Riding mid life crisis - long but pls read & advise...!

[catembi]

Okay, background...I have ridden & had my own horse since the age of 3 & am now 49. I have had horses at home since I was 34. In my 30's I competed BS/BD most weeks, & at my peak was v competitive at Newcomers (was in H&H once for coming 3rd!), had one trip around 1 m 15 & had 9 or 10 BD points. Then my horse (in avatar) got sick & died. Ever since, I have been trying & failing to get back into it. I spent all my redundancy money on a like for like replacement, got up to Disco, performance tailed off, had PSSM. Trev the ex racer was next - did a BN on a ticket & a BD on a ticket, spent years faffing about with KS & gastric ulcers. Then an ID mare with shiver who spooked me off a few times. Then Cody, QHxTB, very quiet, very talented, did a few unaff dr comps & won an unaff 80 cm, then it all started going horribly wrong & he turned out to have PSSM. N/p1, n/p3, px/px. He is retired at 7 as he collapses v suddenly under saddle & is also explosive. Then I started riding a 12 hh NF companion pony that I backed, started doing lessons, polework clinics, dr clinics, taught her to jump... Was hoping to do some low level comps. She went spooky & reluctant to work, I got her tested & she is n/p4.

So, Catembi died in 2007 & ever since, I have had one disaster after another. I am saving up to buy another horse in the spring...but the issue is that I really & truly don't know what I want to buy or what I want to do. In the back of my mind, I was aiming to get to Foxhunters & advanced dressage. Half of me really wants to do this...the other half (and it really is half & half) wants to be a happy hacker. I have a new arena & a lorry. I could get a comp horse, do lots of lessons, compete every week like I did with Cat...but the idea of a BS warmup makes me feel a bit sick. A Newcomers fence now looks to me like a puissance wall. In the past when I've had enforced time away from jumping due to horse lameness, once I've got back into it, the ruler in my head has reset itself so fences look smaller... If I was competing, I used to dread it & on the day feel like I was going to my own execution & not want to do it at all, then once I'd done it, I'd feel amazing. Then if I was doing a second class, I'd dread it all over again. And for BD, we all know the frustration of having prepared & prepared...then on the day have a completely different horse to ride where none of the buttons work...

I just don't know whether I would get back into it if I had the right horse, or whether I'm done with all that. All the nerves & hanging around all day & the disappointment of it never going quite how it goes at home. I watched some low level BS & thought, OMFG, how did I *ever* do that...? But when I was competing at NC, BN looked tiny & not worth doing... Do I want to just hack & go to clinics? Would I get bored? Or would it be a relief to abandon competing?

You get the idea! Physically, I am in the same shape as I was at 20, so that's not a factor. Finances are not too much of a limiting factor. It will obviously make a difference to what horse I buy whether I just want a totally safe hack to potter on or whether I want something athletic. And obviously I shouldn't go horse hunting until I've made my mind up as I will be a time waster, but I don't know how I can predict what I'll want to do with the horse... Gaaaaaaaahhh...! Ridingwise, all I am doing atm is 20 minutes in the school in walk with Trev as he is my only rideable & that's all he wants to do. I can't not ride.

If anyone has any pearls of wisdom, they would be greatly appreciated.

 

[DirectorFury]

Depending on how willing you are to sell horses on (no judgement! But I know this strategy wouldn’t suit everyone), would it make more sense to get a RC schoolmaster who loves the lower levels but also hacks well? If you find it reignites your love of competing and you want to step up several levels again you’ve then got the option of selling the schoolmaster and getting a more comp-focused horse. If you decide you’re happy hacking and pootling round a course occasionally you’ll already have the right horse for the job.

You’ve had incredibly ? luck, I’ve got my fingers crossed for you!

 

[Winters100]

I am in a totally different discipline, but would it work for you to buy a 'been there done that' horse who was getting a bit past the age of high level competition, but would still be good for lower level / hacking / having fun?

 

[Elf On A Shelf]

Have you considered a large Welsh D? There are some that are more sports horses than ponies now, some topping 16hh. They jump for fun and are hardy beasties so would be less of a worry for things to go wrong phsyically. They are athletic enough for dressage, firey enough for a jump off but usually rock solid for most other things.

 

[SpeedyPony]

Sorry to hear about your bad luck with recent horses, I can understand why you might be feeling uncertain about where to go next, nothing saps the morale like setback after setback
Could you buy a sportier native? Something like a welsh/connemara that has the scope to compete but could also be a nice solid hack. Having a horse that leaves your options open might take the pressure off making a decision.

 

[Roxylola]

You've been so unlucky. I think look for the horse who can do what you're enjoying now. I'd say any decent club horse should be able to go Medium dressage and jump a metre track if you're prepared to put a bit of work in. If money isnt an issue it shouldn't be too hard to find maybe an eventer that's run out of scope or fire for higher levels but could go out and be fun at grass roots and hack happily etc

 

[ihatework]

You’ve been out of the loop a while, I’d honestly get yourself some regular high quality lessons on schoolmasters for a bit. Tune up your riding, start getting your eye in over some bigger fences, then see if you are still 50/50

 

[Michen]

You have literally had the worst luck.

I am biased of course but why not get a solid performance type Connie that also hacks sensibly but could step up should you need it. They are quick and clever and helpful and (fairly..) hardy. Yes you’ll pay 10-15k but I think it could be a sensible step rather than a big bold “competition” horse.

Or not necessarily a Connie but just something a bit pony and forgiving. I don’t think your feelings are unreasonable. I haven’t jumped for a year other than the odd ditch and log out hunting and a x pole seems huge to me! Two years ago I was hedge hopping out hunting over some monsters (with the aid of a hip flask). It’s just the way it goes.

You sound, to me, competitive and that’s no bad thing. Competitive in the sense that you want to compete. I’m quite happy with my rehab 8yo and 4yo that’s being slowly produced because I don’t actually care about competing. That doesn’t sound like you. I think you’d be disappointed if you didn’t get a horse that could take you “somewhere”

 

[milliepops]

Depending on how willing you are to sell horses on (no judgement! But I know this strategy wouldn’t suit everyone), would it make more sense to get a RC schoolmaster who loves the lower levels but also hacks well? If you find it reignites your love of competing and you want to step up several levels again you’ve then got the option of selling the schoolmaster and getting a more comp-focused horse. If you decide you’re happy hacking and pootling round a course occasionally you’ll already have the right horse for the job.

You’ve had incredibly ? luck, I’ve got my fingers crossed for you!

Yeah I was thinking similar.
Its a bit like how you tell a beginner to buy the horse they need now, not what they might want in 3 years.
A decent normal horse should be able to jump up to a reasonable height and dressage to a good level without too much of an issue, you don't need a worldbeater to get going again, just a nice normal horse. It might be the next forever horse or it might be the one that reignites your competition fires and makes you want a proper athlete. But in the mean time you might have a lot of fun.

 

[SussexbytheXmasTree]

My observation fwiw is that the horses you’ve had since Catembi are not what you would buy if you were really keen on going up the levels in BS. So that may tell you something? Also they all seemed a bit of risk in that one was an ex-racer (not known for Long term soundness) the mare was bought unseen from Ireland from a dealer with a variable record which was always a risk and if I remember correctly the quarter horse was a bit of a gamble but you really liked how safe he made you feel and you were really enjoying him prior to sadly discovering his issues. That speaks volumes.

I know any horse is a gamble but you could probably cut some risk by knowing more about what horse you are buying as well as having a full 5-stage plus additional tests if necessary. Maybe a mature horse with a bit of history. If you get competitive there are lots of different ways of satisfying that side of you without necessarily jumping bigger and bigger.

 

[Roxylola]

You need a supercob really, but then doesn't everyone. He was languishing as a woolly chubby happy hack/driving horse last September. This September he went round kelsall BE 80 and now has novice points at BD after 2 outings. He looks nothing flash but hes so rhythmic and active in his paces as soon as he moves everyone loves him. Dont underestimate a nice "ordinary" horse that does a bit of everything

 

[catembi]

I had a 5-stage on Adrian (horse following Catembi). Having spent £££££££££££££££££ on every work-up under the sun to find out what was wrong with Adrian, as well as 5 figs on purchase, I didn't have the budget for another Adrian, so I went with a cheapie ex racer as sometimes you get lucky. Summer, from Ireland, had a 5 stage. Cody (QHxTB) had a 5 stage. Before buying Cody, I saw another two horses, both of whom failed a 5 stage. My ex racer is in fact the soundest horse I've ever had from a limb point of view. He has *never* been lame in 11 years, apart from stuff like treading on a pole & bruising his foot. He also got 70.4% last time out in dr, which was the highest score of the day, and was very, very straightforward to a jump. (I taught him to jump as he was a flat racer.)

 

[hollyandivy123]

How about seeing if there is a share out there, going to a yard meeting other people might help. It takes the pressure of as you are not selecting to buy and also with notice if it doesn't work you can move on.

It will give you time to evaluate and get your mojo back?

 

[Nudibranch]

Only thing I can offer is my own experience. Lost several horses due to sh*tty things happening over a few years. One my childhood pony of 30 years who died horrifically due to a pts bodge (have changed vets since). One of the others my 7yo, bought as a weanling, beautiful big puppy of a horse who had so much potential.

Anyway I got sick of the problems with big WBs and TBs. Didn't quite consider giving up but almost felt that way. In desperation I decided to buy a Dales. Always admired them, couldn't find a CB for love nor money, thought I'd benefit from the native constitution. Best thing I ever did. I had to buy a 3yo as ready made Dales just don't hit the market. She is super. Has the spirit of the big lad I lost - loves people, loves exploring. But my goodness is she footsure compared to the big beasts, which round here is a godsend. She's good enough for county level showing, bold enough to hunt, would probably be bored stiff doing dressage but so would I. Next job is breaking to drive. Has the most incredible trot. It's a joy to experience. I also plan to do some distance rides with her when she is older - she's still only 5. And as much as I love my vet, I've barely seen him since I switched to natives.
Basically what I'm saying is maybe have a change of scene. The big natives really are super. They open up a different path.

 

[Michen]

I had a 5-stage on Adrian (horse following Catembi). Having spent £££££££££££££££££ on every work-up under the sun to find out what was wrong with Adrian, as well as 5 figs on purchase, I didn't have the budget for another Adrian, so I went with a cheapie ex racer as sometimes you get lucky. Summer, from Ireland, had a 5 stage. Cody (QHxTB) had a 5 stage. Before buying Cody, I saw another two horses, both of whom failed a 5 stage. My ex racer is in fact the soundest horse I've ever had from a limb point of view. He has *never* been lame in 11 years, apart from stuff like treading on a pole & bruising his foot. He also got 70.4% last time out in dr, which was the highest score of the day, and was very, very straightforward to a jump. (I taught him to jump as he was a flat racer.)

I think I’d rather have a horse out competing and proving it can do the job cheerfully than a clean 5 stage vetting.

 

[HufflyPuffly]

I’d say you need something like my carriage horses, they are tough, sound (touching wood), talented (topaz has got to PSG dressage and both are talented jumpers) but are kind so I can make mistakes or just hack and not die ?.

I wouldn’t necessarily look for a die hard comp horse when you’re 50:50 as they tend to be full on and break easily...

I would look for something talented but more native, robust and not going to go international but heaps of fun.

 

[ZondaR]

Hi Catembi. From my personal experience, I have found that you can come to a time when you have had enough of competition. For me it was when I was diagnosed with cancer so I was pretty much out of riding for a year with treatments, then some big life changes happened which kept me from riding as much as I used to for another year. Then, when everything was sorted and life was restored to it's previous level, I found the enjoyment of competition was gone. Now I'm a happy hacker and delighted with life. I do some lessons with an excellent instructor, I hack out regularly and jump when I feel like it. I have several friends who feel the same. They used to compete every week and now they have no interest but still love to ride. You have some great advice above. Get a horse that you can enjoy hacking and

 

[catembi]

I think I’d rather have a horse out competing and proving it can do the job cheerfully than a clean 5 stage vetting.

(I was just replying to SBTXT who seemed to be implying that the whole series of unfortuntate happenings were my own stupid fault for not bothering to vet when in fact I *have* mostly vetted!)

 

[JoannaC]

You need an old fashioned chunky Arab, super fun happy hackers who will, contrary to popular belief, turn their hooves to anything. Hardy as a native but with that oomph so you won't get bored. I admit I am somewhat biased though

 

[blodwyn1]

I think competitiveness is something that changes as you age and health issues can also hit hard. I used to compete every weekend and had a lovely time untill my mare had to retire. I bought a younger more sporty section d and then in 2015 I came off in a lesson and fractured four vertebra. I recovered and in a year was competing again but the enjoyment was less. I then bought a young section c and felt safer on a 13.2 until last year when I fell and got dragged. I am now physically and mentally shot away and can only walk on a lead rein. I am just trying to say ambitions and capabilities change!

 

[Michen]

(I was just replying to SBTXT who seemed to be implying that the whole series of unfortuntate happenings were my own stupid fault for not bothering to vet when in fact I *have* mostly vetted!)

Er, I don’t think that’s what they were saying at all. In fact the point is the same- maybe a proven horse is a good idea. Something with a record that’s out there doing things and has been consistently. No it’s not future proof but it shows that at least it’s passing the vet whilst doing a decent amount of work and competing.

And I say this as someone that’s had one horse PTS, one horse I had to sue the seller over and another PTS and then followed that up with two horses both bought unseen from Ireland. So zero judgement ? but if I wanted to be as sure as possible I’d have found something that had a solid history.

 

[catembi]

Only thing I can offer is my own experience. Lost several horses due to sh*tty things happening over a few years. One my childhood pony of 30 years who died horrifically due to a pts bodge (have changed vets since). One of the others my 7yo, bought as a weanling, beautiful big puppy of a horse who had so much potential.

Anyway I got sick of the problems with big WBs and TBs. Didn't quite consider giving up but almost felt that way. In desperation I decided to buy a Dales. Always admired them, couldn't find a CB for love nor money, thought I'd benefit from the native constitution. Best thing I ever did. I had to buy a 3yo as ready made Dales just don't hit the market. She is super. Has the spirit of the big lad I lost - loves people, loves exploring. But my goodness is she footsure compared to the big beasts, which round here is a godsend. She's good enough for county level showing, bold enough to hunt, would probably be bored stiff doing dressage but so would I. Next job is breaking to drive. Has the most incredible trot. It's a joy to experience. I also plan to do some distance rides with her when she is older - she's still only 5. And as much as I love my vet, I've barely seen him since I switched to natives.
Basically what I'm saying is maybe have a change of scene. The big natives really are super. They open up a different path.

That's kind of what I was doing when I was riding the NF! 12 hh is a bit extreme, but I am 5 ft 1 & 49 kg, so despite looking a bit stupid, I thought to myself, okay, this is what you've got - what can you do with it? I taught her to jump, got started on some lateral work (she is a quick learner) and was going to see how far I could get with her. But ground to a halt (literally) with n/p4 going symptomatic as soon as I put her into 'proper' work.

 

[honetpot]

I have gone through a spate of no so good ones, but nothing that I have spent a lot of money on. I think when the kids were riding I was grateful it was sane, and even they had big conformation faults, they never went twang, and they worked until their 20's, even the crappy TB. Buying 'better' seemed to be buying problems, I got a head shaker, a youngster that's two loaves short of a picnic, and the only good one who is lovely, I had to sell because I no longer ride, and he is huge. His new owner loves him. The youngster that I bred I can find no one to ride, so he sits getting fat.
I would look at some bargain basement solid types, there is always a market for them, they tend to have less problems soundness wise, and there is always a market for a well produced PC pony/horse. It may be just a numbers thing, you turn enough of them over and you will find a prince, that you want to progress with. I now satisfy my itch with youngstock, but I am supposed to be downsizing.

 

[McFluff]

Gosh OP, you’ve had such a rough time.
I’d look for a nice athletic native. A WelshD who has been out and about should give you loads of fun. I went for a show horse, and while he’s needed reschooling to be correct for dressage, he had proven soundness, experience of show/buzzy environments and is very athletic. More athletic than my ex racer was, and much easier to manage.
Friends have had cracking WelshD who have competed in driving, BE, BD and showjumping to good levels.

 

[Muddywellies]

I'm not far behind you age wise and last year, after another slating by a judge and going home feeling pretty useless, I decided to take a break. It was no fun making myself destitute with all the competition entries and lessons, exhausting myself schooling before work in all weather's, freezing my pants off in sub zero temperatures, subjecting my poor husband to my emotions when the test didn't go well (or when it DID go well but compared to the others in the class we didn't have a hope) etc etc. So I decided I needed to take the pressure off and get the fun back. I still have a lesson sometimes and still school, but hack a lot more. It's wonderful not constantly having tests to learn and stressing over the next comp. Not planning my year around area festivals. I've got a far better horse/life balance and I'm happier for it. I'm not saying I'll never compete again but if I don't, it's fine. If I do, then it will be because I want to, and it will be local and low key. Oh, and husband is happier too ?

 

[McGrools]

i agree with honetpot. I have a few cheaper projects on the go and they keep surprising me with how well they are coming on. Not everyones cup of tea but sound and trainable and fun, one part coloured cob, the other part arab.
I would be devastated to spend a lot of money on something for it to break. I think a bit of pony blood in there is a must now. Esp if you’re little xx

 

[SussexbytheXmasTree]

(I was just replying to SBTXT who seemed to be implying that the whole series of unfortuntate happenings were my own stupid fault for not bothering to vet when in fact I *have* mostly vetted!)

I was not intending to imply that. What I was saying is that if you’re serious about BS you look for horses capable of that not an ID, ex racer and a Quarter horse. So all I was saying was that it doesn’t seem that important to you. The vetting mentioned was in a completely separate paragraph and not related to the type of horse you bought. But if you want to take it that’s way it’s up to you.

 

[Lois Lame]

What I was saying is that if you’re serious about BS you look for horses capable of that not an ID, ex racer and a Quarter horse.

That was how I took it also.

 

[humblepie]

I’d always show jumped then had to stop jumping my horse and started showing him. Then when he retired I started looking for next horse to jump. I then realised I didn’t have the nerve or ability to jump at the level I had been and didn’t want to do lower level so I bought an ex racehorse to show and was lucky to have lots of success. I think what I’m trying to say is don’t force yourself to show jump just because you think you should and perhaps look at other things and see where it gets you. You may then feel you want to jump again once you’re back in the swing of things. I remember your early posts and I hope you find a nice horse.

 

[catembi]

(Adrian, who followed Catembi...the same year that I bought him, his half brother came 2nd in the Hickstead Derby & his full brother retired after the water jump. Siblings were competing internationally, so Adrian on paper looked extremely likely to go up the levels & was competing at Disco at 5. I jumped Trev to 1 m 10 in lessons & he really did have a jump. The QHxTB, before he went symptomatic, had as much jump as Cat, & Cat was by Cruising...)

Reading all the replies, I am still seeing both sides! Do I 'retire' to hacking for a bit, then start doing a few lessons & clinics & see how it grabs me? On the one hand, it's lovely not having to stress about tests, plaiting, getting to comps on time, remembering courses (I have Aspergers & have a very, very hard time remembering courses & tests & also getting organised & out on time), but on the other, I really like learning stuff & pushing boundaries... And I don't like 'wasting' my lorry & arena...

I think it might be an idea to go pony-ish, especially being small & light. If I compare how many times Shetland & New Forest have seen the vet compared with the other two...