PonyAndMutt
Member
Regular-ish poster who doesn’t want my partner to be identified just in case people know who I am IRL from my forum posts!
I would really appreciate some outside advice on a situation that is causing me a lot of stress and upset. I have a lovely little dog who is very very attached to me. I thought I had done everything right with her as a puppy to get her independent - leaving her, crate training etc. At the time I wasn’t living with my partner so she was very much my dog, but she never whined and was a happy confident little thing.
The issue we have now (a year later) is she hates to be left alone - she whines and howls. Hates it. Usually will be ok for a short while (5-10 minutes) before she starts. She won’t do it consistently but when she is doing it she is very persistent about it! In terms of managing behaviour, I am positive, reward based, ignore the bad praise the good etc. A “modern” dog owner apparently... I buy the books, watch the YouTube videos etc. I have bought a kong to fill with something yummy to leave her with when we go out. My partner is the opposite. He is from a farming background where apparently negative reinforcement/punishment is the done thing, and I’m a soft touch for not stopping this behaviour physically. He hits her on the nose for it (ie. dog is barking, she hears him approach the house, stops barking, he comes in and hits her on the nose) now to me that’s a) not going to do anything about the behaviour and b) actually create a more anxious fearful dog who is therefore MORE likely to create havoc when left as she won’t know where she stands, and fears being punished randomly. As (please please correct me if I’m wrong) dogs are unable to process consequences in the same way we are.
This is just one example of a situation where physically he is punishing my dog. It is never any more aggressive than a bop on the nose with a hand as far as I know. He will also do it if she is whining for me when he’s with her (for example I’ve come over to see him when he has her at work, she whines as I leave, he hits her across the nose).
It has been the cause of multiple huge arguments as I am firmly in camp “don’t you dare hit my dog” and he is in camp “you can’t control your animal so I have to in the tried and tested way I’ve seen my friends treat their dogs out shooting”. I’m finding it very upsetting to go through this as he will not respect the fact I don’t want my dog treated like that. I’ve tried not to be too emotional in this post as I don’t want to influence what people think, but I would really appreciate some perspective on the situation and what I can possibly do here ? I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place, I can’t protect my dog, and I can’t get through to my partner that what he’s doing is wrong ?
I would really appreciate some outside advice on a situation that is causing me a lot of stress and upset. I have a lovely little dog who is very very attached to me. I thought I had done everything right with her as a puppy to get her independent - leaving her, crate training etc. At the time I wasn’t living with my partner so she was very much my dog, but she never whined and was a happy confident little thing.
The issue we have now (a year later) is she hates to be left alone - she whines and howls. Hates it. Usually will be ok for a short while (5-10 minutes) before she starts. She won’t do it consistently but when she is doing it she is very persistent about it! In terms of managing behaviour, I am positive, reward based, ignore the bad praise the good etc. A “modern” dog owner apparently... I buy the books, watch the YouTube videos etc. I have bought a kong to fill with something yummy to leave her with when we go out. My partner is the opposite. He is from a farming background where apparently negative reinforcement/punishment is the done thing, and I’m a soft touch for not stopping this behaviour physically. He hits her on the nose for it (ie. dog is barking, she hears him approach the house, stops barking, he comes in and hits her on the nose) now to me that’s a) not going to do anything about the behaviour and b) actually create a more anxious fearful dog who is therefore MORE likely to create havoc when left as she won’t know where she stands, and fears being punished randomly. As (please please correct me if I’m wrong) dogs are unable to process consequences in the same way we are.
This is just one example of a situation where physically he is punishing my dog. It is never any more aggressive than a bop on the nose with a hand as far as I know. He will also do it if she is whining for me when he’s with her (for example I’ve come over to see him when he has her at work, she whines as I leave, he hits her across the nose).
It has been the cause of multiple huge arguments as I am firmly in camp “don’t you dare hit my dog” and he is in camp “you can’t control your animal so I have to in the tried and tested way I’ve seen my friends treat their dogs out shooting”. I’m finding it very upsetting to go through this as he will not respect the fact I don’t want my dog treated like that. I’ve tried not to be too emotional in this post as I don’t want to influence what people think, but I would really appreciate some perspective on the situation and what I can possibly do here ? I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place, I can’t protect my dog, and I can’t get through to my partner that what he’s doing is wrong ?
If you are in his house I would move out straight away - if he is in your house kick him out the door as fast as you can. What a total gobshite moron you have landed yourself and your little dog with. 
