PTS - being there with the horse or not?

[Borderreiver]

I would always want to be there with mine and always have been. You are their special person and hard though it is I think it helps them through.

 

[ycbm]

You are their special person and hard though it is I think it helps them through.

They don't know, so they don't need that help. Only the people know that the horse is about to die.

It's a very personal thing, people should do what they feel is right for them.
.

 

[Cortez]

Sorry, it's never easy. I've held many horses for PTS, both gun and injection, but I never hold my own. It's an entirely personal decision, the horse will not know what is going to happen so you must think about your own feelings and how it's going to affect you.

 

[Jango]

I'm sorry it's really hard. My beautiful boy Jango who I adored with all my heart I stood with him. I'm glad I did, I know he didn't suffer and went down carrot in mouth. I had to have a horse put to sleep I'd only had 8 or so months and he was staying at the vets, I didn't go and be with him. He was a lovely lad but we didn't have the same bond so my presence wouldn't really be adding anything. Its a very personal decision and nobody can make it for you.

 

[Peglo]

So sorry to hear of your horse and another loss for you so soon after the last one. So devastating and unfair.

I walked away before both of mine was PTS and I don’t regret it. They were happy and content and I didn’t think I’d cope with seeing them go down.
There’s no right or wrong answer. Your doing what’s best for your horse and you should also do what’s best for you. So sorry your in this position again.

 

[Pinkvboots]

I was with both of mine at the end but I've also been there until the end for other people's horses when they couldn't do it, its just down to what you want to do and feel at the time no judgement from me.

It's bloody hard either way and if you don't want to be there please don't feel bad x

 

[Sossigpoker]

Just thought I'd add that if your horse is good and trusting to handle so the vet /nurse etc can administer the drugs without distressing the horse , then I personally wouldn't feel obligated to be present.
For my current horse - and I pray it won't be for another 10 years at least !- I will need to be there as he's a complex,.nervous personality and he will be terrified of people trying to do things to him.

They don't know what's coming so if your horse doesn't get distressed when others handle him ,.and you feel too distressed to witness it, maybe give yourself a break and don't force yourself?

Either way it will be difficult for you on the day so please remember to be kind to yourself and let yourself grieve

 

[NightStock]

I'm so sorry, what a terrible thing to happen.

I think the one thing you may want to consider is closure, sometimes seeing the body makes it more real, that can be a good or a bad thing I suppose but I wonder with him being at the vets you may actually feel like he is still just away rather than gone? Whatever you decide, take care of yourself.

 

[AandK]

It’s a very personal decision. I was there for my late mare 4yrs ago and again with my horse of a lifetime last month. Both went peacefully by injection at the yard.
It’s different as your horse is at the vets, do what you feel is right for you. If you want your last memory to be the lovely picnic you had with him, there is nothing wrong with that.
So sorry you’re having to go through this.

 

[Pegasus5531]

Thank you all for your advice and personal experiences. We said goodbye to him yesterday but didn't stay for the actual act itself. He was very relaxed and content with the lovely staff at the vets and I honestly felt he was so heavily sedated he didn't notice whether I stayed or not but I am glad I have had the chance to say goodbye.

 

[scats]

It’s a very personal decision. If having the injection, you can always stay for the sedation bit and then hand over to someone else for the rest. The horse won’t know anything after the sedation hits anyway.

I stay for mine, but I would totally understand if someone wouldn’t want to. Some of mine have gone really quickly and quietly and others have taken a bit longer and moved a lot and made noises. Just be aware that this can happen if they have the injection and it can be distressing if you’ve not seen it before.

Take care of yourself x

 

[Sossigpoker]

Thank you all for your advice and personal experiences. We said goodbye to him yesterday but didn't stay for the actual act itself. He was very relaxed and content with the lovely staff at the vets and I honestly felt he was so heavily sedated he didn't notice whether I stayed or not but I am glad I have had the chance to say goodbye.

I'm sorry to hear this but also glad that it happened peacefully, that will give you some comfort in days to come. I'm so glad also that you were able to say good bye.

 

[splashgirl45]

I have been there with until the last moment, I held my first one and saw him fall downand I wish I hadn’t as my memory of him was spoilt … with others I walked away before the final bit so I didn’t see them fall or when they were loaded up and taken away… there is no right or wrong, you could go and say goodbye before it happens if you would like to, I don’t think you need to be there for the final moment as he has been in the vets for a little while so should be happy with the people who have been looking after him.. good luck

 

[Roasted Chestnuts]

Unless under anaesthesia and not going to be woken up or I was on Holiday and something tragic had happened then I would always be there. I have cuddled several ( not all mine) into the next life and I would honestly be so cruel to myself and feel so guilty if I wasn’t there when I could be.

However that is just my take on it. Everyone lives with and makes their decisions differently and I wouldn’t judge if you didn’t want to be there.

 

[Auslander]

I have held all the horses that have been pts here, but I will not be holding Alf when his time comes. I will stay with him til he's sedated, and then I'll walk away and not look back. Everyone is different, and no-one is wrong.

 

[nagblagger]

Sorry for your loss, it sounds like you made the right decision for you both.

 

[ycbm]

So sorry you've had to go through this again so soon. Hopefully things will feel easier now it's done. Look after yourself now, won't you.
.

 

[splashgirl45]

Glad things went as well as possible and you had the chance to say goodbye.. you don’t have to worry about him anymore and can concentrate on looking after yourself xx

 

[Laafet]

So sorry you've got to face this so soon, I had three years between my last two and I really struggled with that. For me, as I can't afford the injection these days and have had my fair experience through work of it not going well, I prefer the gun. That said in our friend group we all hold each others, so they are with someone they know but not an emotional owner. My friend held Stormy and I held her last one. But it is so personal and no one has any right to judge you or comment on it.

 

[MiJodsR2BlinkinTite]

I wasn't there for my old first-pony, was very poorly at the time with a bad bout of the flu and just couldn't be there. He was done by the Hunt and the YO was there, but I've always regretted not being there for him. This was over 30yrs ago and I still feel I failed my little man when he needed me the most.

Have used both vets for PTS and local Knackerman. All of which times I've been there, plus supported Livery's when they've needed it (both methods).

I cannot tell you what you should or should not do; no-one can do that. You may feel you could be there, you may not. However if you feel that you may regret the decision not to be there in the future, then you may need to aim to be there on the day and perhaps just then briefly go in and say goodbye and then walk away and let what needs to be done, to be done. You will probably find yourself ushered away when removal etc needs to take place anyway.

So sorry you are in this position. It isn't ever easy.

 

[Cortez]

I wasn't there for my old first-pony, was very poorly at the time with a bad bout of the flu and just couldn't be there. He was done by the Hunt and the YO was there, but I've always regretted not being there for him. This was over 30yrs ago and I still feel I failed my little man when he needed me the most.

In my opinion only, so please don't take this in any other way, but at that moment your pony needed the huntsman the most and not you. Horses are not like dogs and are used to being handled and attended to by many other people during their lives, I am interested in what people think they are bringing to the situation. In talking to vet and knackermen friends, the presence of a distraught owner is the very last thing either they or the pony need.

 

[Birker2020]

In my opinion only, so please don't take this in any other way, but at that moment your pony needed the huntsman the most and not you. Horses are not like dogs and are used to being handled and attended to by many other people during their lives, I am interested in what people think they are bringing to the situation. In talking to vet and knackermen friends, the presence of a distraught owner is the very last thing either they or the pony need.

OP I am very sorry for your loss particuarly so soon after the other.

I was with Bailey (elective pts) almost to the end and partner and I didn't cry in front of her, I can honestly say she'd not have known a thing. We had about 6 days leading up to the date but I found it was comforting spending time with her. Not once did I cry in front of her, a couple of times I walked around the corner to cry.

We chose to walk away at the last minute after the sedation but before the final injection as I didn't want to see her fall. I held my friends horse and watched him fall and again didn't cry in front of him although stifled a sob after he fell.

I think if you can't say 100% you won't be visibly or audibly upset then it's probably best to stay away. If you can be calm and provide reassurance to that animal than fine, stay.

I'm a 'processor' or an 'observer' of information and not an immediate 'reactor'. So I don't tend to immediately react to a situation like many others do, instead I go away and stew and tears tend to come later. So I find some situations easier to deal with I guess as I can hold it together better. Neither way is right or wrong, it's just how you are.

I think the job of vet/knackerman must be incredibly hard with very distraught owners insisting they are present.

Up until losing Bailey I had lost four horses in a row over an incredibly short period of time but with the two I could have been with, the first I was instructed to walk away by the y.o not because I was upset but because he knew I would be after and thank God I did as it went horribly wrong. The other one had wobblers so I wasn't able to be with him as the vet said they couldn't predict safely how or where he might have gone down. I have no lasting regrets over either.

I wish you the best as you are faced with navigating your way through the heartbreak with the loss of your horse x

 

[ycbm]

I wasn't there for my old first-pony, was very poorly at the time with a bad bout of the flu and just couldn't be there. He was done by the Hunt and the YO was there, but I've always regretted not being there for him. This was over 30yrs ago and I still feel I failed my little man when he needed me the most.

He didn't know that it was any other than an ordinary day with the yard owner handling him and a meeting with a strange man like a dentist or a farrier . He didn't know he was about to die. He didn't need you any more than the days he met the farrier or the dentist or the vet for a for a flu jab.

You gave him a quick and painless end.

You did not let him down.
.

 

[planete]

I am sorry you have been faced with this again. I am sure you made the best decision for your horse and yourself. I thought I should be with my Arab when the vet euthanased him and kept calm and relaxed while he gave the injection. Then the horse dropped and I unexpectedly burst into tears obviously surprising and upsetting the poor vet. So when I had to go trough this again I decided I would hand my very friendly relaxed horse to somebody else and walk away. Much fairer for all concerned if I could not trust myself really.

 

[PSD]

I’ve had 2 pts, first by the local hunt. I was present in the yard but huntsman told me not to be present as it isn’t pleasant. They were very professional, I led him into the indoor said goodbye and walked away. It was very dignified IMO.

Second pony was pts by the vet and it was planned as she was very poorly with laminitis in 2020. I was there until the end, I had owned her all her life and wanted to be there as I owed her my life. I held it together and my voice was (so I’m told) the last thing she heard. I told her she was my best girl always and that’s what I’ve had on her plaque that’s on her ashes.

It’s a very personal decision and no one can tell you which is right because they are not you. It isn’t nice being there and remembering what happens at the end but some people (like me) take comfort in being there until the end, some prefer to remember happier moments and both are okay.

I do have a beautiful photo, video and now memory of her in the field on her last day in the sun munching grass - despite being absolutely crippled and buted to the eyeballs to get her there. The little witch still wouldn’t be caught even with crippling laminitis

Sending you lots of love at this difficult time xx

 

[wills_91]

So sorry you are facing this again. I held my pony when he was PTS - I was 11 - I was 27 when I had to have my mare PTS and I couldn't do it. I did go to the yard on the morning but I asked a trusted friend to stand with her. I have no regrets with either. Do you have a friend who could go for you? Its very personal. Take care

 

[expanding_horizon]

I'm so sorry, what a terrible thing to happen.

I think the one thing you may want to consider is closure, sometimes seeing the body makes it more real, that can be a good or a bad thing I suppose but I wonder with him being at the vets you may actually feel like he is still just away rather than gone? Whatever you decide, take care of yourself.

I held the first one, and I looked back after was done to be certain, and sadly that is my enduring memory. The second one, I organized the process, led the horses to the location with a bucket of carrots, said good bye, passed horse to a trusted person and left. As long as horse is straightforward and there is a trusted person, I would set it up, say good bye, leave horse with treats, and let someone else witness it.

 

[Cortez]

I have held numerous horses for euthanasia over the years, and been there whilst they were loaded up and taken away. I've never held one of my own; I don't particularly want my last sight of a much-beloved horse to be being winched into a knackers lorry with a hook in the eye socket

 

[oldandgold]

So sorry Pegasus5531

 

[nagblagger]

WOW Cortez,, my knackersman never puts a hook in the eye socket, that is so gross and would distress me and i have been there for all of mine. He treats them with respect and dignity even when he winches them in.