Please excuse me while I die of idiot disease.

OMG I'm full of cold and while Reading this what started as laughing fit turned into a coughing/choking fit, cough sweet shot down my neck and then dog jumped all over me while I laid on the floor dying thinking I wanted to play with her (8 stone rotty) not a good Sunday. I'm thinking there should be sum sort of disclaimer/warning that goes with your threads.:eek:
 
Starzaan said:
I hope you snotted everywhere too...


Do you look like Nigella? If so, that's why the dog jumped you....
Click to expand...
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Oh yes at least a bucket full of snot.. And spit n drool as I was choking as well. OH just told me to stop winding the dog up.
And alas no I look more like slimer out of ghost busters at the mo lol
 
This is hilarious! I am crying and OH is dribbling tea down himself.....

Hold the thought that it does happen - just when you think there is no hope, the Hotty suddenly and totally, unexpectedly declares their interest in you..... ;)
 
Are you implying that there is no hope?! Who WOULDN'T want to get with this?!

I am a quivering, heaving morag wielding sexy sex thing.


THAT is what I am.
 
No, no! You are obviously a woman of such staggering sexiness that FF must be doing serious mental exercises to be able to restrain himself from hurling you to the ground and divesting you, layer by layer of your minging garments until you lie revealed in all your morag restrained glory........

....while your mother asks him if he wants a sausage....
 
I have been up since 2 am with what must be colic as I am rolling and groaning like a poor colicky neddy, and made the mistake of catching up on this thread.

IT HURTS WHEN I LAUGH, DAMN YOU!!!!!!!!

*Reaches for the Buscopan and waits for the next instalment*
 
I just had a morag related incident...

being the delightful and kind person that I am, I volunteered to go over and jump a friend's horse for her because he's a pig who likes to refuse and run out and bronc and generally be a pillock at the beginning of the season...

So after forty minutes of being bucked with and managing to get him over about three fences, I decided I was too bloody hot and stripped down to just breeches, boots, THE turquoise morag restrainer, and a strappy top thing....

I got the bugger over a hefty 1m30 upright....after which he broncked like there was no tomorrow, at which point my emergency orange thread repair job to the strap of my morag restrainer SNAPPED...

now picture me being broncked with on 17.3hh of warmblood, while my (not so tiny) morags flap around like two enormous flapping things, hitting me in the eyes, and basically wafting about FAR TOO MUCH for my liking.

Said friend is at this point rolling around on the floor shrieking with laughter and screaming "YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE ME BREAK THE GOLDEN SEAL YOU SLAG!!" (meaning, "I'm going to dribble in my knicknacks").... sexy yard handy man walks in to see my morags all akimbo, hearing friend screaming that she's weeing all over the shop and it's my fault, and hears me shrieking "ATLAS YOU EFFING C I'M GOING TO MAKE YOU INTO CHESTNUT WARMBLOOD BURGERS IF YOU DON'T STOP MAKING MY MORAGS BANG AROUND!!!!"

Exit handyman.









Handyman returns....with friends.







I think I might have to go to the doctor with pulled morags.
 
Poor horse was probably terrified of the unleashed Morags, i mean really how can you expect him to behave:D

So after forty minutes of being bucked with and managing to get him over about three fences, I decided I was too bloody hot and stripped down to just breeches, boots, THE turquoise morag restrainer, and a strappy top thing....

R u just trying to get the ladies going again!!!:D
 
Why oh why wasn't said friend using her phone to record/video the Starzaan Morags making such an energetic bid for freedom, instead of just rolling around on the floor!

We could all have shared the experience (like the good supportive HHo'ers we are) on You tube:)

Or do you still get £250 from You've been framed?
This would be a win win situation, £250 to pay for a more roadworthy Morag bolder holder and FF would get to see said Morags (try before you buy).
 
Short of whacking them out and shimmying in front of FF, I think we can safely say he's seen my morags.... I've spent enough time bending over and saying "WHOOPS, my top appears to have fallen down...".

I have no shame.
 
I don't suppose there was a FF about to witness the spectacle of the unfettered Morags flying free?

When you take them to the doctor perhaps you could suggest some HRT for you Mum?? (Or bromide for her tea!)

And I have a complaint Starzaan - I had a very strange dream last night about a farrier who was a FF but about 25 years ago!! Haven't seen him for a long time and nothing romantic but in the dream he ended up washing my hair! I blame late night reading of your saga and possibly too much laughing and snorting too.
Perhaps I ought to come and have a chat with your Mum and we could compare prescriptions in our darkened room.......
 
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