Please excuse me while I die of idiot disease.

Not been on here for a few days and what happens ? I miss a brilliant post. I've blinkin enjoyed catching up tho. Starzan do you have pics of A) you looking rough so we can decide how much of a chance you have / lost with the farrier. B) The whelks and C) The sausage oh and D) The puppy. No more Gingerbread men tattoos
 
But I LOVE the gingerbread man tattoo!!!

You're not getting any photos, I might start an international incident with my ranktasticness...


I am still dead. And will only contemplate asking the whelks to vomit my soul back in through my ears if a) FF tells me I'm a fitty even when I look like I ran into the back end of a cow or b) something else vaguely goodish happens.

The puppy has the farts like you would not believe... sausages didn't agree with him...


Sobsobsobsobsobsob.
 
I have to ask, doesn't ff's friend 'lick the other side of the stamp' so to speak? Or was that someone else???????????????????????????????????????????????

Must know, and now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As if I am indeed right, the vision of your mum asking HIM if he fancied a sausage has me virtually reaching for the Tena lady.

If I got it wrong, DOH!!!! How stupid do I feel, and am going to crawl straight back under my rock!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
Tennessee PMSL !!! Pleeease let it be true that FFs friend bat for the opposition.

Assuming that Starzaan approves of Katie Price, with her pneumatic Morags, playing the part of FFs ex. We can now consider who can play the part of FFs friend :)
 
Starzaan, is there space for me in your whelk bucket? I'm trying to fill out job applications and the pointlessness of it all is making me want to sit in the corner and rock back and forward while chewing on the corner of a tea towel. I think having my soul sucked out would be much better.

Sob.
 
Tennessee said:
I have to ask, doesn't ff's friend 'lick the other side of the stamp' so to speak? Or was that someone else???????????????????????????????????????????????

Must know, and now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As if I am indeed right, the vision of your mum asking HIM if he fancied a sausage has me virtually reaching for the Tena lady.

If I got it wrong, DOH!!!! How stupid do I feel, and am going to crawl straight back under my rock!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Click to expand...

OH MY. I'm *this* close off to investing in Tena too now. Thankyou for that. Pmsl!!!!
 
well I've a freezer full of sausages, what would he fancy. I've Pork&Apple, P&Leek,P&black pepper, Farmhouse, cumberland, Pork&tomato,pork&stilton or just Pork and thats just for the dog.:D:D:D:D:D
 
Sadly the flat mate does NOT lick the other side of the stamp, which is terribly inconsiderate of him as this has little comic effect.


A Scottish man was very very rude to me this evening. No FF in the pub, just a Scottish man who very nearly made me cry.

I am a damp flannel of a person, with unwieldy wafting morags, sexysexy boots (just purchased today to cheer myself up...they are rather wonderful and cost more than my car...) and no FF on my arm.


I wonder if I can stuff myself into an olive. That seems like a good place to go and weep...
 
Starzaan said:
A Scottish man was very very rude to me this evening. No FF in the pub, just a Scottish man who very nearly made me cry.



I wonder if I can stuff myself into an olive. That seems like a good place to go and weep...
Click to expand...

How very dare he? Does he not realise that you are a national institution and a valued member of society? Remember you can make people laugh and thats a lot harder than making them cry.
 
Tell him that please! And while you're telling him that, also tell him that his beard makes him look as though a starving rat crawled onto his face and died.
 
farriersmum said:
OK so I am reading this with the laptop on the arm of the sofa, and the OH is on the sofa too; he said, what's wrong with hr, get her to get her kit on and ask him back!
Simples!
Click to expand...


LMAO, but then again I have some wine in me and read this to say...

'What's wrong with her, get her to grt her kit on and ASK HIM TO BACK HER!!!!!'

On that note I am going to boil kettle and go to bed, no more wine for me!
 
Starzaan said:
Well I'm very pleased that SOMEONE is enjoying my AGONY!!!

I am SUPPOSED to be adoring my mechanic. Which I do. But UGNVEFDDVBIRHJWEKLFNMDASBD




Right, I'm off to bed with my bucket of whelks.
Click to expand...

Is that the noise you make as you choke on the whelks?
 
Oh dear I'm sitting here rocking sliently (apart from the few snorts that escape) with laughter - not the best look for yout first day at a new job!!!

This post is a classic, some of the expressions/turn of phrase!
'Whelks to suck your soul out'
'Morang dance' - and all ref to Morangs really
'The welly dance',
Sausages and all associated comments PMSL!

As suggested should be printed out and put in a book, I would buy it and get copies for my friends - think instant internation market! ;) :)

Starzaan my condolences on your unfortunate meeting but please come back from the dead I want to know how this saga ends!

Have faith - you deshabille and sausage weilding mother may just be the thing to make him realise that he is desperatly in love with you or at least up for some hanky panky, I have had 2 hot guys make moves when I was at less than my best!
a) been chasing (subtly of course..) a guy for months he asked me out at my friends 21st when I stank of Dettol due to having disinfect my self and the car thanks to EI and thanks to the theme was wearing my dad old flannelet shirt and stained jeans.

b) After a day spent mustering sheep and getting trampled in sheep poo in the yards by an obstreparous ewe the HOT guy I was working with stopped the ute on the way back to the homestead for some 'face licking' - though he was Kiwi ... ;)

Oh and can I please have a role (however minor) in the film!!
 
Sadly, until I see FF again and he decides to tell me I'm beautiful even when I'm the rankazon... (which, let's face it... never gonna happen!).... I am going to continue to be whelked up to the max, sans soul.


My horse just pinged my BEAUTIFUL turquoise morag restrainer and broke a strap! He's now going to be made into skewbald burgers.
 
Felicity_09 said:
Oh and can I please have a role (however minor) in the film!!
Click to expand...

Be a whelk, with me!

Its awfully lonely in this whelk-bucket :(

Starzaan said:
Sadly, until I see FF again and he decides to tell me I'm beautiful even when I'm the rankazon... (which, let's face it... never gonna happen!).... I am going to continue to be whelked up to the max, sans soul.


My horse just pinged my BEAUTIFUL turquoise morag restrainer and broke a strap! He's now going to be made into skewbald burgers.
Click to expand...

Definitely NO MORE doughnuts for burger-pony, as punishment for injuring the Beautiful Turquoise Morag Restrainer.
 
Starzaan said:
Sadly, until I see FF again and he decides to tell me I'm beautiful even when I'm the rankazon... (which, let's face it... never gonna happen!).... I am going to continue to be whelked up to the max, sans soul.


My horse just pinged my BEAUTIFUL turquoise morag restrainer and broke a strap! He's now going to be made into skewbald burgers.
Click to expand...

Get your horse to do that when ff is about.
Perfect way to flash your morags at him!
 
Do I need an excuse? I think my dignity has run so far away now that nobody will bat an eyelid if I just leap up onto the mounting block and whack out my morags.



Now please excuse me while I return to being dead.
 
well i hope you're happy Starzaan! my keyboard decided to join you in being dead which is wholly due to you! i was reading your post last night whilst enjoying a nice cup of tea after a long day putting the finishing touches to my mum's new chicken stadium (it's far too grand to be called a run).

Got to the part about your mums sausage invitation and choked on a mouthful of tea, managing to splurt it out of my nose and mouth simultaneously (and you complain about being caught in your slippers! try looking attractive with snotty tea all over your face!!)

some of this delightful mixture landed on my keyboard and despite popping the keys off and mopping underneath, my b n m , . / keys died! i hoped that a few hours rest would help them to recover but sadly not, so i have had to root in the back of my wardrobe tonight to find another keyboard.

i think the least you can do is incorporate my bnm,./ keys on the cover of your book should you decide to publish your musings, or let them have a minor role in Starzaan, The Movie.

As for the broken morag restrainer all i can say is...keyboard karma!
 
Starzaan,

You have a lot to answer for!!

Not only do I need new underwear every time I read this post, but I had the "equality and diversity" witch on my back at work today because I referred to my friends "pair" as waftin Morags...whilst the new bloody secretary who is called Morag walked behind me and thought I meant she smelt!!!!!

I was also feeling pretty happy that there are no FF where I am, but oh no, after reading the Starzaan post, I happened to be at the yard when the FFFFFFFFF F EVER was there. I stood behind him...a lot. He is now my new F for Bailey :D :D :D I may have competition though...bailey licked him.

Least you only have your mum for morga wafting competition...my horse wants in on the act!!!!
 
guido16 said:
Toad in the hole......
Click to expand...

I've just choked on my drink, and whilst spluttering, have managed to get ovaltine to come out of my nose and my eyes (or at least that's what it feels like!) and OH has banned me from reading these posts whilst drinking anything! :eek:

Naturally said:
Is that the noise you make as you choke on the whelks?
Click to expand...

no... it's the noise you make while choking on Ovaltine :D
 
Oh my goodness, how am I ever going to snare the farrier with you snorting, weeing, morag exploding lot behind me!! At least hide behind a tree please!!


I give up, he's never going to turn up out of the blue to find me looking all sparkly and sextastic, and sweep me off my wellies.

BAH!


I had a thought type thing earlier - I'm going to talk VERY NICELY to the people at H&H, and try and get the Starzaan saga into the magazine... help pleeeasssee!

Also... I am considering undeading myself and getting rid of the whelks.. but every time I think it's ok to take my head out of the bucket, one of them whispers "would you like a sausage?" into my lughole, and I plunge my face back in!

POOOOO
 
Never trust a whelk. Shifty wee buggers that they are. I imagine they are beginning to smell by now so climb out, dig a hole and bury this lot as fertiliser for Ma's roses, and get a fresh lot next time the world goes bad.

Oh, and consider some form of medication for the aged parent. Or sausage-aversion therapy.
 
Starzaan said:
I had a thought type thing earlier - I'm going to talk VERY NICELY to the people at H&H, and try and get the Starzaan saga into the magazine... help pleeeasssee!
Click to expand...

Threaten to take it to the opposition if they won't :p I still think a book is a better idea though.

Please get rid of the whelks, it is very difficult typing when you have to hold your nose too, they just smell too much now (insert sicky smiley thingy)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top