Rider too heavy

[AWinter]

How would you tactfully tell someone they are too heavy for their horse? I went out to a new client today and unfortunately they are far too heavy for their horse, I would say it is definitely a welfare issue. We ended up doing a groundwork lesson for this week as that is a large part of what I do anyway, but I had no idea how to approach the subject of riding. I feel a bit stuck, do I just refuse further sessions and say I’m booked up? I don’t want to get a reputation of letting people down. Very tricky. I feel like I’ve done wrong by the horse by not saying anything but it’s such a delicate topic isn’t it?

 

[TPO]

It's really tough especially when you need a good reputation to keep your job.

I had a similar situation. The women herself was heavy set but not massively overweight. The issue was that she had a small 14hh ish older horse. She simply didn't fit into any saddle that fitted the horse. The horse was sore and lame (not a vet but I suspected hock issues and advised her to contact her vet.)

I did my best; it wasn't enough for the horse but she didn't want to listen. I ignored her calls the next time she wanted a saddle check ?

Someone who used to post on here posted pictures of them on a TB. Another poster commented how they were far too heavy for the horse and too big for the saddle. As you can imagine it kicked off! Neither post here anymore. So yeah, tackling too heavy riders never seems to go down well ?

 

[ycbm]

This is a heck of a problem for a professional. If you tell her and she takes exception, she could damage your business on social media if she is well liked in the area. If you say nothing, there's a welfare issue for the horse. I wouldn't want this dilemma in a month of Sundays.

Can you convert it to "you don't fit in the saddle and the horse's back won't take a longer saddle" rather than focus directly on the weight?

Good luck!
.

 

[Mrs. Jingle]

Oh dear, really not sure how you could handle this in a professional but sensetive way. Is your client at a livery yard? Any chance of getting the yard owner on board to help find a way to confront the issue?

 

[Melody Grey]

Can you ‘take ownership’ of the situation, i.e “I can’t fit a saddle here that can accommodate both you and the horse”

...so go figure?!

 

[TPO]

Can you ‘take ownership’ of the situation, i.e “I can’t fit a saddle here that can accommodate both you and the horse”

...so go figure?!

Get the feeling that OP is a trainer. Sorry me derailing it with large rider on too small horse + saddle fitting issue ?

 

[AWinter]

Ah so tricky. I wish there was a way to say I’m happy to help with groundwork while you work on yourself without it sounding super offensive. She even commented she was trying to lose weight but not in a way where she thought she needed to stop riding this horse. They are on a livery yard but I imagine people feel much the same and don’t want to upset them. The vet has been to see this horse as they’ve been having issues and as far as I know the vet hasn’t said anything to them either.

I imagine the poor horse is having issues because she is struggling to carry the rider. It’s so difficult.

 

[Winters100]

You have my sympathy, I would not want to deal with this, but in your position I would have to say something. I think all you can do in the circumstances is try to make it very kind, offer to continue helping with groundwork, and hope that she does not take offense. My feeling is that she probably will not trash you on social media as she would fear you commenting that the dispute is related to this issue. Good luck!

 

[Dave's Mam]

Really tricky.

 

[AWinter]

I’m sat here googling non-offensive synonyms for heavy, you’ve got to laugh at yourself sometimes. I’m thinking of sending her a carefully worded message about how we can make a plan work on the horse’s strength and posture through the groundwork and adding in that it will give her time to get fitter too, but is that too wishy washy.

 

[Bellaboo18]

Very tricky situation.

I know I'd have to say something if it was a welfare issue.

Get the feeling that OP is a trainer. Sorry me derailing it with large rider on too small horse + saddle fitting issue ?

I think its a good idea to go down the route of saddle fit. If you suggest using the saddle for groundwork, you can then lean towards ,'oh gosh she's only short backed isn't she' and other such hints. See if the rider brings it up? ?

 

[poiuytrewq]

Oh god, I feel your pain. It’s so helpful for me to have my daughter I feel is too heavy for my new horse, on the other hand she’s a good rider and absolutely does me a huge favour riding him.
I’d not let her on my other horse who is smaller and has potential back/neck issues
So tough

 

[Mrs. Jingle]

Something along the lines how you have found in similar situations that rider fitness and size can very quickly improve both the horse and riders way of going....and how you have seen both horse and rider enjoying their partnership so much more when the issues are a joint exercise plan for both owner and horse to commit to going forward.....bladdy blah?

 

[AWinter]

Yeh I feel like I need to make it clear now, I wish it wasn’t such a sensitive issue, if it was anything else I would explain why it is a welfare issue without hurting someone personally, but there is such a stigma with weight that just saying outright “I think she is struggling to carry you at your current weight” feels nasty, it’s not knowing how their person will take it, I don’t want her to feel embarrassed. It just is what it is. It’s the typical scenario I think of overweight rider on an overweight cob so they think the horse is fine carrying them because they look “stocky”.

I would never ever fat shame anyone, you do you, everyone deserves love and respect but if you want to ride on the back of an animal then you need to ensure it can comfortably carry you. I just have a feeling if I broach this it will be met with denial and probably others telling her “she’s fine with you, she doesn’t know what she’s talking about, she wouldn’t jump or do a/b/c if you were too heavy”.

I guess I can only try, thanks guys.

 

[Mrs. Jingle]

Good luck. Not an easy thing to deal with for sure.?

 

[TPO]

What about explaining how the horse is already carrying extra weight on his joints due to his weight so "any" rider on top adds to that stress.

As rider mentioned their weight loss could you say something supportive supportive and encouraging about how good it is that they are losing weight and that would benefit the horse.

Could you say something like horse should be 500kg and when he reaches that target he will be able to carry 20% of his healthy weight comfortably. That the 20% includes tack/rider in riding equipment. Then rider could figure out how much they need to lose themselves ans hopefully the penny drops?

Could you involve the rider by weight taping and documenting the horse's progress and then provide rider with a fitness programme for the horse on the ground - poles, long lining, in hand work and hacking in hand? Emphasis, perhaps in a jokey way, how all of this will help the rider get her steps up kind of thing?

 

[Pearlsacarolsinger]

I’m sat here googling non-offensive synonyms for heavy, you’ve got to laugh at yourself sometimes. I’m thinking of sending her a carefully worded message about how we can make a plan work on the horse’s strength and posture through the groundwork and adding in that it will give her time to get fitter too, but is that too wishy washy.

I think that is a very tactful way of putting it, as she has mentioned that she is trying to lose weight.

 

[silv]

At the end of the day it is a welfare issue I know in your position I wouldn't be able to keep my mouth shut.
Would probably say something along the lines of, "please don't be offended as you are a nice person and kind rider but I cannot help feeling you would be better on a larger horse" Your horse is really more suitable for a child or small adult. Too bad if she takes it the wrong way that is her problem. I struggle with my weight sometimes but am well aware which size of horse would struggle to carry me.
To me it is no different from Mark Todd whacking the horse into the water jump, if we are so big on welfare then why is OK to berate him and not an owner who is causing her horse discomfort every ride.

 

[AWinter]

What about explaining how the horse is already carrying extra weight on his joints due to his weight so "any" rider on top adds to that stress.

As rider mentioned their weight loss could you say something supportive supportive and encouraging about how good it is that they are losing weight and that would benefit the horse.

Could you say something like horse should be 500kg and when he reaches that target he will be able to carry 20% of his healthy weight comfortably. That the 20% includes tack/rider in riding equipment. Then rider could figure out how much they need to lose themselves ans hopefully the penny drops?

Could you involve the rider by weight taping and documenting the horse's progress and then provide rider with a fitness programme for the horse on the ground - poles, long lining, in hand work and hacking in hand? Emphasis, perhaps in a jokey way, how all of this will help the rider get her steps up kind of thing?

This is really good thank you!

At the end of the day it is a welfare issue I know in your position I wouldn't be able to keep my mouth shut.
Would probably say something along the lines of, "please don't be offended as you are a nice person and kind rider but I cannot help feeling you would be better on a larger horse" Your horse is really more suitable for a child or small adult. Too bad if she takes it the wrong way that is her problem. I struggle with my weight sometimes but am well aware which size of horse would struggle to carry me.
To me it is no different from Mark Todd whacking the horse into the water jump, if we are so big on welfare then why is OK to berate him and not an owner who is causing her horse discomfort every ride.

That’s what worries me, from looking at social media over the last few days it seems a large number of people are furious that Mark Todd is being berated, I’ve literally seen people sharing “I stand with Mark Todd” and #bekind . It’s hard for people to not be defensive about welfare issues I think, it’s a very horrible industry. It seems many people care more about people’s feelings than horse welfare.

Thank you, I can only be honest and if she takes offence oh well.

 

[Sossigpoker]

This will only work if you're anything other than skinny , but I'd phrase it as "we" problem rather than a "you" problem.
And say that as riders we always need to consider the horse's welfare and if we're not super skinny , there is a limit to the smallness of the horse. I wouldn't ride anything below a well built 14.3 because it wouldn't fair - and I think your horse/pony might be a bit small for you
If she's already trying to lose weight, she must know there's a problem.
But I couldn't teach that person to ride in good conscience, the horse's wellbeing would take priority .

 

[AWinter]

This will only work if you're anything other than skinny , but I'd phrase it as "we" problem rather than a "you" problem.
And say that as riders we always need to consider the horse's welfare and if we're not super skinny , there is a limit to the smallness of the horse. I wouldn't ride anything below a well built 14.3 because it wouldn't fair - and I think your horse/pony might be a bit small for you
If she's already trying to lose weight, she must know there's a problem.
But I couldn't teach that person to ride in good conscience, the horse's wellbeing would take priority .

Ah this is a great idea but it wouldn’t come across well as I’m built very slim.

I am going to drop her a message and say that I don’t think the horse is ready for ridden work yet and suggest the working from the ground plan and see how she takes that, she might say no thank you and problem solved for me. And if she’s going to be like that me telling her she’s too heavy for her horse isn’t going to make any difference. Hopefully she is keen and I can help them both.

 

[Winters100]

I wonder why this has become such an emotive issue. The way I see it pretty much everyone I know as at some point in their lives had to adjust their diet and exercise to get to a weight that they are happy with, whether this means increasing or decreasing. We have never really had this in my family, as a teen when I wanted to have one more season on a much loved pony both my Mother and my trainer told me that I could, but that I would have to carefully manage my weight as I might grow taller, but could not grow heavier if I wanted to keep him. We were weighed and measured at school and it was just a standard thing. Even last Christmas when staying with my Mother she pointed out that I would gain weight if I did not cut back, and I was glad that she did, because it prompted me to stop drinking wine with dinner and cut my portion sizes. As someone who is prone to being greedy and gaining weight I find it quite helpful to have a 'reminder' from time to time, and I don't take it as a very personal or insulting thing, because we are all basically the same and gain weight if we take in more energy than we burn.

 

[Cortez]

I have had no problem telling people they were too heavy for their horse in the past, back when it wasn’t such a sensitive subject, and I would have no problem doing it again. The horse’s welfare is always paramount to me. I have said “if you’re going to ride, you’re going to need a bigger horse” to more than one person. In fact one of them is now my best friend, so I doubt he took offence - I must ask him next time I see him.

 

[HashRouge]

I have had no problem telling people they were too heavy for their horse in the past, back when it wasn’t such a sensitive subject, and I would have no problem doing it again. The horse’s welfare is always paramount to me. I have said “if you’re going to ride, you’re going to need a bigger horse” to more than one person. In fact one of them is now my best friend, so I doubt he took offence - I must ask him next time I see him.

I think Cortez is completely right in her approach. There is no good beating around the bush about it, though of course I would try not to be rude or insensitive toward the rider. I think something along the lines of "you are obviously a very caring owner and I know you want to do your best by X, but he/ she is just too small for you". I think it's possibly better to be more open and say that the rider is too big, but I know it's a difficult one to raise, so maybe focusing on the size of the horse would make it slightly easier. I can't help but think that the rider must know. It's a very awkward conversation to have, but if you can be kind in the way that you approach it then you could do some real good for the horse.

 

[pistolpete]

I’d probably be a bit of a wimp about saying it out loud but would definitely keep going to do ground work as it will help the pony if she insists on continuing to ride.

 

[PurBee]

Because you said “it is definitely a welfare issue”…in your position i would have to kindly broach the subject, stating facts as advised above; 20% weight ideal, pony health issues etc.

You could look at it this way - she’s employed you to help her and her horse partnership. You have been asked/paid by her for your experience/knowledge/expertise. That includes horse and rider suitability/productivity/issues on all levels that you can observe.
This is a great opportunity for you to tune-up your people skills to approach difficult/sensitive subjects. We all end up in these scenarios at some point in life, no matter the interraction environment - the test is handling it with understanding, kindness and respect whilst being truthful and honest. These types of conversations where the other person is likely to feel sensitive about the information are the most difficult. Yet, it sounds like you have the right attitude and empathy to approach this for simply asking on this forum.

You’re not a fellow livery on her yard making a passing derogatory comment - that’s un-invited opinion and unkind.

Dont forget, sometimes we can all be blind to how wrong we are, and it takes a 3rd part to respectfully mention something to us to get us to have a think and see more clearly the situation.
Youre a paid private trainer who’s opinion is invited. Tactful honesty is always the best policy.

Here’s some inspiring quotes:

“It is never wrong to do what is right.”
― Gift Gugu Mona


“Life is too short to try and please everyone. Take charge and do what’s right -- not what’s popular.”
― Farshad Asl


“human health is a matter of moral action, perhaps more than it is a matter of anything else”
― Jordan B. Peterson


“The truth is that you always know the right thing to do. The hard part is doing it".”
― Venugopal Acharya

 

[silv]

I wonder why this has become such an emotive issue. The way I see it pretty much everyone I know as at some point in their lives had to adjust their diet and exercise to get to a weight that they are happy with, whether this means increasing or decreasing. We have never really had this in my family, as a teen when I wanted to have one more season on a much loved pony both my Mother and my trainer told me that I could, but that I would have to carefully manage my weight as I might grow taller, but could not grow heavier if I wanted to keep him. We were weighed and measured at school and it was just a standard thing. Even last Christmas when staying with my Mother she pointed out that I would gain weight if I did not cut back, and I was glad that she did, because it prompted me to stop drinking wine with dinner and cut my portion sizes. As someone who is prone to being greedy and gaining weight I find it quite helpful to have a 'reminder' from time to time, and I don't take it as a very personal or insulting thing, because we are all basically the same and gain weight if we take in more energy than we burn.

I couldn't put it better myself, the voice of common sense, sometimes the truth is unpalatable but needs to be told.

 

[asmp]

I like the post above that says to tell her that the pony is too small (a kinder roundabout way of saying it). I know I may be too heavy for mine at the moment and I’d be mortified if someone said it to me but it would probably be the kick up the backside I need to do something about it.

 

[Jenko109]

You should walk 500 miles.
Then you should walk 500 more.
Just to be that rider, that walked a thousand miles to lose weight for her horse.....

 

[ester]

I think it is trickier because you are new/have no relationship. My instructor did raise concerns at one point (it wasn't at a critical point but progressive), I wa totally happy for her to do so, agreed and explained yes I did know and was working on it.

I wouldn't appreciate someone trying to tell me in a round about way, mostly because it would likely go completely over my head and I wouldnt' have a clue what they were actually trying to get at.