Loss of confidence in my horse - should I give up?

[eahotson]

I went through what you are going through a few years ago.I had a lovely little Highland who I was very fond of but who frightened me to death under saddle.In the end I sold him via a selling livery to a lovely new home who could manage him.
If there is one thing I regret it is that I kept him for far too long.He absolutely wrecked my nerve.It seems to me that for whatever reason,you and this little cob are not suited.No ones fault, just that.Sell him.When you go horse shopping next time be sure to take your instructor with you and listen carefully to his or her advice.This is what I did.Its worked for me up to now.

 

[Georgie's mum]

How old is he Georgie's Mum? I only ask because IME some, well quite a few actually, traddy type cobs can go through a horrible attack of the 'Kevins' around about 6 to 7. I have had at least three over the years who have been a quiet and compliant anybody's ride from 4 onwards, only to test the water in spectacular manner at around 6/7.

I was much younger then and just stuck with it and concentrated on furthering their education and all came good in 6 months to a year or so and returned to their previous quiet and mannerly selves, just better schooled and polite lol!

At 72 I have to say I would not be able for dealing with all the shenanigans, either get a professional involved to put some manners back on him, or cut your losses and sell on with full disclosure. Life is far too short from 60 onwards, believe me, it flys by, there will be something out there far more suitable that you can actually enjoy riding again.

Don't let any comments about older riders bother you, I am sure they were not meant in a hurtful way. I have been unable to ride for 18 months now, I am waiting on 2nd hip replacement next month and hope to be fit and able again by the end of the summer and I will most definitely be looking to buy a nice quiet older horse to hack around on. You are a mere baby by comparison and I am an old crock to match my age lol!

THANK YOU!!! Good luck with the hip replacement. My instructor is currently retraining him and instilling some better manners but I think I may well go down the route of finding a quieter one. xx

 

[Georgie's mum]

I went through what you are going through a few years ago.I had a lovely little Highland who I was very fond of but who frightened me to death under saddle.In the end I sold him via a selling livery to a lovely new home who could manage him.
If there is one thing I regret it is that I kept him for far too long.He absolutely wrecked my nerve.It seems to me that for whatever reason,you and this little cob are not suited.No ones fault, just that.Sell him.When you go horse shopping next time be sure to take your instructor with you and listen carefully to his or her advice.This is what I did.Its worked for me up to now.

Thank you very much. I certainly would take my instructor to see any potential new horse - I know my limitations!!

 

[Georgie's mum]

You sound like a perfect loaner for an older, unambitious sort of horse; the type that isn't competitive/sound enough for serious work, but can give someone less thrusting years of enjoyment
I loaned out one like that by word of mouth. It would be worth asking around if you decide this one isn't for you

Thank you! I guess that's what I would really like.

 

[Georgie's mum]

FWIW, I'm less than half your age, and I wouldn't want to own a horse that was regularly scaring me when I rode! That doesn't mean the right horse isn't out there- or that it's not necessarily the right thing for you to persevere.

I want riding to be a relaxing experience for me (and the horse), not stressful!

Thank you!

 

[SO1]

Actually his behaviour is fairly normal. A lot of horses don't like being left behind and will whizz forward to catch up especially if the horses are herd mates and they get out of sight. Horses are herd animals and like to be together.

My pony would do that if he got left far behind. I think if he is getting left behind because he slower you might need different hacking partners. You would probably be fine if hacking horses of a similar speed or perhaps if he was in front so he was not getting left behind.

I think if you are looking for another horse and it is going to slower than your riding companions then you have to explain the horse needs to remain calm if it get separated from its companions out hacking or can't keep up.

 

[Ample Prosecco]

Firstly it's not 'giving up' it is recognising that you are not well matched. And there is no shame in accepting that and moving him on. He is already at a training yard - if they do sales livery I'd leave him there and let them sell him for you. If it makes you feel better about making that choice -the wrong rider is bad for the horse in the same way that the wrong horse is bad for the rider! He is learning to tank off to catch up. To refuse to move forward if he doesn't really want to. He may start napping next. That's not doing him any good either. We can only be as effective as a rider as we have the skills and experience for. And if our skills are not a match for a wilful cob who is rapidly learning some evasions then it is unliklely to work out well.

There are hundreds of kind, sane, polite horses out there who would suit you far better than this one. And you would not bellieve the difference the right horse makes! My daughter had a pony who reared and we perservered for ages till she was too scared to ride at all. Her next pony was an absolute Saint and looked after her beautifully and they had a fabulous partnership. I wish I had parted ways with the first pony much sooner.

So I would break this down into stages. sell first and while he is for sale have some lessons to regain some confidence. Once has has sold, start looking and be very clear about what you want. Take an instructor with yiou. Avoid anything too young.. And good luck!

 

[ihatework]

Having read the thread and seeing that this horse has been signed off by liphook and also isn’t truely bolting properly would lead me to lean towards you owning a clever thug.

Whilst many cobs are great happy hacks for less established and confident riders, some do have the tendency to be utter sods. They will take advantage at the drop of a hat and really need to be kept under the thumb and worked hard, get on top of them and they usually thrive.

See how he is with your instructor and as and when she has installed some manners in him and been able to assess where his strengths lie, sell him to a home that he suits.

 

[Pearlsacarolsinger]

He only goes as far as the others - then he stops. If I sold him I would of course be honest about the issue. Thank you though.

TBH, I think your biggest issue is the hacking companions, why on earth are they leaving him so far behind that he panics? That is such bad manners! I would consider finding new hacking friends or asking your instructor to hack with you and see how that goes but please do take care, it is too easy to injure yourself badly when you get to our age.

 

[Gloi]

I think it was incredibly bad manners of the person you were riding with to let you get left behind when they knew you were nervous.
If he is ok with your instructor riding him I would get their help in finding him a good home with a confident rider and then help you look for a confidence building pony.

 

[paddy555]

life. This isn't directed at anyone particular, but why is it assumed that over 60's are destined for the scrap heap soon? I'm fit and healthy and want to carry on,?

Sorry but perhaps posting this has made me feel a bit spiky about older people!

I've posted this link before Georgie but here it is again just for you.

as you will see you are barely out of nappies!!!

my OH has 10 years on you and rides daily.

us "oldies" are far from the scrap heap. It is zimmer frames go as far as I am concerned.

 

[black and brown]

Have you tried asking a more experienced rider to hack him out under similar circumstances to see if he reacts the same? Also, maybe falling off effected your cob more than you have realised. When I fell off for the first time out hacking my horse seemed quite upset and we lost confidence in each other. In fact I didn't hack again for about 6 months until a friend helped me get out again. I did carry on in the school where I felt safer. Maybe having lessons in the school for a while would help. Hope you get a good outcome.

 

[oldie48]

62 is not old, I'm 73 and still schooling and hacking but I do need to ride a horse that I trust. FWIW my old TB (sadly no longer alive) could be an absolute idiot and I had to be very careful whom I hacked with as he had to be in front if we cantered or I had no brakes. My hacking companions knew this and would never have cantered off leaving me behind. He also had a pretty good spook in him but I knew him well and if I had the odd dismount I was able to take it in my stride and I'd still happily ride him now if I could as basically I felt safe on him. However, you don't trust your cob and you've had him long enough to be able to build trust, so I'd sell him and look for something more suitable. Life is too short to keep riding something that worries you, just not worth it.

 

[Skib]

I had to be very careful whom I hacked with as he had to be in front if we cantered or I had no brakes.

I cant tell you how glad I was to read this, posted by a "proper" competent H&H rider. Because my share mare likewise hates to be second. We can fly along, leading or on our own. But I have felt somewhat inadequate about having no brakes. I am scared to canter second.

 

[Gloi]

I cant tell you how glad I was to read this, posted by a "proper" competent H&H rider. Because my share mare likewise hates to be second. We can fly along, leading or on our own. But I have felt somewhat inadequate about having no brakes. I am scared to canter second.

There are many horses and ponies who are absolute monsters if they think they are being left behind. I've had them too. It's so important to make sure your companions know and make allowances if you are to carry on riding together.

 

[Highmileagecob]

I am in my sixties, and the cob is 27. My cob is the one who gets envious glances from mothers and daughters because they wish they had one as sensible as him. Ha! They haven't seen him take off at the sight of a quad bike, pony and trap, flock of sheep moving fields... He can be as good as gold 99% of the time, and then something enters his head to liven things up! Totally agree with the mind flip around seven or eight years old....that was interesting. It took almost a year of challenging behaviour to face down before he accepted who was in charge. He was worked almost daily for at least two hours up to the age of 26. Anything less and the challenges would start to creep back in. They are creatures of routine, and love having a job to do, keep them busy and don't let boredom set in. Totally agree they can be the devil on four legs if they get the upper hand.

 

[I'm Dun]

Has he been tested for PSSM? It is absolutely rife in cobs and can cause extremely erratic behaviour.

 

[Tiddlypom]

PSSM was my first thought, too.

I know that it seems to get touted as a possible underlying factor in many ridden issues, but it absolutely can cause that sort of unexpected bog off.

 

[I'm Dun]

My bombproof safe mare went bonkers when she became symptomatic. Ran backwards into a hedge and reared, started bucking, then tried to sod off with me when that didnt work. She also got very spooky. I came home totally perplexed as it was so out of character. Looking back after the diagnosis all sorts of little things suddenly made perfect sense!

 

[Waxwing]

I have posted recently about considering selling the horse we bought last year; we had had a good period in the autumn but I had lost my confidence a lot recently; more because I was responding the horse than anything she had specifically done wrong. My daughter was adamant that she wanted to keep her but on the way to the stables detail told me she had started feeling nervous riding her. This coupled with me riding a different horse today and loving the experience; it made me realise how much I had started to anticipate our horse "doing" something, even when she behaving well has confirmed that we will be selling her. I am very fortunate that we add a bit more to the purchase pot so hopefully we can find her a good home and then buy something more established. Having made the decision I feel happier than I have done for a couple of months.

 

[Waxwing]

Sorry posted that response to quickly the grammar is awful but hopefully it still makes sense!

 

[Bionic Boy]

I would pick your hacking companions a bit more carefully for a while. There is certainly no shame in admitting you have lost some confidence. Most of us have been there, I know I have.
When it happened with me I would only hack out with one other person and she knew my confidence issues and was very considerate to them.
How many of you hack out? That will certainly make a difference. Try hacking out with only 1 person who will not leave you behind not matter what.
Good luck.

 

[Christmascinnamoncookie]

TBH, I think your biggest issue is the hacking companions, why on earth are they leaving him so far behind that he panics? That is such bad manners! I would consider finding new hacking friends or asking your instructor to hack with you and see how that goes but please do take care, it is too easy to injure yourself badly when you get to our age.

I think it was incredibly bad manners of the person you were riding with to let you get left behind when they knew you were nervous.

I’m bloody furious on your behalf! I used to nanny my friend’s child out on hacks and one day, she decided to overtake me (my mare had to be in front) and race to the gate. Of course, I tried to stop mine who bucked and sent me flying. I never really regained my mojo, but I never took the child out again. Fortunately, my next horse had very good brakes, but would panic speed trot if my hacking companions went round a corner first! Nothing dangerous, just wanted to be able to see them.

Life is too short, sell on if he’s just too strong, find new hacking pals and a new horse.

 

[Ratface]

The people who you were hacking with were ignorant and rude. Ignorance is possibly forgiveable, rudeness is not.
I think putting your horse on sales livery is an excellent idea.
As for being "too old": I'm 77 and have a 16hh Arabian who frequently gives the impression that he is a fire-breathing dragon. I've had him for a long time and know him backwards.
Find something that you feel safe riding and do as much or as little as you feel like on the day.

 

[Ownedby4horses]

Your cob sounds like he’s lacking confidence in himself and you, confidence is such a fragile thing and you shouldn’t be ashamed in letting him go to another home. I had a mare who I adored but she frightened the pants off me (I bought her a few years after having a horrific bolting accident on a friend’s horse) she was speedy, tanked off, she was so reactive and super spooky. I had her for four years and I realised that it was my own nerves that were setting her off, we were riding in the field and a bird flew out of the hedge, I jumped and then she jumped, spun, flung me out the side door like a frisby and legged it. I finally admitted defeat when I was lying face down trying to catch my breath.

she’s now in an amazing home where she has a confident rider and there’s nothing they can’t do.

I would sell your boy and get your instructor to find you another horse that would be more suitable. I’d definitely look at some good solid lessons and confidence building maybe on a steady riding school horse, just to boost your confidence. When I got my new mare, she was green and I was that convinced she would do the same as my previous mare, I couldn’t bear the thought my own nerves would affect her too, I went completely back to basics and hubby clipped me onto the lead rein and lead me everywhere for months and it worked wonders for my confidence and I’ve learned to trust her and her trust me.

dont lose hope, that special horse is out there.

 

[Birker2020]

Feeling very depressed. I'm 66, have had a horse for the last 6 years after coming back into riding after a long gap and wanting to get my own. My first horse became vicious and attacked me in the field (no-one could find out why) so he had to go after many tears and soul searching. I bought a much smaller gypsy cob who is the most gentle boy, very easy to deal with on the ground, and appeared perfect for me. I walked, trotted and cantered him in the school when I tried him out. We started hacking with other horses and he was lovely - a lot more forward going than my previous one. Then he started bolting for apparently no reason except that he was panicking because he thought he couldn't keep up with the horse I was with. I fell off a couple of times because of this. I tried hacking on my own but he panicked and bolted a couple of times then too, and once I fell off and was concussed. By this time I was losing confidence. Meanwhile he had become like a snail in the school, and wouldn't canter when I was out either. The latest fall was just before Christmas when I'd tried going out with another horse, but he panicked again, went from trot to full scale gallop with his head down, and I fell off and really hurt my hip.

Before anyone says check this and that, I have had the vet, saddler, physio, herbalist, instructor, dentist.... no-one can find anything wrong with him. He even went to Liphook to have a body scan as my vet thought he might be slightly lame on his hinds, but nothing came up, and Liphook said it was just his behaviour. It ended up with me only being able to hack with my husband walking alongside - I am too scared to go out with any other horse in case he bolts again and I fall off.

He is currently at my instructors for further training, but long term, I don't know what to do with him. I know I'm not a great rider, but I do want to ride and of course I am happy to have lessons to improve. All I want is a horse I can fairly safely hack on my own and with others, and I'm not interested in dressage or jumping. The problem is what to do with my horse - he is SO lovely and sweet, very very good on the road, lovely in the stable and gentle with other horses. I feel that if I get another horse it might be out of the frying pan into the fire, ie, I might get one which is good to hack but grumpy. Also I'm feeling so emotional about getting rid of my horse - its not his fault and I think it may be all down to my bad riding that he has turned out as he has. My confidence is rock bottom.

At my age I want something I can enjoy and I don't want to waste the next however many years I've got to ride. I guess I just need to make the big decision and stop soul searching. Has anyone else ever been in the same sort of situation? I wish I didn't love him so much - I'm sure he isn't that attached to me!

Exactly the same situation only my issues are on the ground at the moment. Cut a long story short, bought a 10yr old WB 6 months ago, various circumstances have prevented me from riding him for the past six months, he's had medical issues/accident. I've been building up his topline and core and the pro rider being riding him since 8th Feb, had SI and hocks medicated, saddle fitter coming back out 5th April - at this point I will get back on him again.

During this time I've noticed he can be a very flighty horse, not the settled horse I first had. For example I long reined him yesterday around the buildings and he started playing up when he could see a horse cantering in the field, and dogs barking, so I managed to grab hold of him and he was spinning around me on the left rein, the right rein having been dumped. I managed to get hold of his head, untangle everything and lead him round the yard but he was passaging and being a general idiot. It just blew his mind. I perservered as there was no way I was going to take him inside, I just wish I'd not had my trainers on when he was dancing all round my feet.

Then he was terrified of the shetland that's just arrived over the weekend so was making a big deal over that, trying to tank off when I led him past it. I worked on him for 20 mins, reining back, forwards, back, forwards until he would stand calmly over the gate looking at it in the field and even had him stood with his back to it grazing, so I really feel he's just trying it on a bit with me, and can only think this will happen when I get on board.

But I generally think he'd taking the p**s with the handling aspect. I am getting worried he'll be too much for me, only time will tell. If he is I will have to sell him and get something else but I really like his type which is the issue, having always had warmbloods before.

I'm 52 and just don't bounce as well as I used to and have all sorts of health problems, arthritis, sore SI, and history of concussion so i really don't need something stupid.

I feel your pain. He like yours, has a great personality and is affectionate and kind. I also feel that going from this horse to another horse might be a case of out of the frying pan into the fire too. So I can't see the point. I think if I was to sell him I'd have to just give up horses for a few years.

I think you might find that the issue is confidence related with you. We have three pro riders on our yard and when I watch how they ride the horses and train them there is no patting, or being 'nice' like you or I would be. That's not to say they are unkind, far from it, but they are very business like and don't have the emotional connection we do.

So I've decided when I get on him I'm not going to give him an inch, start as I mean to go on, pretend I've been riding other peoples horses all my life and he's just another to ride and not have that emotional connection. It's all I can think of to do.

I think you should work with a pro rider or a trainer, get him ridden a couple of times a week. I know its expensive but its worth it, the rider I use is amazing, she doesn't charge that much as I use her three times a week and she is very good with him.

 

[Goldenstar]

Ageing as a rider means embracing the fact that your reactions slow down and that changes things and working out ways of mitigating this .
I have done this by down grading to ID’s it’s not the best fun but my horse does his job while he’s not anyone’s idea of a easy ride he’s sharp for a Draught but he is defiantly a step down from what I am used to too .
Loss of nerve as riders age happens to many and it’s a natural reaction to what people feel happening to themselves .
I know to many people who went on just a bit to long and end up broken at a time of life when you don’t heal and recovery like you do as a forty year old .

Birkers post is an honest assessment of what goes on in a lot of riders heads , the best way to mitigate is with good help .
If I where asked what Birker should do I would advise to to try to ride a sensible easy horse in the run up to getting onto hers and to ride it after the pro at first and to have the horse ridden twice a day say three days a week as she gets going on him
I would also ride with the pro there on the ground or on another horse having someone to say go there do this helps because you can just ride and not have a conversation with yourself about what you should do .
You need to approach getting riding with the determination and structure you approach a horses rehab and accept you won’t be having care free fun for a while .

 

[ycbm]

Loss of nerve as riders age happens to many and it’s a natural reaction to what people feel happening to themselves .

Ain't that the truth!

I walk a Novice BE course these days and can't imagine how I ever jumped those fences. The person in my avatar certainly isn't the me I am now!

GM I would hold onto that thought of leaving him where he is to be sold. Life is too short.
.

 

[Hallo2012]

is he actually bolting (ie running blind will run through fences, cars etc) or just racing off faster than ideal? massive difference.

he sounds under worked and lacking firm boundaries and once they get in a cheeky habit it needs a firm hand to stop.

see how he goes with the pro rider but maybe you need one that takes a bit of kicking along rather than hanging on to? nothing screams PTS yet just mismatched personalities?

my 7yo pony is a buzzy hack-the sort that half canters off the yard sideways blowing and bouncing......i think he's a comedy genius but not everyone would agree(!) where as the 4yo is happy to tootle along middle of the pack and never pulls-i'm sure you could find a more gung ho speed freak rider for the cob after a bit of pro help.

 

[Annagain]

I've just decided to sell my boy. As heartbreaking as it is, I know it's the right decision. He's not done much wrong at all but I've never felt right on him. It was really affecting my confidence, which was affecting his. It's meant to be fun. If it's not, it's time to move on.