My horse killed my best friends dog, I need some advice :(

RedDevlin

RedDevlin

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I wrote a long essay but then figured it might not be too fun to trawl through. The long and short of it is as the title states.
Now I love my boy. But I love my best friend more and that dog was like her baby. Our horses livery together and she will never be able to look at my boy again. He's not a malicious or dangerous horse and has been around dogs puppies and bunnies aplenty so I've no idea where its come from. But my question is, what do I do? Loan him? Sell him? This is the sort of thing my bestie would help me make sense of but she is still understandably devastated so I'm looking for help here. I'm trying to make sense of it all and find a solution but I feel like I'm sinking. I also have no idea where to start on an advert or what a reasonable price is. He has potential and is a gorgeous horse so I wouldn't want him to be wasted but I'd love to keep in contact with his owners and watch him blossom :( this sucks. Sorry for the esaay. I just can't speak to anyone I know about it without crying.
 
So sorry for all of you, a horrible thing to happen :(

What exactly happened? Was it deliberate or an accident? That would make a difference as to what I would do.
 
I am so sorry, what an awful thing to happen for all concerned. Are you sure that your friend would want you to give up your horse? Everything is so raw now, maybe give it some time to see how things settle, but I don't know anyone involved so that is easy for me to say
 
It would help to know exactly how it happened. For instance, was the dog at fault? If the dog was just mooching around and the horse attacked, that would be different.
 
Its a terribly sad situation but I think youd be mad to rehome your horse - is it honestly better for both of you to be deprived over this situation?

Surely your friend understands that horses can be unpredictable since she has one of her own?

Have you spoken to her about your horse? she may be upset but time is a great healer, if your friend is aware and happy for you to rehome your horse over this I'm afraid she cannot be thinking straight right now
 
Take your time and don't do anything straight away. I'm assuming it was an accident so you both need time to get your heads round it. I very much doubt your friend would expect you to sell your horse because of what's happened.
What an awfully sad situation for you both to be in, sorry.
 
sychnant said:
So sorry for all of you, a horrible thing to happen :(

What exactly happened? Was it deliberate or an accident? That would make a difference as to what I would do.
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Agree with the above. If was an accident I'm sure friend would understand you not wanting to sell. But if it was malicious then perhaps it might be an idea to sell him on.

Though I think before you make a decision you need to talk to your friend after she has gotten over the initial loss of her dog. She may not feel the way you expect her too and not want you to sell him.

Sorry for it all to have happened though, can't imagine how horrible it is.
 
Awful thing to happen but don't feel you need to sell, you now know the potential is there and can put safeguards in place to prevent it happening again (signs on fence to warn owners, move to livery with no loose dogs etc) I have my own yard but warn all my friends not to let their dogs near my horses as they will attack them. My own dog runs loose but is quick and aware of the horses, my horses have never killed a dog but one has kicked my previous dog resulting in loss of teeth and op needed. If you sell the person you sell to will not have seen first hand the issue so may not take it so seriously and there is then huge potential for it to happen again. Horrible situation, thoughts are with you and your friend.
 
I wasn't there at the time and I've not properly spoken to my friend as she's in bits. But from what my non horsey friend has told me who was there it was unprovoked. She's a small breed dog. And a doll at that. So no. Horse at fault. Which is so hard to swallow. He just went for her with his front hooves. My bestie blames herself but really my horse has met this dog before and seen her mooching about. As well as other dogs. But he isn't mean, just over zealous I guess. Or is that the words of a mum in denial? I don't know. The urgency is due to the fact that she won't set foot on the yard now, I don't blame her. So for now I'll be caring for both. But hers will need to be moved when she's ready. But she's my best friend and we have our horses together to rise together, give each other lessons. And its how we hang out most. After this I won't be able to call her up if I have a bad ride or show her pictures of us jumping or hacking. I'm trying not to be selfish about it as ive known the dog a lot longer than my horse and she is my friends absolute world :(
 
I have seen many horses (mainly colts) attack a dog which enters their field. Its quite common for them to guard their area, or herd, against incomers. I saw a poor terrier get really stomped on and killed once. You cant be to blame if you weren't there, and I'm sure when your best friend has thought about it she will realise it wasn't your fault, its what some horses do, and I definitely wouldn't do anything drastic like sell...
 
Your friend needs to take some responsibility. if you let dogs mingle with horses there is always the chance of something happening, even an inncocent spook while tied up could kill a small dog.

Do leave it a few days for the worst of the upset to be over then broach the subject with your friend - a true friend would not want you to rehome your horse over this and IMHO is not the way to make things better
 
oh gosh OP I am so sorry for you and your friend. Such a horrible thing to happen. Recently my horse kicked a friend's dog but thankfully the damage was not too bad. Friend was really good about it and blamed herself not my horse.

Reading your situation I think in your position too I might at least offer to sell my horse - as your friendship is clearly massively important and you could end up not enjoying your horse anyway if he is a constant reminder of the incident. But like others say, take a day or two just to get a bit of perspective. Very, very sadly these things do happen and perhaps your friend will come to see it as just a tragic accident. Hugs x x
 
Don't rush into anything.
Give it a month and then reevaluate.

There will always be a risk if people choose to have their dogs loose around the horses. A sad lesson to learn :(
 
Terrible situation for all concerned but I agree you shouldn't over react. I think it might be an idea to meet your friend on neutral territory and talk through how you are both feeling. I'm sure it will be a roller coaster of emotions for both of you but you both need to get those emotions out or it won't matter if you do part with you horse, you might still not remain friends which would be a shame.
Good luck
 
it’s not your fault, you weren’t even there. I feel desperately sorry for your friend but its a lesson hard learned. This is the risk you take mixing dogs and horses and the reason I don’t. Horses will be horses and dogs will be dogs and I value my dogs too highly to risk either. Dont sell your horse op, it’s a horrid situation but really you werent to blame and neither was your horse.
 
WelshD said:
Your friend needs to take some responsibility. if you let dogs mingle with horses there is always the chance of something happening, even an inncocent spook while tied up could kill a small dog.

Do leave it a few days for the worst of the upset to be over then broach the subject with your friend - a true friend would not want you to rehome your horse over this and IMHO is not the way to make things better
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100% agree with this.

Animals will be animals no matter how domesticated we'd like them to be.

Not the dogs fault, not the horses. Just a sad accident.

Ax
 
A horse nearly killed my dog once. I own a livery yard and personally would never let any of my dogs in the fields with the horses. My own mare of a lifetime would chase any dog that entered her paddock even though when tied up on the yard she was great with them all and they could sniff around her and even go underneath her. It seems horses act completely differently when at liberty in the field. I would not trust any horse that was not being ridden or tied up with a dog.

I am so sorry for what you are going through. It is just awful. Your friend obviously hates your horse and I don't blame her. But IMO he was just being a horse.
 
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That's what my gelding tries to do, he mainly ignores the dog but occasionally if feeling very "well" will charge front feet flying! It is after all his field not the dogs and sometimes he has had enough of the dog - although the dog did used to try and snap at heels so not totally unprovoked. Don't do anything for now, even if you get rid of your horse sounds like she will move anyway so unless you are getting another horse instead and moving with her you will still not be together. Big glass of wine needed (or bottle!) Just remember you are not in control of the actions of your horse in its field.
 
Thank you all. I think I will leave it until she's ready to talk. Thankyou for yous reassuring words. Someone mentioned colts getting field protective and he does occasionally come across quite 'riggy' like when mares are about ...perhaps its related?
 
I think your friend will realise in a while that it wasn't the best thing to allow a dog near a horse on or off the lead. And she will feel sad and guilty, even more so if you get rid of your horse. You weren't even there handling your horse and I've seen lovely horses grab and toss a cat ( it was fine), kick at dogs, slap a hoof down at a dog. None of these things would make me sell on a horse at all.
Give her time and don't do anything yet, I can't imagine she'd ask you to give up your horse. X
 
I'm so sorry. What a horrible thing to happen - to you and your friend. Your heart must heart for her and you must feel so guilty.

However . . . some horses don't like dogs and will strike at them. My boy loves them . . . will let them walk underneath him, swing off his tail (yes, really) and usually just wants to put his nose on them to sniff them . . . one day, though, when he was on box rest, he struck at my collie/springer cross when she was in his stable - when she'd been in his stable a hundred times before without any problems. To this day I have no idea why he struck . . . thankfully he missed and he hasn't done it since. It's possible he had spent so much time in that he was a) fed up; and b) protecting "his" space . . . or it's possible that he was just feeling grumpy.

The thing I am trying (and failing) to say is that, as trite as it sounds, these things so happen. No, that doesn't make your friend (or you) feel any better, nor does it bring her dog back . . . but it doesn't mean you should sell your horse.

I really hope you and your friend can work through this issue . . . much love x

P
 
How terribly sad for all of you. Firstly don't rush into anything and make decisions while feelings are very raw.

To be honest having dogs especially tiny ones around horses is always going to have an element of risk even if just from accidental injury. I certainly wouldn't trust my horse 100% not to strike out especially if the dog was loose around him in the field. Animals do unpredictable things and we always need to remember that. It is rare that they do anything with malicious intent it will be purely instinctual even if we don't understand why. As much as your friend is hurting right now I'm sure if she is a true friend she wouldn't expect you to get rid of your horse.
 
You've all made me feel better. Thankyou. In one of her few short messages to me today she has said she doesn't expect me to sell him and he's my boy and she knows I love him. She is blaming herself wholeheartedly and its breaking my heart. She isn't coping and I don't know how or if she'll ever get over it. So she isn't guilting me into selling...I just don't know what's best. Its reassuring to know I don't have a monster pony though :(
 
WelshD said:
Your friend needs to take some responsibility. if you let dogs mingle with horses there is always the chance of something happening, even an inncocent spook while tied up could kill a small dog.

Do leave it a few days for the worst of the upset to be over then broach the subject with your friend - a true friend would not want you to rehome your horse over this and IMHO is not the way to make things better
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This. Your horse wasn't just being nasty, there will have been a reason why he did what he did to the dog - the dog may have surprised him for example. Unfortunately things like this can happen if dogs are allowed to be around horses. I think you should give it a few days as Im sure your friend will come round. I really cant see why she should expect you to sell your horse as a result, even though its very sad what has happened. Why should you both lose something you love? I think responsibility ultimately lands with the dog owner as its up to her to try and keep the dog safe unfortunately. I know I'm always very careful with my dog around my horses as I can see how easily she could get kicked, I'd never let her be loose around other peoples horses.
 
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