Loss of confidence in my horse - should I give up?

[Georgie's mum]

Feeling very depressed. I'm 66, have had a horse for the last 6 years after coming back into riding after a long gap and wanting to get my own. My first horse became vicious and attacked me in the field (no-one could find out why) so he had to go after many tears and soul searching. I bought a much smaller gypsy cob who is the most gentle boy, very easy to deal with on the ground, and appeared perfect for me. I walked, trotted and cantered him in the school when I tried him out. We started hacking with other horses and he was lovely - a lot more forward going than my previous one. Then he started bolting for apparently no reason except that he was panicking because he thought he couldn't keep up with the horse I was with. I fell off a couple of times because of this. I tried hacking on my own but he panicked and bolted a couple of times then too, and once I fell off and was concussed. By this time I was losing confidence. Meanwhile he had become like a snail in the school, and wouldn't canter when I was out either. The latest fall was just before Christmas when I'd tried going out with another horse, but he panicked again, went from trot to full scale gallop with his head down, and I fell off and really hurt my hip.

Before anyone says check this and that, I have had the vet, saddler, physio, herbalist, instructor, dentist.... no-one can find anything wrong with him. He even went to Liphook to have a body scan as my vet thought he might be slightly lame on his hinds, but nothing came up, and Liphook said it was just his behaviour. It ended up with me only being able to hack with my husband walking alongside - I am too scared to go out with any other horse in case he bolts again and I fall off.

He is currently at my instructors for further training, but long term, I don't know what to do with him. I know I'm not a great rider, but I do want to ride and of course I am happy to have lessons to improve. All I want is a horse I can fairly safely hack on my own and with others, and I'm not interested in dressage or jumping. The problem is what to do with my horse - he is SO lovely and sweet, very very good on the road, lovely in the stable and gentle with other horses. I feel that if I get another horse it might be out of the frying pan into the fire, ie, I might get one which is good to hack but grumpy. Also I'm feeling so emotional about getting rid of my horse - its not his fault and I think it may be all down to my bad riding that he has turned out as he has. My confidence is rock bottom.

At my age I want something I can enjoy and I don't want to waste the next however many years I've got to ride. I guess I just need to make the big decision and stop soul searching. Has anyone else ever been in the same sort of situation? I wish I didn't love him so much - I'm sure he isn't that attached to me!

 

[southerncomfort]

Would you keep hanging around another human if they made you feel so dreadful about yourself?

You don't sound like a good match and their is no shame in that.

If I were you I'd find something safe you can have fun on. Honestly, if you carry on with this horse you could end up badly hurt.

 

[Red-1]

I'm afraid I don't think a horse generally goes from being willing in the school and mannerly on a hack to being a snail on the school and bolting on a hack without either being scared/confused or in pain.

That said, you have done what you can to identify any pain and haven;t been able to.

I would also try a professional schooling set up, and if he is OK there I would sell, with full disclosure. Many people's 'bolting' is another person's 'strong' when hacking.

If he also bolts in a professional set-up I would either PTS or retire.

In your position, I wouldn't ride this horse again. Life is too short. If you still want to ride, try a share or buy another. Have a trainer help you to settle in with the new one, they can have an eye on management, tack, riding, and everything to help you have a better partnership.

 

[Equi]

Bolting blindly or tanking off but eventually stopping? There is a major difference.

how old is the cob? What’s his history? Life’s too precious and too short, I personally wouldn’t be keeping a horse I was afraid of and fell of regularly. Others may not care so much about those things but for me it’s a big no.

 

[Skib]

I am sorry you have been hurt and also (rightly) frightened.
I would sell the horse.
Then for the time being, I would forget about owning. Instead, have some RS private lessons (at least 6) and some RS private hacks. Ride and hack several different horses in a safe environment.
Then go for some specialist lessons to restore your confidence.

As for marked changes in behaviour. I know from experience that some reputable sellers sedate the horses they offer for sale, and/or take them on long hard hacks before they are shown to a potential buyer.

I have ridden once or twice a week for the last 20 years (61-81) and it has always been on RS or shared horses which (except for the very old) have always been exercised before I get on them. Horses that hack well thrive on hours out hacking which one private older rider simply cannot supply.

 

[Wishfilly]

If the horse is actually bolting and not just tanking, I wouldn't sell- I don't think it's fair to pass such a dangerous problem on. I know PTS for behavioural issues is really difficult, but if a horse was regularly blindly bolting, I think that's your only option.

If he's just tanking off and will eventually come to a stop, I think investing in some schooling to hopefully resolve or reduce the problem, then selling to an appropriate home is a good way forwards.

Life is definitely too short to keep riding something that scares you and you are coming off regularly! I agree some lessons on safe horses before buying again may be the way forwards!

 

[Highmileagecob]

Gypsy cobs are clever, and they also have a wicked sense of humour. they need a rider who firmly gives the instructions and expects the cob to co-operate. once you have established who is in charge you will have the most loyal horse. However, if that bond isn't formed your cob will constantly challenge you, take the lead, lock his neck muscles and take off home. He is a lot stronger than you and will quickly learn that he has the upper hand. If you have the confidence and the will to sort him out, then all will be well, however, if he suspects that he is really in charge....... Good luck, I hope you get to grips with him.

 

[meleeka]

You have to decide if you want to keep your horse. If you do you have to try and get better at controlling him and staying on. If that seems like too big a mountain to climb then it’s probably better to sell. What does your instructor think? Regular lessons will be vital so it’s good to have someone already.

If he’s fine with your husband walking then do that for now. It sounds very much like he’s lost all confidence in you too, so is making his own decisions. He sounds very much like my cob, who I went through a similar thing with. I to my comfort zone, only progressing when I felt ready.

 

[Goldenstar]

Cobs who show erratic behaviour are a complete pita life is too short to deal with it once you are over sixty .
TBH my sensible head tells me that you should call it a day I don’t think I ( 61 ) have it in me go get another new horse .
On the hand how about you pay a stronger rider to exercise him two or three time a week for two months and you ride him in between .
At the end of that if you are still experiencing issues I would certainly part with him .
It’s very easy to have a fall and a life changing injury I certainly would not continue without some heavy duty back up .

 

[paddy555]

I can't see that you have said how he behaves for your instructor?
If he bolts for them then I would guess he has a serious physical problem and the question about riding him has been answered. If he doesn't, and our instructor thinks he is safe, then I would get half a dozen other people to ride him and see what happens. Just ordinary riders, what level of riding ability does he need?

If he is physically checked out and others cope with him then you have the choice of sell and I guess this sort of horse would be much in demand and easily get a good home or up your game.

This little cob could be having a lot of fun at your expense. A lot of the comments in post 7 may apply.
So you either don't want to up your game so keep him as a pet or sell and find something else

or, put your brave pants on, take control and explain the situation to him in no uncertain terms. Whilst he has the upper hand and your position as his leader needs to be established he may also have gone over the top and started to scare himself with no one in charge.

Before you decide that I would find a horse to ride, RS, borrow/hire one and just go for a few pleasant rides on a quiet horse. If you can afford it try a horse riding holiday for a few days. How do you feel? Is that the sort of horse you would like or do you just miss him too much and it has to be him?

I think that by doing that you will have reached a decision as to what you want and I suspect it will be a quiet calm horse. If it is still him then you will need to draw up a battle plan with your instructor as to how to go forward with him and how to develop your mental attitude towards him.

I am looking at an identical situation ATM. Different age,, different horse and not falling off but very similar. That person watched one of my horses calmly coming back from his ride enviously. It was so clear they were on the wrong horse and they would be a lot happier on something else. I think this may be your situation as well.

You just sound like a mismatch with him. Nothing wrong with that. In 6 months time it could be you are wandering around happily on your new horse and the cob and some teenager are having a whale of a time winding each other up.
I hope you can work through it. It is a depressing situation to be in.

ETA you mentioned the many things that had been checked. Presumably that included his eyes?

 

[PapaverFollis]

Sell or PTS depending on how objectively bad the behaviour is.

Find yourself a nice share horse. Put the word out. There's bound to be people that are going to start struggling to keep much loved horses over the next little while with all the "current financial climate" s**t that is hitting the fan. You could be a lifeline for someone and have a nice horse to enjoy a few times a week as well.

Cobs can be right demons once they get the upper hand.

Honestly thought sounds like a physical issue despite all the investigation coming up with nothing. I'd be seriously considering either complete retirement if I could afford it or PTS. Sometimes horses just go wrong and there isn't anything to do except what is kindest to BOTH you and the horse. Circumstances and character dictate what that might be.

 

[Parksmum3]

Feeling very depressed. I'm 66, have had a horse for the last 6 years after coming back into riding after a long gap and wanting to get my own. My first horse became vicious and attacked me in the field (no-one could find out why) so he had to go after many tears and soul searching. I bought a much smaller gypsy cob who is the most gentle boy, very easy to deal with on the ground, and appeared perfect for me. I walked, trotted and cantered him in the school when I tried him out. We started hacking with other horses and he was lovely - a lot more forward going than my previous one. Then he started bolting for apparently no reason except that he was panicking because he thought he couldn't keep up with the horse I was with. I fell off a couple of times because of this. I tried hacking on my own but he panicked and bolted a couple of times then too, and once I fell off and was concussed. By this time I was losing confidence. Meanwhile he had become like a snail in the school, and wouldn't canter when I was out either. The latest fall was just before Christmas when I'd tried going out with another horse, but he panicked again, went from trot to full scale gallop with his head down, and I fell off and really hurt my hip.






im sorry your feeling like this op, it’s a horrible feeling to be scared to ride your horse, trust me I’ve been there. How far ahead are the other horses getting? If your thinking he’s bolting because he’s panicking about not keeping up why are they getting so far ahead leaving him behind to panic? Does he just bolt to catch up then stop or does he blindly carry on past them? If he keeps going after passing the horses then I don’t see it being the issue he’s worried about keeping up as surely he would stop once he gets to them? If Only horses could speak life would be so much easier

 

[Georgie's mum]

Cobs who show erratic behaviour are a complete pita life is too short to deal with it once you are over sixty .
TBH my sensible head tells me that you should call it a day I don’t think I ( 61 ) have it in me go get another new horse .
On the hand how about you pay a stronger rider to exercise him two or three time a week for two months and you ride him in between .
At the end of that if you are still experiencing issues I would certainly part with him .
It’s very easy to have a fall and a life changing injury I certainly would not continue without some heavy duty back up .

Thank you. I do still feel fit enough to have another horse - I don't think I'm ready for retirement yet but thanks for the advice.

 

[Parksmum3]

im sorry your feeling like this op, it’s a horrible feeling to be scared to ride your horse, trust me I’ve been there. How far ahead are the other horses getting? If your thinking he’s bolting because he’s panicking about not keeping up why are they getting so far ahead leaving him behind to panic? Does he just bolt to catch up then stop or does he blindly carry on past them? If he keeps going after passing the horses then I don’t see it being the issue he’s worried about keeping up as surely he would stop once he gets to them? If Only horses could speak life would be so much easier

 

[Georgie's mum]

I can't see that you have said how he behaves for your instructor?
If he bolts for them then I would guess he has a serious physical problem and the question about riding him has been answered. If he doesn't, and our instructor thinks he is safe, then I would get half a dozen other people to ride him and see what happens. Just ordinary riders, what level of riding ability does he need?

If he is physically checked out and others cope with him then you have the choice of sell and I guess this sort of horse would be much in demand and easily get a good home or up your game.

This little cob could be having a lot of fun at your expense. A lot of the comments in post 7 may apply.
So you either don't want to up your game so keep him as a pet or sell and find something else

or, put your brave pants on, take control and explain the situation to him in no uncertain terms. Whilst he has the upper hand and your position as his leader needs to be established he may also have gone over the top and started to scare himself with no one in charge.

Before you decide that I would find a horse to ride, RS, borrow/hire one and just go for a few pleasant rides on a quiet horse. If you can afford it try a horse riding holiday for a few days. How do you feel? Is that the sort of horse you would like or do you just miss him too much and it has to be him?

I think that by doing that you will have reached a decision as to what you want and I suspect it will be a quiet calm horse. If it is still him then you will need to draw up a battle plan with your instructor as to how to go forward with him and how to develop your mental attitude towards him.

I am looking at an identical situation ATM. Different age,, different horse and not falling off but very similar. That person watched one of my horses calmly coming back from his ride enviously. It was so clear they were on the wrong horse and they would be a lot happier on something else. I think this may be your situation as well.

You just sound like a mismatch with him. Nothing wrong with that. In 6 months time it could be you are wandering around happily on your new horse and the cob and some teenager are having a whale of a time winding each other up.
I hope you can work through it. It is a depressing situation to be in.

ETA you mentioned the many things that had been checked. Presumably that included his eyes?

Yes his eyes have been checked. I have ridden other horses recently and I've been fine on them.

 

[Parksmum3]

Sorry about the 2 Same posts, you can tell I’m still new on here and learning the ropes lol

 

[Georgie's mum]

im sorry your feeling like this op, it’s a horrible feeling to be scared to ride your horse, trust me I’ve been there. How far ahead are the other horses getting? If your thinking he’s bolting because he’s panicking about not keeping up why are they getting so far ahead leaving him behind to panic? Does he just bolt to catch up then stop or does he blindly carry on past them? If he keeps going after passing the horses then I don’t see it being the issue he’s worried about keeping up as surely he would stop once he gets to them? If Only horses could speak life would be so much easier

Thank you. He only goes as far as the others and then he stops. The trouble is that he's the smallest in the yard by far!

 

[Georgie's mum]

If the horse is actually bolting and not just tanking, I wouldn't sell- I don't think it's fair to pass such a dangerous problem on. I know PTS for behavioural issues is really difficult, but if a horse was regularly blindly bolting, I think that's your only option.

If he's just tanking off and will eventually come to a stop, I think investing in some schooling to hopefully resolve or reduce the problem, then selling to an appropriate home is a good way forwards.

Life is definitely too short to keep riding something that scares you and you are coming off regularly! I agree some lessons on safe horses before buying again may be the way forwards!

He only goes as far as the others - then he stops. If I sold him I would of course be honest about the issue. Thank you though.

 

[Georgie's mum]

Bolting blindly or tanking off but eventually stopping? There is a major difference.

how old is the cob? What’s his history? Life’s too precious and too short, I personally wouldn’t be keeping a horse I was afraid of and fell of regularly. Others may not care so much about those things but for me it’s a big no.

Thank you. He's 12 and I've had him nearly 4 years but before me he was in the same home since being born. I've fallen off him I think 4 times since I had him - (never fell off my previous horse) - but I think you're right in that I shouldn't keep him.

 

[Georgie's mum]

Thank you. He's 12 and I've had him nearly 4 years but before me he was in the same home since being born. I've fallen off him I think 4 times since I had him - (never fell off my previous horse) - but I think you're right in that I shouldn't keep him.

He only goes as far as the other horses he's trying to keep up with - its not blindly bolting.

 

[Georgie's mum]

I am sorry you have been hurt and also (rightly) frightened.
I would sell the horse.
Then for the time being, I would forget about owning. Instead, have some RS private lessons (at least 6) and some RS private hacks. Ride and hack several different horses in a safe environment.
Then go for some specialist lessons to restore your confidence.

As for marked changes in behaviour. I know from experience that some reputable sellers sedate the horses they offer for sale, and/or take them on long hard hacks before they are shown to a potential buyer.

I have ridden once or twice a week for the last 20 years (61-81) and it has always been on RS or shared horses which (except for the very old) have always been exercised before I get on them. Horses that hack well thrive on hours out hacking which one private older rider simply cannot supply.

I have had some RS lessons in the mean time - I take your point, but if I give up owning now, I will probably never go back to it and I don't feel ready to retire yet!

 

[eahotson]

Thank you. He only goes as far as the others and then he stops. The trouble is that he's the smallest in the yard by far!

So he is not really bolting then.

 

[Georgie's mum]

Thank you to everyone for the advice. One thing is that although I'm 66 I don't feel like retiring from riding, or from owning a horse, and I suppose the above comments have helped me realise this. Not having my horse at the moment (he's with my instructor) has left such a huge hole in my life. This isn't directed at anyone particular, but why is it assumed that over 60's are destined for the scrap heap soon? I'm fit and healthy and want to carry on, although maybe not with my current horse. Also, I know I'm not the greatest rider, but do you have to be Grand Prix standard to have a horse? Doesn't everyone fall off at times? Sorry but perhaps posting this has made me feel a bit spiky about older people!

 

[Georgie's mum]

So he is not really bolting then.

No - that was badly worded.

 

[Georgie's mum]

Sorry about the 2 Same posts, you can tell I’m still new on here and learning the ropes lol

No problem!

 

[Wishfilly]

He only goes as far as the others - then he stops. If I sold him I would of course be honest about the issue. Thank you though.

In that case, if you have the money, how about investing in a bit of intensive training for him, and then selling or loaning to a suitable home? If he's just running to keep up with the others, then I can see that it could be purely behavioural, and a different set up and rider may just suit him better. And then you could hopefully find yourself a nice, safe hack which is also a nice "person" in the stable- they do exist!

Or, if you want to persevere with him, I'd try to find a trainer who can work with you and him together?

But it sounds like maybe an older, well mannered horse who just wanted a quiet life of hacking might suit you? And they are definitely out there!

 

[Wishfilly]

Thank you to everyone for the advice. One thing is that although I'm 66 I don't feel like retiring from riding, or from owning a horse, and I suppose the above comments have helped me realise this. Not having my horse at the moment (he's with my instructor) has left such a huge hole in my life. This isn't directed at anyone particular, but why is it assumed that over 60's are destined for the scrap heap soon? I'm fit and healthy and want to carry on, although maybe not with my current horse. Also, I know I'm not the greatest rider, but do you have to be Grand Prix standard to have a horse? Doesn't everyone fall off at times? Sorry but perhaps posting this has made me feel a bit spiky about older people!

FWIW, I'm less than half your age, and I wouldn't want to own a horse that was regularly scaring me when I rode! That doesn't mean the right horse isn't out there- or that it's not necessarily the right thing for you to persevere.

I want riding to be a relaxing experience for me (and the horse), not stressful!

 

[Mrs. Jingle]

How old is he Georgie's Mum? I only ask because IME some, well quite a few actually, traddy type cobs can go through a horrible attack of the 'Kevins' around about 6 to 7. I have had at least three over the years who have been a quiet and compliant anybody's ride from 4 onwards, only to test the water in spectacular manner at around 6/7.

I was much younger then and just stuck with it and concentrated on furthering their education and all came good in 6 months to a year or so and returned to their previous quiet and mannerly selves, just better schooled and polite lol!

At 72 I have to say I would not be able for dealing with all the shenanigans, either get a professional involved to put some manners back on him, or cut your losses and sell on with full disclosure. Life is far too short from 60 onwards, believe me, it flys by, there will be something out there far more suitable that you can actually enjoy riding again.

Don't let any comments about older riders bother you, I am sure they were not meant in a hurtful way. I have been unable to ride for 18 months now, I am waiting on 2nd hip replacement next month and hope to be fit and able again by the end of the summer and I will most definitely be looking to buy a nice quiet older horse to hack around on. You are a mere baby by comparison and I am an old crock to match my age lol!

 

[cauda equina]

You sound like a perfect loaner for an older, unambitious sort of horse; the type that isn't competitive/sound enough for serious work, but can give someone less thrusting years of enjoyment
I loaned out one like that by word of mouth. It would be worth asking around if you decide this one isn't for you

 

[eahotson]

How old is he Georgie's Mum? I only ask because IME some, well quite a few actually, traddy type cobs can go through a horrible attack of the 'Kevins' around about 6 to 7. I have had at least three over the years who have been a quiet and compliant anybody's ride from 4 onwards, only to test the water in spectacular manner at around 6/7.

I was much younger then and just stuck with it and concentrated on furthering their education and all came good in 6 months to a year or so and returned to their previous quiet and mannerly selves, just better schooled and polite lol!

At 72 I have to say I would not be able for dealing with all the shenanigans, either get a professional involved to put some manners back on him, or cut your losses and sell on with full disclosure. Life is far too short from 60 onwards, believe me, it flys by, there will be something out there far more suitable that you can actually enjoy riding again.

Don't let any comments about older riders bother you, I am sure they were not meant in a hurtful way. I have been unable to ride for 18 months now, I am waiting on 2nd hip replacement next month and hope to be fit and able again by the end of the summer and I will most definitely be looking to buy a nice quiet older horse to hack around on. You are a mere baby by comparison and I am an old crock to match my age lol!

Love.