Lessons and the things instructors say to you....

[sarahann1]

OMG, some of these are absolutely brilliant, if nothing else it goes to prove we really do need a sense of humour to have horses!

I've had "the other left/right" numerous times and "where ARE you GOING?" more often than I care to remember....

 

[Morgan123]

My favourite was "have you got a gammy leg dear?" about why my toes were pointing outwards (OK they do, but they aren't THAT bad, and I am very critical of my riding so I'd be the first to complain about it if they were!! haha).

She wasn't remotely embarrassed when I said no though!

 

[milliepops]

Had a giggle in my lesson this morning, one of Kira's over reach boots was coming off so we stopped to fix it. I said 'they're not very good' and explained that as K has such enormous feet, giant size boots are hard to come back. Response:

" she needs those giant feet to plant in the middle of the arena like that, they are suction cups!"

 

[Under-the-radar]

Fab story I had similar with a now ex-trainer, who kept telling me I had the wrong horse and needed something better. Well... you know, this is the one I've got, so... Dread to think what she'd make of Kira!!

I had someone tell me this about my current horse. Yes - maybe she isn't the "perfect" model for being a dressage horse. BUT do I love her to the moon and back - yes. Does she make me smile every time I ride her - YES. Am I going to sell her to buy a "dressage horse" - errrrr NOPE!

Maybe if I was ultra competitive and wanted to win every show I could have listened to her, but instead I will keep doing what I'm doing- training the horse. She is at least the 3rd person who walked away from this little horse - and (IMO) they all made a big mistake! They just weren't asking the right questions of her!

Back to the OP - I generally don't have my trainer saying things to me - more like me telling my trainer that I am being a numpty or not being able to coordinate myself to certain things. I have had trainers in the past who spent the entire lesson telling me I was rubbish and my horse was rubbish - so I only stick with nice people these days

 

[milliepops]

I had someone tell me this about my current horse. Yes - maybe she isn't the "perfect" model for being a dressage horse. BUT do I love her to the moon and back - yes. Does she make me smile every time I ride her - YES. Am I going to sell her to buy a "dressage horse" - errrrr NOPE!

awww that's the thing isn't it. Sometimes it's the right horse *for YOU*. I feel the same about my silly sec D who I'm trying to make into a dressage horse. I might have been persuaded to sell her before, but now.. you know what? I'd miss her funny face terribly! And her suction cup giganta-feet

 

[tallyho!]

Doesn't anyone else think that "stick your boobs out" or "turn up your headlamps" makes you curve your back? I just tried that and it would give me backache.... is it meant to relax your shoulders?

 

[MagicMelon]

I tend to prefer the gobbier trainers, I like the ones that most people don't as I find if they're totally honest then I try far harder. Ive been told numerous things, quite a few dumb blonde comments by one particular male instructor who is disliked by many for his personal remarks. The most recent remark that hit a slight nerve was a trainer asking very politely if I had had some bad injuries or falls as my body was so squint! Perfectly nice question, but in my head Im wondering how on earth I fix that!

 

[Destario]

It's for people who are collapsing soktheir spine is curving out. Doesnt work for peoflekwith good back alignment but couched shoulders. Generally an elbow workout will help that.

I did a fun mistake in my jump lesson today. 'over the bounce and right turn to orange upright' (180 degree turn) brain said yes body said bounces to dog leg x pole which led to 'that's a x pole, not an upright and it's not even orange!'

 

[helenchat]

I love all of these!
I had a great pony club instructor who was well known for running after a disappearing jockey shouting: "don't you dare fall off!!"
A gem from last weeks lesson when my instructor got frustrated with me hollowing my back whilst jumping: "That was the ugliest thing I have ever seen- never do that again!!"
And a personal favourite whilst xc training : "if you take your leg off when you jump these steps, I promise I will hurl things at you- abuse, my shoe, that rock!"

 

[teapot]

Doesn't anyone else think that "stick your boobs out" or "turn up your headlamps" makes you curve your back? I just tried that and it would give me backache.... is it meant to relax your shoulders?

It's a reminder for me to sit up rather than curve my back as I've got tall-itus. Regularly told to ride like Dolly.

 

[alainax]

" I will remove the outside rein completely if you don't stop it " ( she would as well!)
" think trot" ( when we are stuck in canter for an inexplicable reason )
"Pat it"
" lean left, like really left, falling off the saddle left, then you will be straight" ( on lateral work, you can imagine how far to the right i was leaning for this comment).
"Smile" ( this works well for me in tense situations!)

 

[EventingMum]

A famous, now deceased, show jumper was doing a 3 day clinic. I was a shy 17 year old on my amazing but small (15h) unlikely looking horse. On the first day he was dividing us into groups and decided to do this by affiliated winnings. He went round asking everyone what classes they jumped and how much they had won. When he came to me he didn't ask just said "You'll be in that group" indicating the less experienced group. I was too shy to say anything but he then ask each group what they wanted to work on and I summoned the courage to say I wanted to work on related distances over bigger fences as I didn't have a school and we had a big competition coming up. He asked what that competition was and nearly fell over when I said it was the Foxhunter Final at HOYS. We were then invited to join the other group!

 

[hippocobamus]

I prefer not to dwell on most of the comments that I receive ... i'm not a naturally gifted rider and that's why I have a part bred hippo, rather than a flash sports horse!

 

[Alibear]

I'm rather new to western and as having my first go at a gate.
"You do need to open the gate before you try and ride through it"
I think I'm going to need more lessons

 

[Cherryblossom]

At a camp many years ago, the instructor objected to me putting a stronger bit in for the jumping lesson, saying that she wasn't strong. She made me change back to a snaffle and got on my mare, asked for trot and promptly disappeared around the corner of the racetrack at full gallop. After a few minutes she arrives back and says "she's not strong, she's just stupid"... she was clever enough to not tank off when bitted appropriately!

 

[1life]

I'm loving these!
I started training at a yard that had many visiting pro's for clinics. One international sj'er always managed to get the best out of me, but his comments included 'If you drive like you ride, please warn me next time your on the road' and if I ever fell off 'Have I broken you?'.
My particularly large - chested friend couldn't contain her laughter when she 'bounced' towards a fence and he muttered 'Someone fetch me an elasticated bandage'. She didn't mind and quipped back 'At least it draws your attention away from my riding' .

 

[Boulty]

Last week (ie when it was blooming freezing, even indoors!) my instructor was asking me whether I'd felt the change in the contact I had in my outside hand now that my horse was actually straight / now that we'd stopped having an argument (or something to that effect). My response was that I could no longer feel my outside hand...

 

[SEL]

Trying to establish a good rising trot as a beginner. Instructor...'You're not trying to jump out the saddle, just scuff the muff !!

Oh god - I teach beginners. I'm never, ever going to be able to teach rising trot again without giggling.

 

[ilvpippa]

Lesson today with poles with my horse who was being a lazy toad and dragging himself over them. He had his head in his hands at one point. This is the horse who last time started bronzing the minute I got my foot in the stirrup. Ha

 

[TheMule]

A well known event trainer/ rider told me that my horse was 'The type you'd find tied to a lamp post in Ireland'
He's not wrong, but he did have to admit that she does jump, despite appearances!

 

[sarahann1]

Seems this thread has inspired a H&H article 😂

http://www.horseandhound.co.uk/features/14-things-horse-riding-trainers-say-541943

 

[FfionWinnie]

Think the thread was funnier!

 

[milliepops]

Think the thread was funnier!

^^ yup, something got lost in translation there

 

[tallyho!]

Whose trainer says tits n teeth??

 

[sarahann1]

Whose trainer says tits n teeth??

He's never said it to me, but one of mine has been known to say it, along with 'let your beavers breathe' 😳

 

[tallyho!]

He's never said it to me, but one of mine has been known to say it, along with 'let your beavers breathe' ��

I can understands the mechanics of that.... but not the tits up thing unless you're really stooping.

 

[sarahann1]

I can understands the mechanics of that.... but not the tits up thing unless you're really stooping.

It's helpful for curly shouldered folk like myself, I need to physically work to keep them back, I have winged scapula so it's harder for me than your average joe.

 

[Kat]

Whose trainer says tits n teeth??

One of mine had a slight expansion of that one, it was lift your Ts

There was a clean version for kids which was something like Teeth, Tummy button, thumbs and toes and a rather ruder version for grownups which was Teeth, tits, t**t, and toes!

 

[sarahann1]

Not said to me, said to another person in the lesson "get your hand out of your fanny!".

😂😂😂😂

 

[ycbm]

I was on a three day course with a famous show jumping name from the past. His school was only 20x60, the roof leaked leaving a dangerous slippery wet spot to be avoided, and the surface was rock hard, so I was not impressed in the first place having driven two horses a long way from home to pay for the 'excellent facilities' in his advert in the BE magazine.

He made it clear that he thought that my more difficult horse was due to my riding him wrong, and that my better horse was because he was just a natural. (He knew I had broken and trained them both.) On the third day, in front of the class of three, he said 'I'll bet he was a natural from day one, wasn't he?'. When I'd stopped laughing, I said 'His pet name for the first year was 'Demolition Dan'.