Re the "haven't a clue" thread: what's the numptiest thing YOU'VE done? ;)

I have a couple of jumping ones.

I have a habit of no matter when I leave, I arrive 2 minutes before my class is going to start. This particular day, I ran to book in and then ran round the course with my 3 year old in tow 'helping' which goes like this
Me "1,2,3,4,5..."
Him "13,7,27,100" and so on.
So after running round the course, chucked the tack on and quickly warmed up. Went in and of course I got to fence 5 and my mind went blank. Totally blank. I tried quickly to blag it but couldn't find it. So I just stopped in the middle of the ring and shouted "I don't know where I'm going!" (Cute when you're 10 on your first pony, less cute when you're 26 and on a horse and should know better) After what seemed like a lifetime the exasperated judge shouted "the white one" over the tannoy. Cringe.

Also tagged along with a friend to Weston Lawns on a Thursday, she was jumping Newcomers and I was going to do the unaffiliated what I thought was the clear round in the small ring, as usual I arrived as the class was starting so just booked in and ran to tack up. Went in and had and unfortunate pole at number 4, got to number 7 and the bell went. Thought "we'll that can't be me, must be the other ring" so ignored it. Jumped 8,9 and 10 before I realised that the bell was still going rather frantically. 10 was facing down towards the entrance so as I cantered past my friend shouted "it's two phase!"
Oops. I shouted "sorry" and put my hand up before making a quick exit!
 
I'm also a where to begin? So many to choose from. I did start a thread a few months back about me almost ending up a Darwin canidate.

I had opened a small grass paddock for the mares. They were milling around at the other gate. No lead or anything but because I feel invincible sometimes I decided I'll lead Heidi over by the mane. The others followed but then Cupcake realises grass is awaiting and she starts being a typical youngster brat. Next thing I know everyone starts messing. I'm trying to angle to the fenceline so I don't get run over before letting go. As soon as I feel safe I let go. Heidi takes off and hits me with her big butt so I'm going to fall. No big deal. But in this second of madness Abba has ducked to the fenceline and I'm falling in her path. So I'm like great this is how it ends. I had some sort of guardian as Abba bumbed me at the exact moment to propell me back upright and spun around. These were at full tilt by now. I was stunned stupid.

I also quite like when now and again I hop on and realise I have not undone my reins from the throatlatch. I do that if I have to go get something before getting on. You know saftey first and all. Helps to remember to undo them. Ride much?

Terri
 
I had to get off my mare to do a tricky gate on a hack a long way from home. Led her through the gate. As I passed the reins from one hand to the other I just missed them. She never ran off, she just very calmly, walked home on the left hand side of the road, when I jogged to catch up she jogged to keep in front of me. Every so often she would look behind with a supercilious glance and snatch a bite to eat from the verge and kept on going. I never got within 10ft of her until we got to the next village where luckily someone in a car stopped and caught her. She must have done about 3 miles on her own. I was cross and knackered!!
 
When i went to veiw a loan horse, the owner tacked up and got me on and said 'i havent really done anything with her for a while, but its her first day here'
Being me, i rode round anyway. She was a bit nappy and strong, and he said, give her a canter! So off i went, she napped, skivvyed to the middle an i flew off over the fence and grabbed onto the floodlight!!
I quickly jumped back into the arena, wanting another go.. I was so embarrassed and everyone was staring at me.. Holes in my jods and ny face was all cut! I still have scars, but it was the funniest fall :D

Somehow, i got the horse and loaned her for ages, alongside going to work with exracers. All in the space of two weeks of leaving a riding school..! The owner never let me live it down!!:p
 
This thread is really bad:mad: I'm supposed to be working not sitting here giggling over H&H forum!!

When I was about 10/12 I went to catch my friends horse from the field. I was a complete novice around horses having just had a few riding school lessons and that was about it.

Anyway spent ages trying to catch this horse but eventually he gave up and let me put his reins over this head, went to put the bridle on and realised the reins were twisted so instead of putting bridle on and then sorting them out I took the reins off again. Horse obviously thought OK so you don't want to catch me then and ran off again. Never did catch him and certainly didn't tell my friend that I did have him once!
 
I was helping my grand daughter tack up so that she could get in the school and have a ride on her own. Got her on board and went to watch at the side and felt such a fool as she slowly slid sideways. I hadn't tightened the girth enough. Luckily the pony is a very well behaved boy and just stood there waiting for the idiot to come over and sort it all out.
Another time I was repairing the electric fence while my boys were out in the field. Silly me I had forgotten how adventurous one of them is I had the electric off at the time and the electric fence is set up about 2ft away from the outer perimeter fence. He decided to follow me down the inner pathway as I did my adjustments and thought it was great fun to charge up and down neighing to his neigbours. I eventually got him back into the field and put the end back up that was there to stop him getting on this particular track in the first place.
 
Too many to mention...

But there was the time I was trying to whistle using my first and index finger on either hand - you know, wolf whistle, out on a hack. Reins hanging around the horse's neck, feet out of the stirrups. Had been going along trying, and failing. Sort of 'Whoosh' (sharp exhale of air and no sound) for about an hour. Horse plods along, flicking ears occasionally as the air is forced out between my teeth and my fingers. Am a mile from home, having just turned into the our lane. Still no luck. Still no reins. Still no stirrups. And then it happened. An almighty 'Wheeeeee!'. Horse got such a fright she lept forward about 20 feet. I fell straight out the back door and landed on my bum. Horse gallops home. Behind me I hear tooting and raucous laughter as the neighbour and her kids are in hysterics. Miserable b*ggers never offered me a lift home, though. I had to walk with a very sore backside and ended up sitting on a cushion with a hole in it for 6 weeks.

Or the time that in my infinite wisdom aged 16 I took a not long off the track TB out on a hack - right next to the gallops. He saw a string in the distance, tipped me out of the side door with an humongous spiraling buck that landed me on my hands and knees on a graded road. He galloped off not in the direction of the other racehorses, but home. I was so petrified he was going to run under a bus (and anyone who knows a Kenya bus will know they don't stop for anything) on the main road he had to cross to get home, I got up and ran after him. He didn't run under a bus, he rolled off the top of his owner's Mercedes. Landed in the ditch, got up and continued off home. The owner saw me, saw I was covered in blood - mine, scooped me up and drove me home. I had exposed bone in a number of places and the bruising was magnificent. Horse was fine. Although he was shot shortly after as he started attacking people. His brain was full of redworm.

Oh, and the time we were wearing roller skates and had our little pony (with someone on board) pull us along. She decided she had had enough, bucked her rider off and took off hell for leather. Stupidly, I failed to let go of the lunge lines we were using as traces. Talk about being dragged through the hedge backwards.:D

Am older, and very much wiser now. And can't half whistle.
 
This thread has made me laugh so much...

I used to use 2 old milk crates as a mounting block for getting on my old 16.3 gelding, one day just as the local riding school passed my yard with about 10 adult riders in tow, I was just getting ready to go out when my foot / leg went through both milk crates and was firmly wedged.

I stood very still, big false smile on face and waved to them all saying morning, morning, morning before then spending what seemed ages trying to free my leg before anyone else saw ...

:)
 
millsandboon said:
I had to get off my mare to do a tricky gate on a hack a long way from home. Led her through the gate. As I passed the reins from one hand to the other I just missed them. She never ran off, she just very calmly, walked home on the left hand side of the road, when I jogged to catch up she jogged to keep in front of me. Every so often she would look behind with a supercilious glance and snatch a bite to eat from the verge and kept on going. I never got within 10ft of her until we got to the next village where luckily someone in a car stopped and caught her. She must have done about 3 miles on her own. I was cross and knackered!!
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Maybe we need another thread about unkind things our horses have done to us?
 
Done, or said? Mine's a "Said";

When I was in my early teens, I had my first proper girlfriend, and her name was Gina. A neighbouring lady, of advanced years, asked me how I was enjoying my school holidays, I replied by saying that things were fine, and that "Later I'll be seeing Gina" and then qualified that by saying "I think that it's short for Vagina". I can see the dear lady's face now, and the stifled smile and how she quietly said "I doubt it"!! :o:o:D

I swear that it's the truth.

Alec. :D
 
A couple of quite recent things...

Got horse ready for hunting and thought I'd put him back in his stable. Went back into the house and started ironing my stock only to hear a clatter of hooves and see horse all dressed up for hunting and leadrope trailing disappear onto the road (which just so happens to be the main valley road and is rather busy). I then shot out of the house dressed in my hunting shirt, knickers and neon green socks and shouting help, help, someone help me and legged it down the road trying to catch the little sod. Luckily he stopped in a driveway and I had to do the walk of shame back down road in my socks and half dressed. Turns out I'd forgotten to put him back in his stable and had left him tied up. He obviously got bored and untied himself. We didn't have a gate onto the road at that house!!

Second thing - I always hitch up trailer night before hunting so we're ready to go in the morning. Went to load horse up next morning and it felt a bit wobbly when horse loaded. Shut ramp and went round checking tyres which all seemed fine. Bit wierd but couldn't see the problem so went to drive off and trailer didn't come with me. It pitched forwards onto its hitch and was most def. not attached. I hadn't hitched it up properly!! Had to take horse off, jack up trailer and rehitch it. Felt like a right plank.
 
Alec Swan said:
When I was in my early teens, I had my first proper girlfriend,
Alec. :D
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It was a this point that I knew your post was going to go badly wrong ;)

"Later I'll be seeing Gina" and then qualified that by saying "I think that it's short for :eek::eek::eek:".
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... and this was where I was proved right :D

Horsey reminiscing, Alec, horsey PMSL.
 
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have a notoriously bad sense of direction. In my first ever ODE jumped first 4 fences lovely. for some reason I then swung hard right had nice bit of a gallop and ended up on the wrong side of fence 17. hmmm. quick 360 and retrace steps, eventually found no.5 Amazingly only had a few time faults!

In more recent ODE with my coblet I picked up canter in the dressage test, lost outside shoulder in the corner and cob thought only solution was to jump 2ft board round edge of arena. Reacted quickly, and we jumped back in. Finished test. At the end the judge got out of box, walked up to me and said 'did we see you leave the arena......?' um, yes. Only thing i could think to say was 'please can we still do the xc bit!'

a friend and i once went to catch a naughty pony from a field with lots of other horses in. We had a bucket of food (silly, but we were young). Obviously every horse in field suddenly wants to be caught including a particularly nasty mare. As we're legging it up the field I can see my friend behind me with the bucket running as fast as she can. I'm yelling 'drop the bucket!!' fool. was a bit like a cartoon!
 
My most embarrasing moment and total numptiness since moving from the States? Had to be my first job riding out for a racehorse trainer here. But first you need to know the same job at home makes triple the money and for less work. We set tack, got on our perfectly groomed horses, cleaned tack and went home. So my riding gear was always spotless and we always were very neat and tidy.

My first day I arrive in my polished gear. I think this will be fun. I'm sure all the lads were like "look what we have here". Handed my one set of tack and told to get so and so ready. Geez, brush and tack up? Oh and where I come from it's only ever leg up. I was the slowest and someone always had to wait for the prima donna to get ready. Yeah, by the second day that was old. So I finally get out of the barn and realise I have been left. So I decide that since all these horses are used to people jumping up surely I can put my foot in the iron and climb on.

Surely Not! Didn't even get my foot over and horse took off at a dead run. I'm clinging on for dear life now trying to find somewhere soft to throw myself as my horse is trying to catch the string. Pick a soft spot and jump. Belly flopped than skidded on the grass to a halt in front of my boss. Only time I've seen him laugh.

Terri
 
Some of these are so funny.

When I was sharing a Horse, I had finished riding and tied him up outside the stable to lay his bed and tie his net up. After a nice comfy bed, lots of hay and fresh water were done and with breaky and dinner outside his stable, I left and went home. The whole way home I had a horrible feeling I had forgotten something. Pushed it to the back of my mind, as thought I was just being paranoid. Then an hour later, it hit me. I hadn't put the Horse back in the stable, DUH! He was still patiently waiting on the yard, luckily a friend was up the yard so I called her and asked her to pop him back in and tell him sorry from me!
 
Back in early 2000's my horse was featured in Horse magazine - if you look closely at the photographs you will see that her browband is inside out. Well its all leather and I was tired but at least it was clean!
 
Some of these are brilliant! Redworms on the brain though? Bleugh! Made me all queasy.:eek:

One night I was putting my horse to bed. It was winter and I had two rugs for him, I put the first one on, then the second, fed him and went home. Came up the next day to find my horse wearing a huge nappy under his top rug. I will remember to do up the breast straps!!

One of the more 'what was I thinking of?' moments only very people know about (currently!). I was mucking out one evening-thankfully the only one at the yard! When I thought I'd start playing the fork along to 'Ace of Spades'. Don't ask me why! I got a bit carried away, stepped backwards and tripped. I didn't want to drop my 'guitar' so I just fell backwards on to my arse, right at my horse's feet. :o:o:o

The look he gave me was priceless!! :D


I think he despairs of me, I really do........
 
Hells Bells said:
Where to begin?

A few years ago, I entered my mare into a WH class, entered the ring to multiple mumblings from onlookers, did my canter circle waiting for the bell, when the commentator asked me to kindly remove myself from the ring and put on a hat.

My best one though was probably when my vet came to do a check up on my cob (who had issues with his sheath), and I brought out the horse, tied it up and left it to the vet. Vet then looked at said horse, then at me and said something along the lines of 'this horse doesn't have a sheath?' My poor mare.
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ha ha!! this reminds me of a trip to the vets with horse (gelding) for xrays - I was holding the horse and the vet says 'any chance of pregnancy'? Knowing full well I have no desire for children and forgetting that the vet couldn't know that I replied 'Of course not you wally he's a gelding'
 
Years ago I was trying to impress some (very cute) guy who had appeared at the yard. I very nonchalently hefted a full haynet onto my back and gave it a nudge with my leg to help it up. Forgot I was still wearing spurs, which got tangled in the haynet, causing me to faceplant myself right in the middle of the yard. Said very cute guy did at least TRY to restrain his laughter til he realised that the unco-ordinated tangled mess on the floor was largely unhurt......

Still cringing now
 
In my first year of lessons, there was once a clinic taking place in the main arena and I was asked to warm up and have my lesson in a grass field. Tacked up my lesson mare, went to the field and then faced the fact I didn't know how to mount properly without a mounting block. Found a small, old stool by the stables, though. Took that to the field, placed it by the mare (who was known to be flighty), stepped on it, placed my foot in the stirrup...lost my balance and fell onto the ground, gracelessly. :D In the process I managed to throw the stool on one of my knees and get a huge bruise. The mare just stared at me in shock.

That didn't discourage me, though. Placed the stool again (on the same, uneven terrain), tried to mount again...fell again, somehow got the stool between my legs and cut a deep gash in my other knee. The mare looked like she was laughing by now. At my third attempt, I managed to mount at last, losing my whip in the tall grass and spending the rest of the lesson by riding in circles at a walk and trying to find it. It was an unfortunate day. :D
 
Just remembered a very recent one of which I am still ashamed - I should have REALLY known better!

Had been riding my gelding bridleless, then dismounted and walked him off by my side, him following me as usual, still saddled, but nothing on his head. Suddenly, he strides away and is attempting to get down for a roll. In fear of my only saddle and without thinking at all, I run for it and smack his butt with my short crop with no other warning.

And that, ladies and gentleman, was the first time I got kicked. :o

(Nothing serious, luckily, just a bruise on my hip to remind this shameful occasion.)
 
Working at a private yard. One of the horses was very large (17.2 ish). I was brushing his front leg and thought I'd seen something on the front of his cannon bone. Stuck my head in front of his knee and got clobbered in the face.

I ended up with a lovely bruise.

I'm sure there's more and I've just blocked them out. :o
 
At 14 working at a riding school I was put in charge of helping a very elderly gentleman get onto his horse for his hack, I'd done the girth up as tightly as I could and was holding onto the opposite stirrup whilst he got on from a mounting block, however he was very stiff and was struggling on, I soon found myself being lifted up as the saddle slipped round with the weight of this poor man, try as I might to pull the saddle back over, it continued to slip round until the poor old man was laid underneath the horse with his foot still in the stirrup and the saddle upside down, thankfully the horse was very patient and stood there doing nothing, but I'd never been so embarrassed as I tried to untangle this man from the stirrup and get him back up onto his feet.
 
As a teenager I decided I fancied driving my pony. Someone a few miles away had a trap and harness advertised in the paper. I rode him over there, tried it on, did a circuit of the yard in the trap. He didn't seem to mind so I drove him home. We'd got the hang of it by the time we got back home. Although I'd practiced in long reins and he was a real dobbin neither myself or the pony had ever driven before! A few more trips out and he turned out to be a great driving pony.
 
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scheherazade said:
Years ago I was trying to impress some (very cute) guy who had appeared at the yard. I very nonchalently hefted a full haynet onto my back and gave it a nudge with my leg to help it up. Forgot I was still wearing spurs, which got tangled in the haynet, causing me to faceplant myself right in the middle of the yard. Said very cute guy did at least TRY to restrain his laughter til he realised that the unco-ordinated tangled mess on the floor was largely unhurt......

Still cringing now
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I ABSOLUTELY LOVE, LOVE, LOVE THIS ONE!!!! I am sitting here with tears pouring down my face and shoulders heaving trying not to make a sound as I'm in the office. Priceless.
 
So far I've made lots of littleish errors but happily none which have resulted in harm or hurt to self, others or horse. However I did get a good reminder a few months back when I ducked ( well i say ducked but thats not right. i might just have been standing there :o ) under the head of an ID x mare who is about 17hh and got a really good thump right on the top of my head. Luckily I was wearing a hat but the force pushed it right down over my eyes and even with the hat on I was seeing stars for a while afterwards. Dread to think what would have happened if I'd not had my hat on or maybe I wouldn't have done it if I'd not had my hat on. :rolleyes: stupid!

Oh, well. while I'm at it. I might just have tried to lead two horses through a narrow gap when there was electric tape on one side..the side where the tape phobic cob was on:eek: I got away with it only because we'd spent lots of time teaching him to lead properly so I didn't get trampled or even pushed. Poor trusting horse :o
 
Many years ago I was leading my daughter from my mare out on a hack so got her on, held the lead rein in my left hand and went to mount my mare. Mare stepped towards me and I fell off the other side, That was embarrassing as there was a whole crowd of us going out together everyone was helpless with laughing
 
Whilst I was at Writtle college I was also working weekends at a showjumpers yard. Well I used to get his horses ready, so watched him get on from the mounting block. He never put his foot in the stirrup just gracefully vaulted on. I thought - I'll try that on Monday in my lesson!

Well....I tried, and didn't push off enough and *gracefully* landed in a heap on the ground with the horse looking down at me very bemused! :o
 
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