Non horsey people - lets have a giggle

[paddy555]

My OH, after 20 years still insists on calling rugs "coats" (and bemoaning the number I have. ). He also pretends he can't put a headcollar on even though I've seen him do it plenty when he thinks I'm not watching.

My favourite non-horsey story though is one I've mentioned on here a few times so apologies to those who have read it before!

As usual, as soon as he went back into the field, Eb had a wee. Daniel was mesmerised by this and then said excitedly "Mummy, the horse has a fold away willy, can I have one?" We were laughing too much to explain why he couldn't!

we had the opposite. We had a donkey stallion. Friend arrived with 3year old daughter. Daughter sat on the donk quite happily and everything was fine until she got off, looked and him and then asked "why does that donkey have 5 legs"!! I think we needed the fold away version.

 

[caras mum]

First time I took my little brother up to help me bring in the horses I was looking after in for the night. Got head collars on. Got him to bring in wee shetland, whilst I brought the three horses. Pulled rugs off, all going fine. I went to first horse and picked up its hoof which was full of mud/stones/ red autumn leaves. Put hoof pick in corner of frog and picked the caked mud out in one go.
Brother screamed and flew back out the door........
He didn't know the actual shape of the horses hoof and thought I'd just stabbed the horse!!!

So many others relating to stud yards that I can't even write down, lol

 

[Jenni&Ditty]

Once I was out hacking on a coloured and a little boy said to his mum 'look mummy, it's a horse and it's made out of a cow!'

And don't even start me on trying to explain pony club 'oh my god you actually go to pony club, that is like the gayest thing ever and it sounds like what little kids go to' well actually you can be in PC until you're 25 by hey ho..

 

[Spilletta]

On the "don't you just sit there?" theme, I was discussing suitable candidates for this year's BBC Sports Personality of the Year with two work colleagues the other day. I was suggesting that AP should be prime candidate. Whilst one hadn't heard of him, the other one had and agreed that twenty years on top of his game was no mean feat. However, "but don't the horses do all work?" comment stopped me in my tracks. Of course the horses work pretty darned hard, but the thought that jockeys don't do anything took me by surprise!

I'm thinking of pointing my colleague to the list of exercises that the British Racing College expect would-be jockeys to be able to do, and see how he gets on with them! To be fair to him, he's never had anything to do with horses, and he did listen when I explained there was a bit more to it than that.

 

[Ben2684]

My favourite one has to be my OH turning up at them yard exclaiming how cute it was I had got S a head collar attachment to prevent him getting sunburn on his pink nose... It was a grazing muzzle!!!

Also when retiring my old cob x mare and purchasing a new ISH (quite high withered) he asked if I got him cheaper because of the big lump at the bottom of the neck.

Also get the 'why do you have lessons, haven't you learnt it all by now...? (I wish!!)

My mum thinks all I do is ride round in a red coat jumping over hedges, sipping port as I go. Though they do live in the Cotswolds and the local hunt regularly meet outside their pub. She asked if I got annoyed with a the followers every time I rode-I despair!

 

[millikins]

My favourite was years ago I was walking to a country pub with a boyfriend. A horse and cart passed us and I said "oh I'd love to have a pony and trap." His reply "Well it's o.k. we'll be at the pub soon"

 

[Nessa4]

My Late, Great OH was totally non-horsey (in fact he was terrified of them) and I wasn't convinced that he realised just what they meant to me. That was until I heard about a conversation he had with a work colleague. Said colleague was commenting on the fact that my best mate, who I shared horses with (still do) was male, and suggested there "might be something more going on". Geoff's reply was "You mean sex? Oh no, it's far more important and special than that - it's horses!". Summed it up beautifully - he clearly did get it!!

 

[Dubsie]

We're regularly asked if the dainty (rather pretty and chestnut) arab x 13.2 ex show pony ex Mounted Games wizz aged 25 'will be as big as the other one when he grows up?' Er no he won't ever be as big as the 14h chunky bay New Forest, who is less than half his age.

 

[Kat]

You do get true white horses and brown is a real colour too. You'll have to retrain your Mum.

Oh god don't blow her brain! She doesn't know the basic colours from the horse books I had as a child, she just knows that horses are pretty much never called by the colour that they appear to be.

She was pretty chuffed that she remembered that mine is Bay when someone asked her.

 

[ElleSkywalker]

You can send him to muck out for me any day!

My OH is convinced that numnahs are num-nums, rugs are pyjamas and I am reading bedtime stories and tucking him in when I go to finish off.

You mean you don't read your pone a story at night? You bad owner. Mine are currently enjoying Harry Potter for the third time

 

[Karran]

My OH likes to text me when he sees horses on his travels - He works away a lot in little towns and villages in Europe.
So I often get a text telling me about seeing Shadowfax (any grey horse) Warhorse (anything brown with a white face) Warhorses Friend (black). He also went and did a pub quiz and I was rather proud of him when he text me excitedly to tell me that he knew what the answer was when they asked what animals could be skewbald and piebald, its a shame that the bay mare I ride will always be described as brown with black trimmings by him.

 

[DabDab]

At a conference about the aluminum industry after an aluminum horse shoe had been passed around and an explanation was being given:
"these are for race horses, because usually horses have steel shoes but then just before the race they take off the steel shoes and replace with aluminum ones so the horse goes faster"

 

[Sleipnir]

...when I had to explain to a colleague that a horse is not, in fact, just another breed of cows, just without the horns and with a funny tail.

Or the time another colleague was genuinely concerned that my horse would get a vitA overdose from all the carrots I'm feeding him - read about 4-6 whenever I visit.

Then there was this relative: "Why on earth would you buy a horse that's not suitable for kids or beginners to ride? Getting a horse you can give to kids and friends is all it's about! You should sell yours and buy a better one." (I had refused to give a kiddy ride to some child, apparently, related to their work colleagues, and whom I had never seen - on my excitable, then green, dominant gelding)

Of course, let's not forget the endless "Why is the horse blindfolded?!" comments during the fly season...

And, while I was working at a lesson yard that also provided rides for beginners, I got lots of "You can give the reins to me and let me ride by myself. I'm very experienced. A horse once took off with me and galloped really fast, but I didn't fall and then it stopped!" - /a kid on an almost asleep lesson horse trots by/ - "Look, look, that's how fast I galloped!"

Last, but not least, when giving a lead-line ride in a forest to a man who was riding for the first time in his life - "You don't have to lead the horse, just let me ride. Go to the yard and have a cuppa, while I have a gallop and then return on time. Experience? Well, I've watched lots of Western movies and all you have to do is kick their sides and sit, right? And this horse surely knows the trails, she'll take me around and then back home!"

You can't make these things up...

 

[Elf On A Shelf]

At a conference about the aluminum industry after an aluminum horse shoe had been passed around and an explanation was being given:
"these are for race horses, because usually horses have steel shoes but then just before the race they take off the steel shoes and replace with aluminum ones so the horse goes faster"

To be fair we do that for the good races. All of our horses wear lightweight steel shoes for everyday work and for racing. Our Festival/National horses get Ali's put on the week before they race and go back to the lightweights the week after. It does make a difference to their movement and its amazing just how much of a weight difference there is between them.

 

[DabDab]

To be fair we do that for the good races. All of our horses wear lightweight steel shoes for everyday work and for racing. Our Festival/National horses get Ali's put on the week before they race and go back to the lightweights the week after. It does make a difference to their movement and its amazing just how much of a weight difference there is between them.

Haha, ok, the guy was just guessing based upon aluminium being light. And he'd built up quite a descriptive picture of race day with it, that did actually brighten the day.

But, to be honest, it seems like a bit of a mad racing industry trick. If everyone does it you get no competitive weight advantage, you'd get the same differential weight advantage by adding weighted boots during training, and if you want the best weight advantage, why not run them barefoot?

 

[Elf On A Shelf]

Haha, ok, the guy was just guessing based upon aluminium being light. And he'd built up quite a descriptive picture of race day with it, that did actually brighten the day.

But, to be honest, it seems like a bit of a mad racing industry trick. If everyone does it you get no competitive weight advantage, you'd get the same differential weight advantage by adding weighted boots during training, and if you want the best weight advantage, why not run them barefoot?

Racehorses have to wear at least front shoes so they have something to grip with going at speed round corners.

 

[Geegeesarah]

I was asked by a non horsey lady how often I take my horse to the hair dresser after I had spent a few hours doing a mane and tail tidy. Did wonder how she thought how I fitted a 17hh horse in to the local hair dressers?

 

[southerncomfort]

I work for my local parish council and we often have reports of dead horses which turn out to be having a kip! For some reason non-horse people in my area have trouble accepting that horses do actually lie down and sleep during the day.

 

[caileag]

Do horses sleep...? (that's another one)

 

[conkers]

'Do they eat grass? I didn't know they ate grass.' Comment passed by a neighbour as my Shetland pony was keeping the grass down on the lawn.

 

[sidewaysonacob]

I was asked by a non horsey lady how often I take my horse to the hair dresser after I had spent a few hours doing a mane and tail tidy. Did wonder how she thought how I fitted a 17hh horse in to the local hair dressers?

That could be my fault - when my boy only had half a mane prior to a big champs this Spring a hairdresser from the salon I go to who has horses came down to the yard with her old gear and gave him extensions and a trim

 

[EquiEquestrian556]

I love reading through these! My little sister, who was very inexperienced then, was grooming my (at the time) chestnut pony, and then came running over to me after fetching our Mother, crying, "XXXXX, Lilly's got stones stuck on her all legs, and I can't get them off"!! Both my Mother & I tried to explain that they were her chestnuts, but all she kept saying was "Yes I know she's chestnut, I mean the stones on her legs, I can't pull them off!". She then went off confused, and came back saying "Look XXXXX, Hanna's also got stones on her legs, and she's 'brown' (bay) not chestnut". It took a lot of explaining what chestnuts were after that!

We also had people asking why our horses were blindfolded, why "that horse is different colours (clipped). And little children out competing or hunting saying "Ooh look mummy, that horse has a pretty ribbon in it's tail", as they stand dangerously close to a kicker!

I've also had non-horsey friends say that "I like it when horses don't have bobbles on their necks", or "Why does that horse have to have such a short mane?", I explain why for showing (riding pony class), and they say, "Can't you just leave it 'normal'?"...Er, no! Have also had people asking recently why "That horse had red ear covers on", for flies, "Oh, it looks like a devil horse"!!

 

[Brightbay]

My 96 year old mother in law was quite distressed when we told her my field-kept horse only got one bucket feed a day. We tried quite hard to explain that he spent about 18 out of 24 hours eating grass, and that the bucket was a (non-essential) feed so that he would eat extra minerals She's still convinced horses only live in fields because they're "nice and soft for the horse to walk on".

 

[my bfg]

Loving these posts!

My top 3 comments have got to be:
"You get a babysitter for her when you go away? Why can't you just leave her a weeks worth of food before you go?"

When leaving work on time as had a riding lesson "didn't you learn how to ride before you bought a horse? Oh is that why you fell off the other week??!" Gah!

My favourite when I hurt my arm and roped in my unhorsey bro to help unload some feed
Him "where do you want it putting?"
Me "on Ems pallet" (in storage stable)
Him shocked "is that where she sleeps??!"
Me sniggering "yeah if I put her on there it leaves room for the wheelbarrow"
Him "oh, ok" trundles off to get feed
Me roflmao!!!!

 

[Noodles_3]

Nothing great but this always tickled me, I put a picture on of my old mare and it was taken on a very windy day and her forelock and mane were blowing in the wind. My ex boyfriend commented really concerned saying 'Oh you could of brushed her hair for her babe!' Lol just made me giggle.

 

[mandyroberts]

When I was 'young', the yard I kept my pony was also a riding school and for a time children from a local area school came to ride. A horse was windsucking and one of the children said 'is he sharpening his teeth?'

 

[Peregrine Falcon]

Years ago a friend got a mare for the first time. Friends mother asked whether she needed to get her anything for when she was in season.

 

[alainax]

My dad advised me against buying a flea-bitten grey, as wouldn't it be better to buy a horse without fleas.

 

[Fun Times]

I work for my local parish council and we often have reports of dead horses which turn out to be having a kip! For some reason non-horse people in my area have trouble accepting that horses do actually lie down and sleep during the day.

Ummm, in fairness my horse has caught out myself, my yardowner, several liveries and my farrier (some of them on more than one occassion) with his "not sleeping, definitely dead" act. First time he did it to me, I actually rang the vet....

 

[Cobbytype]

Years ago a friend got a mare for the first time. Friends mother asked whether she needed to get her anything for when she was in season.

With wings no doubt