Loss and Grief

[blodwyn1]

We have just lost our golden retriever after twelve and a half years and I feel so alone! We both know we wouldn't be able to cope with a puppy now as my husband is 70 and I am so disabled with mobility issues. Rossi was wonderful but was a tearaway as a young dog and I did a huge àmount of training with him which I now couldn't physically do. My husband doesn't even want to think about another dog and I am bereft without one!

 

[nagblagger]

I am so sorry to hear this, maybe it is too soon for your husband to think about another dog.
When the time is right for you both could you adopt an older dog that may not require long walks with your mobility issues.

 

[ArklePig]

I'm really sorry for your loss.

 

[CorvusCorax]

Sorry for your loss. Give yourself some time and maybe get over Christmas and the new year as that's a very stressful time to bring a dog into the house and maybe consider a different breed/smaller type/older rehome?
If only to avoid comparisons.

My Mum has just lost her dog last week and people keep tagging her in rescue posts and it's driving her nuts.

 

[Kunoichi73]

Really sorry to hear this.

 

[bonny]

Sorry to hear about the loss of your lovely dog, it’s so hard to lose them and I know how empty your house feels without a dog. I’m with the others that you need time to grieve and then you can start looking for a new friend. The right one that will fit in with you and your husband is out there x

 

[blodwyn1]

 

[Kunoichi73]

He was lovely!

 

[blodwyn1]

He was a friend to all cats. We have feral cats at the yard and on release they immediately went to Rossi and followed him around! The surviving black and white cat dinky won't let me touch her but she followed Rossi everywhere. Today I opened the back door of the car and she got in and looked all round for him crying, it's heartbreaking.

 

[Christmascinnamoncookie]

I'm so sorry. It's just ridiculously hard. Give yourself time to absorb the loss. An older, smaller dog might be the perfect solution when /if you're ready in the future.

 

[cauda equina]

What a lovely dog, I am so sorry

 

[PinkvSantaboots]

So sorry x

 

[MurphysMinder]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my 10 year old GSD very suddenly earlier this year, and although I knew I wanted another at some point I couldn't even think about one at the time. 6 months after I lost her a breeder I knew had an older pup looking for a home and she joined me a couple of months ago. I'm lucky as she was house trained and has been relatively easy but sometimes I do find her hard work (I am later 60s), however we are getting there. I would give yourself time and maybe in the New Year you could look at your options.

 

[Xmasha]

Im so sorry for your loss Blodwyn1. Theres really something extra special about a golden retrievers, just such kind souls. Rossi was a gorgeous chap, who was clearly loved by all.
We lost our golden retriever Wallace in May, Our whole family was utterly devastated when he passed. At the time we all said we'd never get another dog. But over the months weve come to terms with our grief, and have taken the plunge. My husband was very apprehensive when Stirling arrived, but now adores him. I know its a cliche, but time does help heal. Stirling has helped ease the sadness, and has filled a huge Wallace shaped whole in our home.
Our cats adored Wallace, so i totally understand about your cats grieving. Our 2 outdoor cats did aswell. In fact Bob wouldnt leave me alone for a while. They are currently 'training' Stirling.
Give yourself time to grieve, and you will both know when the time is right for another. Maybe you could adopt an older golden ? Its something i considered, but my son in particular couldnt face taking on another golden.
Take care x

 

[Pearlsacarolsinger]

He was a beauty! They do leave such a big hole. I must admit that I don't normally subscribe to the 'take time to grieve ' way of thinking but then we usually have other dogs as well, when we lose one. The 6 weeks between the last one going and bringing the Rottweilers home seemed endlessly empty, even though we still had one elderly cat.
But I do agree that Christmas is not the best time of year to introduce a new animal into the home. There are several schemes looking for people to care for older animals. The RSPCA have older animals whose owners can no.longer look after them and The Dogs Trust want Foster homes for dogs fleeing domestic violence, who will be reunited with their families in the future.

 

[MarvelVillis]

So sorry for your loss sending a virtual hug! He was a beautiful boy

 

[blackcob]

I'm very sorry for the loss of your lovely boy.

Don't feel you have to make a decision now - grief is a strange and non-linear process, there will be ups and downs and changes of heart as you each come to terms with things in your own way. I agree with others that a bit of time to grieve and think and plan over the Christmas period may not be a bad thing. You might find that your husband's feelings change, or you can agree on a suitable compromise like a small companion dog, or rehoming an adult dog.

My OH surprised me by not wanting to have the same breed again, at least this time round; it wouldn't have bothered me but he didn't want to be drawing comparisons, which is a position I can respect and so we discussed other breeds instead.

My Mum has just lost her dog last week and people keep tagging her in rescue posts and it's driving her nuts.

This also happened to a friend of mine recently to the point where she had to put up a post asking people to stop, I was aghast. Different if people have said they are looking but this was within 24hrs of her losing a dog. I hope your mum's holding up ok.

 

[Birker2020]

So sorry, like others have said, how about thinking about an older dog when you have both had chance to process your loss? So many are ignored at rehoming centres, most centres will pay for any costly treatment a dog is on anyway.

It would be lovely to be able to rehome an older dog, but only when you are in the right place mentally. Thinking of you both x

 

[Mrs. Jingle]

I am so sorry, Rossi looked a lovely old chap and your loss must feel so huge right now. I lost my 6 year old lab suddenly about 3 years ago and very shortly after my ancient little Patterdale terrier. I am in my 70s and my husband in his 80s and like you we did not think we could face rearing a puppy. As both my sons were living at home any future possible issues with exercise etc. would not be a problem as they are/were both huge dog lovers and walkers too.

I put an advert on social media offering to rehome any breed of dog that was already house trained but not too old. We ended up with our two beautiful 3 year old labradors (not related). Sadly I only have one son now but he spends many hours out with the labs and it his helping him hugely with the grief of losing his brother. So out of sadness of losing our old dogs and then getting our new ones, my accident leading to mobility problems, and then losing a son, what was meant to be has been a blessing we never thought we would need.

Go with your heart, when and if you are ready you will know and so will your husband. If it is right for you to have another one then it will happen, if it is not the right decision for you then you will be at peace with that.

 

[blodwyn1]

Thank you for all your kind words. He is irreplaceable and we are sensible enough to know our age is against us now which is also sobering. We have our own well fenced land so don't have to walk a dog. A failed gun dog would be ideal really when my oh is ready. Some more pictures if you don't mind.,

 

[blodwyn1]

Thank you for all your kind words. He is irreplaceable and we are sensible enough to know our age is against us now which is also sobering. We have our own well fenced land so don't have to walk a dog. A failed gun dog would be ideal really when my oh is ready. Some more pictures if you don't mind.,

 

[Mrs. Jingle]

blodwyn1 both of our labs are fails. One failed show lab (she is drop dead gorgeous but would rather bite the judge than allow him to manhandle her!) And the other one a failed (very) field trials labrador. I can't say the first couple of months were perfect, in particular with the field trials one, but now with patience and our form of rehab, they are just perfect for us and more importantly, very, very happy dogs. On reflection when I look back, they were both quite unhappy dogs when they came to us, I think they needed us as much as we needed them and they needed each other. They are joined at the hip although totally different characters altogether.

 

[AmyMay]

Ah, love, I’m so sorry for your heartbreaking loss. Thinking of you ?

 

[Shady]

Thank you for all your kind words. He is irreplaceable and we are sensible enough to know our age is against us now which is also sobering. We have our own well fenced land so don't have to walk a dog. A failed gun dog would be ideal really when my oh is ready. Some more pictures if you don't mind.,View attachment 103394

I'm sure none of us mind . He was a very beautiful dog and i'm so sorry for your loss.
As others have said , take your time and if it's meant to be , another dog will come into your life.
My neighbours have been taking in unwanted oldies for years, currently have a happy little gang of 5 and seeing the transformation from shut down depressed dogs into happy loving companions is such a joy when I visit them

 

[Clodagh]

I’m so sorry. What a handsome chap he was. The right dog will find you at the right time, I’m sure.
CC I’m also sorry to hear about your mums dog.

 

[Christmascinnamoncookie]

If you’re anything like us (deeply antisocial), then Christmas makes no odds.

We weren’t going to have more, then oops, we saw a lookalike and my OH did a massive road trip to fetch not one, but two home. I wasn’t ready, there were tears, but it didn’t take long to fall for them. People saying ‘You’ll know when it’s the right time’ is not true, ime. You’ll see something and bang, that’ll be it. I hope you’re ok.

 

[SO1]

Sorry to hear about your dog. My grandparents had retrievers and adored them.

My parents decided no more dogs when they lost their last one as they found it too upsetting.

Maybe as others have suggested an older dog.

 

[blodwyn1]

Again thank you all your posts have given me comfort especially Mrs jingles how heartbreaking about the loss of your son which puts it into perspective. Each day is getting a little bit easier. My husband spent all day working in the garden he misses him dreadfully. We don't socialise so Christmas is a quiet time here.

 

[blodwyn1]

Has anyone got any experience of trained pet dogs advertised by some kennels?

 

[Pearlsacarolsinger]

Sorry to hear about your dog. My grandparents had retrievers and adored them.

My parents decided no more dogs when they lost their last one as they found it too upsetting.

Maybe as others have suggested an older dog.

My widowed father declined to get another dog after having his last one, a black Lab pts. He said that he would still take regular walks but the weather that autumn was extremely wet and he stopped walking. That meant that he didn't get to chat to the other dog walkers that he had been seeing for years. He still came to visit us and we went to his house and he went to visit his bil every week but that was the start of his decline. If at all possible I would advise taking on another dog so that you keep to your usual routines.