who sent her vile messages and photos. She only found out when she actually called one of them and asked where he got her number from.
OP that sounds like a dreadful and tedious position to be in. I understand wanting to keep the peace for the sake of others and yourself on the yard. Perhaps text back that you have never once asked for their advice but regret losing your temper when livery interfered physically. Ask them to not offer anymore unwelcome advice and you will be happy to be civil and keep conversations regarding horses not be related to ones either of you own.
Corunna
New User
I feel for you,my advice would be to miminize the situation.However much we hope a yard owner would act as a fair Judge between two liveries I have found YO do not to want to be involved,just go with the person they most like or who can generate most profits.One horse with novice owners might be more profitable than a driving pony.Try not to let this escalate so you are asked to leave yard.Also in life it is often the rudest person who wins and this lady is already way ahead in the rudest stakes! Just try to avoid the lady,I have yet to find a know it all at the yard at 6/7 am!
HorsesRule2009
Well-Known Member
I think if it was me I'd apologise for how I dealt with the situation, maybe explain you were trying to get good videos for the vet.
Then mention that horse is on rehab etc and currently under guidance from professionals and you'd rather just stay with their (the professionals) advice for now but in future if you wanted outside opinions you you would seek them.
Maybe add on the end you hope we can all come to the yard and enjoy your own horses.
I hate busy bodies on a yard?
Then mention that horse is on rehab etc and currently under guidance from professionals and you'd rather just stay with their (the professionals) advice for now but in future if you wanted outside opinions you you would seek them.
Maybe add on the end you hope we can all come to the yard and enjoy your own horses.
I hate busy bodies on a yard?
Smogul
Well-Known Member
We do have a very good YM who reckons that happy owners make for happy horses so will get involved in settling disputes if she feels it is necessary. |I suspect she would be more likely to ask them to leave as I am not the only livery who has found them difficult, to put it mildly.
ihatework
Well-Known Member
Any update?
Cowpony
Well-Known Member
Dear [name], I am most terribly sorry that I have upset your friend. I am distraught that I may have offended her and offer my abject apologies. Please do beg her to come back to the yard. I'd hate for us not to be the very best of friends. I know I need to work on controlling my temper and will endeavour to be restrained while around her. I don't know why it happens, but I'm afraid this red mist just comes down whenever I'm being offered advice by complete idiots. I will try to do better. Love and kisses, X
Sossigpoker
Well-Known Member
Why would you grovel if you've done nothing wrong?
If someone thinks they can barge in, try and take over your horse , and then get upset when they're told to bugger off , how is it your job to grovel?
I'd just ignore them and carry on.
Play silly games, win silly prizes.
HorsesRule2009
Well-Known Member
I'm not really sure where in my response I'm grovelling?
Just I don't particularly enjoy an atmosphere on a yard as I want to enjoy my horse.
If I don't really like someone I'll still say good morning etc purely to be pleasant and not create an atmosphere for others.
Sossigpoker
Well-Known Member
You suggest OP should apologise and explain why she/he doesn't want others sticking their nose in. She/he doesn't have to explain and apologising and explaining when you've done nothing wrong is grovelling.
I had a livery once try and teach me from the edge of the arena - didn't even know her !- I just told her to stop disturbing me.
She moaned afterwards that I'd been rude
I'm still looking for the fook to give ?
Imagine watching someone ride, someone you don't even know , and starting shouting things like "more leg, ride him forward, oh yes that's better " . What lunatic even does that ? ?
ycbm
Einstein would be proud of my Insanity...
Because sometimes it makes life easier for everyone, yourself included. I wish I'd understood that when I was younger!
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EchoInterrupted
Well-Known Member
They sound very annoying, but at the same time very possibly have no idea how they are coming off. I would probably say "Sorry your friend feels what way. I was quite upset at having someone try to step in when they don't know what's going on with my horse and I don't like others giving unsolicited advice. Let's have a chat when you're at the yard next time and I can explain why I reacted that way." Then you've done your bit and either they take you up on it and try to clear the air or they don't and you can leave it at that point and move on and ignore them (and if they don't it's their problem). If they do take you up on it and come to chat, you can say something along the lines of "I know you're very excited to have joined the horse owner world and are learning a lot of new things and want to share that knowledge, but this is how you come off and why people aren't reacting positively" and then explain that they should really stop giving people unsolicited advice and that it's been rubbing people the wrong way.
Given how upset they are about it, they seem a bit oblivious so might as well try to correct their path, otherwise we'll be hearing about them in 2 months time from a HHOer on their new yard If I went this route and they continued doing it, I would feel totally guilt free in being curt towards them/shutting down their attempts at unsolicited advice from that point forward and that would be one thing off my mental/emotional plate!
Given how upset they are about it, they seem a bit oblivious so might as well try to correct their path, otherwise we'll be hearing about them in 2 months time from a HHOer on their new yard
If I went this route and they continued doing it, I would feel totally guilt free in being curt towards them/shutting down their attempts at unsolicited advice from that point forward and that would be one thing off my mental/emotional plate!Nari
Well-Known Member
Ideally ignore, but otherwise send them a list of other yards in the area.