Partner in denial re dog

Tiddlypom said:
I’m not sanctioning it.

I am, however, observing that the best thing for the dog is PTS in the very near future.

I would not sit on my hands in such a case with a ditherer, and I would definitely not wait until mid October where the mother may or may not step in, my conscience would not allow it.
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I think it’s easy to say this when you’re not living in the situation.
As for what will happen if the dog takes a turn for the worst when it’s just me, I don’t know- I’ll call my partner at work tell him to come home, and probably the dog sitter and deal with it as best I can. If I demand the dog is PTS it won’t happen but it will end our relationship & I don’t want that.
He’s going to the vet next weekend so I hope it gets raised then.
 
I would say to him that its really upsetting you seeing the dog suffer ( which it is otherwise you wouldn't be concerned enough to post on here ) and ask him to help you resolve it. I do feel for him making the difficult decision but its also important for him to show that he cares enough for you to look after your feelings OP. This isn't all about the dog, he needs to care for and empathise with you too. If he can't see this then I think you need to spell it out in surprisingly simple terms, they don't always glean as much as we do.
 
Houndnothorse said:
I think it’s easy to say this when you’re not living in the situation.
As for what will happen if the dog takes a turn for the worst when it’s just me, I don’t know- I’ll call my partner at work tell him to come home, and probably the dog sitter and deal with it as best I can. If I demand the dog is PTS it won’t happen but it will end our relationship & I don’t want that.
He’s going to the vet next weekend so I hope it gets raised then.
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I think you are doing the best you can and there are often compromises in a relationship.
 
I’m not sure why this has turned into a dump the partner, end of relationship post as posts like this so often do? Life is about compromise.

OH said he didn’t want a dog, we now have 2. He bought me my first horse, but THAT WAS IT. I have 3. I don’t like reptiles, he has 2 snakes.

We all know what is best for the dog in this post, which I think the OP knows, dog/animal lover or not. Down the line, another dog may come along, or it may not, but that is no reflection on their relationship.
 
TheresaW said:
I’m not sure why this has turned into a dump the partner, end of relationship post as posts like this so often do? Life is about compromise.

OH said he didn’t want a dog, we now have 2. He bought me my first horse, but THAT WAS IT. I have 3. I don’t like reptiles, he has 2 snakes.

We all know what is best for the dog in this post, which I think the OP knows, dog/animal lover or not. Down the line, another dog may come along, or it may not, but that is no reflection on their relationship.
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I agree but if I were OP, I would be very reluctant to have another dog at any time in the future if this is an example of the care given by her OH.
 
Pearlsasinger said:
I agree but if I were OP, I would be very reluctant to have another dog at any time in the future if this is an example of the care given by her OH.
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I do agree with you, but a joint pet in the future, having to deal with what needs doing together now, could lay the way for what’s right in the future?

I had to say goodbye to Mac in 2018. Although I’d done it for many cats, dogs etc in the past, it was really really hard for me. He was the first horse i personally had lost. When we moved up here, I brought my friends pony with me who I’d looked after for years. I found him down with colic, called her, called vet etc. Between the 3 of us we did what had to be done. It hurt, don’t get me wrong, but being not mine maybe made it that little bit easier, and helped when it came time for mac?

Not sure what exactly I’m trying to say here, sorry.
 
FWIW you don’t need a biopsy to start treating cushings (I’m not sure anyone biopsies the pituitary!) which would at least improve its QOL and urinary incontinence whilst you work out the next step. If he just tells the vet he’s not interested in investigating just treating they should be able to manage that, I think there’s been a bit of a communication misunderstanding as it’d be unusual to do ‘more’ than an ultrasound and more blood tests even if you did want to determine the cause, which doesn’t change treatment. I doubt you’ll keep the dog long enough to see the full improvements but that’s causing the hair loss and Utis. Cushings also increases blood liver enzymes (I’m not sure if it causes liver failure but the blood values rocket, but generally at that point liver is fully functioning still) and generally slackens everything so wont be helping the arthritis.
 
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Houndnothorse said:
I think it’s easy to say this when you’re not living in the situation.
As for what will happen if the dog takes a turn for the worst when it’s just me, I don’t know- I’ll call my partner at work tell him to come home, and probably the dog sitter and deal with it as best I can. If I demand the dog is PTS it won’t happen but it will end our relationship & I don’t want that.
He’s going to the vet next weekend so I hope it gets raised then.
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Please if the dog does take a turn for the worse when you're on your own, pop him straight into the car and take him to the vet. Call your OH on the way there. I'm not advocating having the dog PTS without telling your OH by the way, but he is suffering as it is, if he gets any worse he needs to go straight to the vet where they can assess him and advise on the way forward.

I really do think you need to have a serious chat with your OH sooner rather than later btw. When exactly is his mother coming to visit? I'm hoping it's soon as it is October on Wednesday. Do you know her well enough to perhaps call her and speak to her about the dog before the visit? If it's not early October then you can't delay any more and you must talk to your OH seriously about this. Remember, don't be accusatory as it won't help - be gentle and sympathetic, but emphasise how much the dog is suffering.

I feel so sorry for this poor animal :(
 
rara007 said:
FWIW you don’t need a biopsy to start treating cushings (I’m not sure anyone biopsies the pituitary!) which would at least improve its QOL and urinary incontinence whilst you work out the next step. If he just tells the vet he’s not interested in investigating just treating they should be able to manage that, I think there’s been a bit of a communication misunderstanding as it’d be unusual to do ‘more’ than an ultrasound and more blood tests even if you did want to determine the cause, which doesn’t change treatment. I doubt you’ll keep the dog long enough to see the full improvements but that’s causing the hair loss and Utis. Cushings also increases blood liver enzymes (I’m not sure if it causes liver failure but the blood values rocket, but generally at that point liver is fully functioning still) and generally slackens everything so wont be helping the arthritis.
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Hi thanks for the advice. I’m only going by what he’s told me as I wasn’t present at the vets. He did mention an ultrasound. If I’m able to go along to the vets I will say that considering the treatment is the same can we treat rather than put the dog through invasive diagnostics. I know the diagnostics are £450 ish (this isn’t the issue), just quoting this as it might give an idea of what’s involved.
 
HashRouge said:
Please if the dog does take a turn for the worse when you're on your own, pop him straight into the car and take him to the vet. Call your OH on the way there. I'm not advocating having the dog PTS without telling your OH by the way, but he is suffering as it is, if he gets any worse he needs to go straight to the vet where they can assess him and advise on the way forward.

I really do think you need to have a serious chat with your OH sooner rather than later btw. When exactly is his mother coming to visit? I'm hoping it's soon as it is October on Wednesday. Do you know her well enough to perhaps call her and speak to her about the dog before the visit? If it's not early October then you can't delay any more and you must talk to your OH seriously about this. Remember, don't be accusatory as it won't help - be gentle and sympathetic, but emphasise how much the dog is suffering.

I feel so sorry for this poor animal :(
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his mum is coming on the 17th. I can’t really speak to her before, she’s got no filter so she will tell him that I called her and he will feel betrayed.
she will say something though, she’s tried before and she won’t be Worried about upsetting him!
If the dog takes a turn for the worse I will follow the advice of the vet of course. If that is to bring him in, I will. Although I have no idea how as he weigh a ton and I am tiny!
 
I did the quality of life test. The score was 32 ( if you could score lower than 5 but not 1 he would’ve had a lot of these but I had to go with 5 on lots where he’s definitely less than this but 1 yet).
32 isn’t great but it’s perhaps better than I thought and still some QOL? I guess the point is to not get to all 1s?
 
meleeka said:
My mums dog had Cushings and all he had to diagnose was a blood test. His life was transformed by medication. Untreated Cushings will undoubtedly be making him feel worse than he needs to.[/QUOTE


needs to.
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He’s had a blood test. I wonder if the vets are advising against further, I don’t know! Perhaps as someone said they’re trying to put him off with the prohibitive costs but this won’t put him off. Anyway vets on Saturday so we will see then x
 
ihatework said:
I would honestly just print this thread off and leave it for him.
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Houndnothorse said:
Trust me, I’d be looking for somewhere to to sleep tonight!
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So does that not tell you all you need to know about the type of person he is? Treating you and the dog badly. With all this drama have you thought about how you have sold your house but have not bought another yet and property prices rise all the time? Ok for your partner he still has a house... Agree with the poster who said you are in denial too. Will not suggest another dog just in case? Suggest it and find out where you stand, surely it is better to know?

Separately to anyone saying shut dog in kitchen seriously why are people so grim? This is where you store prepare and possibly eat food. Rules for human toilet is two doors between toilet and kitchen. Two doors. For humans waste that is flushed. But dog toilet all over the kitchen floor is fine? Ok then...
 
Firefly9410 said:
So does that not tell you all you need to know about the type of person he is? Treating you and the dog badly. With all this drama have you thought about how you have sold your house but have not bought another yet and property prices rise all the time? Ok for your partner he still has a house... Agree with the poster who said you are in denial too. Will not suggest another dog just in case? Suggest it and find out where you stand, surely it is better to know?

I know this is well meaning, but our whole relationship isn’t really part of this conversation. it’s fair to say this is putting it under a lot of strain and if it’s not resolved soon I will probably move out, but I really hope it doesn’t come to that.
my partner is a good man, who loves this dog unconditionally but is blinded by this and thus not accepting what’s staring him in the face.
Not moving is super frustrating & especially as I don’t feel like this my ‘home’ despite having most of my furniture in situ. But it’s my decision to delay things as I don’t want to move while we have this issue with the dog. However I did make it clear last night that I, 100%, want to be in a new home by next summer.
As for suggesting another dog, we’ve talked about this quite extensively and so I don’t see what the point in going back over it is? As an adult this is the first dog he’s had, he grew up always having a dog, after uni he travelled, then went back to uni, then lived in a flat and worked lots and travelled so he’s lived many adult years without a dog. He’s said to me that if he didn’t have a dog now he would never get one in his current work/life situation- he recognises his situation 12 years ago to now is very different. He has all these plans post dog, our little place in the sun, learning to sail plus other things he’s not had the free time to do- so I don’t think it will be a huge issue. We will, one day, have another dog which we will chose together and I will hopefully love!

Separately to anyone saying shut dog in kitchen seriously why are people so grim? This is where you store prepare and possibly eat food. Rules for human toilet is two doors between toilet and kitchen. Two doors. For humans waste that is flushed. But dog toilet all over the kitchen floor is fine? Ok then...
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The dog won’t be going in the kitchen. I agree that would gross! I wouldn’t let him in the kitchen even if he didn’t have these issues... We have a gate on the kitchen and he’s not allowed in there at all. At night he’s in the dinning room which has a crappy wooden floor. He allowed in the lounge if were in there and that’s it. He can’t manage the stairs and because of carpet wouldn’t be allowed upstairs anyway.
 
Firefly..
“Separately to anyone saying shut dog in kitchen seriously why are people so grim? This is where you store prepare and possibly eat food. Rules for human toilet is two doors between toilet and kitchen. Two doors. For humans waste that is flushed. But dog toilet all over the kitchen floor is fine? Ok then...“
......
and your post helps this dog ,how?
I was one who suggested a safety gate on the kitchen as opposed to leaving the dog outdoors.
Better to clean a washable floor than a carpeted one ,if this is the best option whilst this particular dog is alive and having these problems.
Not grim at all..it is a temporary solution until decisions are made.
I also think this is the dogs time to be taken to end his suffering ,but only the poster and her partner can decide this.
I haven’t seen ANY posts by you,yet you post a very aggressive post advocating couple separation rather than suggesting options for this dog.
 
Houndnothorse said:
I did the QOL test again, 29. At what point is it too low?
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OP, long term Labrador owner here, Hi, we pts our elderly Lab, Jake, only a few weeks ago, his QOL score on the day we decided pts was 28, only the day before his score would have been mid 40s but then he suddenly fell off a cliff (metaphorically speaking). If we'd left him another day his score would have been much lower than 28, he was deteriorating so quickly. Up until the morning of pts we weren't even considering pts, he was well, he was eating, he was continent, he was happy, but creaky. We made the decision based on an overnight deterioration that we knew he could not pick up from. I do not envy you your situation, I think you're doing your best but your OH is not and owes this dog more than this. My OH loved Jake more than he loves me, I am ok with this, in fact his love for his dogs is one of the things that makes me love him like I do, but he still said goodbye to Jake at exactly the right moment for the dog. Your OH needs to man up and deal with this before the dog suffers any further. Good luck X.
 
It is obvious that the dog needs to be pts. My post was not designed to help the dog because he is beyond helping except pts which the OP cannot do because he is not her dog. Sorry if you find my post aggressive it is not meant to be. Only trying to help the OP consider all points of the situation, nobody else had picked up on the fact she has taken herself off the property ladder for a man who is currently being unreasonable towards her and his dog. So many people get messed around by partners who said love but acted opposite of that. Even if OP joint owner of the house so partner cannot say my house my rules if you do not like it then leave, it is bad signs I think that he would say it now which is what OP implies would happen if she challenges him over pts the dog. Also the stone walling whatever that is sounds like ignored or sulking silent treatment it is bad signs. As for the kitchen part I find it disgusting and unhygienic whether temporary or not and I am as entitled to explain my opinion as anyone else on this forum. That you happen to have never seen any of my posts before does not make me guilty of some sort of crime either so maybe you want to look at yourself for aggressive sounding comments too.
Bellasophia said:
Firefly..
“Separately to anyone saying shut dog in kitchen seriously why are people so grim? This is where you store prepare and possibly eat food. Rules for human toilet is two doors between toilet and kitchen. Two doors. For humans waste that is flushed. But dog toilet all over the kitchen floor is fine? Ok then...“
......
and your post helps this dog ,how?
I was one who suggested a safety gate on the kitchen as opposed to leaving the dog outdoors.
Better to clean a washable floor than a carpeted one ,if this is the best option whilst this particular dog is alive and having these problems.
Not grim at all..it is a temporary solution until decisions are made.
I also think this is the dogs time to be taken to end his suffering ,but only the poster and her partner can decide this.
I haven’t seen ANY posts by you,yet you post a very aggressive post advocating couple separation rather than suggesting options for this dog.
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Firefly, I appreciate all comments and I know people are trying to help and it’s actually nice that complete strangers are concerned for me as well as the dog. However, I’ve been around the block and I do know he’s fundamentally a good one- he’s not perfect of course but not am I! (Almost but not quite ??) x
 
Hi
Stiff Knees said:
OP, long term Labrador owner here, Hi, we pts our elderly Lab, Jake, only a few weeks ago, his QOL score on the day we decided pts was 28, only the day before his score would have been mid 40s but then he suddenly fell off a cliff (metaphorically speaking). If we'd left him another day his score would have been much lower than 28, he was deteriorating so quickly. Up until the morning of pts we weren't even considering pts, he was well, he was eating, he was continent, he was happy, but creaky. We made the decision based on an overnight deterioration that we knew he could not pick up from. I do not envy you your situation, I think you're doing your best but your OH is not and owes this dog more than this. My OH loved Jake more than he loves me, I am ok with this, in fact his love for his dogs is one of the things that makes me love him like I do, but he still said goodbye to Jake at exactly the right moment for the dog. Your OH needs to man up and deal with this before the dog suffers any further. Good luck X.
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I’m sorry for your loss. Ok 28 when I scored 29 is concerning. I somehow need to get him to take the test himself but as it’s called a euthanasia test it’s not the easiest! I’m praying the vet will speak up! x
 
F fly. You are right I’ve not even looked at the post from the property ladder options,or even their relationship..just from the dog’s situation and how to help him.
..perhaps you meant the situation was grim..I accept that..
Poop is poop..needs containing and cleaning..never a pleasure,but certainly a thing not to be ignored..
if you can’t keep the poop in the dog you keep the dog in a contained in a washable area....and in this case the kitchen.
Until this has closure the poor OP is running out of options.
 
Houndnothorse said:
Hi

I’m sorry for your loss. Ok 28 when I scored 29 is concerning. I somehow need to get him to take the test himself but as it’s called a euthanasia test it’s not the easiest! I’m praying the vet will speak up! x
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I think you need to introduce this as a way to gauge the dogs Quality Of Life, rather than a Euthanasia Test. X
 
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