Knowall novices

[Ratface]

Just apologise ... Say something like 'Im sorry i upset you for losing my temper at your unrequested sh*t advise. Next time i will run you over and rob you as you lay on the ground'

Love it!! Especially if you smile pleasantly afterwards.

 

[HorsesRule2009]

⁷

You suggest OP should apologise and explain why she/he doesn't want others sticking their nose in. She/he doesn't have to explain and apologising and explaining when you've done nothing wrong is grovelling.
I had a livery once try and teach me from the edge of the arena - didn't even know her !- I just told her to stop disturbing me.
She moaned afterwards that I'd been rude
I'm still looking for the fook to give ?
Imagine watching someone ride, someone you don't even know , and starting shouting things like "more leg, ride him forward, oh yes that's better " . What lunatic even does that ? ?

I don't see it as grovelling just a polite way of saying to the livery that their advice is not wanted.

?‍each to their own though

 

[skint1]

We have a bit of a similar situation at our yard, though I do actually like the person generally. They are just sometimes a lot and have a tendency to bowl in and take over, probably well intentioned but sometimes... well, as I say, it's a lot. I snapped recently and I immediately regretted it, they were more upset than I had imagined and shared with me some sad news they'd had, so I felt extra terrible then and apologised profusely, which they accepted thankfully. I have gone through periods of times where I really struggle, but I have weighed it up, they have a lot good points, it's important to me that the yard is a peaceful place and enjoyable for everyone. I think its worth apologising, even though you shouldn't have to, try and think of the bigger picture, maybe explain about the rehab etc and you've been a bit worried/stressed about it.

 

[Lois Lame]

I have yet to find a know it all at the yard at 6/7 am!

Then mention that horse is on rehab etc and currently under guidance from professionals and you'd rather just stay with their (the professionals) advice for now but in future if you wanted outside opinions you you would seek them.

This I think is a bit of grovelling too. I personally would not be asking those two knowalls anything.

Because sometimes it makes life easier for everyone, yourself included. I wish I'd understood that when I was younger!
.

Yes but you don't have to grovel to do that.

 

[Sossigpoker]

Because sometimes it makes life easier for everyone, yourself included. I wish I'd understood that when I was younger!
.

I used to be a bit like that but not any more.

 

[HorsesRule2009]

I

This I think is a bit of grovelling too. I personally would not be asking those two knowalls anything.



Yes but you don't have to grovel to do that.

I don't see it as grovelling, just a polite way of telling them to keep there unwanted opinions to themselves. ?‍.


OP I hope you have managed to resolve the situation and can enjoy your horse/ yard time as intended.

 

[ycbm]

I used to be a bit like that but not any more.

I was never be like it and it got me into plenty of trouble. There is a happy medium.

Your and Lois's description of what is needed a grovelling is, imo, incorrect.

The problem with not speaking out is that people often bottle things up to breaking point and then speak out in the wrong way. The way I read this thread is that nobody told these women clearly and politely and calmly that they were behaving wrongly. And then suddenly one of them got a bombshell thrown at her.

There is stuff to put right here, to restore harmony to the yard, and doing it does not equate to grovelling. The key is to find the middle road.
.

 

[Auslander]

Regardless of anyone's age, I think YO's should be prepared to step in if there are problems like this on a yard. I don't have an issue with pulling people aside for a chat if there are disagreements/rows/personality clashes, because I don't want an atmosphere on my yard. I'm pretty careful when selecting liveries, so I don't have to deal with people drama very often, but there have been a few bad apples who slipped through the net, and I have had no hesitation in first having a word, having a second word, and then swiftly getting rid of them.
My yard is also my home, and when I find myself checking the camera to see who's on the yard before I go up (or not, depending on what the camera reveals!), it's time to have a cabinet reshuffle

 

[Smogul]

I was never be like it and it got me into plenty of trouble. There is a happy medium.

Your and Lois's description of what is needed a grovelling is, imo, incorrect.

The problem with not speaking out is that people often bottle things up to breaking point and then speak out in the wrong way. The way I read this thread is that nobody told these women clearly and politely and calmly that they were behaving wrongly. And then suddenly one of them got a bombshell thrown at her.

There is stuff to put right here, to restore harmony to the yard, and doing it does not equate to grovelling. The key is to find the middle road.
.

I do understand what you mean but OH has tried to engage with them and YM did suggest that if they were not finding people friendly, maybe they should back off a bit so it is hard to know what a middle road would be. I was having a bad day myself which was probably why I, in retrospect, over-reacted.

Have only seen the texter once and don't want to start an exchange of texts which I think might just make things worse. Aargh.

 

[Christmascinnamoncookie]

Don’t text. Whichever one you see next, say ‘I understand you/your friend was upset. Me and Mr S were also upset that you tried to take over a vet recommended rehabilitation exercise when we don’t believe you have driving experience. You interrupted us trying to video for the vet. Please don’t do that again.’

No reason for you to apologise, they were badly in the wrong from what you’re saying. Don’t agonise over this, they seem to have a reputation for this and need to learn.

 

[Sossigpoker]

I do understand what you mean but OH has tried to engage with them and YM did suggest that if they were not finding people friendly, maybe they should back off a bit so it is hard to know what a middle road would be. I was having a bad day myself which was probably why I, in retrospect, over-reacted.

Have only seen the texter once and don't want to start an exchange of texts which I think might just make things worse. Aargh.

Don't text them , like Cinnamon says, they need to learn that their actions have consequences.
Just enjoy your horse , ignore these people - life is too short to start life coaching supposed adults. They need to grow up on their own.

 

[Flicker]

I do understand what you mean but OH has tried to engage with them and YM did suggest that if they were not finding people friendly, maybe they should back off a bit so it is hard to know what a middle road would be. I was having a bad day myself which was probably why I, in retrospect, over-reacted.

Have only seen the texter once and don't want to start an exchange of texts which I think might just make things worse. Aargh.

This is a problem 100% of their making. You owe them nothing.

And I’d be asking YM to make it clear that mobile phone numbers are personal data and should ONLY be used for the purposes that they have been collected for ie yard emergencies and making arrangements for hacks, clinics etc.

 

[Cortez]

Gosh, being English is so complicated....

 

[Auslander]

Gosh, being English is so complicated....

Sweeping generalisation about a whole island full of people!

 

[maya2008]

Gosh, being English is so complicated....

And… this is why I don’t do livery yards! So many people believe they can do whatever they want and that other people’s feelings (and the health of their horses) do not matter. I just cannot do the polite rebuff - I get to a point where I see red and end up being far too blunt!

 

[sbloom]

Can I add (not read entire thread) that they are possibly neuro diverse, not making excuses, but they must think they're being helpful, demonstration of expertise may feel like a way to get people to at least respect them if they feel they're not accepted. A bit of kindness, and firmness (repeated as necessary, with a back stop of something more substantial), required.

 

[little_critter]

Sweeping generalisation about a whole island full of people!

But mostly correct.
I’ll put my hand up I’m hopeless at this stuff. I bottle it all up then explode.

 

[Annagain]

Sweeping generalisation about a whole island full of people!

England's not the whole island.

 

[Toby_Zaphod]

OP, someone like that came to our yard & was full of herself. She was one who had some lessons at a riding school & then bought her own horse, She was giving unwanted advice while my daughter, who's in her thirties nut looks about 18 years. I was in the school at the time putting out a course of jumps. Daughter comes into school, mounts and warms horse up. She does some flying changes etc & then jumps the course of jumps put out, around 1.10 mtr, some smaller & some larger.. Advice giver stoop & watched, turned red & walked away. Strange, never offered us any advice again.

 

[Bradsmum]

Just a thought, do you know for sure that both women are complete novices and that neither has any driving experience? It in no way defends her actions and she definitely should not have come into the school uninvited and tried to take over but maybe she now realises in hindsight that she overstepped the mark.

 

[Sossigpoker]

Gosh, being English is so complicated....

Nothing to do with being English and everything to do with so-called adults behaving like brats

 

[LegOn]

@Smogul Dying to know the outcome - any update!

 

[DirectorFury]

I have since had a text from second woman saying I need to apologise as her friend is too upset to come to yard. I am frankly still too irritated to care. OH says I should offer to apologise if they are prepared to attend his tutorial on harnessing up and can pass a test afterward!
What would you do?

I'm sure it's been resolved by now, but I'd reply with "no u" and an Uno reverse card GIF. Or maybe just "lol". Or repeat back what she said in mOcKiNg CaSe. Or send a clown meme. So many completely inappropriate and unhelpful possibilities!

However:
a) I am very very childish
b) I very strongly dislike people like this, which is why I'm on yard where I rarely see other people
c) I'm not known for my diplomacy skills
d) I didn't say this would be a good thing to do, just what I'd do .

 

[Smogul]

@Smogul Dying to know the outcome - any update!

They are leaving the yard. One of them made the mistake of telling YO how he should organise the lambing shed. If they thought I was rude, they have never met a furious farmer!

 

[Sleipnir]

Oh my, they truly are a couple of knowitalls! From training a driving horse to building lambing sheds - such resourceful women! Glad the situation resolved, OP!

 

[Nasicus]

They are leaving the yard. One of them made the mistake of telling YO how he should organise the lambing shed. If they thought I was rude, they have never met a furious farmer!

That's hilarious

 

[ihatework]

They are leaving the yard. One of them made the mistake of telling YO how he should organise the lambing shed. If they thought I was rude, they have never met a furious farmer!

That made me snort

 

[Goldenstar]

They are leaving the yard. One of them made the mistake of telling YO how he should organise the lambing shed. If they thought I was rude, they have never met a furious farmer!

Perfect .

 

[Baywonder]

Karma at it's best......

 

[Flicker]

Ha ha so funny!