Resilience

[SO1]

The last 2 years has been very difficult with my pony's health. He has spent a lot of it on rehab for injuries. It has been hard not just doing the rehab and financially but also making the decisions and emotionally.

We are taught to ride, we are taught stable management, we are taught how to recognise a sick or injured horse but we are not taught about resilience or how to evaluate situations to make the best decisions. Vets provide medical advice and treatment options but they can't provide help with emotional support and I don't think they are trained on how to help support clients who have had bad news about their horse and might be feeling emotionally strained or concerned about finances or time with difficult treatment.

Having had my pony for 15 years the thing I have noticed is that most people including myself are nearly pushed to having a nervous breakdown when their horse gets injured or sick not just due to the finances and time and often prescribed box rest difficult treatments but due to decision making. People become paranoid about their horses health and it becomes overwhelming.

Yes I wish I was a better rider but what I really wish was that I was better equipped to deal with making decisions around injuries and better able to deal with the lows with horse ownership. I think part of it comes from being on livery with limited choices maybe it is easier with horses at home when you can perhaps have more control over the environment but also harder if you need back up if working.

I think perhaps we do need courses or support to prepare first time horse owners for dealing with the emotional issues around injuries and illnesses, when to call it a day with treatment or rehab, when to retire, quality of life versus quantity. How to deal with guilt if you cannot afford gold standard vet treatments, not have the perfect environment to rehab or retire your horse, not able to devote enough time due to family or work. There are plenty of training events to improve riding or stable management, vets do lectures on spotting injuries or illnesses or injuries and treatments but there don't seem to be help to learn how to make decisions or deal with the emotional strain that comes from injuries and illness.

I have been struggling with my mental health due to injured pony for last two years and feel despite being on a rehab yard as a livery and having access to practical support and the standard of care being very good I have no emotional support or sympathy. Everything feels very much as if if you are getting overwhelmed and can't cope or don't want to pay for expensive treatment or rehab PTS. The solution always being pay more money for treatment or help. If something is not going to well I am made to feel it is because it was because I didn't pay for more expensive treatments or services or it was something I did which makes me feel terrible.

Pony not quite right again and vet coming again on Monday. Obviously worrying but told not to be depressed. It feels like I am not even allowed to be miserable on the yard in case it upsets other people creates a bad feeling. Luckily most of the time it is just me in the evenings after work but weekends becoming hard trying to put on a brave face. I am a long standing client and there are a lot of new people so I expect YO wants to make yard jolly for those people most of whom are new owners. I have had my pony for 15 years and I expect some of his issues are age related as he is 20 not because I have not spent a small fortune on complementary therapies. I do spend a small fortune on livery service for his basic care no complaints about standard of basic care. Bed is immaculate, they notice if he is not right plenty of hay, they do hay soaking, will put muzzle on if he is in field with too much grass.

I guess what I am saying is I am struggling and I think a lot of other people must from the forum also struggle in a similar way but there are no learning resources or support to help and maybe as this is such a common problem there should be more done to help people or teach people. Professionals I feel are also lacking in training on how to provide emotional support as well.

Mental health is becoming such a big issue many work places better equipped to support people in the same way as physical health. Maybe time equine industry to all modernise in this way?

 

[Smogul]

Professionals I feel are also lacking in training on how to provide emotional support as well.

Sorry you feel that way but I think it is unreasonable to expect the average vet/YO/employer to have to take on emotional support as well as all the practical aspects of running a business.

Having said that, my vet brought a student out with him when he knew we were going to have a discussion about whether or not my pony should be put down. Horrified student had to deal with me bursting into tears but as my vet said to her, she was going to be facing that regularly and the sooner she realised this, the better she would be as a vet.

 

[milliepops]

the thing is, those decisions and reactions are all so very personal and can be tied up with other things, like people's personal or financial circumstances, what is happening elsewhere in their life (work, family etc). I think it would be nigh on impossible to do anything formal because each of our needs are so different.

I can relate to a lot of what you are saying, I went through similar with Millie when she had several bouts of injury - recovery - return to work followed by a different injury, it was crushing and eventually for ME the decision was to stop trying and retire her. someone else might have carried on going. Who knows which was the right choice? you need a crystal ball. All any of us can do is the right thing for *us* - at that time.

it's probably exacerbated at the moment as the fallout from covid has been utterly disrupted social circles and informal support networks. In the past a chinwag over a glass of wine or cuppa was a great tonic but even that has become more difficult, either falling out of the habit of it, losing the space/time to do it, or because people are flipping ill :/

 

[SO1]

I just think that is should be part of their training so they should be at least able to have some understanding and sympathy rather than turning the cold shoulder as it is part of horse ownership. I appreciate most YO have no training in people management and possibly same with vets.

People should be allowed to express grief or their feelings. I also think people take on horses without having any preparation or training themselves on how to deal with this which makes it harder. I can find a riding instructor to help me improve my riding skills but no instructor to help with this sort of problem.

Sorry you feel that way but I think it is unreasonable to expect the average vet/YO/employer to have to take on emotional support as well as all the practical aspects of running a business.

Having said that, my vet brought a student out with him when he knew we were going to have a discussion about whether or not my pony should be put down. Horrified student had to deal with me bursting into tears but as my vet said to her, she was going to be facing that regularly and the sooner she realised this, the better she would be as a vet.

 

[milliepops]

I've cried on a few vets over the years they've all dealt with it very well tbh! I am usually pretty able to hold it together in public but there have been a couple of times when it's leaked out. Though i think the individual reactions and abilities to deal with the public is heavily influenced by their personality and interpersonal skills, it happens that all the ones at my practice are very personable.

I'm a bit unsure what you are seeking though OP. The need for resilience is something that applies to "general life" not just horse ownership, there is probably stuff on offer already. Decision making with medical issues is too dependent on what each person wants/expects/can afford etc so it's not like there can be an official right way through a problem.

 

[Cortez]

It's not just with horses though, I feel that people have become much less resilient in all areas than they used to be. I know I am far tougher both mentally and physically than my younger acquaintances, perhaps because I have more life experience. It may also be due to coming from a farming background where life and death are more to the forefront. That's just the way it is, AKA buckle up buttercup, was a phrase used often when I was a child.

 

[Upthecreek]

There are other forms of support available for people struggling with their mental health. Horses and many other things going on in our lives have an impact on our mental well-being and our ability to be resilient in the face of adversity. Talking therapies like cognitive behavioural therapy can help a lot. I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect yard owners, trainers and vets to provide mental health support though I would expect them to be understanding and show empathy (unfortunately not all do).

 

[honetpot]

I think young people are just not to the realities of life from a young people now. My sister must have been about 10 when she saw my grandma dying at home, she was also in the house when my mum had a still birth. My mum talked about the still birth, so when I was pregnant I did not assume I would come home with a baby, every thing was ordered, but not collected until she was born.
I am not suggesting people say, just get over it. Bad experiences in my life I have examined, looked at, and then put, 'in the box', because if you do not, you get stuck in the replaying loop. I think of memory as a video recorder, you can either keep replaying the bad bits, or record over them with something nice.
My dad dying suddenly at home in bed was upsetting and sad, I was there, but even then I could look at the positives, he hated being restricted by his illness. You have to look at the positives in life, even if it is hard, and there doesn't seem much to be positive about. When I couldn't walk, eat and was in pain, you just have to think, well at least I am at home, and I will do what I can. I am no saint, some days I cried and behave like a spoilt child, but you have to move on.
Social media makes you think you have to do things, but everything dies, it's sad but it makes way for new life. With animals if you think in advance how far you can let a situation continue before you put to sleep, pick the scab, well in advance and make a plan it helps you start to resolve the reality of what will happen. Some things are just inevitable, and you can not solve, you have not failed, you are not a bad person, the problem was just too great. You can feel sad, but that not the only thing you can feel.
I had an old pony that had EMS and didn't get on with treatment, so I gave her one last summer of old grazing, the plan was as soon as she became pottery, she would be buted and the hunt called, and that is what happened. So my main memory of her is that lovely summer when she was a happy pony, if you can make the memories.

 

[Chianti]

I've always promised myself that I won't cry when the vet is there. I honestly don't think it's fair for them to have to deal with it. The only time I've not been able to keep to that was when my last horse was PTS. She was often off work for some reason - often a very bizarre one. She got laminitis once and when the vet came on a Thursday he said 'If she not better by Tuesday...' and I knew he meant we were in trouble. I saw her three times a day and cried every time and for most of the time when I wasn't seeing her. As it was her, she was better by Tuesday, and lived on for another few years. When he came to see her on the Tuesday we talked about how to manage her and I said she'd be PTS as soon as she wasn't happy in life. Vet said I was 'very pragmatic about it' - which I thought might have meant he thought I was cold hearted bitch!

 

[SO1]

Maybe you have to be quite cold hearted to be in equine business otherwise it would just be too depressing. Horse owners get emotional but if you work with horses and see them as a commodity then it doesn't feel that way. I suppose a lot of vets are not horse owners so they don't understand perhaps what it is like.

But perhaps from business perspective a little empathy and support might get more customers.

I do think with normal counsellors they don't understand what it is like so might be hard for them to offer advice.

I think I wish I was bit more prepared for this before I got a horse. I had ponies as a child but they got outgrown and sold. I then shared and rode at riding schools until 35 so this is my first full journey with a horse. I had no idea of all the things that could go wrong and thought most horses if they didn't have an accident would just get old stiff and eventually have to PTS when they struggle to get up which is what happened to my sisters old pony who went on loan.

I expect it is not part of any horse ownership course.

I don't think I will have another horse I don't have the right temperament too emotional and find it difficult to make decisions.

 

[Upthecreek]

I don’t want to sound harsh or insensitive to anyone dealing with an unwell or injured horse, but advances in diagnostics and treatment options has increased the pressure on horse owners to keep trying different treatments and feel horrendously guilty if they make the call that enough is enough without trying every option. Horse ownership was much simpler 20 plus years ago and the decision to retire or put to sleep was generally made much sooner before going through the many months of stress and anxiety people seem to be regularly going through these days. I can’t say I knew anyone back then that took their horse to an equine hospital for diagnostics, for example.

I have loved all the horses I’ve owned dearly and always tried to do right by them, but you have to protect yourself. If I found myself in the position of not being able to emotionally, physically or financially cope with a horse with long-term issues I would put to sleep if not field sound and happy. I don’t think that makes me, or anyone doing the same, selfish or cold hearted.

 

[View]

Timely thread.

I agree with Cortez that resilience cuts through the whole of life. I agree with MP that we can only do what is right for us at that time in those particular circumstances.

An old client rang me out of the blue last night - because she knew I was far enough away from the situation to be able to look at it calmly. We hopped onto Zoom because I needed to see her to really understand how she was feeling.

I didn’t make the decision for her. I asked her questions and gave her things to consider including her finances and what she wanted, but most of all that securing her lad’s future is the key.

I know her well enough that I could say sleep on it overnight, and she would wake wake up with the right answer for her.

She has just rung me and asked me if I can be there for her and her boy when he is PTS. I have said yes because she is no longer my client, but someone I know and respect.

I’m not sure I could do that for a client.

 

[milliepops]

i think professionals can appear cold hearted but the reality is that when it's not a horse you are emotionally connected to, it is much easier to remain objective or impartial.

I have been there when other peoples horses have been pts or had bad news, and while you feel for the person, it's much easier to remain detached from the emotional aspect. I don't think i would want someone fawning over me when actually i want their advice, or the information they have available, or just to get on with practical action.

I blubbed over my recent pts because i was playing god a bit, vet was kind to me but that's all that was needed, collection guy was just quiet and professional, my friends were the ones who provided the support - they have the time/insight/motivation to do that role.

 

[Highmileagecob]

Have to agree with Upthecreek's post. Being able to insure your horse has opened the floodgates for further treatment, where twenty or thirty years ago your vet would have given you a reasonable probability of the outcome, and sound decisions made with the horse's welfare at the forefront. Also the cost of some of the livestock being dealt with has a huge bearing on the owner's decisions - if you had forked out well into five figures for a horse, the pressure is on the vet to return that animal to full health. A vet works with the knowledge and equipment to hand, the degree does not come with a magic wand, and sometimes full health is not a viable outcome.
Do you think you might deal with this better if you could move to a smaller DIY yard where you could be more in control, and take more time to let things slow down? Somewhere you could turn your pony out to rest and recuperate? It may well be that partial retirement is on the cards anyway, given the age and the nature of the injury. It is hard to accept that our horses are aging, and when injury is thrown in the mix it's particularly tough. I hope you can find a solution.

 

[Greylegs]

It's a tough one and I agree that nothing can really prepare you for "the end" what ever that may be. But life is life, and, at some point, we all have to face difficult things, losses, deaths in the family, illness, financial issues, broken relationships....... That's what life is - a series of ups and downs which we get through one way or another. As we become adults, we should all be aware of that, and, I'm sorry to be blunt, but we don't need a course to teach us that life is crap at times.

When it comes to horses (and dogs and other creatures we include in our lives), we have their lives in our hands and they are just an extension of everything else which is going on. If we're going to be horse (dog/cat/rabbit) owners we have to be strong enough to do the right thing when the time comes and to live with that decision after the event. I'm sorry you're struggling OP. In many ways I am too, as I have a lovely old boy who has recurrent lameness issues and I know I'm getting to the end with him. But I know that I'll do it for him when the time is right. Yes, I'll be very upset; yes, I'll probably cry; and I agree that vets need to be sensitive to the emotional sensitivities of their clients, and I actually think they are, but they've also been there many times and have a job to do based on the best outcomes for the horse.

 

[SilverLinings]

... but everything dies, it's sad but it makes way for new life. With animals if you think in advance how far you can let a situation continue before you put to sleep, pick the scab, well in advance and make a plan it helps you start to resolve the reality of what will happen. Some things are just inevitable, and you can not solve, you have not failed, you are not a bad person, the problem was just too great. You can feel sad, but that not the only thing you can feel.
I had an old pony that had EMS and didn't get on with treatment, so I gave her one last summer of old grazing, the plan was as soon as she became pottery, she would be buted and the hunt called, and that is what happened. So my main memory of her is that lovely summer when she was a happy pony, if you can make the memories.

That part of your post has really resonated with me, those are exactly the pragmatic things that I need to remember when in the middle of having to make difficult decisions about a horse's health and their future. With the last few horses (and my current ones) I have thought in advance (when they were healthy and happy) about what my 'cut off points' might be, and it definitely takes a bit of the pressure off when the time eventually arrives when the PTS decision has to be made.

This point isn't the same for every horse as it depends on a host of factors, so owners shouldn't be drawn to compare their situation with that of other owners/horses.

 

[Wishfilly]

I just think that is should be part of their training so they should be at least able to have some understanding and sympathy rather than turning the cold shoulder as it is part of horse ownership. I appreciate most YO have no training in people management and possibly same with vets.

People should be allowed to express grief or their feelings. I also think people take on horses without having any preparation or training themselves on how to deal with this which makes it harder. I can find a riding instructor to help me improve my riding skills but no instructor to help with this sort of problem.

I don't think most YOs have had formal training full stop- certainly not in being a YO!

I think it must be very hard for someone in that position to get involved in decisions of whether to retire/PTS/what treatment options to follow, and I'm not sure all liveries would appreciate that intervention.

I get wanting the emotional support, and it sounds like you have had a really tough time, but I'm not sure it's the job of a YO to provide that as such.

 

[Shilasdair]

I hear you, OP.
I think there are two things going on in life at the moment- firstly we never like to think about death in our society - and suddenly Covid, and perhaps the war in Ukraine has forced death into the news.
Secondly, veterinary treatment options are increasing, and vets seem to want to preserve life at almost all costs. My two horses have had issues with lameness and colic in the last couple of years. I have quite strict limits on how lame they can be, and for how long, without improvement. If they are not on a recovering path within one to two weeks, I will PTS. My vets, however, would support keeping them going indefinitely. Someone mentioned that vets are no longer allowed to suggest PTS - I don't know if that's true, I hope not.

 

[Sossigpoker]

I just think that is should be part of their training so they should be at least able to have some understanding and sympathy rather than turning the cold shoulder as it is part of horse ownership. I appreciate most YO have no training in people management and possibly same with vets.

People should be allowed to express grief or their feelings. I also think people take on horses without having any preparation or training themselves on how to deal with this which makes it harder. I can find a riding instructor to help me improve my riding skills but no instructor to help with this sort of problem.

Having emotional resilience is a part of a person's mental health profile and it's not something that anyone can teach you, let alone something that vet can magically impart on you.
What affects your resilience is whether you have generalised anxiety and whether you can practice helpful thinking patterns rather than "catastrophising " or thinking in the "what if " pattern. You can learn some of those techniques if you undertake cognitive behavioural therapy.

Most vets , I suspect , want to try and remain professional in a terrible situation ,.and they probably feel that showing emotion would be "unprofessional ".
So what you may think is 'cold ' may be just then trying to have a professionally distant attitude.
And yes , I'm sure some of them do not have the best bed side manner ,.but then , vets are people too.

I'm sorry you're going through a rough time , I'm sure everyone here knows the stress and fear that comes with your horse not being well , not being helped by the expense and the fact that the horse can't tell you what's wrong.

If you think you suffer from anxiety , please speak to your doctor if you haven't already. If you have an option to attend some cognitive behaviour therapy, challenging those thoughts that make you catastrophise with more helpful thought patterns might help.
Is there a friend you can lean on for support ? Be careful though which friends you choose because some people can be negative and although they think they're helping, they'll just stress you out even more.


Edited to say that of course you should be able to express your grief. If you feel that a vet made you feel uncomfortable when you did so , don't forget that they might have just tried to keep a professional distance. And if they're a male vet and you're a female , don't forget that a lot of men find it awkward when women cry (assuming you're a woman of course !) and even if they felt like giving you a hug ,they could be accused of inappropriate behavior or even sexual assault! Stranger things have happened !

 

[LadyGascoyne]

Firstly, I’m so sorry to hear about your pony. It is absolutely awful when they are not well, and especially when it’s relentless over years.

Reading your post, there are connections between events and emotions that you’ve made that I would see differently.

I would flip:
‘I am suffering with my mental health due to having a lame pony’

to:
‘I am struggling to cope with a lame pony due to my mental health.’

And I’d consider that:
‘the lack of emotional support from others causes me to lose resilience’

might actually be:
‘my loss of resilience drives my need for emotional support from others.’

I would look to address my mental health and resilience independently of the horse situation, and as a piece of work on myself because resilience cannot really be dependent on external factors for it to be effective.

 

[Upthecreek]

I agree with Shilasdair regarding vets. I’ve had a horse and a couple of dogs now where I’ve felt pressured into continuing treatment to extend life, when this has not really been in the best interests of the animals. I suppose we have to remember that they only see the animal for a small snapshot in time so it’s perhaps difficult for them to understand how the animal’s overall quality of life might be affected. And of course they are not emotionally attached and generate their income from recommending ongoing treatment.

 

[SilverLinings]

My vets, however, would support keeping them going indefinitely. Someone mentioned that vets are no longer allowed to suggest PTS - I don't know if that's true, I hope not.

I don't know if they are told that formally, but they have certainly seemed to be less frank about talking about PTS than they used to be, which IMO isn't a good thing.

I took my dog of a lifetime (she really was my best friend, more so than all the other dogs I've had) to the vet last year when I knew it was time for her to be let go. She had been declining on and off for a couple of months (aged 14), but the vets had been able to manage the symptoms well each time, and was still enjoying walks twice a day, playing with my parent's dog etc. She then went very downhill over 24hrs so I took her to the vet, telling them over the phone why I was going. The vet still asked me what I wanted to do, and whether I wanted them to keep her in and try to 'keep her going' for another few days. Why? It would just have prolonged her suffering and I would still loose her, but in a way that was worse for her. It wasn't until I bluntly demanded that the vet tell me what they would do if it was their dog that they said (without hesitation) PTS immediately. It was a bizarre appointment where they pussy-footed around the word, and it therefore took longer than it should have, and started to make me question my decision.

After she was PTS I had suicidal thoughts for quite a long period of time until I was able to lock my feelings about her away, but I have never questioned whether I should have tried to keep her alive (and suffering) for longer- I know I made the right decision FOR HER at the right time.

In the past I have known vets say straight off that if it was their animal they would PTS (or do x/y/z), so I wonder if you are right and they aren't allowed to suggest it. I don't think that would be best for the animal, or for the owner's MH as you aren't helping them to face what is going to be inevitable (and at that point the owner may start to regret keeping the pet going for so long). Yes, vets should be empathetic to the distress that illness or loss of a pet can cause the owner, but not at the cost of the animal's welfare.

I think the expansion of the drug market and treatments available make it hard for some owners to accept their pet needs to be PTS, but the sad fact of pet-owning is that most of the time they will die before us.

I think that vets advising clients appropriately when difficult decisions need to be made (so keeping the welfare of the animal paramount, not just pushing endless treatment options) can have a positive impact on owner MH as they are more likely to feel that they have taken the right decision, and that they are supported in that decision.

 

[Shilasdair]

Just wanted to add that it's ok to put an animal to sleep because you can't afford treatment.
For me, my animals' quality of life is going to be the deciding factor, as I'm lucky enough to have funds available. But not everyone will be able to fund expensive treatments- and insurance is often unaffordable too.

 

[honetpot]

That part of your post has really resonated with me, those are exactly the pragmatic things that I need to remember when in the middle of having to make difficult decisions about a horse's health and their future. With the last few horses (and my current ones) I have thought in advance (when they were healthy and happy) about what my 'cut off points' might be, and it definitely takes a bit of the pressure off when the time eventually arrives when the PTS decision has to be made.

This point isn't the same for every horse as it depends on a host of factors, so owners shouldn't be drawn to compare their situation with that of other owners/horses.

I wish think wouldn't that people that being pragmatic didn't equal, don't care. You have actually mulled over the choices and outcomes, and hopefully what is best for the animal.
Crying and being emotional means different things to different people, and when the vet or the hunt is there I never cry. I am there to make their job easy, so it's the less stress possible for the horse. I may go away after and make a cup of tea and have a good blub, and I miss every animal that I have had in the past, but who wants an animal to live forever, with no quality of life, just because they can.
Pets now often take the place in life that children would have filled, but you can not get around the fact they will mainly die before their owners, and you have to go into that 'relationship' with realistic expectations.

 

[Sanversera]

I don’t want to sound harsh or insensitive to anyone dealing with an unwell or injured horse, but advances in diagnostics and treatment options has increased the pressure on horse owners to keep trying different treatments and feel horrendously guilty if they make the call that enough is enough without trying every option. Horse ownership was much simpler 20 plus years ago and the decision to retire or put to sleep was generally made much sooner before going through the many months of stress and anxiety people seem to be regularly going through these days. I can’t say I knew anyone back then that took their horse to an equine hospital for diagnostics, for example.

I have loved all the horses I’ve owned dearly and always tried to do right by them, but you have to protect yourself. If I found myself in the position of not being able to emotionally, physically or financially cope with a horse with long-term issues I would put to sleep if not field sound and happy. I don’t think that makes me, or anyone doing the same, selfish or cold hearted.

Extremely good post

 

[McGrools]

The last 2 years has been very difficult with my pony's health. He has spent a lot of it on rehab for injuries. It has been hard not just doing the rehab and financially but also making the decisions and emotionally.

We are taught to ride, we are taught stable management, we are taught how to recognise a sick or injured horse but we are not taught about resilience or how to evaluate situations to make the best decisions.

Having had my pony for 15 years the thing I have noticed is that most people including myself are nearly pushed to having a nervous breakdown when their horse gets injured or sick not just due to the finances and time and often prescribed box rest difficult treatments but due to decision making. People become paranoid about their horses health and it becomes overwhelming.

Yes I wish I was a better rider but what I really wish was that I was better equipped to deal with making decisions around injuries and better able to deal with the lows with horse ownership. I think part of it comes from being on livery with limited choices maybe it is easier with horses at home when you can perhaps have more control.

I think perhaps we do need courses or support to prepare first time horse owners for dealing with the emotional issues around injuries and illnesses, when to call it a day with treatment or rehab, when to retire, quality of life versus quantity.

I have been struggling with my mental health due to injured pony for last two years and feel despite being on a rehab yard as a livery and having access to practical support and the standard of care being very good I have no emotional support or sympathy.

I have huge sympathy towards you. I really do. I know a fair few people going through similar on a livery yard i work at. And it frustrates me how helpless i feel in being able to offer help and support. The yard set up does not allow for the turn away option which would always be my go to.
Most first time owners hang on their vets every word. The vet wants your money, he is not going to suggest to turn away shoes off, because there is nothing in it for him.
The livery yard owner is not going to suggest you turn away if they do not provide that facility as it means the loss of a client.
The farrier probably isnt going to suggest shoes off either, as he loses a client.
so i feel new owners are stuck in a cycle of being misled, and they and their horses suffer as a result.
Its a sad situation and unless you have your own land or find yourself with vets and yard owners that put horse welfare before their profit margins i cant see the solution. You as an owner need to be experienced enough to stand your ground with a vet prescribing all manner of treatments and be brave enough to say no.
And it absolutely does not come down to how much money you chuck at it. The turn away option is the cheapest and best.
This issue really gets my goat, rant over x

 

[McGrools]

Extremely good post

?? agree

 

[w1bbler]

OP, firstly I hear you. I've been through a tough emotional roller coaster rehab journey with an amazing horse. I won't lie, I've struggled & I know I will never do it again as I'm not emotionally tough enough. That probably means she's my last horse, or maybe I'll retire or PTS at the first sign of any issues in the future.
My emotional support was friends & OH, it's not the yo/vet/physios job, they are there for the horse.
I have a job where I deal with lots of distressing stuff, I cope by emotionally distancing myself, I suspect vets etc need to do the same.
That being said, I have seen my vet cry, back many years ago he came to a referral clinic to watch the diagnostics on my horse. The outcome was bad decision was very quickly made to pts. I don't think he was expecting that & seeing his reaction didn't help me. He's been doing the job a long time now & professional detachment is the reaction I now get. Its not uncaring, just self protection.

 

[daffy44]

OP I'm really sorry that you are struggling with your pony, its never easy. But I dont think its the job of your YO or your vet to provide mental health support, they should absolutely be professional and empathetic, but thats not the same as taking some responsibility for your mental health. I do also think you make a really good point about preparing new horse owners for these aspects of ownership, its true that information on riding and stable management aspects are readily available, but preparation for the emotional resilience side of things is not really mentioned.

I do think to a large degree resilience is something you are born with, but I do also think it can be developed over time, and its essential for animal ownership, I think it was Kipling who said "Beware of giving your heart to a dog to tear", and of course you can replace dog with any animal of your choice. I think the most productive thing to do is to get some support with your mental health from a relevant professional, and/or vent and cry to your friends, I wish you all the best with your pony.

 

[palo1]

The last 2 years has been very difficult with my pony's health. He has spent a lot of it on rehab for injuries. It has been hard not just doing the rehab and financially but also making the decisions and emotionally.

We are taught to ride, we are taught stable management, we are taught how to recognise a sick or injured horse but we are not taught about resilience or how to evaluate situations to make the best decisions. Vets provide medical advice and treatment options but they can't provide help with emotional support and I don't think they are trained on how to help support clients who have had bad news about their horse and might be feeling emotionally strained or concerned about finances or time with difficult treatment.

Having had my pony for 15 years the thing I have noticed is that most people including myself are nearly pushed to having a nervous breakdown when their horse gets injured or sick not just due to the finances and time and often prescribed box rest difficult treatments but due to decision making. People become paranoid about their horses health and it becomes overwhelming.

Yes I wish I was a better rider but what I really wish was that I was better equipped to deal with making decisions around injuries and better able to deal with the lows with horse ownership. I think part of it comes from being on livery with limited choices maybe it is easier with horses at home when you can perhaps have more control over the environment but also harder if you need back up if working.

I think perhaps we do need courses or support to prepare first time horse owners for dealing with the emotional issues around injuries and illnesses, when to call it a day with treatment or rehab, when to retire, quality of life versus quantity. How to deal with guilt if you cannot afford gold standard vet treatments, not have the perfect environment to rehab or retire your horse, not able to devote enough time due to family or work. There are plenty of training events to improve riding or stable management, vets do lectures on spotting injuries or illnesses or injuries and treatments but there don't seem to be help to learn how to make decisions or deal with the emotional strain that comes from injuries and illness.

I have been struggling with my mental health due to injured pony for last two years and feel despite being on a rehab yard as a livery and having access to practical support and the standard of care being very good I have no emotional support or sympathy. Everything feels very much as if if you are getting overwhelmed and can't cope or don't want to pay for expensive treatment or rehab PTS. The solution always being pay more money for treatment or help. If something is not going to well I am made to feel it is because it was because I didn't pay for more expensive treatments or services or it was something I did which makes me feel terrible.

Pony not quite right again and vet coming again on Monday. Obviously worrying but told not to be depressed. It feels like I am not even allowed to be miserable on the yard in case it upsets other people creates a bad feeling. Luckily most of the time it is just me in the evenings after work but weekends becoming hard trying to put on a brave face. I am a long standing client and there are a lot of new people so I expect YO wants to make yard jolly for those people most of whom are new owners. I have had my pony for 15 years and I expect some of his issues are age related as he is 20 not because I have not spent a small fortune on complementary therapies. I do spend a small fortune on livery service for his basic care no complaints about standard of basic care. Bed is immaculate, they notice if he is not right plenty of hay, they do hay soaking, will put muzzle on if he is in field with too much grass.

I guess what I am saying is I am struggling and I think a lot of other people must from the forum also struggle in a similar way but there are no learning resources or support to help and maybe as this is such a common problem there should be more done to help people or teach people. Professionals I feel are also lacking in training on how to provide emotional support as well.

Mental health is becoming such a big issue many work places better equipped to support people in the same way as physical health. Maybe time equine industry to all modernise in this way?

I think, to a degree, most people would absolutely relate to what you are going through and many of us have our happiness kind of tied up with our animals so when things go wrong it makes it hard to find that elsewhere. I am sorry you are having an awful time. I think that some people are able too, to cope with endless, spiralling vets bills either because they have insurance or funds for that but that isn't universal and really, I think it is ok to call it a day if you don't have the financial resources to sustain ongoing investigations or treatment.

The resilience thing, sadly I believe is to do with the times we live in in part. In the UK and Western Europe we have become accustomed to real luxury; in terms of available food, water, medication, education, leisure etc so we have not got the necessary experiences or 'tests' to develop resilience in large part. For individuals of course, many people do have really hard times and there are people who can and do develop tremendous resilience but it is something that has to be 'learned' in a way; we are pretty much nurtured from cradle to grave and largely feel we have control over our lives - that is no way to develop resilience though. It is easy to become paralysed by the multitude of possible decisions and we are not taught how to be decisive either!! There are ways to develop these things in a 'coached' and safe way however - feel free to pm me if you want to ask me what I know about that and those opportunities. I think rather than hoping a vet, livery manager or others might provide support it is kind of healthier to find sources of support outside that; people outside a situation can often see things quite clearly and may be able to support you without all the 'horse-culture' stuff getting in the way. You have to be either pretty thick skinned or blessed in your livery yard not to sometimes feel judged I think and that doesn't really help!!