Partner hitting my dog

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PonyAndMutt said:
Putting house purchase on hold is very difficult... completion imminent. I need to talk to him (again) I know. It’s so difficult to know how to say it to get it to actually sink in how serious I am. We’re currently on hour three of silence since I told him off for ‘bopping her on the nose’ this evening.
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But you haven’t completed....
 
What people will do in front of other people is only the tip of the iceberg compared to what they do when there is no one around. Your dog needs you to look after her welfare. It will only get worse. The fact he thinks he may hit your future children does not bode well.

ETA The silent treatment is not on. You really need to get yourself out of this situation because it will only get worse.
 
My late husband was not brought up with animals and wasn't good with them. He once slapped my dog for growling at him (told you he wasn't good with them...). I quite calmly told him if he ever did that again I would ask him to leave (we had bought the house together at this stage). He never did it again, and did try to understand the animals, although he never really did "get" them he knew what they meant to me.
 
My partner grew up in a different country where hitting was just how things are done. His parents hit him and his siblings and the dogs. To him that’s how discipline works. A dog was a dog and did what it was told. Usually big aggressive guard dogs. There was no treat giving. So when we got the dog we had to have, and still have, discussions about why other approaches work better. It was more about getting him to try to understand the way the dog thinks and processes things, until it was his own idea to do things differently. (He never ‘hit’ our dog but was tougher in how he was with him than I liked to start with.) In the same vein, I would accept if I was too soft and ineffective. We would have discussions on dog training and why things did or didn’t work, which would leave us mostly on the same page. He adores the dog and doesn’t want to hurt him. I think if you aren’t on the same page it can lead to a very confused, frustrated, anxious dog.
 
You NEED to end the relationship NOW! I'm sorry but this behavior is never, ever acceptable. People have mentioned the possibility of your partner abusing children but there is also the possibility that the abuse will be directed towards YOU at some point. There is a man in my family who started out abusing his dog, progressed to going overboard 'disciplining' his children and abusing his wife. He was also notorious for his silent treatments. If you haven't closed on the house it isn't too late to walk away. Please, for the sake of your little dog and yourself, get rid of this man.
 
Do you really want to live like this? Violence in a relationship can start in seemingly small ways,but the fact it is there and your partner justifies his use of it,augurs badly.
if a man were slapping your face to get his way you would hopefully choose to get away from him.
Your dog is a victim of your partner‘s behavior and only has you to stop this escalating. Please don’t invest in this man.He is using physical and also psychological violence. It never gets better.
if you can get out of this before you get trapped by a mortgage and any worsening of events,you will have no regrets looking back.
( my ex husband was violent,I dont usually discuss it ,but this post really struck a chord with me.Your little dog will be feeling sick to her stomach every time this man lifts his hand or raises his voice.Your dog only has you.)
 
Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to reply, I really appreciate it x
I talked to him - well tried to, difficult when someone just shuts down in a difficult conversation. I said how treating my dog that way is a boundary (probably my only boundary?) and he needs to respect that. His response “ditto”. He says his boundary is my dog whining and if he is disrespectful by ignoring mine, then her whining crosses his boundary which is as bad.
I’m at my mums.
 
I congratulate you for standing up for yourself.

The 'bopping' was not the red flag for me, many people grew up with that, and need to learn other ways. The change in the dog was, however. Makes me wonder what goes on when you are not there.

Also, silent treatment was not the red flag, many people shut down when there is a difficult discussion to have, the length and severity of the shut down can show how hurt they are. The reason for the shut down, however, was. If he really thought it was acceptable, he wouldn't worry about what the neighbours thought.

If you have already exchanged on the property, you need legal advice before pulling out. Once you have exchanged there could be financial implications.

I hope you got some sleep. X
 
Prior to this dispute has he been a normally tempered person who listens to and values your opinions?
I can’t get over the driving off and now punishing you with silence. Does he have history of stupid, childish, manipulative behaviour? ?

Sorry I posted before catching up. Hope you’re ok and it all works out for you. X
 
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This is a defining moment in your life - the ultimate sliding doors.
I apologise in advance for being blunt.

People pull out of house purchases at the last minute more often than you would believe. They really do.

Ring the Solicitor first thing and stop the purchase from your side - before you tell bully boy.
Yes it is going to be a bombshell.
Yes you will lose some money.
It won't feel like it - but you are saving yourself.

He is more worried about what the new neighbours think of him than what his future life partner and mother of his children thinks about being controlled and punished for expressing her concern at violence to her dog?

My favourite phrase...
What he is doing is not normal behaviour.
 
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Hmm, this is a different case than my scenario then. In my case my partner knew one way, thought it was the right way but was open to learning why he might be wrong, and how to do things differently. Although he would occasionally shut down and go quiet, it was his way to process the conversation and come back with a new approach having thought it through. Yours sounds different, and close minded to change. If he isn’t willing to change his approach, then I too would be out of there with my dog, and I would not be willing or be pressured into complete a house purchase. He will probably try to belittle your feelings, you describe it as a ‘bop’ on the nose, which is something I have seen lots of people do. But from the way you describe it he sounds pissed off with the dog whining and like the ‘bop’ could escalate. Just because he isn’t thrashing the dog doesn’t mean he isn’t causing it harm.

I also think if this is how he handles a difficult conversation about a whining dog, how does that line up for your future? Don’t you want to be with someone who you can have open and honest conversations with about whatever subject comes up? I think you deserve better (from what very little I know!)

Good luck with whatever you decide to do, you will be stronger than you realise when it comes to protecting your dog.
 
Cortez said:
My late husband was not brought up with animals and wasn't good with them. He once slapped my dog for growling at him (told you he wasn't good with them...). I quite calmly told him if he ever did that again I would ask him to leave (we had bought the house together at this stage). He never did it again, and did try to understand the animals, although he never really did "get" them he knew what they meant to me.
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Deleted as irrelevant (my response to Cortez, not the Cortez' post!)
 
PonyAndMutt said:
Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to reply, I really appreciate it x
I talked to him - well tried to, difficult when someone just shuts down in a difficult conversation. I said how treating my dog that way is a boundary (probably my only boundary?) and he needs to respect that. His response “ditto”. He says his boundary is my dog whining and if he is disrespectful by ignoring mine, then her whining crosses his boundary which is as bad.
I’m at my mums.
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Christ, maybe if he tried being nice to her she wouldn't whine when you left her with him! I'm glad you're at your Mum's OP, hugs from me x
 
I am sure you have done the right thing for you, not just for your dog. As above plenty of people pull out of house sales, for all sorts of reasons, it is not that unusual, contact your solicitor for advice.

I bet your dog will soon start to behave more confidently again.
 
A constant whinging whining barking dog can be irritating. My downstairs neighbours dog whinges and barks whenever he leaves, for hours. It grinds my gears. It’s irritating and frustrating so yes your dogs behaviour will be getting on his nerves. I don’t condone the hitting however.

Personally I think you all need to get some behaviour training together. He needs to stop being childish and open his mind and you need to sort out the dogs behaviour and or another solution for when you are at work. You might get neighbours who aren’t as lenient with your dogs noise. If I had to work from home I would be having stern chats with my downstairs neighbour about the noise and if it continued I’d have the ASB team out.
 
Cheeky Chestnut said:
A constant whinging whining barking dog can be irritating. My downstairs neighbours dog whinges and barks whenever he leaves, for hours. It grinds my gears. It’s irritating and frustrating so yes your dogs behaviour will be getting on his nerves. I don’t condone the hitting however.

Personally I think you all need to get some behaviour training together. He needs to stop being childish and open his mind and you need to sort out the dogs behaviour and or another solution for when you are at work. You might get neighbours who aren’t as lenient with your dogs noise. If I had to work from home I would be having stern chats with my downstairs neighbour about the noise and if it continued I’d have the ASB team out.
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Did you read the post that said the dog was confident and quiet until she had to live with the OH?
 
Pearlsasinger said:
Did you read the post that said the dog was confident and quiet until she had to live with the OH?
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I did but I also wonder why should that matter? If my horse didn’t like my partner would I dump him? No I wouldn’t. If I had a dog and it didn’t like my partner then I would do the work rather than just kick someone I love out. There needs to be work done here by all parties. I love my animals but I love my partner as well. It’s very easy for us strangers on the net to just say Dump him. I have been bitten by a possessive dog I was house sitting for and required stitches, behavioural issues here need addressed human and canine.

If he says me or the dog then that to me is an ultimatum. I personally won’t live with anyone who issues them regardless of what it’s about but he hasn’t, they just are not communicating very well about a sensitive issue.
 
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