non-horsey parents

[Normsrp]

Anyone else with completely non-horsey parents? I feel like it's so much harder to make progress without a mum/dad who rides. Recently reached adulthood myself (although it doesn't feel like it!) and I can't help feeling disappointed that I missed out on a horsey childhood with pony club and shows and just generally having fun. For the last almost two years I've loaned my horse, I'm almost always at the yard on my own, schooling on my own, and for the most part feel absolutely lost as to what to do and how to progress. It feels like when we have problems (which is every ride really) I have no clue how to work through them on my own and ending up feeling defeated and frustrated. Of course I have an instructor and have lessons usually once a week but I can't just ask him for help ever time I ride. Very jealous of people who have grown up with an experienced horsey parent on the sidelines helping them out!

 

[Rosemary28]

My Dad really doesn't like horses, he is quite scared of them, whereas my Mum rode as a child/teenager and then stopped, she had no involvement with horses again until I decided I wanted riding lessons, which got her back into horses as well. I never did Pony Club or shows or anything, I just had a lesson once a week and helped out at the riding school once I was old enough. We do have a family friend with several horses, so I suppose in that sense I was lucky as I got to experience being around lots of different horses all the time. Sometimes I used to feel like I had missed out on things like Pony Club, but now I am a "proper adult" (don't feel like it sometimes!) I suppose I can look back and be grateful for what I did get!

Dad is still scared of horses but my Mum and I have just inherited a small driving pony and so we are learning as we go now about horse care and all that comes with it - luckily we have a very experienced friend who can help us out with a lit of the decision making!

 

[HeyMich]

Its the same for any hobby that you enjoy but your parents unfortunately don't. Imagine being a keen dancer, but all your parents want you to do is ride horses? Or play football? Or go hillwalking? It is really not your parents fault for enjoying other things!

It sounds like you need to find another livery yard where you will get the company and support that you need. Maybe your instructor could suggest somewhere locally that might be better suited to your experience. I don't have parents around here anymore, but found a YO who was kind and supportive, and that made all the difference.

 

[ihatework]

Wrong mindset!

I grew up with non horsey parents so I do get it!

Think about how many kids growing up want to be able to ride. Imagine them looking and seeing you as a teenager/young adult and actually having a horse on loan .... your envy at others is exactly what some will feel about your situation!

Anyone involved in horses should feel really lucky.

And for what it’s worth, for every lovely supportive pony club family, there will be another who is being that over pushy over competitive parent whose child is too scared to admit they don’t actually want to do it!

 

[Floxie]

My mum was horsey as a child and while she likes them still, she really has no involvement or knowledge. My dad wouldn't know one end of a horse from another. However, all of their children rode and were supported in their riding, from first lessons to loaning to owning. I was always envious of 'pony club kids' (pony club was pretty much off limits if you didn't own your own pony) - but now I'm adult and supporting my own horse, I see so many kids 'spoiled' for ponies and losing their interest. I don't mean to sound like "I didn't have it all, so that's the best way!" but I'm not sure I'd change it now, looking back - and risk souring my love of horses.

I've never had a parent on the sidelines helping out - but regular lessons, and the support from other horsey friends at the yards I've been at have been invaluable. I don't feel like I've missed out

 

[Normsrp]

Its the same for any hobby that you enjoy but your parents unfortunately don't. Imagine being a keen dancer, but all your parents want you to do is ride horses? Or play football? Or go hillwalking? It is really not your parents fault for enjoying other things!

It sounds like you need to find another livery yard where you will get the company and support that you need. Maybe your instructor could suggest somewhere locally that might be better suited to your experience. I don't have parents around here anymore, but found a YO who was kind and supportive, and that made all the difference.

Of course it isn't their fault, they've done nothing wrong! I'm not blaming my parents at all, in fact I'm incredibly grateful that they've supported by hobby as best they can. In my case, I have a fair bit of social anxiety, so as friendly as every one on the yard is, I really don't feel like I can go to them for support.

 

[ester]

Whereas my mum is horsey (failed her AI many many years ago and left horses at that point, but the tweed and leather boots came very handy later on)
But we did no more than a lesson a fortnight as kids, with breaks in between.

When we were grown ups they ended up with a house with access to land (typical!) but I actually preferred having mine on livery than the years he was at home. In part for the facilities, in part for the v. experienced people and the peace and quiet. Hacking with my mum is not a quiet experience

My father despite living with the same 2 safe horses in his back garden for 14 years, remains terrified

 

[CMcC]

Wrong mindset!

I grew up with non horsey parents so I do get it!

Think about how many kids growing up want to be able to ride. Imagine them looking and seeing you as a teenager/young adult and actually having a horse on loan .... your envy at others is exactly what some will feel about your situation!

Anyone involved in horses should feel really lucky.

And for what it’s worth, for every lovely supportive pony club family, there will be another who is being that over pushy over competitive parent whose child is too scared to admit they don’t actually want to do it!

This. Was trying to formulate the words to express this, particularly the last paragraph!

 

[D66]

Riding can be a lonely activity but it doesn't have to be. If I were you I'd look out for a share on a bigger yard with more young people and a bit of a social life. Joining your local riding club might give you access to other people interested in horses even if your involvement is unmounted at shows and social events.

 

[joosie]

I'm the only horsey person in my family. I love that! It's MY thing. Especially because I have an older sister who has always been better than me at... everything. But she knows nothing about horses and that makes me happy
I started riding as an adult and don't feel like a non-horsey childhood has held me back. My priority is enjoyment and the other stuff, like progress or competing, is just a bonus.

 

[Normsrp]

Wrong mindset!

I grew up with non horsey parents so I do get it!

Think about how many kids growing up want to be able to ride. Imagine them looking and seeing you as a teenager/young adult and actually having a horse on loan .... your envy at others is exactly what some will feel about your situation!

Anyone involved in horses should feel really lucky.

And for what it’s worth, for every lovely supportive pony club family, there will be another who is being that over pushy over competitive parent whose child is too scared to admit they don’t actually want to do it!

Very true! A few years ago I genuinely never imagined I'd have the opportunity to loan a horse and if my 14 year old self could see me now she wouldn't believe it! I feel like its human nature to feel unsatisfied with what you have and forget how lucky you are..

 

[Ambers Echo]

My parents were totally non horsey. Totally. Having a pony was completely out of the question. I had to wait until I grew up and had enough money to buy my own. I've rarely been horseless ever since. (25 years now since my first pony). I am still learning new things all the time and feeling the joy of making progress and achieving new goals. Having my own horse still feels special- perhaps because I wanted it for so long and had to work so hard to get it. I do sometimes think my girls take it all for granted as we have had horses their whole lives.

 

[pippixox]

my mum is still scared of horses, and I started lessons aged 10, got my first horse at 15 and I'm now 27! my dad has shares in race horses, but no horse care ability at all! I counted myself very lucky they funded lessons and then the dream of a horse of my own. then as soon as I could I went on DIY as an adult and have a few good horsey friends. my mum used to sit in the car reading a book!

to be honest, a lot of my friends at stables as a teenager have now given up. they got ponies from a young age, pony club and competitions, and of course at times I was jealous. but unlike me they then got distracted by boys and partying! maybe they took it for granted.

my friend has 2 girls and one doesn't mind playing at the yard but isn't into riding, her 5 year old is and has started competing and she is very lucky and pony mad.

 

[Ellzbellz97]

I have non horsey parents too... took me till 21 years of age to purchase my own horse after having a few loan horses My mum will occasionally help with me the odd mucking out and helping to get in etc when I'm not around but she's not very confident around horses so I tend to ask others for assistance. However she does spoil him with new rugs and treats quite a bit! I'm lucky that I have a very horsey OH and I have a lot of horsey friends!

 

[Hormonal Filly]

My parents are completely non horsey, as far away as you can get from being horsey! They believe it’s a complete waste of money and must tell me weekly to sell up. I bought my first horse myself when I was 16, my parents had no idea I even owned a horse for 4 years and that was 8 years ago now.

I see what you mean and where you’re coming from. It would be nice to have family that are involved and understanding. Someone to come to events, support you. I have some friends who’s parents go everywhere with them horse wise, do the horses when they go away and were born with a school master ready before they even sat on a horse, lol, but it doesn’t really bother me.

I appreciate and am proud I have made it by myself owning 2 horses and paying for every single bit myself, without a single penny from my parents and with very little support. My parents and family do now ask ‘how did you get on today’ and only recently they have started to show some more interest, they ‘called in’ to watch for a hour when I was at a event last year which was nice and have been up a few times to give the horses some carrots since.

Do you have any friends on the yard who you could tally up with and ride together? I often hack with friends or school together if we are putting a few jumps up, makes it much more fun and they can advise or take it in turns if you knock a pole to put it back up.

 

[Normsrp]

My parents are completely non horsey, as far away as you can get from being horsey! They believe it’s a complete waste of money and must tell me weekly to sell up. I bought my first horse myself when I was 16, my parents had no idea I even owned a horse for 4 years and that was 8 years ago now.

I see what you mean and where you’re coming from. It would be nice to have family that are involved and understanding. Someone to come to events, support you. I have some friends who’s parents go everywhere with them horse wise, do the horses when they go away and were born with a school master ready before they even sat on a horse, lol, but it doesn’t really bother me.

I appreciate and am proud I have made it by myself owning 2 horses and paying for every single bit myself, without a single penny from my parents and with very little support. My parents and family do now ask ‘how did you get on today’ and only recently they have started to show some more interest, they ‘called in’ to watch for a hour when I was at a event last year which was nice and have been up a few times to give the horses some carrots since.

Do you have any friends on the yard who you could tally up with and ride together? I often hack with friends or school together if we are putting a few jumps up, makes it much more fun and they can advise or take it in turns if you knock a pole to put it back up.

That's really impressive that you've done all that with no support! I don't think I'd be ready to buy my own just yet! Unfortunately I've got no horsey friends and everyone on my yard is a lot older than me but I've managed to drag some non-horsey friends along with me on a hack before. My plan is to join an equestrian club when I start uni but until then I think I'll have to wait it out!

 

[ester]

I've made good friends through riding clubs previously too

 

[irishdraft]

My parents were not interested in any animals I might of wanted as pets let alone a pony. I had to wait until I saved up enough money at the age of 21 to buy my own horse. I have had my own horses for the last 40 years with no interest shown by my parents but it's a matter of making your own way in life x

 

[Winters100]

My Mother was horsey when she was younger, but was disabled by the time we came to ride so seldom got out of the car at the yard. My Father's business kept him busy so he never went there. But honestly I don't remember it worrying me at all, they were both supportive in their own ways, and I made my own support network of friends and others on the yard to help when I needed advice. I think it helped that as a child during the school holidays I was always willing to muck out, change rugs, turn out / bring in horses, groom at shows for the adults on the yard. Some of them were very knowledgeable and were happy to pass on tips and help me with schooling in exchange for a few odd jobs while they were at work. Even now I do a lot of jobs for people on the yard that I keep my horses. Not because I need help, but because it helps them, but I can say that the upside of having good relations in this way is that if I am ever looking for advice people are happy to help. I suggest that you look for a busy yard where you can get the day to day help you need.

 

[Pearlsasinger]

Life is what you make it and, hopefully, you have many, many years to spend with horses in front of you. Perhaps it would be a good time to join a RC.

 

[milliepops]

I've made good friends through riding clubs previously too

was going to suggest this. As well as the ridden stuff my local clubs are always desperate for volunteers so that's a good way in.

My parents are completely non horsey, even at this stage with 4 horses to my name my mother is still hoping I'll give it all up and my dad is so terrified he hasn't even met any of them. I was lucky that they let me get a pony when I was 10 but I had no support at all and relied greatly on other generous horsey adults for help.

If you want it enough, you will make it work what I love about horses is it can be as social as you like, or the opposite if you want to keep yourself to yourself you can - if you want help or company then there's usually a way to get it.

 

[Starzaan]

I was very lucky to grow up in a very horsey family, but the grass isn't always greener. Being taught by your mother isn't always the easiest thing in the world (think dandy brushes flying at you when you forget your dressage test, and stirrups being hidden for weeks on end to improve your seat!).

I also struggle because my mother was a good polo player, and a lot braver than I ever was as a child. I have only discovered my balls as an adult, riding away from my family. As a child I had great fun but was always slightly nervous about the bareback hooning around and trying to backflip off our ponies etc. which my mother found incredibly frustrating. She would have loved me to be a fearless polo player like her. Instead I adore polo ponies, and loved being a polo groom, but a much happier as the groom rather than the person wielding the mallet. And as I said, I only found my real bravery as an adult. I grew balls at the age of about 22 I'd say - since then I'll sit on anything and don't have a problem but I was a very cautious child which caused my mother endless frustration.

An hour and a half at the top of a set of steps on my poor saint of a pony was my record. Mother ripping her hair out and shrieking "WILL YOU JUST GET ON WITH IT?!?!?!?" while I sobbed.

As a previous poster said, we are all so lucky to have anything to do with horses, horsey childhood or otherwise.

 

[TPO]

The grass is always greener...

I wrote out a massive reply with my experiences and then deleted it because it all boils down to one thing: life is what you make it! Doesn't matter if that's with horses or anything else.

I have a non-competitive horsey mum and it has had it's pluses and minuses over the years. I've had friends with horsey parents and have had everything handed to them and when it came to them being adults and having to do it for themselves they gave up totally. I know people with/who are very horsey parent(s) who are competitive and the offspring have always ended up in tears/never good enough/shamed in public.

Regardless of what's happened in the past you are where you are. You're now an adult with a horse and your own income/transport.

If you want more lessons onto be mobile or whatever then work hard and save hard. It's nice to have support and company but you can do it without any. Plus the more you do the more opportunities to meet like minded people.

If you don't have transport then volunteer to help at RC events, with RC teams (they often need people on the ground for teams), write for dressage, fence judge at XC etc etc and you never know wholly you'll meet and what might come of that.

Good luck and enjoy it!

 

[{138171}]

My family are non horsey avd I couldn't be happier about that, it has made me independent and self reliant. I have a group of friends I met as a kid over 20 years ago because of our ponies. My family care about the ponies well being which is great, but horses are my thing avd that's how I like it.

 

[scats]

Totally non-horsey parents, but very supportive and still come and watch me compete.

 

[Vodkagirly]

You haven't missed out, you can do it at anytime. I'm in my 40s and now having the horsey lifestyle I dreamed about as a child. Join a riding club, volunteer, go to camps and you’ll meet loads of people.
While it would be nice for someone to drive me and pay the bills it's even better to do what you want, when you want to.

 

[oldie48]

you can learn a huge amount from watching other people's lessons even if you can't afford your own. You can also learn loads from the internet, you could join a riding club and even if you don't have transport, you can go and watch clinics, write for dressage comps etc. You'll get to know people and they will see how keen you are and if they are like many of the people I know, you'll start to get offers of help. If you don't have a family around you to support you, you can find other people but it means putting yourself out first not waiting for them to come to you. Good luck!

 

[splashgirl45]

my mum was horsey before she had me and was supportive and my parents paid for riding lessons for me when i was 11. i just mucked in at the RS after my lesson and learnt loads through mostly trial and error (no health and safety then) as a family we were not well off and lived in a small terraced house in a town. when i went to work i saved to by a car first (necessary to get to the yard)and then a horse. didnt get my first horse till i was 21 and only stopped owning last year after over 50 years of owning. i still go to the yard and help out when i can so i get my horsey fix. not all of us were born into a rich enough family to afford a pony so you just have to knuckle down and go for it yourself. there is plenty of time....

 

[Lillian_paddington]

My mum isn’t technically ‘horsey’ but I don’t think it would make much of a difference if she was! She’s very interested in my horse, comes up almost every weekend to see him and is very happy to learn about grooming and handling him. She’s even bought a trailer so that we can go out and compete without the expense of hiring every time. I’m very very lucky in that although my mum isn’t horsey, she tries to learn how to be! So... no, I haven’t found it particularly hard, but that’s more down to my mum.
I think for me it just meant that I had to wait a bit longer than the pony club kids before I got my own horse so that I could prove I was totally serious about horse riding (I’m sixteen now, and the horse was my last birthday present), and having to chip in a bit for the costs of keeping him (which must seem ridiculous if you’ve only had dogs or cats as pets!)

 

[fredflop]

I would think what the OP means is that stuff like pony club looks like fun, and if you get on well with your parents horse shows can be lovely days out.

I never got to do anything like pony club, as I wasn’t allowed near a horse as my mother didn’t like them, therefore I wasn’t allowed to like them. However it was different when it came to taking my siblings to football matches. I just got dumped off at whatever relative was scheduled to look after me on Saturday afternoons as I didn’t want to go and watch the football