Re the "haven't a clue" thread: what's the numptiest thing YOU'VE done? ;)

My 2 worst numpty moments were de to sheer laziness.
1) As a teenage I tried to combine riding back to the field [headcollar only] with carrying some hay. Jumped half on , but hay in right hand meant I had no leverage , so sank/fell back and under horses belly. Still have oddly shaped coccix!
2) Getting 2 horses from a far field , and leaving gate near stables only half wide , I decided to mount my boy and lead the other, as sick of trudging round in mud. Its winter and they are fed up so both take off down the track. I let go of the led horse, but cant stop my horse - again headcollar only. Am careering towards gate , expecting my left knee/ leg to collide badly. Shut eyes, hang on and somehow we get through , horse pulls up next to his stable door, as does his friend. OH has been teaching a client nearby -he has to make excuses for his foolish wife ......
 
I worked for a show jumper and while we were away at a Nations Cup competition we were by the collecting ring and I needed to give my boss a leg up on to his 17hh 2 WB who was normally held by someone else while I legged him up as he got so excited he would start spinning in circles. I am only 5ft 2 and my boss was around 13 or 14 stone so I braced myself and proceeded to throw him over the horse where he landed head first in a dusty heap!
 
Just remembered another good one... when I was about 6 or 7 I had a little Welsh mountain pony who had a horrendous buck esp when ridden in his saddle (in those days saddle fit did not come into it. If it had, we might have had a far better relationship). Anyway my mum was cross with me for something and was down in the yard when I decided to ride my pony therefore I obviously couldn't go and get his bridle so for some very, very random reason I put his headcollar on with 2 bits of baler twine for reins, old fashioned sweat rug (the ones with holes in) and saddle on top and proceeded to go for a ride round the farm.

Not entirely sure what happened but ride didn't last long as I got bucked off and knocked out and pony obviously went home on his own. Imagine my mother's surprise as pony turns up with no rider dressed up in a very odd outfit. Even my uncle (who has no idea about horses did question me when he saw me get on my pony with his sweat rug on under his saddle). I possibly wasn't wearing a hat either because I imagine that would have been down in the yard too where my already very cross mother was!!!
 
Numptyish and dangerous i suppose !

Sat with my back to Tessy's backlegs whilst i was brushing her front feathers :eek: Had only got her a few months before so didn't fully know her. Afterwards i thought of all the things that could have gone wrong ...never done it again even though i trust her 100%
 
To add variety to a lesson with a little girl who had turettes and asbergers I introduce round the world while the pony was standing next to me. All went well until said child trotted off down to the bottom of the field turned to do round the world so facing the ponies tail she decided she wanted to come back up the field that way round kicked pony into a canter and came the full length of the field backwards. Pony stopped beside me god only knows what would have happened if she wasnt such a mummy's girl
Wont be teaching that trick to a child with learning difficulties again frightened me to death
 
Leading a young very spooky TB (not mine) out to his field when we came across a length of hose tangled in the weeds. TB was spooking so I thought I'd let him have a good look and hopefully go up to it. He started to go towards it, then freaked and span. He managed to clobber both my shins with his left hoof and I had to hobble the rest of the way.

The tiny fork and the pregnant gelding have had me in stitches!
 
My first loan pony some 20 years ago was a little 11h sod called Sinbad who was notorious for being hard to catch and jumping into Langley Park to munch on the better grass. He was kept in the 'park field' and it was massive and had great big islands of fenched in trees dotted around it...

Anyway one day I went into the field and walked round and round and couldnt find him, I was panicked and crying, sobbing as I walked back to the gate to tell my mum he was gone when I noticed him grazing by the gate in the shade of the trees :confused: I had walked straight past him :o

To add insult to injury I walked up to him sobbing wanting to give him a big hug and the little **** did a runner :mad: I promptly threw my headcollar after him and screamed I would never ride him again :p I was only about 10 :D
 
I remember my 1st ode..started my dressage as per the layout of my school at home where I practiced..entered at c not a! Trotting up centre line can clearly remember thinking 'why is the judges car behind me?' ... big doh!
 
Tacked the big man up for a lesson and left him in his stable while I went to do something. Came back to find him casually lying down fully tacked. I could have killed him. :rolleyes:

Bent down in front of the old boy and went to scrub at his white sock. He lifted his leg and promptly kneed me in the face. :o
 
Taking riding lessons as a young teenager. Decided I needed to improve my position and should ride with longer stirrups. Duly lengthened stirrups - now far too long. Too cool to say I need to stop and adjust said stirrups. Trotting round school (group lesson of course). Suffer gradual but total loss of balance culminating in falling out of the side door to the bemusement of all present including my unfortunate steed.
 
OH bought me a pair of heiniger clippers.....set about my horse giving him a full clip...first time I'd done it rather than my mate doing it for me...(back in the days when I could be bothered with clipping and rugging)

Finished it...didn't look right somehow.....I'd only gone and clipped his body totally and not left the 'right' line at the top of his legs.....he looked like he had stockings on :o

Left stable door open to hear horse taking himself out down the inside of the old barn..twisty/winding path between the stables to the outside door....too narrow to squeeze past him....yes, I hung on to his tail in an attempt to stop him.

Lunging current horse over a small cross pole- amazing feat as he doesn't 'do' poles or jumping....was congratulating myself how well he was doing when I dropped the lunge line ( bright red) and he absolutely shat himself and ran around the field being chased by the lunge line doing his best arab prance- me having visions of broken legs etc. :eek:

Set off riding a couple if times in winter wearing my trusty green Benny hat .....noticed in a window reflection and suddenly felt very vulnerable....

Took daughter to a show....remembered everything...pony, tack, clothes, food, water....everything except daughters joddie boots. I was NOT popular that day.

This is just a random selection.

I really need a carer.
 
I had my first pony on part loan, they had recently moved fields and this was the first time I'd turned her out in the new field.
New paddock was just next to the old paddock which was reached by going through another field.
The other field used[/I] to be empty, I didn't realise that it was now full of boistrous geldings.
I led my mare into this field only to hear a distand rumble as a gang of 8 geldings galloped down the field and surrounded us.
My mare was most unhappy and threatening to kick the geldings to get away (luckily she missed) We were surrounded and stuck.
Someone had to save us by turning a hose on the geldings.
Only then was it pointed out to me the alternative route I should have used.
In my defense someone should have told me the route I should have taken before I turned her out, when I was little mares and geldings were turned out together no problem, I guess if they are usually kept apart then a 'bit of skirt' is far too exciting for a gelding.
 
Stepped out over the white boards at the end of our dressage test couple mths ago right on front of judges jeep instead of exiting at A:eek: Thankfully they saw the funny side of it!
 
Many (honest) years ago when going to get one of my two horses out the field, gate leading directly to the road, my usually impeccably behaved mate decides she wasn't going to wait behind, ducked round and legged it up the main road, cue idiot-face here throwing lead rope over my 3 year olds neck telling him to 'stay', and legging it after my fast fleeing grey... She was a heck of a distance away when in a fit of temper I should something about dog meat, and she stopped dead, turned and put herself back in the field... You hater was obligingly still standing there inspite of a few cars going past... When I realised what a mess I was nearly in I went cold, and funnily always brought them out together after that!!!!
 
Just remembered some more.

Was once leading a ride out and because it was a hot day was told to come home via a different route to normal (thus missing one of the canters out and avoiding knackering all the RS ponies). I wasn't very familiar with the route I'd been told to take, ended up taking a wrong turn and getting us thoroughly lost. Wound up having to ring back to the yard for directions on where I SHOULD have gone. Trotted most of the way home (well I say trotted, was more like a gentle jog for my fitter, fresher horse who could have kept up that pace all day with all the RS lot puffing and panting in my wake) and pulled into the yard about half an hour late to face the wrath of my boss (hey she KNEW I'm a total and utter dumbass when it comes to directions!) and an army of worried parents. Ooops!
 
Reading trough this has just made me think of loads of mine....

I went to a yard to part loan one of the horses, he wasn't really suitable so the yo let me just hang around and help out and grab a ride on what ever I could whenever I could. She had just bought the largely unhandled youngsters in for a bit of handling. I was asked the hang all the fresh nets so went in the stables one by one collecting empty nets until I get to the last stable which had a higher door as it had the biggest and wildest youngster in. So with a handful of empty nets I walk in to get his, nets get stuck to the bottom of the door, I get my feet tangled in the nets and fall flat on my bum at these huge feet. He didnt even flinch, I think he took pity on the clumsy idiot in his stable.

Riding my old mare into the school, which I normally did and left the gate open as it was really tricky to close once you were on. This particular day I decided to close it- no idea at all why. So get half way and we had a comminucation breakdown and the long bar on the gate jabbed her on the side, so she did what any normal horse would do and took off doing her best rodeo impression, I fell off and broke my ribs.

More recently getting on my new horse in the snow. We did the safe thing and walked them down to the edge of the field we were going to ride in so not to walk on the icy track. I go to get on, he takes a step forward I slide underneath him and end up lay in the snow completely underneath his belly. I couldn't get up because a. It was slippy and b. I couldn't move for laughing. Thank fully he just looked at me like I was a complete idiot.

Went to go and try a share horse very early on in my back to riding quest and was helping tack the horse up when I got passed 4 boots to put on the horse. I had only ever ridden at riding school and had NO idea what to do - so I guessed, then I swapped them round a further 2 times. Think the owner thought I was a pillock but was too kind to say anything!

God I could go on- how is my horse even alive!!!!!!!
 
Oh and I once had a horse who lived out. I had ridden her and put her in a spare stable to dry off - it was really really cold so didn't want to rug her back up while wet (see I knew something) went to the tack room to put everything away. Got in my car and drove 40 minutes home, sat on the sofa and it suddenly dawned on my that I hadn't put her back out. Not wanting to admit my mistake and thinking it was quite late so no one may have noticed yet I sped back down only to find her stood in the stable with the door wide open, I hadn't even closed the blooming door!!

And another time at my old yard where I helped out I was asked to trot a horse up for the farrier. I had been left to get all the horses in and get them shod etc. so felt very proud I had been given this responsibility. So this particular horse was huge, and he knew it, he often just randomly walked through a fence if he didnt feel like being out, or equally would just knock you over if you were in his was when he did want to be out. So I put his head collar on and lead him out, trot him up and back, everything fine, have to go again. I think it was at this point he got bored of me and felt like seeing his friends so he just walked off, no major drama dragging me he just wandered off and I was left holding on like a little pea at the end of the rope desperately not wanting to be shown up. I had to admit defeat and let go eventually and it then took a good 40 minutes for the farriers to round him back up!!

And this one isn't actually me although I was there so I guess partly responsible. Occasionally when above horse let him self out of the field and back into his stable the other horses would follow him out and let them all back in. So one day when me and another livery were left to bring the horses in. Marcus (or bb - big bas***d to his friends) barged his way out while other horses were at the other end of the field. So other livery in her wisdom said oh it's fine leave the gate open they'll bring themselves in (I did at this point suggest it really wasn't a good idea but went along anyway- grown a backbone since then) got a bucket of feed and gave it a good shake. Que 6 horses flying down the field onto the yard. Not one went in its stables and despite a lot of effort they all just carried on galloping through the yard, up the lane, through the garden, thorough the hay barn (I felt it was a real told you so moment) it finally ended when one horse stood on something and cut its leg, we were then able to catch them one by one. She never did admit what happened although I think everyone suspected the truth and didn't feel I wanted to grass her up!
 
Another one here who takes off a rug and forgets about the leg straps... Ponies are used to it now :p Though I've changed most of their rugs to a fillet string so less of a bother ;)

I think the biggest, numptiest thing I have EVER done involved me and a few other people. I WAS about 12/13 at the time though...
went to the field one day to get the ponies in and they were nowhere to be seen que calling the police and wandering around the countryside for hours looking (and me sobbing like a baby thinking my beloved pony was stolen ;) ). Got picked up in the car a few hours later by mums friend, went back to the field for signs of broken fencing they could have escaped through etc and there the ******s were stood under a tree catching some shade...
 
I bought a horse last year, it didn't stand when mounting. Was gradually teaching her to stand then one day I went riding when there was noone about to hold my stirrup (saddle slipped round without). Thought I would stand on the wall and just hop on. Couldn't get the wretched animal to stand against the wall. After a while messing about she finally stood next to the wall, but the opposite side. I thought I would seize the chance to get on anyway even though it was the 'wrong' side. Was far harder than I expected, I did this huge leap and cleared the horse, landing on the floor on the far side. Horse just looked at me as I lay on the floor in the dust...
 
I've got a really embarassing one...

I was watching the racehorse who's broken his pelvis have it scanned, first time I'd seen anything like it really. The vet wanted to show the horses owner something on the pelvis and asked me if I could get a picture up on my phone. So I typed in equine pelvis or horse pelvis or something along those lines into google, and up came hundreds of photos most of crappy quality. I flicked through trying to find a decent picture, and was so preoccupied in getting a decent one up quickly that when I found a beautiful sketch I instantly gave the phone to the vet. I hadn't even bloody looked at the picture properly, it was a human pelvis! I was mortified!
 
Hehe, it's so easy to do daft things sometimes. Some of my howlers include:

Letting go of Orange Mare outside the field gate so I could keep hold of Bug, shoo the rest of the herd back, and fasten the gate - only to watch her climb into the ditch next to the field, amble down between the fence and the hedge line and refuse to come back.

Having clearly not learned from the above, throwing the leadrope over the horse's neck, leaving outside the stable in the barn while I took the other one inside to unrug. Realised as I hung the rug up that I'd brought OM into the box and left the youngster outside! :eek:

My yard owner caught me on that one. Luckily, she laughed and stuck B in her box without reproach. YO had a moment herself the other day (never normally happens, so I laughed this one off too). A few days ago, I left the yard for work before a new bale of haylage had been put out. I'd given Bug hay instead, chucked a bucket of chaff in for OM and asked the YO to give her some haylage when it arrived. Yep, she said, no problem. I came back that evening to find Bug cheerfully chomping her way through a net of haylage hung up next to her hay and OM sourly eating the fresh straw from her banks. YO had fed the wrong horse! Oops.
 
Instructing at 3 day rally for PC, I was taking daughter & her pony in the lorry each day (she was in another group)
I hopped in the lorry on the 3rd day to come & was nearly back to the yard when I realised I had not got daughter or pony in the lorry!
Cue one very cross 8yr old & an amused DC standing at the PC field 6 miles away....... :o (in pathetic mitigation, the previous day she had loaded her pony up & got a friendly dad to close the ramp up & she had gone to sit in the living section till I arrived :o )

Arrived at an NPS area show in early 90's with 4 up on the lorry after a 3+ hour drive.
It was only when we were unloading that I realised that I only had 3 on the lorry! :eek::eek::eek:
Cue a search for a phonebox to call a good friend to check at home. Found out on our return that the 13hh whp/nursery stakes pony was still tied in his stable :eek:
We had left around 4am & friend found him about 8am when she went in, luckily he had not caused himself a mischief.
Ever since that day, I have loaded everything myself........
 
The YO and friend spent all day levelling out concrete, they had just finished and it was dark and i was doing my last checks to skip out any poos, check hay and water levels. Went into the stable opposite the beautifully laid concrete, door hadn't shut properly and cob mare with a huge amount of feathers charged out across the unset concrete :o

Subsequently I had to make a rather shameful knock on the door to explain that there was now several deep hoof prints and pony with concrete enhanced feathers.. It could only happen to me :( lol! !
 
Too many to say.... Its shameful really.

Maybe the time I decided it would be excellent to get on my shared pony bareback with a leadrope tied round his neck, as I vaulted (heaved) myself on I accidentally kicked him in the bum and he shot off, I was doing well cantering bareback but then I saw a jump so threw myself off and got my back trod on, ouch!

Or the time i tried to ride him through a fairly narrow gap in the gate and got my stirrup caught round a gate post, I then tried to untangle it and as he moved the saddle with me on it went round his belly and I just clung to his leg trying to stay on, Im not sure what I was planning to do? Gave in and plopped off into a puddle.

Or the time I cut my coloured cobs forelock because I wanted him to have a show jumpers forelock. doesn't really work with thick manes, he looked like he had an afro it was so embarrassing I had to get him a hat when we went out in public...Also cut his tail and it wasn't level, so cut some more, and some more, and some more...

Putting a gag bit in upside down, and dismantling a bridle to clean it and not being able to put it back together, also quite impressive.


Oh and not learning from the stirrup getting caught round the gate incident, I decided my boy could take himself into the school with his stirrups down...yeah...

Also gave a child a legup and threw her over the other side!
 
Grumpymare had a similar stirrup and gate incident ended up my stirrup leather snapping. I also caught a clients £150+ brand new rug on a gate (that was sort of some one elses fault too but i got the blame being under dog) but put an enormous rip in it.

I also jumped on my saintly pony bare back and bridless in the field he decided to bronk hence me landing rather heavily.

Then in my youth jumping on a friends mare because it kept refusing at a jump - I of course paid the price fell off with no style and really bruised my arm...

Then today a delivered a pony I have sold, lady was counting out the cash I thought she was going to hand me the notes as she counted so pretty much yanked it out her hands. . Oh the shame!!

Im sure there will be plenty more shameful experiences as I am super clumsy and have a talent of making myself look like a right tit
 
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Hereshoping said:
Too many to mention...

But there was the time I was trying to whistle using my first and index finger on either hand - you know, wolf whistle, out on a hack. Reins hanging around the horse's neck, feet out of the stirrups. Had been going along trying, and failing. Sort of 'Whoosh' (sharp exhale of air and no sound) for about an hour. Horse plods along, flicking ears occasionally as the air is forced out between my teeth and my fingers. Am a mile from home, having just turned into the our lane. Still no luck. Still no reins. Still no stirrups. And then it happened. An almighty 'Wheeeeee!'. Horse got such a fright she lept forward about 20 feet. I fell straight out the back door and landed on my bum. Horse gallops home. Behind me I hear tooting and raucous laughter as the neighbour and her kids are in hysterics. Miserable b*ggers never offered me a lift home, though. I had to walk with a very sore backside and ended up sitting on a cushion with a hole in it for 6 weeks.
Click to expand...

That is brilliant!!
 
after spending AGES cleaning my saddle for a best turned out class, I put the stirrups back on etc and jumped on. Only when I was un-tacking after the class did I realise that I had somehow managed to put the stirrups on under the saddle flap :eek:

oopsy!
 
These are all great.

Two for me (that I'm prepared to admit to).

Firstly, I'd been on a pleasure ride and had a fabulous time. Unloaded the lorry. Carrying far too much stuff, including a thermatex rug. Got to the Live in door, got feet caught in the rug and just fell out of the door. Luckily, no-one saw my elegant exit.

Went to a dressage competition. Saw lots of 'admiring' glances whilst warming up. My horse looked fab and was warming up nicely so seemed justified. It was only when I went in to do my test that the judge got out of the car and asked me if I was going to take the travelling boot off of my horse. Yep, had managed to take 3 off but left one on. My only excuse was that they were black boots and my horse had black legs. Woops!
 
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