Please excuse me while I die of idiot disease.

Starzaan said:
and the mechanic puts carrots in Shepherd's Pie.
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and the problem with this is....??? there's normally carrots in shepherds pie isn't there?:confused::confused:

Riverboy said:
And Starzan - the FF definately likes you - I am lucky if my BF texts me once every few days, not in double figures in a day!!! You are in there like swimwear my dear....x
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ditto this... freaky running boy is in germany for a week and I've had 2 message off him in that time!! FF defo luuuurves you.:D
 
Only heathens and idiots put carrots in shepherd's pie.

You disgust me.


Get out!


And he clearly does NOT luuuurve me, because if he did, he would have told me so by now. Or at least done a casual face lick.
 
Starzaan said:
How rude.

Does your name in LIFE begin with a C? If not, then I'm actually all kinds of wrong and give up. A lot.

My near death experience today was worth it in the end... the horse who did NOT try to kill anyone was purchased. And I survived. Good ting all round!
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*whispers* t'was me ;)



Good thing, not good to have horse try and kill you, bad for moral don't you know, I had an absolute nutter bought for a pound/sold as a lawnmower for a pound. I called her 'the killer' not one of my brightest moves.

Now open that drawer put fabulous undies on and next time FF texts you say you were off out to pub, but now have no comany...

P.S. I have my own FF (fit farmer lol)

Good sparing with you, now be nice to whelk and no impersonating Violent Quiches :D :D

By the way, your posts and your replies to me today have had me LOL at work and home, u put the STAR in Starzaan, now go get your man :p
 
jenhunt said:
and the problem with this is....??? there's normally carrots in shepherds pie isn't there?:confused::confused:



ditto this... freaky running boy is in germany for a week and I've had 2 message off him in that time!! FF defo luuuurves you.:D
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If I want my FF to text me I am nasty to him, I normally get a desperate 30+ texts then, and faaaabulous make up S*X, and extra quota of hay and straw!!! he falls for it every time:D:D:D
 
Starzaan said:
Queenbee, I think I'm a bit madlesbiany for you....
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me for you too hunny...

Well it's a step up from a prawn wielding nigella for you... you have good taste. As do I.

Be extra nice to my alter ego and me and I will be extra nasty to my FF, he will then have to send you free hay and straw too, to get in my good books.

You bag your FF, 34 texts a day! Woman are you do-lally? (wait, do not answer that) HE WANTS YOU TO OPEN YOUR S*XY UNDIES DRAWER! get your morags out (well you already do) and just go get him, rugby tackle him to the ground if you have to. Once you have said FF, I will exchange free hay/straw for free shoes and if we find 2 others to go madlesbiany for who have FV (fit vet) partner and FBP (fit back person) partner we can save sooooooo much money :D:D:D

ohh and whilst we all on hho have very vivid imaginations, when you do bag him, we want details as only you can tell them! My key board at work is getting old (atleast a week) and I wan't to snort coffee over it so I can get a funky ergonomic keyboard :D:D:D
 
skychick said:
:D:D:D love your work :D:D:D
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3 1/2 years on I have stables and field for my 2
1 holiday paid for
1 foal for christmas
free hay and straw
use of farm account
my dog in our home (he hates dogs)
and horizontal dancing 6 times a week :o

and all from a self proclaimed scrooge who would swallow coal and ***** diamonds if he could...

Ladies... it works, ;)
 
HollyWoozle said:
I'd like to blame horse ownership for leading to me cheapen myself like this (needs must and all that) but to be honest, I was probably quite cheap to begin with. One drink and I'm up for it, one free vet check for my neddy and god knows what I'd offer! ;)
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do you know what, I have been very careful to not drink when reading posts (not wanting to destroy my own personal laptop and all) so I have had my wine between post with OH AKA my FF watching me giggle away all evening. but what happens when I light a cigarette? I end up drawing on it and snorting smoke down my nose!!! MY eyes running and nose burning and smouldering OH has looked at me and said 'you're obviously on fire tonight, I can't refuse a woman who's so hot for me!' I like you am anyones after a drink, so do not intend to refuse (well not for long anyhow! LOL)
 
Hollywoozle - I have an FV if you'd like him? He's not a F as FF, but he's still pretty damn nice! He also didn't bat an eyelid when I phoned him at 5am one Sunday morning to come and rescue my horse (I knew he was on call, and didn't bother with ringing the surgery, just rang his house phone and shrieked down it for a bit til he picked up!) who had sliced a hole through his eyelid on his blind side.

He arrived to find me in my pyjamas (tartan shorts, an "I heart lacrosse" hoody, wellies, and tweed coat) standing on a bucket with a bag of frozen peas on my pony's head. He just told me that I was a **** and lucky to have such a tolerant horse, and asked if I was going to man up enough to inject him or did I still have a complex about injecting my own horses? (weird one that... can do anyone else's, just not my own...)

You're welcome to him. He's got a VERY nice car too...


Mechanic and I just had a very strange fight... consequestly I'm a bit damp and pathetic...I'd give a spectacularly limp handshake if I met you right now! I also may have just drunk half a pint of Lea & Perrins for £50... I made the money, but now my insides are flipping about all Worcestershirey like....


Queenbee, I'm more madlesbiany for you than for Nigella......








would you like a sausage?
 
queenbee said:
do you know what, I have been very careful to not drink when reading posts (not wanting to destroy my own personal laptop and all) so I have had my wine between post with OH AKA my FF watching me giggle away all evening. but what happens when I light a cigarette? I end up drawing on it and snorting smoke down my nose!!! MY eyes running and nose burning and smouldering OH has looked at me and said 'you're obviously on fire tonight, I can't refuse a woman who's so hot for me!' I like you am anyones after a drink, so do not intend to refuse (well not for long anyhow! LOL)
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Ahahaha! You know, I got a Frenchman and thought "wahey, you know what they say about Frenchies being great lovers!". Well, it's true... when they're not either glued to their laptops or parked on the sofa. I'm 23... I NEED LOVE.

ETA: Starzaan, if FV can offer both free vet treatment, nice car and lovin', I could well be up for making a deal! In return I have some morags (albeit slightly less perky than they once were...) and I bake like a pro.
 
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Starzaan said:
Queenbee, I'm more madlesbiany for you than for Nigella......








would you like a sausage?
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as long as it isn't a whelk sausage, I thought you'd never ask :p

Starzaan said:
Mechanic and I just had a very strange fight... consequestly I'm a bit damp and pathetic...I'd give a spectacularly limp handshake if I met you right now! I also may have just drunk half a pint of Lea & Perrins for £50... I made the money, but now my insides are flipping about all Worcestershirey like....
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Just what part of the mechanic were you fighting with to give you a limp handshake?? I won't even finish off my question... It would make even Nigella blush!

Off to bed now peeps, madlesbiany love you you all :D
 
Queenbee, you are a disgrace to madlesbianism! Lesbianism is my new favourite word....

This was NOT a fun fight, the limp handshake was merely an illustration.... a sort of metaphor if you will.... like my spectacular soapy balloon metaphor that crashed and burned because I was amongst heathens who didn't appreciate my flair for the English language.

And Hollywoozle, only good old English bangers here, although I'm sure we've still got some spicy Draiwoors from home for putting on the braai in summer... would you like a spicy sausage?

;)
 
WAAAAAHHHHH!

The mechanic just rang to say "I'm making you breakfast, do you want sausages???"

I actually snorted, and nearly fell off the horse I was riding.
 
Starzaan said:
WAAAAAHHHHH!

The mechanic just rang to say "I'm making you breakfast, do you want sausages???"

I actually snorted, and nearly fell off the horse I was riding.
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Wayhay........ breakfast..... that must have been some disagreement for you to get breakfast even if it involves sausages.

let me know if you have to many sausages to handle, as I am sure we can find a home for them here....

...... as long as they are not whelk sausages of cause
 
But whelk sausages are the best kind!!

It WAS some disagreement... this is clearly a guilt fuelled breakfast, but that's fine with me - I shall just say "HMPH" a lot and make him grovel. He was the one being a mongface.

I was, of course, entirely blameless and did nothing wrong... not even a little bit of flouncing...

(flouncing should be an olympic sport, I'm bloody good at it!)


I just found my trophy and sash stash from African Polocrosse Nationals, and am wafting around wearing five sashes, clutching my lucky polocrosse stick, and looking at photos of me being all cute when I was tiddly.

FF is BOUND to come and knock on the bloody door now.

great.
 
Dear Madlesbiany morag wafting, welly dancing, me fancying, Starzaan.

How is your limp wrist today? :p

I am currently sat at work computer working soooo hard :D your comments are, as always making me laugh, but as yet I have not ruined my keyboard with Starbucks coffee. Come on dear, do your job properly, I want that funky ergonomic keyboard thingy.

OH turned up looking like a convict last night he had his hair cut, there is now nothing to grab onto during the madnonlesbiany horizontal dances we have, it is most disconcerting, I feel like an ex smoker who has nothing to do with their hands :o Even worse is when we go to sleep and he cuddles on behind me ;) his ears are now cold 

While we are on the subject of very odd things that OH’s do, Hows about this one for a head spinner:

OH wakes up and sits up in bed, I asked whats wrong and he ‘X’ his worker would be here in a bit to pick up the trailer with tractor.

Hunny I said, t’is three in the morning,

he said no I need to be awake because I need to talk to him…

I said what at three in the morning, could be so important?

He said I can get him to change the batteries in your R-Rabbit while he’s here!!!!!

WTF????!!!!

It was then that I realised I was not talking to my OH but a sleeptalking gimp!! (although he doesn’t make much more sense when he is awake, he like starzaan has his very own language!)




And have decided that you should wear this to attract FF:
http://static.fancydress.com/resour...ducts/352/525/img525352//product-enlarged.jpg

Then he could wear this any you cold be a matching pair:

http://cdn1.ioffer.com/img/item/168/499/833/WJANl7SOolGcOrJ.jpg


You will soooo get him then, he won't be able to resist you feeling him up with your antennae thingemys. Looking at this picture and seeing what is sticking out through his legs I can see why you fancy pants off him…:D:D
 
I'm so sorry, I was busy being all important and talking to an accountant about my business... which, incidentally, is much more exciting that I first thought, and he actually told me I'm going to be a gazillionaire. So I can buy myself a clone of FF and put a "love Starzaan" chip in it!

I am the queen of ridiculous sleep talk - my best to date was yonks ago when I sat bolt upright in bed (at boarding school I hasten to add) and shrieked "WHERE ARE THE GRAVE DIGGERS AND THE BONES?!?!?"

My lovely room mate (used to my midnight ramblings) kindly sat up and said "don't worry, they're over there".... to which I replied "cheers doll" and went back to sleep.


No wonder the housemistress looked relieved when I got my A level results and left!




I just thought "you know what... I'll have an avacado....I used to hate watercress, and I got over that, surely avocadoes aren't that bad...."


I was so wrong.


Avacadoes are the food of satan.







I want to be all madlesbiany just so I can say LESBIANISM all the time...
 
Starzaan said:
I'm so sorry, I was busy being all important and talking to an accountant about my business... which, incidentally, is much more exciting that I first thought, and he actually told me I'm going to be a gazillionaire. So I can buy myself a clone of FF and put a "love Starzaan" chip in it!

I am the queen of ridiculous sleep talk - my best to date was yonks ago when I sat bolt upright in bed (at boarding school I hasten to add) and shrieked "WHERE ARE THE GRAVE DIGGERS AND THE BONES?!?!?"

My lovely room mate (used to my midnight ramblings) kindly sat up and said "don't worry, they're over there".... to which I replied "cheers doll" and went back to sleep.


No wonder the housemistress looked relieved when I got my A level results and left!




I just thought "you know what... I'll have an avacado....I used to hate watercress, and I got over that, surely avocadoes aren't that bad...."


I was so wrong.


Avacadoes are the food of satan.







I want to be all madlesbiany just so I can say LESBIANISM all the time...
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I am busy working hard too, I have just had a rival service head hunt me, I don't know if I want my head hunted, will it hurt? Boss says no to fuky ergoboard thingemy so with all this typing I may get limp wrist syndrome too, OH will not be pleaseI am already a gazillionaire... I have been saving up all my chocolate gold coins from christmas since I was born, I also have buckets of monopoly money so I am well blinging rich.

I heart avocados but I will make sure I do not eat them when we madlesbiany women get togetherI also heart carrots, I am so sorry...

*hangs head in shame*

I will give up carrots and avocados for you:D because not only am I madlesbiany for you, you are my new

P.S. Had one more smiley for you, relating to your FF/Sausage/ and you but I thought the HHOgestapo would probably pull my post if i put THAT on here, but it made me laugh and think of you:D:D:D
 
I think you might be a raging slag.....


Now I am very busy and important and doing things like getting business cards printed, so I really shouldn't be being all madlesbiany, but your morags need a good wafting love!


I have had a VERY exciting afternoon falling down a hole, and breaking my car. Luckily the mechanic was with me and he fixed it.... my name is Rave.
 
Starzaan said:
I think you might be a raging slag.....
QUOTE]
I am, and proud of it *shouts* I AM A RAGING SLAG :D :D :D


Starzaan said:
Now I am very busy and important and doing things like getting business cards printed, so I really shouldn't be being all madlesbiany, but your morags need a good wafting love!
QUOTE]
wafting as we speak :D


Starzaan said:
I have had a VERY exciting afternoon falling down a hole, and breaking my car. Luckily the mechanic was with me and he fixed it.... my name is Rave.
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did you fall down the hole with the car or were they seperate incidents.

I am off to do some OHMMing and Chanting to pure my filthy mind:p

you go be all important like and earn your gazillions
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At the request of Shysmum, I am bumping the best of the "I love my farrier but he's ignoring my slaggy advances" threads to give you all a good laugh.
 
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