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Please give your horse the benefit of the doubt - Muffin update

JJS

Well-Known Member
Joined
10 September 2013
Messages
1,814
Thinking of you right now, YCBM. It’s not so long since I lost my own boy, also long before his time and in a situation that broke my heart in two. I know that you must be hurting terribly right now, but please don’t think that a single person on here is cruel enough to read any selfish motives into your decision. Your beautiful Muffin is in pain and uncomfortable, and you’re helping him in the only way you can. I hope he goes very peacefully.
 

SEL

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Joined
25 February 2016
Messages
5,792
Location
Buckinghamshire
It hurts to know that there are some people on this forum who will be thinking that I am having Muffin put down because it is inconvenient to keep him going and that I wanted a new one. It isn't true. I am crying my heart out here, he is such a beautiful creature. I just have to stop his pain.
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There are always people who will keep a horse going until it quite literally can't. I know I'm guilty of letting problems go on too long in the hope that they won't be as bad, will get better, can be managed etc - but knowingly watching a horse in pain and not being able to help absolutely means you are making the right call.
 

Abi90

Well-Known Member
Joined
20 February 2007
Messages
1,591
YCBM, you have absolutely done the right thing by Muffin and I hope no one thinks it was because he was inconvenient.

Do not see the new horse as a betrayal, you needed a companion and she came along at the right time. Nothing wrong with that at all. And she may help your grief, and there is nothing wrong with allowing yourself some solace from another horse.
 

Ellietotz

Well-Known Member
Joined
26 June 2014
Messages
1,720
Thinking of you today. You have done right by him.
Good luck with your new mare. I don't see it as betrayal either and hopefully she can help fill the void he has left behind and you get to start your new journey together. Everything happens for a reason and it may be a blessing in disguise that she came along now. X
 

Boulty

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Joined
14 April 2011
Messages
1,135
It hurts to know that there are some people on this forum who will be thinking that I am having Muffin put down because it is inconvenient to keep him going and that I wanted a new one. It isn't true. I am crying my heart out here, he is such a beautiful creature. I just have to stop his pain.
I really hope that the number of people thinking that are minimal. Although I had someone actively try to buy the horse I had PTS last year... He was similar in that he had neck & back issues (amongst other things) & that I took him to Leahurst expecting them to find a few joints to medicate & to be able to bring him back into gentle work. They found about 12 & seeing him regress to the borderline dangerous, defensive behaviour that he'd not displayed for years convinced me it would not be in his best interests to carry on when he was only going to get worse & it was impossible to know exactly how much pain he was in. The people offering to buy him & pay for his retirement believed my decision was a financial / convenience one (they hadn't known me when I sent him for rehab at the opposite end of the country on the vague hope of it working when I didn't even like him that much at that point!) I offered to send them the vet report & respectfully told them to butt out.

I also started emailing about youngsters before he went so I'd have something to look forward to so can also see where you're coming from with finding another to occupy yourself with. It's not betraying him to embark on a new adventure with a different horse.

Anyway hope all is going as well as it can. You know what you're doing is for the best... The opinions of others don't matter x
 
Joined
29 May 2020
Messages
15
YCBM - I just wanted to send you a virtual hug on what I know will be a very difficult and desperately sad day for you. I can only echo others' views that Muffin was so lucky you found him. Know that you put him first and by doing that, you are carrying the pain instead of him. I am glad you found each other and I don't know if you believe in stuff like this, but it wouldn't surprise me if Muffin guided you towards your new black mare, so he knew you had someone to cuddle after he had passed. Thinking of you xx
 

Tala08

Active Member
Joined
19 April 2019
Messages
37
Neither can I. In April he was doing the best work he has ever done. I mistook headshaking earlier in May when it went hot for seasonal allergy because he had a little water coming from his nose. It wasn't, it was pain. He was already unable to be worked when that was going on, then we got a cooler spell which fooled me that the heeadshaking was over. The x rays were a terribly shock. Then it heated up again and he was hanging his head on the door frame for support all day, and without work his back is sinking and now he has snapped at me for trying to touch his neck. In a way, I'm grateful for the heat having made his problems so obvious and making it clear that we both need this over sooner rather than later.

I'm so conflicted about my new horse. She was at the local trekking centre who I asked to loan me a horse for the summer, and was everything I had been looking for for many years, a beautiful black PRE mare. It made no sense not to buy her, but picking her up later today is going to feel like a betrayal.

It hurts to know that there are some people on this forum who will be thinking that I am having Muffin put down because it is inconvenient to keep him going and that I wanted a new one. It isn't true. I am crying my heart out here, he is such a beautiful creature. I just have to stop his pain.

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You listened to Muffin & did everything you could for him, including making the brave decision we all dread.

Don't feel conflicted about the new horse, there is no right or wrong amount of time & no one should judge you for that. I hope she settles in quickly & helps to ease your pain.
 

Smitty

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Joined
22 December 2010
Messages
543
Location
South West
So the best decision. Have been there many times now like yourself, and it certainly doesn't get easier. I love you have another and know that she is in safe hands with somebody who will listen to her. That surely must be so important to them when they are not feeling 'right', and much more meaningful than 'this season's' rug or colour coordinates.

Sure today has been horrid, but chin up, he's in the best place. Hugs.
 

View

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Joined
30 March 2014
Messages
1,761
Location
exiled Glaswegian
YCBM, letting him go and ensuring he is free of pain is the polar opposite of being selfish.

And just how on earth can ensuring that you don't have a horse on its own count as being selfish?

Please be kind to yourselves - doing the right thing by any of our animals has always left me in bits, but far better this than the misery of animals left in pain.

In time, you will be at peace with your actions. But I know the sense of guilt at the relief that it's over. This is normal, and this too will pass.
 

Ambers Echo

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Joined
13 October 2017
Messages
4,476
Ycbm I am so sorry but you have made the right call. He was unhappy and it was only going to get worse over time. As regards the new one - there is no right or wrong in terms of when to get any new horse. Some people wait, some don't. I never do as I'm sure people have noticed! I'd be lost without a horse (or 3). Please don't feel you can't post about her or start a happier New Arrival thread. You can be heart broken about losing Muffin AND excited about saying hi to a beautiful new horse at the same time. Being happy about her does not in anyway detract from your obvious love for him which has been clear throughout your time with him. Thinking of you x
 

ycbm

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Joined
30 January 2015
Messages
27,485
I would like you all to know how much I felt supported by you today and how much that meant to me. It was hard, he didn't make it easy for us, but he didn't know a thing about it, apart from being puzzled about an excess of food and carrots.

THANKYOU.

.
 

splashgirl45

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Joined
6 March 2010
Messages
8,555
Location
suffolk
hope you are feeling ok YCBM, you have done the right thing by muffin and he is now free of pain. look after yourself and try and enjoy your new horse. it has been obvious from your posts how hard you have tried to get him comfy, it wasnt to be, hugs xx
 

Evie91

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Joined
12 May 2012
Messages
1,858
Location
Warwickshire
Not an easy thing but the kindest thing for Muffin. If only more animal owners could be that kind of responsible and make tough decisions with animal welfare at heart. I’ve always thought PTS is not the worst fate that can befall any creature that is ‘owned’ by humans.
Whether you choose to have another one, 2,3 or four is nobody else’s business but your own. Hope your new girl settles in well.
 

Welsh Dragon

Active Member
Joined
9 April 2019
Messages
35
YCBM, letting him go and ensuring he is free of pain is the polar opposite of being selfish.

And just how on earth can ensuring that you don't have a horse on its own count as being selfish?

Please be kind to yourselves - doing the right thing by any of our animals has always left me in bits, but far better this than the misery of animals left in pain.

In time, you will be at peace with your actions. But I know the sense of guilt at the relief that it's over. This is normal, and this too will pass.
This 100%. I was thinking of you and Muffin today. Take some comfort in the fact that you have done the kindest yet most difficult thing any horse owner can do when needed. xx
 

Cragrat

Well-Known Member
Joined
13 August 2013
Messages
696
Just wanted to add my sympathy and virtual hugs.

Such a tough decision, and you are brave and truly caring for carrying it out.

I hope you can enjoy your new horse without guilt - you need a companion horse, so why not have a gorgeous one? xx
 

mule

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Joined
27 October 2016
Messages
6,182
Hope you're ok, it's very difficult. Try to remember you did what was best for Muffin x
 
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