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Please give your horse the benefit of the doubt - Muffin update

ycbm

Well-Known Member
Joined
30 January 2015
Messages
27,553
Can't believe how quickly you've gone from keeping him comfortable to having to make the call.
Neither can I. In April he was doing the best work he has ever done. I mistook headshaking earlier in May when it went hot for seasonal allergy because he had a little water coming from his nose. It wasn't, it was pain. He was already unable to be worked when that was going on, then we got a cooler spell which fooled me that the heeadshaking was over. The x rays were a terribly shock. Then it heated up again and he was hanging his head on the door frame for support all day, and without work his back is sinking and now he has snapped at me for trying to touch his neck. In a way, I'm grateful for the heat having made his problems so obvious and making it clear that we both need this over sooner rather than later.

I'm so conflicted about my new horse. She was at the local trekking centre who I asked to loan me a horse for the summer, and was everything I had been looking for for many years, a beautiful black PRE mare. It made no sense not to buy her, but picking her up later today is going to feel like a betrayal.

It hurts to know that there are some people on this forum who will be thinking that I am having Muffin put down because it is inconvenient to keep him going and that I wanted a new one. It isn't true. I am crying my heart out here, he is such a beautiful creature. I just have to stop his pain.

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Flicker

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Joined
18 January 2007
Messages
3,425
Thoughts with you and Muffin today. You are feeling the pain so he doesn’t have to. He is a lucky boy. Big virtual hugs from me xx
 

Cavalier

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Joined
4 August 2010
Messages
203
Thinking of you today xx. Be kind to yourself, you have nothing to blame yourself for having recognised an issue and follow it up.
 

Pearlsasinger

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Joined
20 February 2009
Messages
29,065
Location
W. Yorks
Thinking of you this morning. I would want to do exactly the same as you are doing and put the needs of the horses first. You are doing the best thing for Muffin and removing his pain. A friend used to have a hunter whose arthritis was always worse in summer than winter, he was still up to hunting occasionally, so long as she didn't jump but stiff in hot weather.
And you are doing the best thing for the Appyx because he shouldn't be left on his own, so to me, it is irrelevant whether you borrow or buy a companion. It's just a bonus that you found a companion that you want to buy.

I have never managed to find one quite so quickly but I have started looking for the next horse immediately after the decision has been made in the past. I have always found that it helps me to move on. It doesn't mean that you thought less of the horse you have lost, or that you are unfeeling in any way but it does mean that you are thinking practically.
 

ycbm

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Joined
30 January 2015
Messages
27,553
Thinking of you this morning. I would want to do exactly the same as you are doing and put the needs of the horses first. You are doing the best thing for Muffin and removing his pain. A friend used to have a hunter whose arthritis was always worse in summer than winter, he was still up to hunting occasionally, so long as she didn't jump but stiff in hot weather.
And you are doing the best thing for the Appyx because he shouldn't be left on his own, so to me, it is irrelevant whether you borrow or buy a companion. It's just a bonus that you found a companion that you want to buy.

I have never managed to find one quite so quickly but I have started looking for the next horse immediately after the decision has been made in the past. I have always found that it helps me to move on. It doesn't mean that you thought less of the horse you have lost, or that you are unfeeling in any way but it does mean that you are thinking practically.
Thankyou PaS, I appreciate you writing that.
 

Shady

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Joined
24 October 2014
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4,823
Location
lost in the wilderness of France
It hurts to know that there are some people on this forum who will be thinking that I am having Muffin put down because it is inconvenient to keep him going and that I wanted a new one. It isn't true. I am crying my heart out here, he is such a beautiful creature. I just have to stop his pain.

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Ycbm. I sincerely hope that nobody thinks that and if there are a few who do, they are the most miserable f**kheads alive. I know the truth of it . I have been here with you through this and know how much you are hurting.
I have seen cats and dogs who appear perfectly ok and then die suddenly. It has happened to me. Muffin has made it obvious that he is in pain and unhappy You are doing the kindest thing. Others might not.
Grieve for Muffin, but enjoy your mare Ycbm.
I will be thinking of you today. Stay strong. xx
 

MrsMozart

Just passing through...
Joined
27 June 2008
Messages
37,924
Location
Not where I should be...
You're in our thoughts lass. Sadly many of us here know what you're going through. Sending you a handhold through it.

The new horse isn't a betrayal. She's a different horse. She's not a replacement. You'll find it hard for a while and you'll need to let yourself grieve for your lad, but the new horse is another chapter, not a rewrite of the previous one.
 

suebou

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Joined
21 December 2017
Messages
137
Hardest thing ever, but you know it is right. Hopefully the new one will fill some of the hole left by this lovely lad.
 

Asha

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Joined
25 February 2012
Messages
3,800
Location
Cheshire
It’s never easy , but it’s totally the right thing to do . Anyone who thinks differentl has no clue of the pain these horses are in .

I lost my boy 2 years ago to this , i remember how hard it was to make the decision. As some days they look so well , but the bad days do start to happen more often . The vets warned me that if I didn’t make the decision soon , he would start to fall over . No animal should go like that.

So hats off to you , making the decision based on his quality of life .

take care x
 

PictusSweetDreams

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Joined
13 March 2020
Messages
611
It’s by far the hardest decision to ever make, most of us know this all to well.

It’s even harder when you have a new horse that you want to be excited about but then the overwhelming guilt takes over because you’re gaining one and losing another. It’s an awful feeling, I felt the same when I let tilly go and gained Ebony all in the same week. Take care of yourself and take peace in the fact you have been so kind as to end his suffering, it doesn’t make it any easier, I know, but you are absolutely doing right by him. Enjoy your new girl, she’s come to you for a reason I believe. My heart really does break for you.
 

Batgirl

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Joined
4 February 2011
Messages
3,094
Location
Yaaaarkshire
Such a shame but thank goodness you had the courage of your convictions!

IME very few horses have genuine behavioural issues, there will be a cause, although it might be difficult to find. I'm glad Muffin has a responsible owner.
Totally agree. My horse was 'lazy'. Many a trainer wanted me to beat him into submission. My vet trusted me and sent me off to Newmarket. Horse was immediately retired.

Well done OP for trusting yourself.
 

ForbiddenHorse

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Joined
24 April 2013
Messages
1,717
Thinking of you today @ycbm, I hope it goes as well as it can do. The right decision completely, I agree with the rest of the comments.

As you know, I went through very similar with my gelding. It was the toughest thing I've had to do but I am at ease knowing hes pain free, I just knew he was in agony everyday. You are the best owner he could of ever wished for.

New thread needed for the new one, when you're ready. x
 
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